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Ali-F

If A Girl Is Ugly, But Religious, Would You Marry?

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Salam alaykum

 

 

If you faced a situation where you could choose between a beautiful girl, but the girl is non-religious, and choosing a girl who is "ugly", but indeed religious - what would you choose? The beautiful or the ugly one? 

 

I ask this, because many people do probably say "inshallah you will marry a beautiful wife" - but is it so important?

 

 

 

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As-salaam mulaikum.

 

Im not saying you do that but just an advise for you and me: Its not good to even think of someone as ugly. One should avoid such thoughts. When you look at others, think of them as they are the same as you, you not any better nor worse. Rather focus on the inward purity which is needed to maintain the beautiful outward character, appearance, and personality. So its better to judge by whats inside a person and a person is known by his/her actions, thoughts, what he does, his heart etc

 

I know its hard, for example other diseases such as jealously can make its way inside a persons heart, and it happens very often, sometimes us not even knowing.

Edited by race

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I've seen people marry not so good looking but religious spouses and Alhamdolillah very happy.

It is a sign of faith to marry one like that.

There is a couplet in Urdu saying

khuda jab husn deta hai, takabbur aa hi jata hai

One who looks at hereafter, a religious girl will always be his choice over beautiful one who isn't.

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To know who is really near to God and who isn't is not even possible.

So long as she prays and treats you well, if you are mutually attracted to her marry her.

 

Never marry someone on the assumption that they are religious because its 50/50.

It could be fake religiousness and it usually is.

Attraction is 100% accurate.

 

I have seen so called "religious" girls who treat their husbands like donkeys, with no respect

appreciation or pleasantness. They are controlling, possessive and have tempers like tyrants.

 

Most "religious" girls are very arrogant. They think they are better than everybody.

 

As a rule of thumb I'd advise that you stay away from girls who seem too religious. Most of them

think too much of themselves hence they will make lousy wives.

 

Most girls that are too religious are show offs and most show offs are hypocrites.

 

Marry the one who you enjoy her company the most and who respects you the most.

Edited by followthetruth

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To know who is really near to God and who isn't is not even possible.

So long as she prays and treats you well, if you are mutually attracted to her marry her.

 

Never marry someone on the assumption that they are religious because its 50/50.

It could be fake religiousness and it usually is.

Attraction is 100% accurate.

 

I have seen so called "religious" girls who treat their husbands like donkeys, with no respect

appreciation or pleasantness. They are controlling, possessive and have tempers like tyrants.

 

Most "religious" girls are very arrogant. They think they are better than everybody.

 

As a rule of thumb I'd advise that you stay away from girls who seem too religious. Most of them

think too much of themselves hence they will make lousy wives.

 

Most girls that are too religious are show offs and most show offs are hypocrites.

 

Marry the one who you enjoy her company the most and who respects you the most.

 

Your post is very judgmental and comes across in a very bitter manner. You are making a lot of generalizations and assumptions, and over all your advice is not helpful.

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the facial attractions has nothing to do with it, but a woman who eats alot and is fat by it to me is ugly  

there is two things which can never be true 

one is a marital arts master who has a gut(either he is a martial arts master and has no gut or he has a gut and is not a martial arts master, but that doesn't mean he is completely oblivious )
and two is a religious person with a gut(it is not possible for a person to attain true faith with a gut, he might attain some faith, but true and complete faith never , it is not and will never be possible) 

 

Edited by herenow477

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Salam alaykum

 

 

If you faced a situation where you could choose between a beautiful girl, but the girl is non-religious, and choosing a girl who is "ugly", but indeed religious - what would you choose? The beautiful or the ugly one? 

 

I ask this, because many people do probably say "inshallah you will marry a beautiful wife" - but is it so important?

 

 

That depends on his Imaan & how materialistic the guy is when it comes to sexual desire.

 

My personal opinion is that when it comes to beauty gender discrimination should not prevail & the boy's beauty should also be considered alongside with girl's......

Sadly, these days when looking for a girl the first question is "Is she beautiful"? They never ask how religious the girl is, about her habits... All they want is a strong desire for the boy who might be uglier than a dracula!!  Just like this one

Edited by Muhammed Ali

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This dunya is all about 2 things; status and possessions.

The worst of people on earth are those who use religion as a means to acquire status and possessions.

So when you see a woman using her religiosity to gain fame in a community beware. Such people are usually

evil. We have many traditions that back up what I am saying.

http://www.naraqi.com/Script/Book.asp?URL=http://www.naraqi.com/ara/g/g04/02/06.htm&TIT=

 

Go for moderately religious, highly attractive. You will be happiest, inshallah.

If there is mutual respect and attraction that is what matters the most.

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This question has been asked countless times and every time it is asked you get answers that do not reflect reality. The truth is that we do not perceive things in the either/or binary even if we are compelled to say so for the benefit of simplification and ease. The usual answer that one thing doesn't preclude the other also doesn't take us very far in exacting the truthful and reality-based answer.

 

Our minds work in complex shades of grey and we are weighing up options in our mental scales every time of the day and every day of the week. Whenever such a situation arises, our mental scales start searching for a balance and whenever we think that balance has been achieved, or the equilibrium between our different preferences and deal-breakers established, we give the green light.

 

Having said that, a thing to keep in mind forever is that men do not remain happy with women to whom they are not physically attracted. This proposition is as eternal as the original sin. Ipso facto, beauty, to whatever degree the eye of the beholder is trained to appreciate it, is and remains a vital component in spouse selection for men.

Edited by Marbles

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hi

in internet period.... i think we had some change in culture and etc....

maybe in 30 years ago i would say go for ugly religious one..... but now beauty is important too( i think its in top 6 factors of choosing a girl)... men always look for beauty and trust me u will have problem with ugly side...

 

i dont say go for celebs or  barbies but  go for girl with common face(not ugly) with religious ...

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salam

if a woman is absolutely not beautiful from the outside view, than it wouldnt be a problem if she has a strong faith and we (as inshaAllah devote muslims) wouldnt have any problem i guess...

..but if she is really very "ugly" from the outside, i think its very hard for all of us to ignore it. i mean would my wife which i have known now would have an accident (burned skin etc) than it wouldnt matter and i would still love her for her inner beeing.

 

but from the beginning i must admit it would be in some cases to hard for me. however if her whole family and a sheikh would swear for her faith..would you marry her?

i mean its a short life and a partner is such a big key to Allah for which we can proof we only love for Allah. 

 

subhanaAllah i really dont know. i would say yes but if it comes hard to hard most of us didnt have ever that situation i think...

 

most cases of situations even hard would be ok but there are very few where i maybe would say no

 

 

nice thread and interesting question :)


may Allah give us the power for that jihad un nafs

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To know who is really near to God and who isn't is not even possible.

So long as she prays and treats you well, if you are mutually attracted to her marry her.

Never marry someone on the assumption that they are religious because its 50/50.

It could be fake religiousness and it usually is.

Attraction is 100% accurate.

I have seen so called "religious" girls who treat their husbands like donkeys, with no respect

appreciation or pleasantness. They are controlling, possessive and have tempers like tyrants.

Most "religious" girls are very arrogant. They think they are better than everybody.

As a rule of thumb I'd advise that you stay away from girls who seem too religious. Most of them

think too much of themselves hence they will make lousy wives.

Most girls that are too religious are show offs and most show offs are hypocrites.

Marry the one who you enjoy her company the most and who respects you the most.

Salam Brother

Your definition of religious seems "those who look religious"

Please rectify your thoughts because they are heavily loaded with opinions and I could almost feel your emoitonal outburst.

Bias of any kind effects our intellect.

So realize when you attach arrogance and traits like that to religious you aren't talking about believers for verily believers don't have these diseases.

Don't imagine someone 'you' thought of being religious as benchmark for your opinion.

May Allah clear your vision.

(Wasalam)

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Exactly as Marbles said. I will admit, I am as shallow as they can be. Though, I am not overly shallow. You can't marry or love someone who you are not attracted to physically. From my experience, I have always noticed that I am respectful and polite to women who I don't find quite charming. But I am more eager to engage in conversation with those I find attractive. I treat them differently.

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Exactly as Marbles said. I will admit, I am as shallow as they can be. Though, I am not overly shallow. You can't marry or love someone who you are not attracted to physically. From my experience, I have always noticed that I am respectful and polite to women who I don't find quite charming. But I am more eager to engage in conversation with those I find attractive. I treat them differently.

+1

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Between only those two, I would advise choosing neither. Beauty itself isn't important, but if a man has already labeled a woman as "ugly" it will be difficult for him to be content with her.

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Between only those two, I would advise choosing neither. Beauty itself isn't important, but if a man has already labeled a woman as "ugly" it will be difficult for him to be content with her.

 

But some women are physically unattractive i.e ugly .

And physical attractiveness is not everything but it isnt as unimportant as you make it sound nor is there anything wrong with taking physical attractiveness into account when choosing a spouse.

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the most ''unattractive''  girl  will get the BEST man, because he will be loving her for who she is on the inside.  

 

so if you want to be the BEST man, i challenge you to look beyond physical traits (those that  are usually  defined by culture and media- photoshop)

 

nevertheless, all the girls are beautiful. I've never came across someone and said ''eww'' .. it only happened once and it was because the girl was abusing make up, her brown face became white and her eyebrows were drawn with a pencil. She wasn't natural ,  girls who abuse make-up has a low self-esteem and often want to fit into society's beauty standard , and THAT is unattractive. 

Edited by -Enlightened

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the most ''unattractive''  girl  will get the BEST man, because he will be loving her for who she is on the inside.  

 

so if you want to be the BEST man, i challenge you to look beyond physical traits (which are defined by culture and media- photoshop)

 

nevertheless, all the girls are beautiful. I've never came across someone and said ''eww'' .. it only happened once and it was because the girl was abusing make up, her brown face became white and her eyebrows were drawn with a pencil. She wasn't natural ,  girls who abuse make-up has a low self-esteem and often want to fit into society's beauty standard , and THAT is unattractive. 

 

Beauty is exclusive influenced by culture, media and photoshop?

 

Surely you dont believe this nonsense............

Edited by godzapostle

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Beauty is exclusive influenced by culture, media and photoshop?

 

Surely you dont believe this nonsense............

 

You misunderstood my post

 

read carefully .

 

and i also changed some wordings in mine

Edited by -Enlightened

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Salam alaykum

 

 

If you faced a situation where you could choose between a beautiful girl, but the girl is non-religious, and choosing a girl who is "ugly", but indeed religious - what would you choose? The beautiful or the ugly one? 

 

I ask this, because many people do probably say "inshallah you will marry a beautiful wife" - but is it so important?

 

A real Iraqi would never ask this question. You're failing the test brother. 

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Most "religious" girls destroy their natural feminine charm in the name of modesty. I am anti-khabar al-wahid but there are many traditions attributed to the infallibles that state that the best of women are those that can become immodest for their husbands and then be modest in public.

 

Most of our religious women do not nurture their feminine charms in private before marriage. They think this buried feminine charm will magically unearth itself

after marriage. It does not work like that. When someone suppresses their feminine charm so deeply during upbringing it gets lost forever most of the time.

 

This leaves the poor religious men who marry these femininity neutered women deeply unsatisfied. They secretly long for a feminine woman who makes them feel alive, even if it is a non-muslim. These men feel like they are in prison, and they are!

 

I have seen many so called beautiful religious girls even with zero feminine charm. They are like Mary Poppins.  Would you marry a Mary Poppins?

 

So my advise to sisters is please don't kill your feminine charm in the name of modesty. That is not Islam. You need to nurture your feminine charm and this should reflect in the way you communicate both verbally and non-verbally.

 

And my advise to brothers, never marry a woman who has been femininity neutered because that is worse than marrying a woman who had a Cliterodectomy.

Most religious muslim women are so obsessed with modesty they have become Muslim versions of Mary Poppins. Such women can only give misery to their future husbands. They will not be able to give you the pleasure that a man needs. Feminine charm is a woman's greatest asset be she religious or not, "ugly" or not.

 

An "ugly" woman with feminine charm is much better than a "beautiful" woman with no feminine charm. 

 

Hardware wise all women have been created beautiful by God. The problem is in the software for most.

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Most "religious" girls destroy their natural feminine charm in the name of modesty. I am anti-khabar al-wahid but there are many traditions attributed to the infallibles that state that the best of women are those that can become immodest for their husbands and then be modest in public.

 

Most of our religious women do not nurture their feminine charms in private before marriage. They think this buried feminine charm will magically unearth itself

after marriage. It does not work like that. When someone suppresses their feminine charm so deeply during upbringing it gets lost forever most of the time.

 

This leaves the poor religious men who marry these femininity neutered women deeply unsatisfied. They secretly long for a feminine woman who makes them feel alive, even if it is a non-muslim. These men feel like they are in prison, and they are!

 

I have seen many so called beautiful religious girls even with zero feminine charm. They are like Mary Poppins.  Would you marry a Mary Poppins?

 

So my advise to sisters is please don't kill your feminine charm in the name of modesty. That is not Islam. You need to nurture your feminine charm and this should reflect in the way you communicate both verbally and non-verbally.

 

And my advise to brothers, never marry a woman who has been femininity neutered because that is worse than marrying a woman who had a Cliterodectomy.

Most religious muslim women are so obsessed with modesty they have become Muslim versions of Mary Poppins. Such women can only give misery to their future husbands. They will not be able to give you the pleasure that a man needs. Feminine charm is a woman's greatest asset be she religious or not, "ugly" or not.

 

An "ugly" woman with feminine charm is much better than a "beautiful" woman with no feminine charm. 

 

Hardware wise all women have been created beautiful by God. The problem is in the software for most.

 

I'm sure many women who have lost that charm will not understand your post but every man will understand it without trouble.

 

Some women think that being dull, drab, insipid, emotionless, without laughter, and devoid of animation, they are somehow fulfilling the conditions of modesty. They copy it to the degree that projecting a modest persona in 'public' becomes their second nature and they look and feel like the same in private.

 

To give an example of an acquaintance who once related it to us, the guy - a lively man given to good living - married a very religious, practicing and serious girl. Once during the honeymoon the guy tried to get his wife to take a bath together, you might say a playful and romantic gesture on his part, but the wife took serious offence and told her husband, "I am from a noble family. I don't do these kind of things. Please don't make me compromise my morals". The guy was aghast, bamboozled, flabbergasted at this response and the last I checked their marriage was that of compromise because there is next to zilch physical and mental compatibility between the two even though religiously you can say that they are not far apart.

 

When a woman loses her sense of humour she loses her femininity.

Hardware wise all women have been created beautiful by God. The problem is in the software for most.

 

I don't like how you've put it but I like what you've said :D

Edited by Marbles

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I'm sure many women who have lost that charm will not understand your post but every man will understand it without trouble.

 

Some women think that being dull, drab, insipid, emotionless, without laughter, and devoid of animation, they are somehow fulfilling the conditions of modesty. They copy it to the degree that projecting a modest persona in 'public' becomes their second nature and they look and feel like the same in private.

 

To give an example of an acquaintance who once related it to us, the guy - a lively man given to good living - married a very religious, practicing and serious girl. Once during the honeymoon the guy tried to get his wife to take a bath together, you might say a playful and romantic gesture on his part, but the wife took serious offence and told her husband, "I am from a noble family. I don't do these kind of things. Please don't make me compromise my morals". The guy was aghast, bamboozled, flabbergasted at this response and the last I checked their marriage was that of compromise because there is next to zilch physical and mental compatibility between the two even though religiously you can say that they are not far apart.

 

When a woman loses her sense of humour she loses her femininity.

 

I don't like how you've put it but I like what you've said :D

 

In simple words. A decent and good person in public on your charm, But a devil and a real woman when you are alone.

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but the wife took serious offence and told her husband, "I am from a noble family. I don't do these kind of things. Please don't make me compromise my morals". The guy was aghast, bamboozled, flabbergasted at this response and the last I checked their marriage was that of compromise because there is next to zilch physical and mental compatibility between the two even though religiously you can say that they are not far apart.

 

When a woman loses her sense of humour she loses her femininity.

 

He should have divorced her asap. Poor guy must be suffering in silence.

Women need to understand that their outer sexual inhibition is supposed to be only temporary. She should be the exact opposite of this with her husband permanently. 

 

I think believing women should step forward and make a course on how to do this because it seems most are just so self-righteous they will not help their sisters and brothers in need. This type of training could help so many marriages be so much happier but there is just too much fear of the aunties at the mosque.

 

And to be fair, I am so sorry but most religious Muslim men have a similar problem; inhibited masculinity.

 

Some knowledgeable brothers need to teach religious young brothers how to unlock a woman's mind in private. Such matters are not taught in mosques but they should be taught. Don't fear the old uncles. Take pity on your young brothers and teach them. It could save a marriage or make a man and woman so happy.

 

Yes, behave like a "bad boy" with your wife and yes "behave like a "bad girl" with your husband. Bad here means sexually uninhibited. This is the real heaven on earth.

In reality it is sexual inhibition in marriage that is from the devil (shaytan) because it indicated an ego problem and Iblis was the leader of such egoists, in the name of religiosity. Sexual inhibition in marriage is a joy killer and misery maker.

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I'm sure many women who have lost that charm will not understand your post but every man will understand it without trouble.

Some women think that being dull, drab, insipid, emotionless, without laughter, and devoid of animation, they are somehow fulfilling the conditions of modesty. They copy it to the degree that projecting a modest persona in 'public' becomes their second nature and they look and feel like the same in private.

To give an example of an acquaintance who once related it to us, the guy - a lively man given to good living - married a very religious, practicing and serious girl. Once during the honeymoon the guy tried to get his wife to take a bath together, you might say a playful and romantic gesture on his part, but the wife took serious offence and told her husband, "I am from a noble family. I don't do these kind of things. Please don't make me compromise my morals". The guy was aghast, bamboozled, flabbergasted at this response and the last I checked their marriage was that of compromise because there is next to zilch physical and mental compatibility between the two even though religiously you can say that they are not far apart.

When a woman loses her sense of humour she loses her femininity.

I don't like how you've put it but I like what you've said :D

Have her read up about marriage in Islam, its a good act to shower with your spouse. Some girls just dont know whats allowed. Like in my community youll come across people who think oral sex is haraam in marriage or young adults who think French kissing your spouse is haraam because of the culture they grew up in. Not to mention that America is predominantly Christian, and even though that is changing, Christianity still implies sex is inherently bad and muslim girls get influenced by that without even realizing it. And of course arab/desi cultures just say sex before marriage is bad without ever saying its good in marriage or explaining why mama and baba dont kiss and looking at other people kiss in public is bad.

And even looking at how sex before marriage for each gender makes women have certain feelings about it also and how they should act:

Women-forever tarnished reputation and will have a hard time finding a husband; seen as "damaged goods" at best.

Man- just grow a beard and says you've changed and women will forgive you past and marry you.

A lot of factors make women think "well if sex is so horrible before marriage and I need to be super modest, then in marriage I must need to be some what modest too."

I think its really important to teach sisters about sex in marriage but its a taboo subject in a lot of communities:/

Edited by :Ruffles

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I'm sure many women who have lost that charm will not understand your post but every man will understand it without trouble.

 

Some women think that being dull, drab, insipid, emotionless, without laughter, and devoid of animation, they are somehow fulfilling the conditions of modesty. They copy it to the degree that projecting a modest persona in 'public' becomes their second nature and they look and feel like the same in private.

 

To give an example of an acquaintance who once related it to us, the guy - a lively man given to good living - married a very religious, practicing and serious girl. Once during the honeymoon the guy tried to get his wife to take a bath together, you might say a playful and romantic gesture on his part, but the wife took serious offence and told her husband, "I am from a noble family. I don't do these kind of things. Please don't make me compromise my morals". The guy was aghast, bamboozled, flabbergasted at this response and the last I checked their marriage was that of compromise because there is next to zilch physical and mental compatibility between the two even though religiously you can say that they are not far apart.

 

:lol:

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Salam,

Some or should I say most woman only hold back when they dont feel comfortable or they dont trust you...

Some men forget that it is a process that you have to go throu before getting what you want/need. The story Marbles said,shows that the guy asked for something to fast and without having made her feel more comfortable before requesting that. Their newly married which means that not both parties will be happy with doing certain things. The girl will feel like its wrong because shes not used to it. Yep,it can be insulting for some woman to ask for such things from the start,why because they feel like your lowering from their diginty. Why do they feel this way? Because you ask way to fast,you didnt use a step by step method.

The other issue we see is some woman not openning up about what they like and dislike,and that's because of their culture and the way her husband will view her. Let say she wants to do something different,he husband may think low of her for asking to do something differently. The husband only thinks low of her because he was brought up in a socity/culture where a woman cant talk about such things,lol,they even start to assume that the girl has done it before,when she hasnt...

If a woman is comfortable with you and you make her feel comfortable and loved,then it will be easier for you to ask her to take a swim with you,lool..

It's important to take someone that you are somewhat attracted to because not every not good looking person has a good personality. The real question should be who would you pick if both of them have the same personality and both are good,but ones not preety but the other is. Because everytime this question comes up people talk about how great some not good looking peoples personalities are...

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If you cultivate love for someone who you find rather plain, you will grow to find them the most attractive person in the world. I'm not saying physical attraction isn't important, nor that is is very important. To men: be a friend to your wife and she will develop attraction toward you. To women: make your husband feel special and he will develop attraction toward you.

And also marry someone plain. Beautiful people and ugly people have too many issues.

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Depends on your knowledge of your 'self'. If you know that physical beauty is something important to you, and that it'll cause problems later on in your marriage (for instance if you get into an argument and the only thing at times that could draw you back is her beauty), then the religious thing to do would be to not marry her.

 

However, I've also seen highly mo'min people marry just decent-looking women (not ugly, per se, as you'll rarely come across an unbearably ugly girl, but no where near society's general perception of beauty at least) and they've been extremely happy and content building a family with them.

 

So it depends. If you know that beauty is an absolute must for you, then don't marry her if she's not beautiful. This is obviously contingent upon your own physical beauty as well. Try to marry someone who's pretty much on the same level of beauty as you are so that you won't feel discontent if she's uglier. Have him/her on the same level of physical beauty as you (more or less) and have religiosity be the decisive factor. If, for instance, she's slightly uglier than the combination of your own physical beauty and your own expectations, then it depends on her imaan.

 

If he/she's high in imaan, or shows true enthusiasm to become more religious (and here's the tricky part that the vast majority of people - if not everyone except for small few, myself included - fail to get: this enthusiasm must be backed with a genuine strive on her part alone too because often she'll just say that she wants to become more religious [and she won't even know this herself often] because she's attracted to you and wants to become closer to you, so her state of mind in making the decision to become more religious is influenced by your presence), marry her. If she's at a decent enough level of imaan (and IF you're at a relatively high level of imaan) and she's beautiful, marry her. If any of those 'ifs' aren't true, be skeptical.

 

And then there's obviously subfactors which of course must be evaluated as well, including his/her general akhlaq and character, if his/her personality meshes with yours (depends of what the persons wants... remember though, quite often opposites attract), his/her family (very important as well), with his/her wealth/prestige as the final thing to look at.

 

That's my sincere advice, especially for those having been born and raised in the west since I derive my thoughts from that experience. Wallahu Alam.

Edited by YariAzQuran

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