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In the Name of God بسم الله
Inquisitor

Poor Jokes [OFFICIAL THREAD]

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On 11/13/2019 at 5:12 AM, hasanhh said:

:ranting: "l have been lied to."

lt is not even close to dawn and already we are 6 degrees below our record low temperature for this date.

Where is this global warming the liberals keep promising us?

We are having 20+ degrees above normal:yahoo:"lnsahallah, my heat bill will be lower for December than last year."

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Another Milton Berle:

Friend:  What years did  did the Chicago Cubs win the World Series?

Hasanhh:  1907, 1908 and 2016.

Friend:  When did Kennedy win the presidential election?

Hasanhh: 1960

Friend:  When did the Bearcats win national titles?

Hasanhh:  1961 and 1962.

Hasanhh's Ex:  Then why can't you remember when we were married?

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Screenshot_20191226-163140.thumb.jpg.04bff4ace72a66167d8a255260531478.jpg

I am not marrying Christmas, I choose to stay friends instead. Medical holiday, that I am already having, with the whole family sick. Thank you ex-minister Pakistan Mr..Abid Sher Ali.

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Another Milton Berle:

l thought l'd have a quiet Boxing Day yesterday. My ex has been gone for years . . . well, not that 'gone'.

Anyway, the fire department was down the street at my neighbors close to the mosque. After they were gone and the police left, l walked down to see if that Algerian needed anything. He didn't, but he told me what happened. December 26th is his birthday and his Pakistani wife had made him a big cake with candles. The problem was . . . his wife thought "roman candles" meant they were imported.

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Another Milton Berle --from TV

Warning: lt is a stomach holder.

ln medical ethics class, a theoretical question was offered to the class. The Question?  lf you have a two-head woman and the one head dies of a stroke, then what do you do? And what entry do you put on the death certificate?

Edited by hasanhh

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Another Milton Berle:

Wife: lt's our anniversary. Do you know what stone it is? The first anniversary is paper.

Husband: Typical, paper is a stone . . . well maybe the marred certificate.

Wife: Be serious. Now there is citrine, emerald, diamond, lapis lazzi, . . . what is ours?

Husband: Brimstone.

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Another Milton Berle --from the TV

Customer: "So, you and your husband run this business together. You two must really like each other."

Wife:  "Yep, we are together sometimes."

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Quote

“EasyJet flight 8897 leaves in 40 minutes,” Islam told the call handler. “There may be a bomb on the plane, you need to delay it, you need to stop it now.”

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2020/jan/17/fiance-jailed-for-bomb-hoax-call-to-delay-flight-in-romantic-getaway

Why?

Quote

Islam admitted his scheme in a police interview, explaining that he had panicked because he could not afford another ticket if he missed the plane. 

Hmm. He'll now spend 16 months in prison.

But it gets worse.

Quote

Since the incident, Islam has also been sentenced to 42 months in prison for unconnected money laundering offences.

You get the impression that the dude is not cut out for the crime business either in terms of getting it to pay or avoiding detection.

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We were playing Scrabble and Abbas makes 'chandler', his logic was that he thought of handler and then tried adding a 'c'. My wife suspects he's seen 'Friends'.

IMG_2039.JPG

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:furious:" 'yurt' and 'raj' are foreign words to English. That's what the rules say youz can't use,  and l ain't played scabble in 50 years."

 

:book:"Rules? There are 'rules'?"

Edited by hasanhh
clarification

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Kinda of Blasphemous, but . . .

Weeks with Walls of Fire . . .

Days of "exceptional rainfall"

with consequential mud flows

wind storms bring golf ball size hail and dust

strong surf and people struck by lightening

no resulting insect plagues or earthquakes reported as yet . . .

With Cecil B. DeMille and Charlston Heston we could have a remake of The Ten Commandments

21st Century edition.

https://www.cnn.com/2020/01/19/Australia/Australia-hail-dust-storm-intl-hnk-scli/index.html 

and the site:  https://www.9news.com.au/wild-weather/ . . . too long to finish-ed.

 

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On 1/19/2020 at 4:25 AM, Haji 2003 said:

We were playing Scrabble and Abbas makes 'chandler', his logic was that he thought of handler and then tried adding a 'c'. My wife suspects he's seen 'Friends'.

Or maybe all your economic wisdom has rubbed off on him. :) 

 

chandler

noun

a person who makes or sells candles and sometimes other items of tallow or wax, as soap.

a dealer or trader in supplies, provisions, etc., of a specialized type:a ship chandler.

a retailer of provisions, groceries, etc.

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On 1/19/2020 at 10:38 AM, hasanhh said:

:furious:" 'yurt' and 'raj' are foreign words to English. That's what the rules say youz can't use,  and l ain't played scabble in 50 years."

I'll give you the evidence for yurt, you'll have to take on trust the fact that raj is in the Official Scrabble dictionary as well.

IMG_2042.JPG

IMG_2043.JPG

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1 hour ago, Haji 2003 said:

in the Official Scrabble dictionary

BUT . . . Collins is not the publisher of Scabble. The game we had/have was produced and ruled by Sheichow & Righter and dated 1959. l checked the history. Hasbro has it now.  There is no Collins involved anywhere with it any more than other alleged Scrabble dictionaries. lt is regular recognized dictionaries that are the confirmation of Modern Englsih originating words -which is the rule.

Edited by hasanhh

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1st Man: l decided to change cultures.

2nd Man: Why?

1st Man: Because in my old culture, women are supposed to walk behind the man.

2nd Man:  l never imagined you as a cultural progressive.

1st Man: What do you mean?

2nd Man: Allowing your wife to walk beside you.

1st Man: l had too. The klutz kept stepping on my heels.

Edited by hasanhh

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On 1/20/2020 at 6:10 PM, hasanhh said:

There is no Collins involved anywhere with it any more than other alleged Scrabble dictionaries.

The dictionaries use the Scrabble name under licence from Mattel Inc. They also use the the term, "official Scrabble solver", I don't think Mattel would licence the name to a publisher who'd then go on and use the term 'official', without it actually being official.

Quote

Across the pond and beyond, English-speaking players and tournaments are more likely to use Collins Scrabble Words, published by Collins Dictionary. That list has over 276,000 words, including twerk, which was added in 2015, as reported by NPR's Bill Chappell.

https://www.npr.org/2018/09/24/651206384/new-scrabble-dictionary-for-a-new-generation?t=1579946348416

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2 hours ago, Haji 2003 said:

and use the term 'official', without it actually being official.

:hahaha:

l can't remember how to word the retort.

Anyway, the rules we had said no foreign words or personal names, like 'sam', 'kit', 'zoe', . . .

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This woman was walking through the Rock-n-Roll Wax Museum.

Ever so often she'd stop and take a selfie of herself in front of an exhibit.

The woman said she was looking for a back-up group.

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How does a flat-earther travel the world?

 

Wait for it.

 

 

It's a good 'un

 

 

Start laughing already

 

 

:hahaha:

 

 

On a plane.

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From the guardian newspaper about a UK student quarantined in Beijing 

Quote

“but the university has been wonderful and provides free meals which are delivered to my door ... and a diet that consists almost purely of rice”

 

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