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In the Name of God بسم الله
Inquisitor

Poor Jokes [OFFICIAL THREAD]

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This joke is half a Milton Berle:

At the UN this week, Sec of State Mike Pompeo runs into his counterpart lRl FM Javad Zarif.

Pompeo: We have a great peace plan.

Zarif: We have a peace plan, too.

Pompeo: But ours will sell better.

Zarif: How is this?

Pompeo: Our diplomatic charisma. Look deeply into my smiling face and what do you see?

Zarif: I see, Trickery, a Lack of Scruples and Lies.

Pompeo: Don't look that deeply.

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On 9/23/2019 at 4:13 PM, Haji 2003 said:

Instructions - How to convert your sofa into a sofa bed

  1. Forget your wife's birthday.
  2. er
  3. that's it.

This reminds me of my "A Surprise for You" box in my ex's birthday present.

I had gotten her . . . whatever. I do not remember.

At the bottom was a neatly wrapped little box with a tag that said, "A Surprise for You".

So, she opened it, looked and said, "There is nothing here!"

I replied, "Well, that is a surprise isn't it?"

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6 hours ago, hasanhh said:

At the bottom was a neatly wrapped little box with a tag that said, "A Surprise for You".

Did she reuse the 'A surprise for you' box when she filed the divorce papers?

If she had, it would have indicated a certain sense of class/style that may have merited some reconciliation.

Edited by Haji 2003

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On 9/23/2019 at 8:23 PM, hasanhh said:

So, she opened it, looked and said, "There is nothing here!"

I replied, "Well, that is a surprise isn't it?"

 :furious:     :sign_no:   Is this what you did to her??? She should have surprised you back on your birthday with a nice pair of shoes in the box........... for herself. 

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14 minutes ago, hasanhh said:

No, because in the exasperation sense, she thought it was funny.

Sounds like a keeper. To be honest.

Edited by Haji 2003

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Had so many computer delays that now l forgot the joke. :locked:

Now I remember . . .

Hasan: l got arrested for drunken driving.

Little Sister: What? How?

Hasan: Some old Amish guy was having trouble getting into his buggy, so l helped him in and drove him home.

Little Sister: You are Muslim. You are not allowed to drink muchless be drunk.

Hasan: Not me . . . the horse. lt got into the mash.

Edited by hasanhh

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BBC is currently facing a storm for disciplining a journalist who pointed out (on TV) that she had also been a victim of people telling her to go back home and she considered it racist. This was just after DT had told the congresswomen to go back home.

Someone posted this joke on the FT. And the point being made is true. For many years the only brown people on the BBC were those with English names. I don't think they have any hijabis.

1246717034_Screenshot2019-09-29at23_13_53.thumb.png.518b895e2b208d739a52e3bac1781026.png

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Over in Ate-Eating-WillEat, Notme today three times mentioned "leftovers".

Which reminded me of something my sister and l use to say.

0ur mother was such a bad cook that when she said "leftovers" we'd ask: Let over from What? World War Two?

And one time when Mom gave us a dirty look, l said, "OK, Korea" and my older sister then said, "No name. The Depression"

2]

One Winter l came home and Mom said my supper was on the stove in a pot. There were two pots. Looking into both l tried to decide which one was mine. Both had the burners on low. Choosing one, l started putting it in a bowl. A TV commercial came on and Dad came out to the kitchen and said l had picked the dog's food.

Edited by hasanhh

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24 minutes ago, hasanhh said:

Over in Ate-Eating-WillEat, Notme today three times mentioned "leftovers".

I brag about leftovers because I grew up in a large and not wealthy family. Leftovers are treasure! Leftovers are something meal-worthy for tomorrow's lunch. Leftovers are fast food. Leftovers are worth fighting siblings over. (But then, what isn't?) We usually ate them cold when I was a kid.

When you mention your mom's terrible cooking I want to think you're exaggerating, but then I think of my grandmother's really, really awful cooking and figure it's probably true. No joke, my grandma worked in a hospital cafeteria, and I guess that's where she learned how to cook.

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15 minutes ago, notme said:

Leftovers are something meal-worthy for tomorrow's lunch.

I never knew that leftovers were second class! My mum would always make a huge pot of stuff on a weekend, she'd work during the week, so eating stuff freshly cooked was a rarity. On the other hand it was very flavourful. The latter does not require expense, just someone who knows what they are doing.

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2 hours ago, notme said:

really awful cooking and figure it's probably true. No joke, my grandma worked in a hospital cafeteria,

My sister and l enjoyed school cafeteria food and as my sister often remarked, the other kids thought we were crazy.

My sister said it was "really good". And it was to us.

Your comment reminded me of one man l knew who shot a swan. He said it fed his family for a week but it wasn't very good eating.

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WARNING: Mydogynme Alerth

Feminism

For the past week - ten days, ShiaChat has had several threads devoted to w.o.men  --or w-o-men if you prefer.

W. O.  translates as Witless Obsessives, behavior usually oberserved during argumentative confrontations.

:D

Even fifty years ago, a persistant whine of feminazis has been about the fictional character, "June Cleaver". Yet, l remember the women laughing back in the 50s and 60s because of her pearls. In particular, neighbor Mrs. A_ who once departed from a gurls gab & gossip by saying, "Well Ladies, l must go back and put my pearls on so l can finish my housework." (Mrs. A_ was also a published author and poet.)

So what then, is the alternative film image for these fracas felines?  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Daughter_of_Dr._Jekyll

OPINE: Now l know several uhties will disapprove of my remarks. Here is a suggestion to the Mods: fine an emoji like this one, :D , but with teeth missing.

:grin:

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OK gurls, here is a joke for you 

Neighbor: Why do you have so many plants in your house, if l may inquire?

Lady of the House:  Because these are the only thing l feed and water around here that does not complain in return.

 

:thankyou:

Edited by hasanhh
clarity

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Now here's to asking for war.. This is SPARTAAAAA

(Forwarded message received)

*Women are so difficult . Always changing their minds..*
At 18, they want handsome men.
At 25, they want mature men.
At 30, they want successful men.
At 40, they want established men.
At 50, they want faithful men.                                  At 60, they want helpful men.

*Men are very simple* .. they never change their taste...for any changing condition.
At 18, they like pretty young girls.
At 25, they like pretty young girls.
At 30, they like pretty young girls.
At 40, they like pretty young girls.
At 50, they still like pretty young girls                     At 60, still they like pretty young girls.
Even at 70 & 80 when they can barely move, they still like pretty young girls 
:shifty:

Dedicated to all devoted and focused Men

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