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In the Name of God بسم الله

Poor Jokes [OFFICIAL THREAD]

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I read a Jewish joke the other day (it went something along the lines of:) A rabbi and a taxi driver arrive at the gates of heaven, an angel comes to greet them and immediately ushers the taxi dr

two sodium atoms walking down a street   atom 1: oh no.... searching his pockets...... i lost an electron atome 2: are you sure? atom 1: i am positive.

Told in the mosque by the imam: A flood came and a man climbed a tree. A truck came by and offered the man a ride and the man said, "no thanks, Allah will help me". The water rose and a boat

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^

True story.

I once went for an interview for a job and met various people. This was the first time I had ever been there. I got the appointment and on my first day met my new colleagues. I asked them where Mr.B was, since I'd met him on the day of the interview.

They told me there must be some mistake. I said no, he introduced himself to me in the following manner ... They told me that he was dead, it was him that I was replacing, but that was how he did introduce himself when he first met someone.

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Posted (edited)

Teacher explaining to his friend how to teach reading:

Teacher: With beginners, you instruct with " The sound of the cow is moo. Likewise, when you see a 'B', the sound of the 'B' is 'buh'.

Friend: Yeah. So the sound from a cat is 'meow'. The sound from a dog is 'shut up'. The sound from a kid is '_____'."

Edited by hasanhh
Teacher couldn't spell
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Another Milton Berle:

Joe "the Big Brawn" Brown coming home from work , ducks his head and steps sideways to get through the  doorway.

His toddler son runs over and wants a piggyback ride.

Obliging, "the Big Brawn" hoists his little son onto his back and walks slowing around the room.

His wife asks, "How long will you be able to do that? They grow up so fast."

Big Brawn answers, "Until he goes to college."

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WARNING: Politically lncorrect Satire

:dwarf:"Ahhhh, YES Comrades, we here at the Stupid People's Liberation Front see, today, great strides made in the streets of Amerika.

The Statues are falling . . . Offensive Street Names are being changed . . . Municipalities are ln-tim-idated . . . The pictures on products we want to whine about are changed . . . the lndian Madien on Land o' Lakes butter has been removed . . . Nancy Green has been obliterated from Aunt Jemima mix . . . Uncle Ben will no longer sell rice . . . an today's victory?  No More Eskimo Pies.

Cities and towns will change their names.

THIS CULTURAL REVOLUTION SHALL CONTINUE . . .  until we replace that horrid crown on the Statue of Liberty with the head band:  'Long Live Chairman Mao.'

And that awful torch with a fire bomb.

And even then . . . we are not finished . . . for we must . . . soon . . . eliminate people . . . Those people . . . :ranting:and you know who they are . . . 

who have incompatible thoughts . . . and someday . . . we will be FREE !

FREE to be Free.

Burn Baby Burn !"

Edited by hasanhh
spelin'
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:yahoo:Fantastic !

Comrades . . . great medical news.

On my public service channel . . . our state Senate . . . is holding hearings . . . 

Hearings . . . which "Declares Racism a Public Health Crisis / Promote Racial Equality"

Comrades . . . in true form of our great Soviet Example . . . anyone of our racist enemies . . . will soon be eligible for incarceration!

To be confined with the other mentally disturbed . . . to be driven to see the errors of their ways . . . by the insanity of it all.

Rehabilitation by Mental Torture.

Mobs of the World Unite !

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16 hours ago, Haji 2003 said:

Want to get paid for coming on Shiachat?

 

 

Now who in their right mind --the one Allah -(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). gave them before they corrupted it- will want to spend a career tied to a polygraph machine?

Get a Life . . . Buy a surfboard.

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l got a job !

Then l got fired.

l had a pizza delivery job.

And fired after only six hours.   :(

The manager said he got nothing but complaints . . .  :ranting:

When l was supposed to maintain social distancing . . .

That did not mean delivering the pizza like a frisbee.

 

 

 

:sorry:"Yeah l stole this joke too."

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Found this old "Wizard of ld" cartoon from the 80s:

Dungeon Guard:  "0kay you, today you have a choice for lunch. Which do you want: stew or swill?"

The character l could identify with:  "What is the difference?"

Dungeon Guard: "Everything in the stew is dead."

 

Comment: This cartoon reminds me of the slop Mom use to make. That is why l know why l kept it.

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l am cleaning up my home, when l come accross an old issue of Better Caves and Gardens.

ln it are some suggestions about restoring order and cleanliness to my domicile.

So l thought about some of these. Could l put any of these ideas to use?

And now it is after midnight l do not have anything done.

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l am still cleaning, and l found a spice box from the sayonara . . . so-snoring . . . whatever spice company my ex had.

The back of this box had recipies for hanabaro, ghosty and jalapeno peppers.

l knew she was trying to kill me.

 

 

:sorry:l stole this one, too.

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Posted (edited)

Not so much a joke, but a cleaning tip.

l had this plate with all this sugary crud affixed to it by baking.

Too difficult to scrap because of its convoluted molded shape and nothing soaked loose, but it had to be cleaned,

l put it out in the yard and wedged it between some concrete and weighted down with a long piece of wood.

This way the wind or animal will not carry it away.

So l went out to get it this afternoon and it is as clean as new.

Picnic ants make a super cleaning machine, inshallah.

Well, what do expect from a single old dottard that quick-dries his dishes in a microwave.

 

Edited by hasanhh
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Great News Comrades . . .

we at your Stupid People's Liberation Front have for your enjoyment . . .

a film from Lopburi of our Brothers and Sisters in Mobs . . .

gaining control of the streets.

https://dw.com/en/city-in-thailand-to-sterilize-hundreds-of-wild-maccaques/av-53992711

 

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:fever: "Gosh, l hurt."

l went over to my neighbors and this dog started snaling and growling.

l rang the doorbell, and when he came to the door l initially asked,

'Does your dog bite?'

He answered, 'No.'

Then as l started to talk to him, this animal bit me in the leg.

l whined, 'You said your dog didn't bite.'

He replied, 'That is not my dog.'

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