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In the Name of God بسم الله

Poor Jokes [OFFICIAL THREAD]

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Husband arguing with wife:

Wife: "l want a dishwasher."

Poorman: "What do you want with a dishwasher?"

Spoiled Wife:  "lt would be nice."

Poorman: "Those things are expensive!"

Wife: "A few hundred dollars."

Poorman: "About half our monthly income."

Wife: "So?"

Poorman: "Plus we'd have to pay for the installation."

Wife: "So?"

Poorman: "That is as much as the dishwasher itself!"

Wife: "So?"

Poorman: "And the soap for those things is more expensive and they use up the hot water and drive up our electric bill."

Wife: "So?"

Poorman: "What you think l am doing here? The laundry?"

 

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I read a Jewish joke the other day (it went something along the lines of:) A rabbi and a taxi driver arrive at the gates of heaven, an angel comes to greet them and immediately ushers the taxi dr

two sodium atoms walking down a street   atom 1: oh no.... searching his pockets...... i lost an electron atome 2: are you sure? atom 1: i am positive.

Told in the mosque by the imam: A flood came and a man climbed a tree. A truck came by and offered the man a ride and the man said, "no thanks, Allah will help me". The water rose and a boat

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There's a little meme going on in Twitter.

Whenever Alastair Campbell (Tony Blair's press secretary) posts someone reminds him about his being complicit in the deaths of hundreds of thousands of Iraqis.

Anyway the following was more subtle than usual.

 

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WARNING:  Another Politicaly lncorrect lrony.

:dwarf:"COMRADES !  Another Monumental Victory to announce. 

A statue of Frederick Douglas has been torn down."

https://www.foxnews.com/us/frederick-douglass-statue-vandalized 

:sorry:"Uhhhhh . . . lsn't he black ?"

:ranting: "Doesn't matter . . . the destruction . . . the productive chaos . . .  must continue."

 

Note: "productive chaos" was one of Lennin's tactics.

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Where are you from?

A small village surrounded by hamlets.

How do you suffer all those soliloquies?

 

 

Act 3 Scene 1

Okay, so l finally contrived a poor joke. At least l didn't steal it.

English Lesson: The word 'suffer' in this context means 'bear', 'endure.'

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There's someone posting who style suggested that they were from deepest Punjab, but actually there from one of the southern United States. Same difference I guess.

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16 hours ago, Haji 2003 said:

There's someone posting who style suggested that they were from deepest Punjab, but actually there from one of the southern United States. Same difference I guess.

Puns and Jabs is the Southern way.

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While l was wandering around the supermarket today, over the PA(public address) system l hear something like this:

"Please shoppers, 

Maintain social distancing,

Six feet apart.

Wear a face mask,

Wash your hands...

Often.

Be courteous to other shoppers."

l then expected to hear: "Have a good day, comrades."

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This is nearly completely true, as best as l can remember.

l asked a friend, "Did you ever flick your cigarette into a pond and a frog take it?"

"Yes," he answered.

Then one of us said, "lt probably croaked."

 

"Croak" is not only the sound word for frogs, but was also a slang word for dying.

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ln short, my little sister, who ever-so-often cooks me some extra nice meals, asked me, "Hasan, you are old and reflective, did you ever wonder who will come to your funeral?"

Me: "The bill collectors for one."

Lil' Sis: "Anyone else?"

Me: "My ex."

"Li'l Sis: "Her !  Why would she come?"

Me: "To search my pockets."

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l do not know what is wrong with corporations and their sales pitches.

l went to the garden store and the clerk was of little help.

Finally, l just said, "l do not want a "Horticultural Implement Storage Solution" . . . l just want a tool shed."

 

Yeah . . . l stole this joke, too. From Roger B. Eale

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Obituary

ln Memorium

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjTVXzED-CY

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased, lidded pan.

Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects; including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Rasins band, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies and Capt. Crunch. Doughboy's elderly father-in-law, "Pop" Tart, also attended, toasting in the hot temperatures.

The grave site was piled high with various flours.

Aunt Jemima, now forcibly retired, delivered the eulogy and characterized Doughboy as someone who never realized how much he was kneaded. During his career, Doughboy rose quickly, but in later years was faced with many turnovers. He was not thought of as a very "smart" cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flakey at times, he still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions of consumers.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, and their two children, John Dough and Jane Dough. They were also expecting a third child, but as yet unnamed is still in the oven. 

The funeral was held at 345 for about 20 minutes.

 

l'm a kleptomaniac for comedy.

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The jokes just write themselves. UAE's first satellite. All FT comments before the comments section was shut down. Click for bigger view.

Screenshot 2020-07-22 at 21.51.53.png

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As an old guy, l wanted some monotony-breaking excitement.

So l went out into the garage and hitched up my chariot.

Then to drive it, l took a rope and started whipping the rocking horse.

 

Yeah, l kinda stole this one too.

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Friend: Hasan, why aren't you out on the golf course? lt's a beautiful day!

Me: l don't like golf.

Friend: Why, for gosh sakes?

Me: Because of the course..

Friend: What do you mean? A good walk, fresh air.

Me: Because l need a compass when l get out there or l get lost . . .  for one reason.

Friend: Well . . . what is another reason?

Me: Because when l hit a ball, l want someone else to chase it.

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DeutscheWelle's "DW The Day" theme for Wednesday:

Who is responsible for allowing the Lebanese capital blow up?

 

Thought: Whomever it is, or they are, get them jobs running a port at the North end of the Chesapeake Bay. Along the Potomac River.

 

0kay, it is politically incorrect, but it is a 'popular' thought.

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