Jump to content
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!) ×
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!)
In the Name of God بسم الله
Sign in to follow this  
Harian

Never Getting Married

Rate this topic

Recommended Posts

Perhaps as a child I did once like the idea of getting married and having children.

But over time I have come to realize, that I may be cursed (figuratively speaking).

 

My great grandfather may have abused his wife, this is unconfirmed, my grandfather did certainly abuse his wife, and my own father definitely abused my mother. I'm horrified of this savage lineage I descend from, don't get me wrong I'm happy being a Muslim, I'm ashamed of at the culture I come from.

With such a long line of abusive husbands, I don't want to fall into the same trap. I don't think I'd ever hit a woman, but I simply take take the risk. Perhaps my forefathers were once good people, but upon leaving childhood and ascending into adulthood they became amoral and hit their wives, an act I consider evil.

 

I don't want to become them, so I started to distance myself from the concept of marriage, romance or companionship.

 

Furthermore I am averse to the idea of engaging in intimate relations that come with marriage, even though I am fond of children, I can't imagine myself ever engaging in an act of reproduction, the thought itself feels perverse and I don't like the idea of anyone touching me to that certain level.

 

It is therefore that I have resolved that I shall never marry or engage in sexual relations of any kind for the rest of my life, instead I shall devote it to cater for my own material (money, food, career, etc) and spiritual (fasting, salah, haj, etc) needs, as well as taking care of my mother and sisters.

 

I expect my sisters will probably be married off at some point, which I suppose is good for them though sad for me as I'll become alone after my mother passes away one day, but I cannot see any alternate course of action.

I know people say they'll never get married but end up marrying, but I am serious about this resolve which I intend to uphold until the day of my own death.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Perhaps as a child I did once like the idea of getting married and having children.

But over time I have come to realize, that I may be cursed (figuratively speaking).

My great grandfather may have abused his wife, this is unconfirmed, my grandfather did certainly abuse his wife, and my own father definitely abused my mother. I'm horrified of this savage lineage I descend from, don't get me wrong I'm happy being a Muslim, I'm ashamed of at the culture I come from.

With such a long line of abusive husbands, I don't want to fall into the same trap. I don't think I'd ever hit a woman, but I simply take take the risk. Perhaps my forefathers were once good people, but upon leaving childhood and ascending into adulthood they became amoral and hit their wives, an act I consider evil.

I don't want to become them, so I started to distance myself from the concept of marriage, romance or companionship.

Furthermore I am averse to the idea of engaging in intimate relations that come with marriage, even though I am fond of children, I can't imagine myself ever engaging in an act of reproduction, the thought itself feels perverse and I don't like the idea of anyone touching me to that certain level.

It is therefore that I have resolved that I shall never marry or engage in sexual relations of any kind for the rest of my life, instead I shall devote it to cater for my own material (money, food, career, etc) and spiritual (fasting, salah, haj, etc) needs, as well as taking care of my mother and sisters.

I expect my sisters will probably be married off at some point, which I suppose is good for them though sad for me as I'll become alone after my mother passes away one day, but I cannot see any alternate course of action.

I know people say they'll never get married but end up marrying, but I am serious about this resolve which I intend to uphold until the day of my own death.

(Salam)

I had the same resolve as you did as I have the same exact problem with my father. However, once I met this one lady, it all changed. I knew then that if this lady took me on as her husband I would never treat her the way my father treated my mother, my hands quivered and shook every time I was in her presence, to me it seemed impossible for these hands to find the strength to raise them against her...I guess that's love. Unfortunately she didn't feel the same about me :'( but I'm hopeful I will once again find a lady that would have the same effect on me as this one did and hopefully this time she would love me back. Inshallah.

With that said; take what I am about to say next, constructively. GROW UP DUDE. No matter how you twist it you are your fathers son but you are NOT your father. The mere fact you have realized a possible marital problem before hand you can now work to make a change, don't run away from it. Cowardice is not the way of the rassul (saw) or the ahulubayt(as). You must break the chain or curse (as you put it). Wa'salam.

Edited by kbsquare

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Bro, It is the nature of all animals to reproduce especially us humans. You may go insane without any love. As a matter of fact there was a massacre in California yesterday at a university. The guy who went insane made videos about how he was going to exact his revenge. He put it in youtube or something. THe news showed the video. He was talking about how he wanted companionship but was denied. Im not saying you are going to be that person but i am saying there will be consequences for denying your natural instincts i.e. sex and food.


Perhaps as a child I did once like the idea of getting married and having children.

But over time I have come to realize, that I may be cursed (figuratively speaking).

 

My great grandfather may have abused his wife, this is unconfirmed, my grandfather did certainly abuse his wife, and my own father definitely abused my mother. I'm horrified of this savage lineage I descend from, don't get me wrong I'm happy being a Muslim, I'm ashamed of at the culture I come from.

With such a long line of abusive husbands, I don't want to fall into the same trap. I don't think I'd ever hit a woman, but I simply take take the risk. Perhaps my forefathers were once good people, but upon leaving childhood and ascending into adulthood they became amoral and hit their wives, an act I consider evil.

 

I don't want to become them, so I started to distance myself from the concept of marriage, romance or companionship.

 

Furthermore I am averse to the idea of engaging in intimate relations that come with marriage, even though I am fond of children, I can't imagine myself ever engaging in an act of reproduction, the thought itself feels perverse and I don't like the idea of anyone touching me to that certain level.

 

It is therefore that I have resolved that I shall never marry or engage in sexual relations of any kind for the rest of my life, instead I shall devote it to cater for my own material (money, food, career, etc) and spiritual (fasting, salah, haj, etc) needs, as well as taking care of my mother and sisters.

 

I expect my sisters will probably be married off at some point, which I suppose is good for them though sad for me as I'll become alone after my mother passes away one day, but I cannot see any alternate course of action.

I know people say they'll never get married but end up marrying, but I am serious about this resolve which I intend to uphold until the day of my own death.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

(bismillah)

 

the thought itself feels perverse and I don't like the idea of anyone touching me to that certain level.

 

(salam)

 

That view comes from Christian ideology (its emphasis on celibacy) conditioning the society's perspective on the act. It's completely incorrect and Islam is absolutely against that mentality.

 

Islam recognizes the sexual needs of human beings and believes that the natural instincts should be nurtured, not suppressed. Islam says that the biological parts of our body have a purpose; they have not been created uselessly. No text in Islam can be found to equate sex with inherent evil or sin; whatever has been taught by the Qur'an, Prophet Muhammad and his Ahlu'l-bayt points in the opposite direction.

What the Qur'an and the authentic sunnah and I emphasize on authentic have said about sex and marriage will now be discussed under the following headings: Islam has very highly recommended marriage as a good deed and not as a lesser of two evils; Islam has very strongly opposed celibacy and monasticism, and Islam believes that marriage is not a hindrance in spiritual wayfaring, on the contrary it helps the wayfarer.

 

- http://www.al-islam.org/marriage-and-morals-islam-sayyid-muhammad-rizvi/chapter-two-islamic-sexual-morality-1-its-foundation#defining-islamic-view

 

And watch this, it's good for you:

 

 

(wasalam)

Edited by Hazyn

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

That's fine, but don't become cynical.  Use your life to make the world a better place.

 

Marriage is recommended but not wajib, and you know yourself and your situation better than anyone else.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Marriage is the Sunnah of the Prophets and Imams. It is what completes half of your deen.

I recommend you to read some hadith on the rewards and blessings of marriage, and the losses of staying single. 

 

How do you know that you'll beat your wife? Maybe a girl would miss out on what a good husband you could be to her.  ;)

Do reconsider your decisions, I'd say. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

(bismillah)

 

That's fine, but don't become cynical.  Use your life to make the world a better place.

 

Marriage is recommended but not wajib, and you know yourself and your situation better than anyone else.

 

(salam)

 

It's actually not fine. It leads to many issues... Including not being able to attain one's true spiritual potential. But I guess you're right, in special cases it may be better not to.

 

(wasalam)

Edited by Hazyn

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Bro, It is the nature of all animals to reproduce especially us humans. You may go insane without any love. As a matter of fact there was a massacre in California yesterday at a university. The guy who went insane made videos about how he was going to exact his revenge. He put it in youtube or something. THe news showed the video. He was talking about how he wanted companionship but was denied. Im not saying you are going to be that person but i am saying there will be consequences for denying your natural instincts i.e. sex and food.

Saw that vid. yesterday. Creepy psycho. May Allah guide him

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Salam,

Harian,just because it runs in the family it doesnt mean you will 100% do what your father did. You have recoginsed what's right from wrong and the fear inside you will hold you back from abusing... It is up to you,if you can live without marriage then thats fine,and if you want to stay single for a couple of years then that too is fine. Your throughts might change one day and you may marry..

You can adopte a child if you like.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Najashi: from your profile you are 21....

 

Gawd, its a lot of stuff that makes me think that....

 

whining, the money,  incessant talking (God curse Alexander Graham Bell), TV on all the time, whine-whine-whine...money...

 

never anything for myself..."needs" money again....

 

What the heck is "soooooo beautiful" about this???

 

 

 

:Sami: you have my deepest sympathy

Edited by hasanhh

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I regret getting married.

It was the biggest mistake I ever made. Maybe not the "worst" or the "dumbest" , but surely the biggest.

Me too. Being badly married is much worse than being alone. Nothing except marriage has done so much to draw me away from Islam.

Brother hasanhh, I have the feeling you chose the wrong wife. You should have married a quiet simple easygoing woman rather than one who likes to talk and shop.

Edited by notme

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Perhaps as a child I did once like the idea of getting married and having children.

But over time I have come to realize, that I may be cursed (figuratively speaking).

 

My great grandfather may have abused his wife, this is unconfirmed, my grandfather did certainly abuse his wife, and my own father definitely abused my mother. I'm horrified of this savage lineage I descend from, don't get me wrong I'm happy being a Muslim, I'm ashamed of at the culture I come from.

With such a long line of abusive husbands, I don't want to fall into the same trap. I don't think I'd ever hit a woman, but I simply take take the risk. Perhaps my forefathers were once good people, but upon leaving childhood and ascending into adulthood they became amoral and hit their wives, an act I consider evil.

 

I don't want to become them, so I started to distance myself from the concept of marriage, romance or companionship.

 

Furthermore I am averse to the idea of engaging in intimate relations that come with marriage, even though I am fond of children, I can't imagine myself ever engaging in an act of reproduction, the thought itself feels perverse and I don't like the idea of anyone touching me to that certain level.

 

It is therefore that I have resolved that I shall never marry or engage in sexual relations of any kind for the rest of my life, instead I shall devote it to cater for my own material (money, food, career, etc) and spiritual (fasting, salah, haj, etc) needs, as well as taking care of my mother and sisters.

 

I expect my sisters will probably be married off at some point, which I suppose is good for them though sad for me as I'll become alone after my mother passes away one day, but I cannot see any alternate course of action.

I know people say they'll never get married but end up marrying, but I am serious about this resolve which I intend to uphold until the day of my own death.

you will either get married or you will go down a dark and evil path , and i am sure that the former is what you will do 

the only chance of you NOT getting married ever or having sexual relations is if you have physical problems with your reproduction organs, in which case your correct, but since you didnt mention it then probably you have normal function 

this might be all wishful thinking right now, but whether you want to or not or like to or not , you wont be able to ignore your animal instincts, and if you really stay away from woman and masturbation , then you will reach a really desperate point which will lead you within a split second into sin or something far worse 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You should have married a quiet simple easygoing woman rather than one who likes to talk and shop.

 

How does one know (during the first few meetings) that the person you're meeting will turn out having good traits? I think somewhere you're just relying on a hunch. I'm not married yet so asking from experienced members..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

How does one know (during the first few meetings) that the person you're meeting will turn out having good traits? I think somewhere you're just relying on a hunch. I'm not married yet so asking from experienced members..

I wish I knew/had known the answer to this.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

How does one know (during the first few meetings) that the person you're meeting will turn out having good traits? I think somewhere you're just relying on a hunch. I'm not married yet so asking from experienced members..

I knew my husband 3 years and some months before we got permanently married, was in mutah 2.5 years before getting permanently married and have been happily married over 2 years now.  So basically before we got married we had seen each other's good sides and bad sides 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I regret getting married.

 

It was the biggest mistake I ever made. Maybe not the "worst" or the "dumbest" , but surely the biggest.

It most probably happened with the wrong person at the wrong time. I feel the same with me, but Im aware of what

Is expected and learnt from it for the future inshaAllah.,

Marriage ISNT a mistake. Its Allahs blessing. Its WHO we marry that makes the

Difference..

Harian, you seem like a wise, decent person. You are aware of past experiences and clearly

Disagree with that oppression. Its not something hereditary that you will inevitably do.

Its like you are punishing yourself for something you wouldnt conciously do. The fact that you

Recognised it shows that you are able to make that change.

If you feel that you can live without marriage, thats your choice. Celibacy is not recommended at all.

With reference to the reproduction process its not a very appealing act to anyone

For that matter anyway lol. its different after marriage anyhow. Its a need created by

Allah for a reason and he knows what we need.

There are many people who have had severe traumatic abusive marriages. They take time

And eventually move on even after that. They even had the experiences.

You have a good head on your shoulders. Im sure you would be a great

example and a lesson for those who preceded you. I understand your fear but the reality

Will be different considering your good mentality. It will be so different and you

Are not them.

I hope inshaAllah your decision can be reconsidered in the future, should you feel

Able and are able to assure yourself that you can refrain from sin inshaAllah.

You are in my prayers.

Iltemase duas

786

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...