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In the Name of God بسم الله

Poor Jokes [OFFICIAL THREAD]

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l have all this super-secret stuff. Similar to new-clear weapons research.

But it is cluttering my secure facility.

So l took it all down to a warehouse and locked the door.

l'II be cursed  if someone not only broke in but also back a truck up to the door and hauled all 55,000 documents away.

They even stole my CD collection.

:ranting: Now want to know who did this.

Oh, what the heck.

:surrender: l should have made copies ...

but then l'd have had twice the clutter.

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I read a Jewish joke the other day (it went something along the lines of:) A rabbi and a taxi driver arrive at the gates of heaven, an angel comes to greet them and immediately ushers the taxi dr

two sodium atoms walking down a street   atom 1: oh no.... searching his pockets...... i lost an electron atome 2: are you sure? atom 1: i am positive.

Told in the mosque by the imam: A flood came and a man climbed a tree. A truck came by and offered the man a ride and the man said, "no thanks, Allah will help me". The water rose and a boat

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According to the scientific advisory panel of the Punjab Food Authority, a regulatory body overseeing the province of 110 million people, the word is a misnomer. The panel said rather than provide the body with nutritional energy, the large quantities of caffeine, taurine and guarana contained in energy-drinks simply stimulate the swift release of existing reserves.

“In TV commercials [drinkers] throw huge tires, they keep running and running,” the PFA’s director, Noorul Amin Mengal, told the Guardian. “These adverts are misleading our illiterate population.”

Following an aggressive marketing campaign in Pakistan, people seeking to become body-builders, for example, have been known to drink several cans at once, added a PFA spokesman. Some end up hospitalised, he said.

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/may/03/pakistan-province-tells-red-bull-and-its-rivals-to-drop-energy-tag

Members of an illiterate population with an interest in body-building - what could possibly go wrong?

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A couple of days ago, my little sister sent over some food.  :yahoo:  :eat:

And my little nephew comes along with his father.

"Come on, Amu. Come on, Amu", as he follows his father around to the side of the house.

l open the gate. "What is that?" he asks.  "Gate", l answer. He repeats, "gate".

Then he runs over to this arbor vitae. "What is this?" he asks sweeping his hands through the foliage like two-year-olds play in water. His eyes really wide open as he looks up towards the top.

"Evergreen" and he repeats, "Eb-bergreen, eb-ber-green."

Then he jumps over to the blackberry bush. "What is ..." halting his question as his waving hands snag on the p.rickles.

"Blackberry" l said. "Uhhhh, O.K." he says.

Then he comes back to where we are and studies what we are picking.

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And another Milton Berle:

4th Grader: "Teacher, here is my drawing."

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Picture-->

                     [                                                         ]

 

Teacher: "What is it? l don't see anything."

4th Grader: "lt is a drawing of a leaf."

Teacher:   "l still do not see anything."

4th Grader: "l drew it in ultraviolet."

 

l wish l knew this one 60 years ago.

Edited by hasanhh
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DALLAS — At the annual National Rifle Association meeting in Dallas, guns are quite literally everywhere — on display at exhibit booths, and emblazoned on T-shirts, banners and coffee mugs. In one busy corner, people stopped to take pictures of a piece of gun art on display: a giant sculpture, made with hundreds of balloons, of a Glock 27 .40-caliber pistol.

BUT

Guns, knives and “weapons of any kind” would be prohibited in the arena before and during President Trump’s attendance at the event, the N.R.A. said in a statement.

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/05/04/us/nra-convention-dallas.html

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Another Milton Berle

Why do sharks see sea otters as 'comfort food' ?

Because the sea otter makes the sharks feel warm and fuzzy inside.

:furious:"Hasan, lf you cannot steal a joke any better than this l'll never send you to a jewelry store."

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Since Ramadhan starts tomorrow, like last year, l will be the first to repeat SC's 'favorite' dumb joke:

Ramadhan is the only time l can get a date.

 

:sign_sorry: but somebody had to do it.

 

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Forget about bad jokes, if you want pure raw comedy gold, read negative reviews (google reviews and amazon are good because you can sort them from the worst to the best)

went here for mothers day today with family at 2 and spent 73 pound the 7up that we ordered was flat and disgusting one of the managers tried arguing saying it was 7up clearly not also your kebabs are not fresh they have given me a upset stomach and vomiting tasted horrible we complained to the waiter and he said it's not my problem.. the young waiters wer very helpful but the management is rubbish as no help wat so ever would never recommend this place the Manchester one is alot better no customer service asked them a few no times no help stay away unless u want a runny bum and food poisoning.. change your management absolutely rubbish

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Man named Shohaib was very rude, aggressive and confrontational towards guests. And the whole building stunk of gas and chemicals! Utterly disgraceful! No remorse shown from the managers, whom every member off staff claimed to be.

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I usually eat Seekh Kabab ...there were no Seekh kabab and every time I asked the staff they lied to me saying just 5 more mins ..after talking to the manager staff gave me uncooked kabab and I had to wait one hour for cooked kabab and eventually my times up. Sad to see how restaurants lose standard .Chinese rice was not chinese rice they were not even fried they were boiled rice and tasteless, standard was very low, time to change the restaurant approx £20 does not justify overall it was a bad experience

Never trust if they say 45mins waiting time I remembered they said 45mins on eid day and after 45mins they said 2hours and 50mins they just want you hanging

I've actually eaten here, it is true that the main courses are awful, but to be fair the starters and the desserts or ok,

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On 5/24/2018 at 7:28 AM, hasanhh said:

They will only eat fruits and vegetables, but keep carnivores as pets.

We should not laugh at man's cruelty to animals, but this is real:

1467_pla_yarrah_dog_vega_10kg_6.jpg

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The prepper community can be relied on for some cheap laughs. This guy has made a video about storing a year's worth of toilet paper for use in a calamity.

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^^^^^ Reminded me of "the King of Late Night" Johnny Carson who in the 1970s, as a gag, said in his monologue that Pittsburg was going to run out of toilet paper.

Which of course, the city did, because people raced out to buy it so they wouldn't run out.

lt was a week before that mess was relieved.

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On 3/29/2018 at 11:37 AM, Haji 2003 said:

Malala [my dupatta sort of covers my head, but it doesn't really] Yousafzai.

Malala gets into the social life at Oxford University: 

4D5E0FC600000578-5855869-Malala_s_campai

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Someone at the US Board on Geographic Names has a genius sense of humour

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The US Board on Geographic Names has received a slew of requests since the early 1990s related to the word “squaw”, which has an unclear history but is now recognized as insulting, and has given new names to everything from mountains to waterways and neighborhood streets. 

https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2018/jul/05/native-americans-yellowstone-mountain-renaming

So far so good. How very noble of them you may be thinking.

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Notably, in 2013, it changed Squaw Peak in Phoenix, Arizona to Piestewa Peak, after Lori Ann Piestewa

Who's she?

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the first Native American woman to die in combat serving in the US military.

So, at a time when there are calls for changes to names of places commemorating members of the American military who killed American Indians - the stroke of genius in this instance seems to be to use the name of American Indians who killed others on behalf of the American military.

American Indians - even when they win - they lose.

A bit like Palestinians.

Pretty sad really.

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On 7/5/2018 at 11:03 AM, Haji 2003 said:

Someone at the US Board on Geographic Names has a genius sense of humour

https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2018/jul/05/native-americans-yellowstone-mountain-renaming

So far so good. How very noble of them you may be thinking.

Maybe "very noble" but not historically accurate.

l read last Winter that the Buffalo -American Bison-  roamed from the Atlantic to the Rocky Mountains. No farther West.

So ho can anyone refer to "buffalo nations" in Yosemite ?

lt ain't geographically correct.

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36 minutes ago, hasanhh said:

l entered a Cooking Contest .

l was 1st Runner-Up for the Plastic Garbage Can Award.

I protest :sign_no: The results must have been rigged. You should have been the winner of Plastic Garbage Can Award.

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