Why Are Shia Girls So Picky At Picking Partners?

[DesperateShia]

Salam.

 

I am a shia muslim from pakistan, eligible for marriage. I am not even seeking mutah. Anyway, long story short, i can't find a shia girl to get married to. They decline my proposals in real life as well as online site like Shiamatch.

 

 

Shiamatch is the worst. I have sent requests to over 200 girls there. I have received about 190 rejections. 5-6 of which have accepted my proposal have exchanged pics and emails then no response. Why?

 

I am getting desperate here. I am not even ugly or poor. I am upper middle class. Please, can someone explain why?

 

Do these girls want to migrate to the west? Do they want rich men?

 

Please approve this message mods. I need help from my shia brothers and sisters in this fine community.

[DesperateShia]

Salam. 5 rejections today on shiamatch alone!

 

what is wrong with shia girls. why are they so judgmental and picky?

[Shayaan-e-ALI]

Asalaamwalikum,

                           Bother you may probably heard that couples are create through Allah(j)'s will and marriages happens when Allah(j) knows when is the best time for the person and for the both so do not get dishearted, and there is also some sins even minor that prevents for couples to meet, what i will suggest is pray regularly with peace of mind and without having any doubts, Allah(j) gives what is the best for the person.

[El Cid]

It's your attitude in general, Shiamatch is like any other dating site. For every one girl, there are one hundred men.

[DesperateShia]

 

It's your attitude in general,

 

 

My attitude? How? i am always nice to everyone online or face to face.

 

This is ridiculous

 

 

Update : Another polite decline. This is ridiculous. I will now find a non muslim girl when i go abroad or if very desperate go have sex with a prostitute.

[A true Sunni]

Salam.

 

I am a shia muslim from pakistan, eligible for marriage. I am not even seeking mutah. Anyway, long story short, i can't find a shia girl to get married to. They decline my proposals in real life as well as online site like Shiamatch.

 

 

Shiamatch is the worst. I have sent requests to over 200 girls there. I have received about 190 rejections. 5-6 of which have accepted my proposal have exchanged pics and emails then no response. Why?

 

I am getting desperate here. I am not even ugly or poor. I am upper middle class. Please, can someone explain why?

 

Do these girls want to migrate to the west? Do they want rich men?

 

Please approve this message mods. I need help from my shia brothers and sisters in this fine community.

 

a lot of marriages are arranged through family networks. It is obvious you dont wish to avail yourself of this route. Any girl advertising in Shiamatch would possibly be of a similar mindset to you.

 

So you are too 'fussy' to use family networks so why should the girls be any less fussy then you.

[Logical Islamic]

Shiamatch is a hit and miss, although i do recommend people to use it if they involve family members from day one and let their parents or people close know, as well as being slow and very cautious - i know of success stories.

 

But i agree with A True Sunni, as akward as it can be(maybe not akward for many) go through family networks, go through these means.There are very very dodgy people out there, and getting your family involved makes it all safer.

[DesperateShia]

Salam. You guys are saying that i should propose to them through family connections or they should do the same. Ok i understand, then why do they make these profiles in the first place?

 

I think they want men who are abroad with foreign nationality to ask them for marriage instead of us losers living in this third world hole.

 

I am very sad at this. I expected shia girls to be more open to shia guys, since mutah is allowed in our religion.

 

and you guys are acting all arrogant.

 

And i got rejected again. Maybe i am ugly??

 

 

 

 

what do you think? am i that ugly?

[kim.tinkerbell]

Salam,

I hope your current username is not the same username as the one you use on the match making site,lol.

Am not sure how some men cope with that amount of rejections. It's diffently not good for your/their self estem. You should stop using the site and maybe ask your mosque or family members to find you someone.

Take a break from all this and inshallah you find someone.

We cant answer why they declined,it may be a number of reasons,they dont have simialer interest,your not tall enough,you dont have the degree they want,etc. Or they might be just their to play about.

[Fatima Hussain]

Maybe you are not as awesome as you think you are, no offense.

My attitude? How? i am always nice to everyone online or face to face.

 

This is ridiculous

 

 

Update : Another polite decline. This is ridiculous. I will now find a non muslim girl when i go abroad or if very desperate go have sex with a prostitute.

Yeah, a dude who would consider having sex with a prostitute...very eligible.

[-Enlightened]

Salam Alaikom

 

I understand your desperation.  I will pray for you to get what you want inshallah one day.  

 

Trust me on this : the longer the wait, the better the quality. You really have to trust me on this. So i'm confident you'll get someone soon inshallah .

 

Remember prophet Yusuf and how much he waited? But at the end, he got it.  

 

Recite this verse from Surat Yusuf constantly throughout the day  and inshallah you will be listened by Allah

Sahih International: He said, "I only complain of my suffering and my grief to Allah , and I know from Allah that which you do not know

[DesperateShia]

Maybe you are not as awesome as you think you are, no offense.

Yeah, a dude who would consider having sex with a prostitute...very eligible.

 

 

Most of this site has given me rude responses like you. You don't know how men function. I have been waiting for a girl for over 15 years now. Of course i am desperate.

 

I never said i am awesome. Did i say that anywhere? Why are you so rude to me like other members here?

 

I am a modest person with a modest profile. And i am not the only one who has received such response from shiamatch. 4 of my friends have suffered the similar fate.

 

Why? I think because we are not residents of USA/UK/Canada etc.

 

How am i sure of this? Because 2 of my friends living abroad have successfully found their partners online.

 

You say that i am not awesome. Maybe its shallow women like you who value materialism and money and high standard of life above decency and honest personality who are responsible for this.

 

 

I think you are one of the females who declined me there.

 

Shia girls shouldn't be so rude.

[DesperateShia]

Seriously i think most of the females here are the ones in shiamatch. both of them are equally rude. I may try to marry a sunni. but the sunni girls are so anti-shia its ridiculous.

[Fatima Hussain]

Most of this site has given me rude responses like you. You don't know how men function. I have been waiting for a girl for over 15 years now. Of course i am desperate.

 

I never said i am awesome. Did i say that anywhere? Why are you so rude to me like other members here?

 

I am a modest person with a modest profile. And i am not the only one who has received such response from shiamatch. 4 of my friends have suffered the similar fate.

 

Why? I think because we are not residents of USA/UK/Canada etc.

 

How am i sure of this? Because 2 of my friends living abroad have successfully found their partners online.

 

You say that i am not awesome. Maybe its shallow women like you who value materialism and money and high standard of life above decency and honest personality who are responsible for this.

 

 

I think you are one of the females who declined me there.

 

Shia girls shouldn't be so rude.

 

Hmm, actually, I am well aware of how men function considering I am married to one. 

 

Think about it from their perspective.  You have to understand that women are looking for the best for themselves and for their future children (and you might not seem like the best match for them)...OF COURSE they are going to be picky when it comes to choosing the person they will spend the rest of their life with.  

 

Dude, you probably are not awesome (no offense).  Most people are not.  I think I have maybe met three awesome people tops in my lifetime.  I am not saying you are a bad guy (you probably aren't), but exceptional means being the exception which by definition is rare.  And no, when I chose my husband he had no money.  We were both students and still are today so uhh, not exactly living lives of luxury as you can imagine.  I chose him because he is intelligent, considerate, trustworthy, level-headed, ambitious, alhamdulillah, Allah has blessed me.  Anyways, It seems like you hold some very negative stereotypes about women.  Negative thinking will not help.  

 

Oh, and I was never on shiamatch, bro.  LOL.

 

Anyways, I am sorry this interaction escalated to less than kind words.  I mean you no harm.  I do wish you luck finding a spouse.

 

Just stay positive, meanwhile always keep trying to improve your faith and character...and I would suggest trying to find a spouse through friends and family.  These girls are probably mainly looking for spouses through their contacts as well as online, but generally a match through contacts is preferred since there is no guarantee when it comes to strangers on the internet, you know?

Edited April 29, 2014 by Fatima Hussain

[followthetruth]

Why do you say "abroad"? Well it is obvious you just want to marry a woman from a Western country so you can get a Visa.

Muslim women in Western countries have been hurt many times by foreigners who marry them just for a visa. They are horrified

by the thought of it. Don't even bother.

 

Instead look for a nice pakistani woman in your country. If you are willing to marry girls from poor families in Pakistan you could even get 4 wives.

 

And never call yourself desperate again as it only then becomes a self fulfilling prophesy.

 

Women in general dislike desperate men.

 

I will now find a non muslim girl when i go abroad.

Edited April 29, 2014 by followthetruth

[DesperateShia]

Why do you say "abroad"? Well it is obvious you just want to marry a woman from a Western country so you can get a Visa.

Muslim women in Western countries have been hurt many times by foreigners who marry them just for a visa. They are horrified

by the thought of it. Don't even bother.

 

Instead look for a nice pakistani woman in your country. If you are willing to marry girls from poor families in Pakistan you could even get 4 wives.

 

And never call yourself desperate again as it only then becomes a self fulfilling prophesy.

 

Women in general dislike desperate men.

 

 

 

Why do you say "abroad"? Well it is obvious you just want to marry a woman from a Western country so you can get a Visa.

Muslim women in Western countries have been hurt many times by foreigners who marry them just for a visa. They are horrified

by the thought of it. Don't even bother.

 

I am sorry but i am not a woman like you and the gold-digging girls of shiamatch and other places.

 

If was such a mean and goal-oriented person, i might have contacted only girls living abroad in Canada USA Uk. BUT NO, i only contacted girls living in my city in Pakistan. I think i am more stupid than intelligent to be honest. I haven't even contacted a single girl outside my city and Allah is my witness.

 

 

 

And never call yourself desperate again as it only then becomes a self fulfilling prophesy.

 

Women in general dislike desperate men.

 

I never acted desperate or whatever on the shiamatch site or real life.

 

Its only after 2 years of no response did i create this username here to get the opinion of shias.

 

I think its showing. You people are very judgmental. All of you. Just because you have managed to secure lives abroad doesn't mean you have to look down upon us third worlders.

 

I didn't expect people here to be so rude. Ah well i guess. You live and learn. Soon i will stop trying with shia dating sites altogether.

 

 

What i don't understand is why these girls or their parents made these profiles when they were only going to marry those through family connections? Yeah, they are gold-digging materialists.

[JameelShakir]

If it makes you feel any better, I just started looking into (Shia) Islam from (Sunni) Islam less than a year ago. I'm 30 and now I'm stuck not being able to marry either at the moment. Things aren't always as bad as they seem bro

[Fatima Hussain]

Why do you say "abroad"? Well it is obvious you just want to marry a woman from a Western country so you can get a Visa.

Muslim women in Western countries have been hurt many times by foreigners who marry them just for a visa. They are horrified

by the thought of it. Don't even bother.

 

Instead look for a nice pakistani woman in your country. If you are willing to marry girls from poor families in Pakistan you could even get 4 wives.

That is certainly a question to be asked.  Why not marry a Pakistani woman there?  What is wrong with them that you cannot marry them...?

[FisherKing]

Salam,

Marry a Sunni ;)

Ws

Edited April 29, 2014 by FisherKing

[DesperateShia]

That is certainly a question to be asked.  Why not marry a Pakistani woman there?  What is wrong with them that you cannot marry them...?

 

 

My posts are not getting approved. I ONLY SEARCHED FOR GIRLS IN MY CITY KARACHI. NO OTHER PLACE. I SWEAR TO Allah.

[Abu Hadi]

Your posts (most of them) do not get approved because you are making rude comments and assumptions about other members who have been here awhile and are members in good standing. We have rules on this site regarding these sorts of comments. Please refrain from this if you want your posts to get approved. Salam. 

Edited April 29, 2014 by Abu Hadi

[DesperateShia]

Your posts (most of them) do not get approved because you are making rude comments and assumptions about other members who have been here awhile and are members in good standing. We have rules on this site regarding these sorts of comments. Please refrain from this. Salam. 

 

 

You are obviously siding with them because they are old members. You are covering up their very rude and arrogant remarks about me being a gold-digger visa seeking desperate loser who is ugly too and other bs.

 

Seriously, don't respond if you don't wanna answer.

 

 

Also, why create shiamatch profiles when you are not going to accept any proposal? Its obvious that they are looking for rich men or visa themselves, the girls in my city.

 

I hope you approve this

[Ethics]

My guess, previous banned member. Only a banned member can think of a username like DesperateShia and say they will sleep with a prostitue if they dont fine anyone -_-

[DesperateShia]

My guess, previous banned member. Only a banned member can think of a username like DesperateShia and say they will sleep with a prostitue if they dont fine anyone -_-

 

 

Another baseless assumption. All all shiachat members like this?

 

I am being honest here. i have waited 15 years for a girl. Other men do this in private and don't admit it. I should not have admitted it its my fault.

 

I think mutah was made for men like me but unfortunately pakistan is a very conservative society that don't allow this.

 

 

I heard you can do mutah easily in iran. is that true?? maybe i will go there for howza studies and find my life partner as well. I heard iranian girls are not as desperate for visa as pakistani girls.

 

Please approve this.

 

 

EDIT : WOW I CAN POST WITHOUT APPROVAL. THANKS MODS.

Edited April 29, 2014 by DesperateShia

[AnaAmmar1]

i know that feel bro

 

i am good package overall

 

yet,Females interested in me except my mom=0

 

[Haji 2003]

As others have pointed out, the Shiamatch route seems to be perfectly suited to making international matches. So not surprising IF local requests don't get very far.

 

Secondly, if you are approaching girls in your own city in Pakistan, their immediate reaction may well question why you are not using more traditional routes e.g. via human matchmakers and relatives.

 

Of course if you have tried the latter approaches (which is likely since you say you've been trying for 15 years) you should know by now what reasons people give for not entertaining you further. 

 

I don't think you've told us everything.

Edited April 29, 2014 by Haji 2003

[gajarkahalva]

Salam. You guys are saying that i should propose to them through family connections or they should do the same. Ok i understand, then why do they make these profiles in the first place?

 

I think they want men who are abroad with foreign nationality to ask them for marriage instead of us losers living in this third world hole.

 

I am very sad at this. I expected shia girls to be more open to shia guys, since mutah is allowed in our religion.

 

and you guys are acting all arrogant.

 

And i got rejected again. Maybe i am ugly??

 

 

 

 

what do you think? am i that ugly?

[edited]

Edited April 29, 2014 by Muhammed Ali
Dont make fun of the way that Allah created people

[AnaAmmar1]

how old were you when you started sending proposals?

[repenter-gone4awhile]

Salam. 5 rejections today on shiamatch alone!

 

what is wrong with shia girls. why are they so judgmental and picky?

 

Sorry, but this was funny! i lol'ed good. 

 

That being said, i don't doubt your sincerity in this case. Do you have any family members that can help you out? Your cousines probably know a lot of girls? Maybe even your friends have some sisters, or their sisters have a friend?

 

There are many ways to go about it. 

 

Bro don't give up, it took me 4 years to get married from the day i said Hi to the day i said Ghabiltu, so don't worry and keep going strong. 

Also here are some tips:

 

1. Never ask a girl for picture. Not only is this good for you, but girls also appreciate a guy that wants to get to know them for who they are. Let her be the one that shows herself to you.

 

2. Talk about Islam, Allah and Ahlulbayt as much as you can and mean it. Don't sound arrogant and "know it all" when you do. But try to relate all your opinions in connection with Ahlulbayt. It's good training for you and it also shows that you are marrying for the sake of Allah and Islam, and not for personal benefits alone. A proper girl wants a guy that can elevate her Islamically, and a proper guy likes a girl that does the same for him.

 

3. Find out her needs and goals. Make sure you two have approximately the same goals, and if not, find out how flexible she is. 

 

4. This might sound bad, but it's not meant to be. Give her attention, but not too much. Keep her exactly on the border too keep her interested. If you do as your username says, being desperate, girls get put off by it. 

 

5. Never, ever, eva evah, fall in love before you marry. Love blinds you. But once you marry someone inshallah, then love her. 

 

Just my two cents on the issue.........

Edited April 29, 2014 by repenter

[DesperateShia]

As others have pointed out, the Shiamatch route seems to be perfectly suited to making international matches. So not surprising IF local requests don't get very far.

 

Secondly, if you are approaching girls in your own city in Pakistan, their immediate reaction may well question why you are not using more traditional routes e.g. via human matchmakers and relatives.

 

Of course if you have tried the latter approaches (which is likely since you say you've been trying for 15 years) you should know by now what reasons people give for not entertaining you further. 

 

I don't think you've told us everything.

 

Oh i didn't realize that shiamatch was for international matchmaking

 

I have tried traditional but my mother has been dead for 10 years and no sisters.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[edited]

 

 

lol perhaps thats the reason. I have cut my hair. i will stop trying i guess.

 

 

how old were you when you started sending proposals?

 

on shiamatch? 24. now 29

 

 

 

Sorry, but this was funny! i lol'ed good. 

 

That being said, i don't doubt your sincerity in this case. Do you have any family members that can help you out? Your cousines probably know a lot of girls? Maybe even your friends have some sisters, or their sisters have a friend?

 

There are many ways to go about it. 

 

Bro don't give up, it took me 4 years to get married from the day i said Hi to the day i said Ghabiltu, so don't worry and keep going strong. 

Also here are some tips:

 

1. Never ask a girl for picture. Not only is this good for you, but girls also appreciate a guy that wants to get to know them for who they are. Let her be the one that shows herself to you.

 

2. Talk about Islam, Allah and Ahlulbayt as much as you can and mean it. Don't sound arrogant and "know it all" when you do. But try to relate all your opinions in connection with Ahlulbayt. It's good training for you and it also shows that you are marrying for the sake of Allah and Islam, and not for personal benefits alone. A proper girl wants a guy that can elevate her Islamically, and a proper guy likes a girl that does the same for him.

 

3. Find out her needs and goals. Make sure you two have approximately the same goals, and if not, find out how flexible she is. 

 

4. This might sound bad, but it's not meant to be. Give her attention, but not too much. Keep her exactly on the border too keep her interested. If you do as your username says, being desperate, girls get put off by it. 

 

5. Never, ever, eva evah, fall in love before you marry. Love blinds you. But once you marry someone inshallah, then love her. 

 

Just my two cents on the issue.........

 

 

Very informative response bro.

Edited April 29, 2014 by Muhammed Ali

[insearchoflight]

Maybe you are not as awesome as you think you are, no offense.

Yeah, a dude who would consider having sex with a prostitute...very eligible.

Salaam

Fatima its his desperation speaking, don't judge him

Bro you need to fix up yourself first

No female would want to marry someone who loses up so easily in life. And when you learn to give up on things it will show in language and choice of words and username too.

If you've heard Allah is with those who persevere.

Holy Quran [41:35]

And no one will be granted such goodness except those who exercise patience and self-restraint,- none but persons of the greatest good fortune.

Pray on prime time

Supplicate

And fast if you can't marry for it will help you control urges and purify your mind and body.

May Allah help you.

[followthetruth]

Update : Another polite decline. This is ridiculous. I will now find a non muslim girl when i go abroad or if very desperate go have sex with a prostitute.

 

You did not answer my question. Why did you say abroad?

 

You claim you did not attempt to contact a single woman abroad. I seriously doubt this.

 

Lastly, if you attempted to contact very desirable women only, sure 99% will reject you.

 

Most desirable women on shiamatch in pakistan most likely put their profile up there because they are looking for a big fish

and they are not getting the big fish proposals that they desire locally.

 

Your profile picture is not good. You need to do more research. Judging by your harsh posts here I bet your profile details are also harsh

or boring.

 

Try this http://christiehartman.com/the-science-of-a-good-online-dating-profile-photo/

 

Next, you obviously need to develop some confidence so I suggest avoiding the "very desirable women" and just randomly send info requests to all

women in your city based on recent login even if she is older than you or divorced with kids. You will get more responses and that will make you feel

more desirable yourself.

 

A lot of women just put their profile up there to reject people and hence feel good about themselves that "so many" men want them.

 

Women generally seek a man who has status and possessions. Give subtle hints that you have that. Men usually seek beauty and youth.

[:Sami II]

You did not answer my question. Why did you say abroad?

 

You claim you did not attempt to contact a single woman abroad. I seriously doubt this.

 

Lastly, if you attempted to contact very desirable women only, sure 99% will reject you.

 

Most desirable women on shiamatch in pakistan most likely put their profile up there because they are looking for a big fish

and they are not getting the big fish proposals that they desire locally.

 

Your profile picture is not good. You need to do more research. Judging by your harsh posts here I bet your profile details are also harsh

or boring.

 

Try this http://christiehartman.com/the-science-of-a-good-online-dating-profile-photo/

 

Next, you obviously need to develop some confidence so I suggest avoiding the "very desirable women" and just randomly send info requests to all

women in your city based on recent login even if she is older than you or divorced with kids. You will get more responses and that will make you feel

more desirable yourself.

 

A lot of women just put their profile up there to reject people and hence feel good about themselves that "so many" men want them.

 

Women generally seek a man who has status and possessions. Give subtle hints that you have that. Men usually seek beauty and youth.

good tip for a brother  

 

3. Cleavage is good, BUT… Yes, cleavage shots yield far more messages. And the older you are, the more effective the cleavage shot.

[DesperateShia]

 

You claim you did not attempt to contact a single woman abroad. I seriously doubt this.

 

 

Then keep on doubting.

 

 

  Lastly, if you attempted to contact very desirable women only, sure 99% will reject you.

 

I contacted all of the girls in my city, ugly or beautiful. Unlike many people here, i don't care about looks. I guess i am ugly. I thought shia people were not superficial. I guess i was wrong.

 

 

 Your profile picture is not good.

 

Thanks. I guess every girl is superficial.

 

 

Judging by your harsh posts here I bet your profile details are also harsh

 

 

My harsh posts? This is ridiculous. You people all have attacked me for no reason, and i am only defending myself here. Also, there is no way to make a profile look harsh. You only have to fill details like education and job.

 

 

  or boring.

 

Thanks again.

 

 

    Try this http://christiehartman.com/the-science-of-a-good-online-dating-profile-photo/

 

No thanks.

 

 

 Next, you obviously need to develop some confidence so I suggest avoiding the "very desirable women" and just randomly send info requests to all

    women in your city based on recent login even if she is older than you or divorced with kids. You will get more responses and that will make you feel

    more desirable yourself.

 

No i am not  like a girl who is superficial. I contacted all of them.

 

 

 

  A lot of women just put their profile up there to reject people and hence feel good about themselves that "so many" men want them.

    Women generally seek a man who has status and possessions. Give subtle hints that you have that. Men usually seek beauty and youth.

 

Interesting. 

 

 

Thanks for your response anyway.

 

 

I guess it was stupid of me to start a thread here since you people have been no help whatsoever. I guess i will remain single till i die. Oh well. I guessi won't have to deal with superficial materialist selfish people in my life.

 

Ya Ali Madad.

[followthetruth]

Shia men are just as picky as shia women. And if you think non muslim girls abroad are less picky than shia girls good luck!

 

Muslims are perhaps the least picky people on earth. You have more interracial marriages among Muslims than other people.

Muslims also often marry outside their social status. Even age difference is not that big of an issue as our Prophet supposedly 

married a woman much older than himself.

 

Why don't you just ask one of your aunts or uncles to help you find someone to marry?

 

And don't feel a woman marrying a man because he has status and wealth makes her bad. Men usually marry women because of

beauty and youth also. Marriage is not only about religious compatibility but it is also about attraction.

A woman desiring a man with power and possession has biological roots. It is in human DNA. A man with power and possession is more

able to provide for and protect his offspring.

 

Dress like you have status and possession. Write like you have it too. When using a profile picture a man should look away from the camera and do not smile.

If you look to the camera without a smile you look desperate. If you look to the camera and smile you look feminine.

 

Attracting a woman for marriage is very easy but you have to be willing to learn and try new things. Learn to behave like a man. Be more masculine.

 

[video removed]

 

You don't write like a noble man. A woman who marries you as you currently are will most probably suffer. You'd probably just nag and annoy her to death. 

My attitude? How? i am always nice to everyone online or face to face.

 

This is ridiculous

 

 

Update : Another polite decline. This is ridiculous. I will now find a non muslim girl when i go abroad or if very desperate go have sex with a prostitute.

Edited April 30, 2014 by Muhammed Ali