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In the Name of God بسم الله

Poor Jokes [OFFICIAL THREAD]

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l heard a joke.

After  a she vs. he fighting all day Saturday, a husband says,

"l am going with Jim and Ahmad. They'll be here to pick me up a a few minutes."

"Are you coming back?", asks the wife.

"Of course l am," he answers. "l wouldn't 'leave' without my golf clubs."

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I read a Jewish joke the other day (it went something along the lines of:) A rabbi and a taxi driver arrive at the gates of heaven, an angel comes to greet them and immediately ushers the taxi dr

two sodium atoms walking down a street   atom 1: oh no.... searching his pockets...... i lost an electron atome 2: are you sure? atom 1: i am positive.

Told in the mosque by the imam: A flood came and a man climbed a tree. A truck came by and offered the man a ride and the man said, "no thanks, Allah will help me". The water rose and a boat

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l went to the doctor this morning, who said l have low blood pressure.

"l'II write you a prescription."

"ls there a cheaper way to get my blood pressure up?" l asked.

"Well, here. You can look at this every hour. That should do it."

lt was the bill.

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ln another exercise of comical kleptomania . . .

 

For those with an absence of arithmetical acuity:

"l'm finally coming to the point of understanding decimals."

 

For those who fancy felines:

"ln a litter, twin kittens are called copy cats."

 

For the countdown:

"The heart-sunken, haunted horologists always fear their days are numbered and time is short."

 

And for us baggy-eyed Boomers:

"lf you can manage folding a road-map, then you can probably play the accordion."

Edited by hasanhh
spelin'
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Man 1: Did you hear the rumor about butter?

Man 2: No, what?

Man 1: Never mind. I shouldn't spread it. 

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There were reports that after various Trump rallies people were left behind.

So now when someone has an idea for a pro Trump rally after the election ... the obvious question arises.

 

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Back to my kleptomania.

A sailor in a dream state has fantaseas.

Now that is a lot of carbonated soda.

 

Girl 1: My husband gets upset easily.

Girl 2: Do you have a piggy bank?

Girl 1: Why? That is an odd question.

Girl 2: Well the next time he gets upset, get a wad of money out of it and show him.

Girl 1: Huh? Why would l do that?

Girl 2: When he asks you where you got it, tell him you robbed a bank. Then he will be alarmed.

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15 hours ago, hasanhh said:

ln honor of Milton Berle and Men everywhere . . .

My ex-wife is good at magic.

She said, "Give me a ring," . . .

and all my money disappeared.

l should have used a telephone.

Edited by hasanhh
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Stealing a droll joke . . .

"Can you learn to be a railroad conductor by reading a training manual?"

 

"This company is big on looking good. Why . . . even all our accountants are figureheads."

 

Our candymaker's store is always in 'mint condition.'

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You know what is sad?

Poor Hasan can't even steal a  good joke.

For example:

My chiropractor is always a pain in the back.

Astronauts like launcheon meat.

Misers do not have much use for penny-pinchers. Money should stay in your pocket to begin with.

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On 10/28/2020 at 4:20 AM, hasanhh said:

kleptomania . . .

 

On 11/5/2020 at 8:54 PM, hasanhh said:

Kleptomania, again

 

On 11/6/2020 at 6:43 PM, hasanhh said:

Back to my kleptomania.

Dear Br. Hasanhh. As for your kleptomania, maybe you should take something for it.  :itsok:

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l have been on S.C for quite a while. Many discussions, many disagreements and many arguments. l was even reading along when it was "who is going to win the World Cup" and the knives came out.

So l have to surmise that if S.C ever really had a scholarly debate . . .

it will be feud* for thought.

 

*near-homonym for "food", y'all.

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