Jump to content
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!) ×
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!)
In the Name of God بسم الله
Inquisitor

Poor Jokes [OFFICIAL THREAD]

Rate this topic

Recommended Posts

On 11/13/2019 at 5:12 AM, hasanhh said:

:ranting: "l have been lied to."

lt is not even close to dawn and already we are 6 degrees below our record low temperature for this date.

Where is this global warming the liberals keep promising us?

As a historical footnote, we broke/set five cold weather records in less than 36 hours.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

WARNING:  Mydogynme Alert

Ahmed: brother, l hear you are looking to get marred.

Ali:  Yes, l am thinking as much.

Ahmed: Anyone catch your eye?

Ali: Yes, the one over there. You are younger than me. Do you remember her hair from grade school?

Ahmed: l believe so?

Ali:  Describe it, please.

Ahmed:  Like an orangutan's . . . errrrrr . . . orange.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Now, l got this ShiaChat notification that someone -whoooo shall remain nameless- reacted to one of my Poor Jokes.

Clicking over, l see who it was.

Then l read the next few jokes --only one l remembered . . .

Then l got to the bottom . . .

And noticed that this is on page 1.

Now, whoever needs to start on page 1 of ShiaChat's Poor Jokes on a Saturday morning to fill up their day-  has a worse Life than l do.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sicario II deals with the possibility of Muslim terrorists coming over the border via Mexico. They have this shot 'proving' that such terrorists were in a border area. Looks like one of them had a dodgy compass.

IMG_1972.thumb.JPG.e86753b7c16352ee7ad1b25e75d16a33.JPG

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

NEWS BULLETIN:

North Slope, Alaska.  Old Santa did a practice run for chr!stmas again this year when tragedy struck. Landing on the street near the housing units, a frieght truck slammed head-on into the reindeer and sleigh. While the deer we mostly killed a few survived. Rudolph the Red Nosed reindeer was unwedged from the rear axle by recovery crews. The truck driver explained that he thought the red nose was just another truck with a taillight out.

Edited by hasanhh
Spelling

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Han Solo is steering the Falcon, with Master Yoda on board. He asks, “am I going the right way?”

Yoda replies, “off course, we are!”

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My grandfathers and their siblings were born in the 1880s and very early 1890s.

As they grew up, they were very religious: they worshipped their money.

But then, Congress created the Federal Reserve in 1913, and they began to pray for their money.

 

A dollar todays is less than 1 cent back then . (Of course, this is officially denied.)

Edited by hasanhh

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

l've been invited to friend's place for Chanukka again this year.

l went last year. He and his brother had rented a restaurant for one evening.

So l get all cleaned up. My friend said l could wear a yamulke rather than a keffiyeh.

So he picks me up. We get there and he helps me in with my walker.

l get in the door and get my coat hung up when this woman comes up and say,

"You must be Hasan. Oh, do l have a girl for you!"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Neighbor: "Hey Mariam. What's this out the window?"

His wife: "Oh, that is Aliyah our neighbor. She is back from vacation."

Neighbor: "Where'd they go."

His wife: "She went skiing in Canada. Hiram went hunting in November. They always had separate vacations."

Neighbor: "The way those two argue l bet they had separate honeymoons too."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 12/1/2019 at 5:05 PM, Haji 2003 said:

Sicario II deals with the possibility of Muslim terrorists coming over the border via Mexico. They have this shot 'proving' that such terrorists were in a border area. Looks like one of them had a dodgy compass.

IMG_1972.thumb.JPG.e86753b7c16352ee7ad1b25e75d16a33.JPG

 

Lol.. Reminds of the time I was staying in hostel and this exact scenario happened. A friend was too lazy to look out towards the mosque for the qibla and downloaded a mobile app for it instead. Ended up praying in the exact opposite direction.

We used to joke that his prayer would circumvent the planet before reaching Makkah from the other side :p 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Two items @starlight

1] This reminds me of when l was little. About eight l guess. My one grandfather was showing me some electrical assembly. Since l was five l could repair a plug for a recepticle outlet. He said the male and female ends and l asked "why do they call them male and female?".

He didn't answer me.

l was a farm kid, too.

Ma always said l was a "dumb kid".

 

2] "let the circuits decide their own identities"  Did she say this because: a) she is a dumb liberal, or b) because she is a dumb girl??????

:D:grin:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hmmmm, no answere to my question ^^^^^. Only a partial agreement from Starlite. 

Maybe it is because l parsed my identifiers.

Therefore, "liberal dumb girl" or "dumb, liberal girl" should have been the options.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So, ... years ago a friend bought a new house.

A mutual firend suggested he put a label on the kitchen door.

The label reading "push". So he gets such a sticker label from the hardware store and places it on the door.

As we are sitting outside at the next day's gathering, the mutual friend's wife decides to comeout and join us as several people were outside.

As we are sitting there, the mutual friend's wife is trying to open the door to the point where she is using her shoulder to try and open the door.

As she says, "What is wrong with this door? l can't open it!", our mutual friend says, "A lot of Paki girls are like that."

In America, most house doors open in.

 

Edited by hasanhh

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, hasanhh said:

 

@Haji 2003  ? l don't understand it?

The racists typically use monkey sounds and impressions to poke fun at some players. So for the anti-racism campaign to use the same image is kinda weird, some people have called it insulting.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Haji 2003 said:

The racists typically use monkey sounds and impressions to poke fun at some players. So for the anti-racism campaign to use the same image is kinda weird, some people have called it insulting.

The artist claimed in an interview that all his art consists of monkeys and he meant no offence. 

It's more of a self serving project rather than a public service one.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Haji 2003 said:

The racists typically use monkey sounds and impressions to poke fun at some players. So for the anti-racism campaign to use the same image is kinda weird, some people have called it insulting.

 

12 minutes ago, Moalfas said:

The artist claimed in an interview that all his art consists of monkeys and he meant no offence. 

It's more of a self serving project rather than a public service one.

DeutscheWelle this morning had the headline banner reading "backfired" in describing the public reaction to this.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

l am watching the House lmpeachment debate. A scheduled 6 hours or 1 minute and minute-and-a-half speeches.

They sound like a bunch of high schoolers.

Rep Nadler of NY used his leading position to accuse one Republican of "spouting Russian propaganda".

Yarrabi

EDIT: This is now online: <10minutes ago

https://www.axios.com/nadler-louie-gohmert-ukraine-russian-propaganda-cc054f49-dd4b-4c87-a5e4-14f3200a31e1.html 

Edited by ShiaChat Mod
Excessive space was removed.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We had a memorial for my cousin this week. She was a codebreaker at NSA.

As was her wish, she was cremated and her ashes divided into five parts, then shuffled together and then divided into three urns and then buried in random order between her parents. This way she would be encrypted.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

l was shopping offline and didn't find junk to give people for Xmas, so l went online and saw this painting.

l immediately thought of Starlight.

l call it: "A Higher Chair Haven, Please"

https://www.thoughtco.com/what-is-trompe-loeil-177829 

 

As we say in Amerika, "lt's the thought that counts."

Ref: Guys Urgent there is . . .

 

Edited by hasanhh

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A husband divorces his wife. 

Several weeks later, her father dies leaving her with millions in inheritance. 

Husband calls his ex wife and says:

'I'm pregnant'

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...