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kbsquare

Marrying A Barren Woman.

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I want to marry a barren woman because I do not want to have children. Is this haram? Barren women have needs too, I can't see as to why it would be haram. In addition to that question, I want to also ask. How does one go about finding a barren muslim woman? No, I'm not looking for a matchmaking site with just barren woman, lol. But I assume there must be a way to locate a woman via the community...but how?

Thank you and please don't judge me.

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this is certainly no harm in marrying a woman who is unable to bear children........ Brother can I ask why don't you want any kids.......?there aren't many

 

women who can be called absolutely  infertile, sometimes a woman is unable to have kids with one husband but does so with the second one.... so finding one won't be easy

 

will you be okay marrying a woman who is divorced??? because sometimes if a woman is infertile, the husband divorces her to marry another one.......in this case usually the infertility has been investigated and  the doctors are reasonably sure  about  whether the woman is able to reproduce or not.....

 

or maybe marry a widow with has already had kids and would not want any more from this marriage???????

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this is certainly no harm in marrying a woman who is unable to bear children........ Brother can I ask why don't you want any kids.......?there aren't many

women who can be called absolutely infertile, sometimes a woman is unable to have kids with one husband but does so with the second one.... so finding one won't be easy

will you be okay marrying a woman who is divorced??? because sometimes if a woman is infertile, the husband divorces her to marry another one.......in this case usually the infertility has been investigated and the doctors are reasonably sure about whether the woman is able to reproduce or not.....

or maybe marry a widow with has already had kids and would not want any more from this marriage???????

It's perfectly fine (your question).

I don't want to have children because I don't feel I am up for the challenge. I see too many brothers (and sisters) have children and it ends up destroying their marriage because neither of them know how to properly raise a child. I just want to avoid the problem. Alhamdulliah, I have 2 sisters with 4 children between the two. Unfortunately, their husbands are not so good...(don't wanna say too much but one of them is in jail and won't get out until his child is 18). So, I have been helping my sisters with their children in all ways: financially, emotionally, child raising, etc...therefore, it seems I will always have at least one child with me; I don't want anymore. If I go to the local imam and ask about any barren woman (unmarried) in the community, do you think this question is okay? I don't wanna sound un-Muslim like...

No, I don't care if the woman is divorced (being barren is my only requirement, she can also be of another religion or sect because the trouble with those marriages is only when it comes to raising the children. No children = no problem (in that area)).

A widow is fine but if she can have kids it's a red mark for me. Accidents happen and what's worse than having a child on accident when you didn't even want one?? Widow and barren is perfectly fine.

Thank you for your response.

Edited by kbsquare

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I want to marry a barren woman because I do not want to have children. Is this haram? Barren women have needs too, I can't see as to why it would be haram. In addition to that question, I want to also ask. How does one go about finding a barren muslim woman? No, I'm not looking for a matchmaking site with just barren woman, lol. But I assume there must be a way to locate a woman via the community...but how?

Thank you and please don't judge me.

If you marry a barren person now, what happens when you realize you want to have kids?

 

Barren women are sometimes divorced because of their barrenness, so if you hear about a divorce for this reason in your community then you have it.

 

you could marry a barren women and decide to raise orphans when you want kids, its doubly good.

 

Also you could just marry the women you want regardless of if she is barren or not then decide to use contraceptive methods to prevent pregnancies.

 

So what do you think?

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Wasalam,

No one has a right to judge you. That is something you chose and have your reasons.

You know kbsquare, they dont have to be barren. I know of women who are not barren but just dont want children. Maybe you can find someone with a mutual understanding. Maybe if you both do decide to have children, that would be a possibility also.

With reference to barren women bless them, they may be hard to find as they may not be open to declare such a fact. Similarly to what Sayyid Faridoon said there may be divorced barren women who are known to community members. The adopting ideas are also a nice option should you choose to take that path.

Good luck

Iltemase duas

786

Edited by 786repenting

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If you marry a barren person now, what happens when you realize you want to have kids?

Barren women are sometimes divorced because of their barrenness, so if you hear about a divorce for this reason in your community then you have it.

you could marry a barren women and decide to raise orphans when you want kids, its doubly good.

Also you could just marry the women you want regardless of if she is barren or not then decide to use contraceptive methods to prevent pregnancies.

So what do you think?

If I want kids (I doubt this) I would do as you said, adopt, and if my wife is fine with it I can marry another wife that can bear children (but I would prefer to adopt in this case). Even so, I highly doubt I would ever change my mind. I have at least one child belonging to my sister with me at all times; he has been a blessing. No more please, lol. You have a point with waiting to hear if a woman is divorced because she was barren. However, I don't want to just wait around. The thing about contraceptives (answers brother 786 repenting) they are not 100% as in condoms break/wife forgets to take birth control. And I know permanent procedures like "getting the tubes tied" is haram and I wouldn't want to force my wife to go through that. To brother 786repenting, also in regards to what I said about accidents happening...it would be even harder to find a wife that doesn't want kids than one that is barren. Most woman that can have kids want to eventually have kids...however, my question; how can I reach out to my local community? It's not a normal question to ask...some help here would be appreciated. Edited by kbsquare

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Kbsquare, you are right, it is a difficult question to pose to a community. The best thing would be is to go to your resident alim (or any well known alim) and see if he is aware of any people in the community.

They deal with an array of situations and people asking about possible hands. if he was aware of your criteria, its a step forward as he can bear that in mind when people approach him. Also websites like shiamatch.com, (it actually works) You can mention your criteria in your profile which may appeal to someone.

Try from yourself and ask Allah for help.

Iltemase duas

786

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how can I reach out to my local community? It's not a normal question to ask...some help here would be appreciated.

You don't need to reach out to your community, and you don't even need to mention what ur looking for, if you hear news of a divorce then go propose without mentioning her barrenness and accepting it if she says.

 

About contraceptives, you can almost guarantee to stop impregnation by using a combination of methods, so condoms, pills, and other treatments on the women. They are quite effective. but even if you do get children on top of this (unlikely), its not that bad, you have 1 child this will only be a +1.

 

Most men who marry don't do it for the sake of having children, after sex and a year the child just appears whether they want it or not. 

 

The men I know are happy about having kids, and I know you will change your view sooner or later about having kids, its just a matter of time before it hits you.

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Kbsquare, you are right, it is a difficult question to pose to a community. The best thing would be is to go to your resident alim (or any well known alim) and see if he is aware of any people in the community.

They deal with an array of situations and people asking about possible hands. if he was aware of your criteria, its a step forward as he can bear that in mind when people approach him. Also websites like shiamatch.com, (it actually works) You can mention your criteria in your profile which may appeal to someone.

Try from yourself and ask Allah for help.

Iltemase duas

786

Shiamatch works???i made an account there a while ago but for weeks I never received an activation code.

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Shiamatch works???i made an account there a while ago but for weeks I never received an activation code.

yeah it works, and its legit, but the people on there find it hard to trust each other since its online you know. but none of them list themselves and never would they tell if they are barren lol.

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Shiamatch works???i made an account there a while ago but for weeks I never received an activation code.

Lool, I wasnt referring to its technical faults. I meant that I know people who have found good compatible matches on there. Contact the help centre bro.

yeah it works, and its legit, but the people on there find it hard to trust each other since its online you know. but none of them list themselves and never would they tell if they are barren lol.

Haha, I see your point, however there are many who eventually trust them, meet in real life

and propose. secondly you wouldnt exactly say "i want a barren woman" you could say my

Essential criteria is not to have children. Maybe you will get responses then?

Its worth a try if you like.

786

Edited by 786repenting

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I have a serious medical question.

 

How does a girl know she's barren before getting married, or before trying to conceive? Is there some sort of mechanism to find that out?

 

Is it not that sometimes there are problems with conceiving that can/may be rectified through undergoing a proper medical regime stretching over a long time? An aunt of mine who couldn't convince for 11 years after marriage mothered three healthy babies after that with 2-year gap each.

 

What if a girl thinks she can't conceive and later in the marital life does?

 

:donno:

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(salam)

I think most barren Muslim women that you will find, will probably want to have a child (i.e adopt one). Just a thought.

 

Edit - Oops, sorry didn't read all the posts and didn't realize that the point had already been mentioned and that you already discussed adoption.

 

Wassalam

Edited by Ibn al-Hussain

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I have a serious medical question.

 

How does a girl know she's barren before getting married, or before trying to conceive? Is there some sort of mechanism to find that out?

 

Is it not that sometimes there are problems with conceiving that can/may be rectified through undergoing a proper medical regime stretching over a long time? An aunt of mine who couldn't convince for 11 years after marriage mothered three healthy babies after that with 2-year gap each.

 

What if a girl thinks she can't conceive and later in the marital life does?

 

:donno:

(salam)

Usually women and men only find out after trying and failing to conceive that they are unable to conceive naturally. However there are numerous conditions such as polycystic ovary syndrome, endometriosis and disorders of gonadal function ie amenorrhoea which are associated with infertility in women and can be diagnosed prior to marriage. Symptoms such as lack of menstruation, excessive hair growth, insulin resistance and acute pain can indicate these conditions prompting further testing and a diagnosis. Sometimes infertility does not occur in all cases of a condition but rather occurs in a certain number of cases, an example is how around half of females with endometriosis will be infertile. Some genetic conditions completely render the person barren and no treatment is yet avaliable whilst other conditions make it harder for a women to conceive and sustain a pregnancy. Those with the latter conditions are recommended to keep trying to conceive and may never conceive or may conceive numerous times after many years of trying.

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Salaam,

Life finds its way by command of Allah.

Ask medical practitioners and they'll tell you that there isn't a single method which is 100% effective.

Holy Quran [3:40]

He said, “My Lord! How can I have a son when old age has reached me and my wife is barren? He said, “This is how Allah brings about, whatever He wills.”

So my advice is to marry someone who understands your situation and willing to help you with raising your sister's children as her own apart from what Allah has destined for you.

Holy Quran [17:31]

And do not kill your children, fearing poverty; We shall provide sustenance to them as well as to you; indeed killing them is a great mistake.

I understand you're not planning to kill, but focus on part where Allah is making a promise to provide for you and them both. And Allah always keeps His word.

May Allah help and guide you.

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I have a serious medical question.

 

How does a girl know she's barren before getting married, or before trying to conceive? Is there some sort of mechanism to find that out?

 

Is it not that sometimes there are problems with conceiving that can/may be rectified through undergoing a proper medical regime stretching over a long time? An aunt of mine who couldn't convince for 11 years after marriage mothered three healthy babies after that with 2-year gap each.

 

What if a girl thinks she can't conceive and later in the marital life does?

 

:donno:

You can't arbitrarily assume that a girl/women can't have children unless a doctor has said so. If a woman doesn't have ovaries (because they have been removed) then she can't possible have children. A menopausal woman also cannot have children. Women with PCOS sometimes finds it hard to conceive. A lot of time women are not conceiving because the problem is from the husband side.

 

If you don't want children the easiest is to use contraceptives.

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