Would You Marry A Divorced Woman?

sunrise_786 · May 27, 2014

Salams all,

Unfortunately, for many years the name of divorce has been frowned upon religiously and culturally. Religiously it is understandable as it isnt a recommended act, nevertheless it is allowed under certain circumstances. With reference to culture, there are many cultures such as indopak areas which highly condemn it.

These are the cultural reasons:

1. If she marries out of family, life will be difficult as if they treat her badly her family cant stop it.

2. she wouldnt know the customs of a new generation hence, it will be hard for her to adjust

3. The second man she marries will mock her and blame her for the divorce whenever they dispute making her life hell.

4. The name is so bad that only already married men will approach her. Or people who think low of her.

5. If her second marriage fails, lifes over.

I personally view these as very closed minded, unislamic viewpoints. Also many woman are often forced to take the step of divorce due to their difficult circumstances.

My questions is would be anyone of you of be willing to marry a woman in her early twenties, who has no children and is divorced through no fault of her own?

Would you treat her as you would a virgin?

Please give reasons for your answers.

786

Edited May 27, 2014 by 786repenting

**Ruq** · May 27, 2014

Salams,

No, i definitely would not, but if i was a man i definitely would. Maybe im being especially dim this evening, but how do you treat a virgin differently to a non virgin? only give me your answer to that question if it does not involve any sexually explicit information.

**notme** · May 27, 2014

I'm a woman, and I don't intend to marry again, but I've developed the opinion over time that a divorced person who is raising children is much more suited for marriage than many who have never married. Under no circumstances would I recommend marrying someone who has abandoned or neglected their children from a past marriage, not ever for any reason, man or woman, though giving a child up for adoption might be excusable in certain circumstances.

StarryNight · May 27, 2014

It's not really about if the woman is divorced or not, it is about the circumstances, what if the woman was a very good wife but the husband was very mean and she had to get out in order to protect her spirituality or mind?

If I was a man I would not care as long as I know the circumstances that led to the divorce and make a decision from there, as notme said, perhaps a woman with or without children that has gone thru a divorce may be more prepared or suited for marriage, but anyway that is general, women should also consider if they ever want to marry a divorced man, that is not so controversial as marrying a divorced woman, I wonder why.... what if he was abusive and the wife left him to save her life? how will we ever know that he was bad?

It is about knowing the person in my opinion :)

sunrise_786 · May 27, 2014

Salams,

No, i definitely would not, but if i was a man i definitely would. Maybe im being especially dim this evening, but how do you treat a virgin differently to a non virgin? only give me your answer to that question if it doest volve any sexually explicit information.

Lol sorry Ruq, perhaps I should have posted this in the brothers forum, but

Thanks for your answer. Secondly, I meant to say single, who has never been

married before. I will edit that. Thanks

I'm a woman, and I don't intend to marry again, but I've developed the opinion over time that a divorced person who is raising children is much more suited for marriage than many who have never married. Under no circumstances would I recommend marrying someone who has abandoned or neglected their children from a past marriage, not ever for any reason, man or woman, though giving a child up for adoption might be excusable in certain circumstances.

I understand and agree. But what if she actually never had any children

In her marriage in the first place?

It's not really about if the woman is divorced or not, it is about the circumstances, what if the woman was a very good wife but the husband was very mean and she had to get out in order to protect her spirituality or mind?
If I was a man I would not care as long as I know the circumstances that led to the divorce and make a decision from there, as notme said, perhaps a woman with or without children that has gone thru a divorce may be more prepared or suited for marriage, but anyway that is general, women should also consider if they ever want to marry a divorced man, that is not so controversial as marrying a divorced woman, I wonder why.... what if he was abusive and the wife left him to save her life? how will we ever know that he was bad?

It is about knowing the person in my opinion :)

Nice answer, now you are talking my language. It is about the person too. With divorced men, they cant be judged or stereotyped as the possibility lies that the wife was mean to him. How many people would accept that is the question. See, people may accept that a divorced woman for a divorced man but that shouldnt be an expectation.. :)

El Cid · May 28, 2014

Depends on the reason they got divorced. Was the husband a wife beater? Was she hot headed? Etc etc. I don't view divorced women as "used" or "damaged" goods really, I respect them for taking the right decision to get away from a dire and unacceptable situation. The muslim society has developed such harsh and negative views towards such women that I am not sure if we're shias or hindus. Shall we start burning widows alive too to complete our transition?

Ali Musaaa :) · May 28, 2014

I'm a woman, and I don't intend to marry again, but I've developed the opinion over time that a divorced person who is raising children is much more suited for marriage than many who have never married. Under no circumstances would I recommend marrying someone who has abandoned or neglected their children from a past marriage, not ever for any reason, man or woman, though giving a child up for adoption might be excusable in certain circumstances.

Whilst that may be the case, majority of men, I'd say (probably over 90%) who are looking to get married are between the ages of 18-25 and would prefer to marry a girl who similar to them in age and or other characteristics. Most guys seem to marry girls who are younger than them as well and prefer someone who has not been married before, like themselves. However, its up to the individual at the end of the day. A good friend of mine was seriously considering marrying a girl who was older than him who was previously married, so some people are more open to the idea than others but as I said, most would prefer a girl who hasn't been married.

And I think el-Cid makes a good point. It depends on the reason she got divorced as well. Most guys would be reluctant to marry a divorced women as their first wife but as a second wife, I'm sure many would be more open to that idea. This seems to be a possible solution to the issue of many older sisters unable to find partners because most of the guys are looking for girls the same age or younger.

Edited May 28, 2014 by Ali Musaaa :)

**Ruq** · May 28, 2014

'Doesnt involve' that should have said. Its so inconvenient that we cant edit posts now. Now im posting like 6 posts after my original post and it somehow seems ridiculous.

kadhim · May 28, 2014

Anyone who wouldn't is probably a munafiq, to be frank.

Edited May 28, 2014 by kadhim

Ali Musaaa :) · May 28, 2014

Salams all,
Unfortunately, for many years the name of divorce has been frowned upon religiously and culturally. Religiously it is understandable as it isnt a recommended act, nevertheless it is allowed under certain circumstances. With reference to culture, there are many cultures such as indopak areas which highly condemn it.
These are the cultural reasons:
1. If she marries out of family, life will be difficult as if they treat her badly her family cant stop it.
2. she wouldnt know the customs of a new generation hence, it will be hard for her to adjust
3. The second man she marries will mock her and blame her for the divorce whenever they dispute making her life hell.
4. The name is so bad that only already married men will approach her. Or people who think low of her.
5. If her second marriage fails, lifes over.
I personally view these as very closed minded, unislamic viewpoints. Also many woman are often forced to take the step of divorce due to their difficult circumstances.
My questions is would be anyone of you of be willing to marry a woman in her early twenties, who has no children and is divorced through no fault of her own?
Would you treat her as you would a virgin?
Please give reasons for your answers.
786

1. To my knowledge, theres been studies done which show the children of couples from other backgrounds and races tend to be more intelligent tun children who are born from parents from the same culture. Plus mixed children are heaps cuter(!).

2. I think thats just an excuse and quite the assumption. Converts have to learn to adopt and are expected too relatively quickly (often over night..) entire new customs from not only a completely new religion but also the customs of Muslim cultures too. One would be opened to a new world and learn to appreciate a new culture if they married outside their own. People are forgetting many of the Imams were children of African women for goodness sake. Theres nothing wrong with marrying a person from another cultural yet alone another race entirely.

3. Only a total heartless jerk would make fun of his own wife yet alone say things like that about her previous marriage.

4. I dont understand number 4.

5. Nay! Life's over when we're put six feet under ;)

I think it depends on the girl herself and her character and personality. Thats just me. I'd consider it, if such a possibility were to even arise, but it would really depend on the girl herself.

I'm not sure if I understand the second question. Treat her differently how? I would of assumed one would treat your wife well no matter who she was but maybe i have misunderstood the question?

kadhim · May 28, 2014

It's honestly kind of amazing in this day and age when getting married is so hard for everybody, that anyone would even think about this. I mean, I know this is a hypothetical question, but say you're an average guy, frustrated and complaining about how hard it is to find a spouse. And now, hypothetically, there's this woman who is potentially open to marrying you. There's door opening up an exit to your torments in front of you.

And this is what makes me scratch my head in amazement, as someone raised in a different culture. Then people actually start obsessing about questions like, "Oh, but is she a virgin? Oh, she's not a virgin? Hmm...she's from a different race. She's of a different national background. She's a year or two older than I am. She was married once before."

Seriously, there are guys who do this? What's wrong with you, man?

The Merciful is reaching down from Jannah to help you out, Hand reaching down, parting dark storm clouds like wisps of smoke, sunlight streaming in, blinding brightness.

You're going to think about turning that help away? You even have to think about it twice?

OK. Sit down, youngbloods, and listen to the crazy old man talk. And if your parents are reading, let them sit down too.

You're overthinking things. It's not supposed to be that complicated.

You live your life well, do what you're supposed to, more or less, you keep your eyes open for the gifts that God will send to you. And you accept those gifts with thanks.

The only questions relevant thinking about a girl who wants to marry you are: Is she good? Is she striving? Is she God-fearing? What else?

Edited May 28, 2014 by kadhim

Ali Musaaa :) · May 28, 2014

It's honestly kind of amazing in this day and age when getting married is so hard for everybody, that anyone would even think about this. I mean, I know this is a hypothetical question, but say you're an average guy, frustrated and complaining about how hard it is to find a spouse. And now, hypothetically, there's this woman who is potentially open to marrying you. There's door opening up an exit to your torments in front of you.

And this is what makes me scratch my head in amazement, as someone raised in a different culture. Then people actually start obsessing about questions like, "Oh, but is she a virgin? Oh, she's not a virgin? Hmm...she's from a different race. She's of a different national background. She's a year or two older than I am. She was married once before."

Seriously, there are guys who do this? What's wrong with you, man?

The Merciful is reaching down from Jannah to help you out, Hand reaching down, parting dark storm clouds like wisps of smoke, sunlight streaming in, blinding brightness.

You're going to think about turning that help away? You even have to think about it twice?

OK. Sit down, youngbloods, and listen to the crazy old man talk. And if your parents are reading, let them sit down too.

You're overthinking things. It's not supposed to be that complicated.
You live your life well, do what you're supposed to, more or less, you keep your eyes open for the gifts that God will send to you. And you accept those gifts with thanks.

The only questions relevant thinking about a girl who wants to marry you are: Is she good? Is she striving? Is she God-fearing? What else?

Mhmm, I think you're right. Some good advice here.

sunrise_786 · May 28, 2014

Depends on the reason they got divorced. Was the husband a wife beater? Was she hot headed? Etc etc. I don't view divorced women as "used" or "damaged" goods really, I respect them for taking the right decision to get away from a dire and unacceptable situation. The muslim society has developed such harsh and negative views towards such women that I am not sure if we're shias or hindus. Shall we start burning widows alive too to complete our transition?

There are various scenarios, wife beater, degradation, danger of losing faith, long distance etc.

El cid, I sincerely respect you. ive never heard anyone say that. Exactly spot on. Many peoples

Mentalities mirror many hindu customs and traditions.

Whilst that may be the case, majority of men, I'd say (probably over 90%) who are looking to get married are between the ages of 18-25 and would prefer to marry a girl who similar to them in age and or other characteristics. Most guys seem to marry girls who are younger than them as well and prefer someone who has not been married before, like themselves. However, its up to the individual at the end of the day. A good friend of mine was seriously considering marrying a girl who was older than him who was previously married, so some people are more open to the idea than others but as I said, most would prefer a girl who hasn't been married.
And I think el-Cid makes a good point. It depends on the reason she got divorced as well. Most guys would be reluctant to marry a divorced women as their first wife but as a second wife, I'm sure many would be more open to that idea. This seems to be a possible solution to the issue of many older sisters unable to find partners because most of the guys are looking for girls the same age or younger.

I agree absolutely. It is understandable for people to think like that. But what if the girl is between 18-25, divorced and has no children? I want to see how far a person would think. See many cultures marry their daughters off as young as 15-16 to any Tom, Richard or Harry for the sake of marriage. When difficulties occur and she grows elder as well as wiser she may need to take that step. Reasons can even be thinking, culture, religiousness etc.. Edited May 28, 2014 by 786repenting

sunrise_786 · May 28, 2014

1. To my knowledge, theres been studies done which show the children of couples from other backgrounds and races tend to be more intelligent tun children who are born from parents from the same culture. Plus mixed children are heaps cuter(!).

2. I think thats just an excuse and quite the assumption. Converts have to learn to adopt and are expected too relatively quickly (often over night..) entire new customs from not only a completely new religion but also the customs of Muslim cultures too. One would be opened to a new world and learn to appreciate a new culture if they married outside their own. People are forgetting many of the Imams were children of African women for goodness sake. Theres nothing wrong with marrying a person from another cultural yet alone another race entirely.

3. Only a total heartless jerk would make fun of his own wife yet alone say things like that about her previous marriage.

4. I dont understand number 4.

5. Nay! Life's over when we're put six feet under ;)

I think it depends on the girl herself and her character and personality. Thats just me. I'd consider it, if such a possibility were to even arise, but it would really depend on the girl herself.

I'm not sure if I understand the second question. Treat her differently how? I would of assumed one would treat your wife well no matter who she was but maybe i have misunderstood the question?

Yes Ali, I agree with your point about multicultural marriages. If only

you knew what other restrictions are put culturally. He must be same race,

Same caste and even the same language and area! Pahaha. Its revolting seeing

that Allah never kept those restrictions AT ALL.

point 2. Spot on. In terms of another family, it doesnt include a different race. Even

If its the same race thats their fear! Hahaha.

Point 3. yes thats true. Their fear is that only a heartless jerk would marry her then mock her.

Point 4. What that means is that the name of divorce and the stigma attached is so bad

that only men who already have a first would approach her or old men who think her scum.

Point 5. Hahaha very true. Their main concern is that she would be a laughing stock

And would never be able to marry again and would have a cursed life.

Treat her differently, like would taunt her at every opportunity saying things like,

No wonder he divorced you, it was your fault, you wernt worth it. Making her life a misery.

Im like, if he feared Allah he wouldnt do something so stupid. Secondly she can say why did you

marry me in the first place, you seemed to have forgotten that at the nikah? See if I was in her position

Id put it in the nikah conditions, dont mention my past lol

It's honestly kind of amazing in this day and age when getting married is so hard for everybody, that anyone would even think about this. I mean, I know this is a hypothetical question, but say you're an average guy, frustrated and complaining about how hard it is to find a spouse. And now, hypothetically, there's this woman who is potentially open to marrying you. There's door opening up an exit to your torments in front of you.

And this is what makes me scratch my head in amazement, as someone raised in a different culture. Then people actually start obsessing about questions like, "Oh, but is she a virgin? Oh, she's not a virgin? Hmm...she's from a different race. She's of a different national background. She's a year or two older than I am. She was married once before."

Seriously, there are guys who do this? What's wrong with you, man?

The Merciful is reaching down from Jannah to help you out, Hand reaching down, parting dark storm clouds like wisps of smoke, sunlight streaming in, blinding brightness.

You're going to think about turning that help away? You even have to think about it twice?

OK. Sit down, youngbloods, and listen to the crazy old man talk. And if your parents are reading, let them sit down too.

You're overthinking things. It's not supposed to be that complicated.
You live your life well, do what you're supposed to, more or less, you keep your eyes open for the gifts that God will send to you. And you accept those gifts with thanks.

The only questions relevant thinking about a girl who wants to marry you are: Is she good? Is she striving? Is she God-fearing? What else?

Perfect. This should be published in all the areas that hold these mentalities.

You hit the nail on the head bro. :)

Inquisitor · May 28, 2014

Salams all,
My questions is would be anyone of you of be willing to marry a woman in her early twenties, who has no children and is divorced through no fault of her own?

Ws,

I personally don't see it as a problem at all. The lady has to be good in her character and takes religion seriously in that she does her wajibaat at the very least. That is all matters. She may be more vulnerable after going through a divorce and the mental scars will probably come along as 'extra baggage' for the initial time period but if both the spouses are at compatible levels of understanding, I don't see her being a divorcee to be a deterrent to a potential marriage.

Would you treat her as you would a virgin?

Would anyone treat their wife differently once she is not a virgin?

sunrise_786 · May 28, 2014

Ws,
I personally don't see it ap problem at all. The lady has to be good in her character and takes religion seriously in that she does her wajibaat at the very least. That is all matters. She may be more vulnerable after going through a divorce and the mental scars will probably come along as 'extra baggage' for the initial time period but if both the spouses are at compatible levels of understanding, I don't see her being a divorcee to be a deterrent to a potential marriage
Would anyone treat their wife differently once she is not a virgin?

Exactly, perfect answer. Its faith that counts.

I meant a single woman. People tend to taunt and degrade divorced women due

to their pasts. Thats what many parents and women fear. They end up staying in

their current difficult marriages.

Note to a MOD. Please can you change the word from virgin to single and this paragraph that I just wrote to inquisitor? or atleast let me edit it please? Its causing confusion. :(

Edited May 28, 2014 by 786repenting

**hasanhh** · May 29, 2014

(salam)

I would insist on knowing about the divorce and all...

but the advantage in marrying a widow or divorcee is that you are not going to have to put up with a lot of dumb-girl stuff.

If they have anything "to them" as a person, they are passed all that.

Fatimakikaneez · May 29, 2014

Why would anyone not want to marry a divorced woman?

That is just absurd. There is no Islamic reason to refuse such proposals.

kadhim · May 29, 2014

(salam)

I would insist on knowing about the divorce and all...

but the advantage in marrying a widow or divorcee is that you are not going to have to put up with a lot of dumb-girl stuff.

If they have anything "to them" as a person, they are passed all that.

Absolutely, character related business of finding out whether she learned from the experience is very important.

As you suggest, a nice thing about divorced people is that they do tend to be more serious and pragmatic and less fantasy oriented.

The only positive element of this environment where the divorced are kind of social pariahs (and this still doesn't mean I agree with it) is that those who are embarking on their second chance are going to do anything, have the highest reasonable patience to make it work.

The flip side of this for a man embarking on his first marriage with a divorced woman is that he has a duty to make doubly sure that she is a match he is happy with. Because maybe he can walk away and find a second wife down the road, but for her it may be her last chance. (Not that anyone goes into marriage planning to divorce, but I'm just saying)

Bedazzle · May 30, 2014

So what if you marry a divorced woman?

kim.tinkerbell · May 30, 2014

Wsalam,

It seems like a CV... The ones with more experience in life are more suited for the job role. The ones that dont have much experience,get dismissed without being given a chance,even thou they are more serious/passiant about learning and giving all they have,yes it might not apply to all but most people like to be given a chance to prove themeselfs. I dont think it's fair to say their more suited just because they have experience,it doesnt mean they are a level above the ones that havent married. A non married person can be more serious about marriage then a divorced,because they want to make sure they select the right indivudal that will last with them for a life time.

If everyone started to think," oh his more serious about marriage because his been divorced before", their will be a higher percentage of none married people living alone... As thou it's not bad enough ordered,their are pleanty of men that go back to their motherland to get a woman. The percentage of none married woman in europe willl increase. Dont be surprised if they convert men from different race just to get married. Just like how some of the guys are doing,they convert a girl just to marry because his not surrounded by muslims.

Divorced people should be given a chance,no doudt about that, and time has changed people are becoming more accepting and divorced people have a great chance to get married again. Some woman do face problems and may even be told that their no good because if they were any better they would have not been divorced in the first place. Some of them like to marry secritely,even become second or thrid wifes to men that are married just so that they can surivive. It sad that some parents will push their divorced daughters into marriage,so fast,just so they dont get talked about and look down at. Divorced men can also be reminded of their past if they dont act correctly, " I see your soo lazy,that why she left you. You never keep your promise,maybe that why your ex left", all that jazz. That lowers from their self-estem and can make it harder for them to achive what they wanted to achieve and even make it harder to successed in the second marriage. Side note, their are people that never learn from there mistakes,even when their at a older age, I think it's important to figure out if they have learnt from their mistake,you can test them out,lol.

Sometimes you find yourself out of a abusive relationship and you promise that you worint go into such marriahe again,but all you know your in it again because you attracted the same type or you was attracted to the same type... Looking at patterns of behviour,is the key element,dont jump into marriage just because you need a man or because you want to escape socities negative words,take your time in selecting what is right for you. It usually woman that jump quickely into marriage again,that face what the op stated.

Mzwakhe · June 3, 2014

Salam,

yes I would.

ws

ZaqiYumani · July 1, 2014

Once i am divorced i will only want to marry a divorced women, for sight ... Can you imagine the feeling if the new one says "no wonder the other one left you!"

**Maryaam** · July 1, 2014

I think it is slowly changing but women are still much more likely to marry a divorced man than a man will marry a divorced woman. A lot of divorced men still want never-married women for their second wife. I think the hesitation has more to do with the aspect of divorced people potentially coming into the new marriage with a lot of baggage - bitterness, emotional, wrecked connections with the former in laws etc. Fear of walking into a mess that you have no control over..??

It doesnt help when divorcees say things like they learned how not to be vulnerable and how they will not allow themselves to be "used", "abused" [or whatever descriptor like that] again, etc etc. It is perhaps born out of hurt and disappointment in their past marriage (which can become a living hell I am sure) but is not something a potential husband or wife wants to hear - it is not inviting nor does it feel safe or secure - when they shoot off bitter one liners - it is like smile-and-nod and then run for the hills time. No one wants to suffer for your past wife's or husband's transgressions.

But, you could get experience that can be an invaluable asset in a new marriage. Common first year hurtful stumbling blocks could be anticipated and avoided and an increased and targeted focus on what is most important in a marriage could be more clear. There are a lot of positives in someone with experience.

And I agree with Sis notme that a divorced parent who actively maintains their level of involvement and responsibility with their children, post divorce, is very attractive as they are a proven commodity (cant think of a better word). When you can see someone's actions, it greatly reduces the guess work as to their character, and that increases the feeling of security in your decision making.

Edited July 1, 2014 by Maryaam

yasalam · July 2, 2014

Salam alaikom,

I have come to this website for two reasons: either to find a wife, or go to Iraq as a volunteer defender of holy sites. I am 43 years old, educated man, but of very modest means. To this day I have yet to find the right woman to marry. Some have been my fault for being overly selective and some due to women that want a lot. Thus, I have never been able to satisfy the material list of potential mates. Now, I have concluded that divorced or separated women are OK with me. Before I insisted on "never married before" category, but I understand it's unwise to do so.

Not just out requirement to marry, but out of loneliness I have vowed that either Allah(swt) find me a wife before end of this summer, or I will end my solitary life by volunteering to fight against the armies of jahilliya, and either life to tell about it or die in the deserts of Najaf and Karbala. I have nothing to loose, just my lonely self.

So, if anyone knows of a marriage-minded single woman who is shi'a muslim, up to 35 years of age, educated or at least literate, and wears hijab, let me know.

In return for her not minding my low income, I will marry her regardless if she is divorced, widowed or legally separated.

My email is: smh_one1light@hushmail.com.

Shukran,

Hameed

sunrise_786 · July 3, 2014

Once i am divorced i will only want to marry a divorced women, for sight ... Can you imagine the feeling if the new one says "no wonder the other one left you!"

Salams,

Yes that is an issue that many parents of those almost wanting to divorce say. Their fear that oh my people i.e new hub and family will taunt you and mock you. Also its a fear some people have. Personally, if I was divorced and married a single person, Id very much make it crisp clear that you are marrying me knowing my past so I dont want you torturing me with it! I also would get it written in my nikah contract that he should not mention my past lol.

I think it is slowly changing but women are still much more likely to marry a divorced man than a man will marry a divorced woman. A lot of divorced men still want never-married women for their second wife. I think the hesitation has more to do with the aspect of divorced people potentially coming into the new marriage with a lot of baggage - bitterness, emotional, wrecked connections with the former in laws etc. Fear of walking into a mess that you have no control over..??
It doesnt help when divorcees say things like they learned how not to be vulnerable and how they will not allow themselves to be "used", "abused" [or whatever descriptor like that] again, etc etc. It is perhaps born out of hurt and disappointment in their past marriage (which can become a living hell I am sure) but is not something a potential husband or wife wants to hear - it is not inviting nor does it feel safe or secure - when they shoot off bitter one liners - it is like smile-and-nod and then run for the hills time. No one wants to suffer for your past wife's or husband's transgressions.
But, you could get experience that can be an invaluable asset in a new marriage. Common first year hurtful stumbling blocks could be anticipated and avoided and an increased and targeted focus on what is most important in a marriage could be more clear. There are a lot of positives in someone with experience.
And I agree with Sis notme that a divorced parent who actively maintains their level of involvement and responsibility with their children, post divorce, is very attractive as they are a proven commodity (cant think of a better word). When you can see someone's actions, it greatly reduces the guess work as to their character, and that increases the feeling of security in your decision making.

hmm I would have thought it was opposite, Ive noticed more single men marrying divorced women. Men tend not to have an issue with it. In terms of hesitation, i would have thought that the divorced woman may be over quite alot of the trauma through her iddah and some time after.

Of course, it is necessary that divorced women are sensitive and patient to the other persons feelings and lack of experience if applicable. Yes indeed, it may be that they feel perhaps more vulnerable so would try and form a protective shell. Though that definately isnt the right approach! It should be approached in a polite way should the conversation ever arise when one is getting to know another.

You are right, in accordance to a persons past experiences, there is a likelihood that positivity could come from it and they would know more about patience, communication being vital so on and so forth. They would be able to perhaps avoid the first year turbulances.

Salam alaikom,
I have come to this website for two reasons: either to find a wife, or go to Iraq as a volunteer defender of holy sites. I am 43 years old, educated man, but of very modest means. To this day I have yet to find the right woman to marry. Some have been my fault for being overly selective and some due to women that want a lot. Thus, I have never been able to satisfy the material list of potential mates. Now, I have concluded that divorced or separated women are OK with me. Before I insisted on "never married before" category, but I understand it's unwise to do so.
Not just out requirement to marry, but out of loneliness I have vowed that either Allah(swt) find me a wife before end of this summer, or I will end my solitary life by volunteering to fight against the armies of jahilliya, and either life to tell about it or die in the deserts of Najaf and Karbala. I have nothing to loose, just my lonely self.
So, if anyone knows of a marriage-minded single woman who is shi'a muslim, up to 35 years of age, educated or at least literate, and wears hijab, let me know.
In return for her not minding my low income, I will marry her regardless if she is divorced, widowed or legally separated.
My email is: smh_one1light@hushmail.com.
Shukran,
Hameed

Salam,

I am sorry to hear that. I will pray for you. In the meanwhile, please dont give up! Nothing is impossible for Allah and the power of dua is immaculate. I feel that you may have given yourself a very short space of time. Finding a person isnt easy mind you.

All the best Hameed inshaAllah.

Edited July 3, 2014 by 786repenting

ZaqiYumani · July 3, 2014

Salam

It is good for us that this opportunity has arisen that we can have have a decent exit, but even more lucky if you are on the front lines and don't die for decades unless Imam "a.s" comes .... This is this is the option opened us for us true fools who have had enough of the bull s**t,

Also i don't believe in divorce, well i mean that i don't think i can love any one like i loved her, never can it happen, as your 1st love is your 1st love, any is the same the second time round, First car, first bike. first hajj. first ziarat ect...

The second is mutual ....

The 3rd, even if you don't like the processes you can live like accrued taste...

the world is a waste, The more you eat the more you produce waste, the problem is even if you win you are not allowed to go to heaven alone in this race...

The separation of a true friend is worse then the fire of hell Imam Ali "a.s"...

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