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In the Name of God بسم الله
Inquisitor

Poor Jokes [OFFICIAL THREAD]

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Obviously an Arab who got bored with foreigners telling him that he keeps putting a B where there should be a P.

 

24028286-7942317-Seeing_the_light_Another_amusing_food_sign_from_an_unknown_locat-m-3_1580370448783.jpg

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From Stanmore Imambara UK:

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In the last 9 months, we have been running a shredding service so members can dispose of their old/damaged Qur’ans, Dua books, Madressa manuals etc. easily, and many of you have taken advantage of this service – we have shredded 2.5 tonnes to date (eco-friendly and Sharia-compliant!).

Below are some real-life examples of things members have left to be shredded. Please be advised – the following items should NOT be left.

Your old cigarette packets. You can safely assume that the Arabic text on it is a safety warning and not Qur’an.

 

https://www.hujjat.org/uncategorized/2-5-tonnes-and-counting/

 

IMG_9310-1-768x576.jpg

 

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The big Bismillah canvas your nanima brought you back from Ziyarat and you don’t know what do with.. Jamaat volunteers don’t know what do with it either. Please keep it in your attic or regift it to someone else.

 

image3-1-1-768x576.jpeg

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On 2/10/2020 at 7:59 PM, starlight said:

Is it okay to shred Qurans??

@Haji 2003

Salam damaged Qur'an book must be bury under ground in a clean place that people don't pass over it regularly or must be thrown in river or lake or sea but shredding it is not allowed.

Edited by Ashvazdanghe

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3 hours ago, Ashvazdanghe said:

Salam damaged Qur'an book must be bury under ground in a clean place that people don't pass over it regularly or must be thrown in river or lake or sea but shredding it is not allowed.

I emailed my marja and this is the response 

20200212_155358.thumb.png.a207a0fdb6ce1d8bd7923b1b5a9ce358.png

 

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8 minutes ago, starlight said:

emailed my marja and this is the response

Salam I said general ruling but anyway only a Muslim can touch words & pages of Qur'an with wudu & shredding it by non Muslim is an insult to it. 

Edited by Ashvazdanghe

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My ex an l always ate out for our anniversary.

She'd choose the place.

After the third year of this, she always wanted to go to a fast-food place.

l asked her 'why?' on our tenth anniversary and she said,

"Because you would always get a phone call and 'have-to-leave' and

l would be stuck with the check."

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One of the reasons why Nawaz Sharif got caught was because a document he had forged used the Calibri font, a year before it was officially released.

And now Pakistan is Sans Sharif. 

:hahaha:

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In this speech Trump is criticising Hollywood for the South Korean entry Parasite, winning the best film Oscar.

The African American dude behind Trump, with the Black Voices sweatshirt, looks kinda embarrassed, as he should be (Gone with the Wind has been criticised for various racist elements).

 

Screenshot 2020-02-21 at 10.07.56.png

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Another Milton Berle:

On a cold, Winter morning, as wife texts her husband at work and writes: "Windows is frozen and it won't open."

Her husband texts back, "Pour some luke warm water on the edges and then gently tap them with a hammer."

A half hour later the wife texts back, "Our computer is broken now."

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On 2/18/2020 at 2:23 PM, Haji 2003 said:

One of the reasons why Nawaz Sharif got caught was because a document he had forged used the Calibri font, a year before it was officially released.

And now Pakistan is Sans Sharif. 

:hahaha:

I think my humour sometimes goes above the heads of people here.

The next one definitely will go above many peoples' heads.

Sorry no explanations from me or anyone else. If anyone does attempt an explanation there is a chance you may have your account suspended. So either you get the joke or you need to learn French and Urdu.

Apparently hot bread boulangeries are very popular amongst Pakistani selfie takers.

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Another Milton Berele:

l decided to take a vacation in Egypt.

So l booked a tour and fly into Cairo.

To go to the hotel to meet up with my tour group l hailed a taxi.

As he drove me to my hotel, l conversed with him with his broken English.

As we got down to the main drag, he asked me, "You see Nile?"

And l answered, "No, l have always been slow."

See Nile = senile

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Some young guy came to work driving a brand new car.

"lt's the latest model, with all the extras. Look  at those wide tires for good handling," he was entusiastically telling us.

0ne of the men said, "You must be single."

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11 minutes ago, hasanhh said:

What is the joke?

Use an online dictionary to check the meaning of munter. Someone has decided to have some fun with googlemaps. 

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5 minutes ago, Haji 2003 said:

Use an online dictionary to check the meaning of munter. Someone has decided to have some fun with googlemaps. 

l did that. "A British insult" for an "ugly woman".

?

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31 minutes ago, baqar said:

But how would you call it morally and ethically?

I mean:

Are they on the same platform as far as morals and ethics are concerned?  

Morals?

Ethical Practices?

ln Politics?

:party: "Join the Party of your choice."

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13 minutes ago, baqar said:

I cannot make a choice unless I can determine their moral and ethical direction.

Oh, that is easy.

Just ask yourself . . .

if they can accomplish what they promise . . .

how much more will it further mess-up MY life.

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The ruling revealed Princess Haya, who fled to the UK with her two children in April 2019, had an affair with her bodyguard.

https://www.ft.com/content/94cba9a4-5fa1-11ea-b0ab-339c2307bcd4

 

I bet wife #1 has a really smug look on her face these days.

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