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In the Name of God بسم الله
Inquisitor

Poor Jokes [OFFICIAL THREAD]

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Another Milton Berle:

Wife sticking her head into the TV room: "Dear, good news, Dad's life insurance check just came. Now we can refinance the house."

Husband to teenage son, "When you are married long enough, you start to hallucinate."

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When I accidentally click on Shiamatch, and my mum walks by. My mum be like "was that you scrolling through a marriage website". With a confused look on my face, I'd be like "umm... it was @notme "

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On ‎7‎/‎18‎/‎2018 at 2:42 AM, megaman said:

How do mermaids wash their fins?.....TIDE :hahaha:

How do banksters (portmanteau: banker + gangster) wash their money? . . . .  GAIN   (also from P&G)

Edited by hasanhh

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I was watching soccer, and my mum happened to sit by me. I have always wondered whether my mum knows anything about soccer. I mean, she's always there, but she happens to be doing her own thing. 

Okay, so I decided to test my mother, and with a slight smirk on my face, I asked my mum "okay, so how do you get the ball to the net"? My mum replied, with a shocked face "you use the tip of your nose to get the ball inside".

#ParentsSarcasticJokes

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Quote

“How can you have a servant at home who keeps their own passport with them? What’s worse is they have one day off every week,”

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/jul/23/who-will-refund-me-kuwaiti-star-ignites-row-over-filipinos-days-off

Quote

Sondos Alqattan, an Instagram star and makeup artist with over 2.3 million followers, criticised new laws giving Filipino workers a day off per week and preventing employers from seizing their passports.

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On 7/20/2018 at 11:24 PM, hasanhh said:

O.M.G.

Another Hasan original :cry:

From a mispronunciation heard on the radio:

My Mother's cookies were so bad . . . they were cruminal .

(crummy + criminal)

crumby + criminal? 

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4 hours ago, Hameedeh said:

crumby + criminal? 

There ain't no such word as "crumby" in Amerikan Anglish. There is "crumbly", which means "breaking into small pieces". l did mean "crummy" as in cheap and worthless, bad.

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I was in the backyard with my mum, casually chilling. It was a nice sunny day, and we were eating mandarins. I didn't have a plate with me, so I decided to eat mandarins and chuck the pealing in the backyard (grass) as it counts as biodegradable waste. My mum was slightly mad at me for throwing the peeling in the backyard. I kept insisting that I'm not littering in a sense, as the pealing originates from a plant source. My mother replied "If you're really interested, put a piece of grass in your room, and chuck as many mandarin pealings as you like".

#ParentSarcasticJokes

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^^^^^ at 2:35 "The Clinton Foundation"   :hahaha:

This reminds me of when there were public hearings here -my location- for building a mosque.

One of the complaints was the resulting "noise from the traffic".

This from people on a street, next to, right up against the expressway.

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l saw a new E & L Learnin' Akademy down the road.

So l stopped because my nephew is going to go to one of them there Early Learning Akadamies,

l asked what what the "L" stood for. She said for "Late".

You see, the pre-skoolers go to the "early" side of the building, and us

old folks like me go to the "late" side of the building.

The curriculum is the same.

Edited by hasanhh

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M. R.  Trump

l was listening to the radio on the way home. The discussion was about M.R. Trump's tweets and comments.

The guest said 60% of Republicans he has interviewed wish M.R. Trump would not tweet and talk less, even though they still support him.

Somewhere in that conversation, the words "big mouth" came out.  Light Bulb !

There was this actress/comedian named Martha Raye.  She advertised herself as "The Big Mouth".

Sooooooo, MR Trump is not really "Mister Trump" but

Martha Raye Trump.

Hence the "M.R.Trump"

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The person who wrote the Op-Ed published in the New York Times this past week has been found.

When arrested, the person asked, "Why am l being arrested?"

The arresting official answered, "For violating the State Secrets Act."

"How", asked the writer.

"By revealing that the President is an unhinged idiot", replied the arresting official.

 

[a parody of an old Cold War joke]

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Another Milton Berle:

Hasan-he's--horrible:  l found the girl who has that essential quality which every man wants.

SC:  She has good iman? She's Pretty? She's Smart? She's a good Cook?

Hasanhh: No. She's a heiress.

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2 minutes ago, realizm said:

This beats FT by far

The funny bit about the FT story was how the newspaper was spinning it as US/Iran story, but the readers were saying that it's about Netanyahu pulling the strings.

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