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In the Name of God بسم الله
Inquisitor

Poor Jokes [OFFICIAL THREAD]

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So tonight, my little sister and husband treated me to a buffet dinner. My 2.7 year old nephew refuses to sit in the high chair and hops in my booth seat. That worked out well as he was able to sit up high enough. He was well mannered and shared my food with me. He also fed me a couple of my own cherry tomatoes. So when l went for more food (of course, more :eat:) nephew followed. After the 3rd trip or so, he got comfortable with the restaurant. So nephew excitedly runs back towards our booth and when he sees the first two people sitting in the same arrangement as his parents he jumps into the wrong booth. The woman there saw that as funny and started laughing. l said his name and said those are not his parents. He looks more carefully and says, "l'm sorry" and smiles. "This way", l said and he jumps into the correct booth. So he has that corner of the restaurant laughing. So except for that he was perfectly mannered. Yeah, l know you don't believe me.

But to his mother's exasperation, he discovered chocolate cakes.

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11 hours ago, Marbles said:

Why did the cows keep returning to the marijuana field?

It was the pot calling the cattle back!

Somebody wrote this morning asking, where is Marbles?  [Edit: "Burning Questions", page 5]

Nevertheless, :hahaha:nth power.

But you are not  going to win any "Islamic correctness" awards with this one.

But again, Thanx.

Edited by hasanhh

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So l again babysitted my nephew. He'II be 2years 8 months in ~ten days.

Thursday, l carried some stuff up the steps for my little sister. l hit my forearm on something and it bled. l wrapped it in a table napkin until the bleeding stopped.

So Friday, when l went over l rang the bell and then stepped over to the window he looks out of and peered in. He pulls back the blind and looks and has the eyes of his ugly uncle peering back at him. He jumps and starts squealing with laughter. Then he opens the door (his father had already unlocked it) and says, "Salamallikum, come in". He runs back to the TV, so when l get over there he says, "Amu, come" and l step over, he takes my arm and looks to where he knew l jaggedly cut myself and says, "OK".  :party:

Then, when l was doing Dhur, l was reciting out loud and he matched and many words, like exactly on cue. First couple of sentences and when other words he knew came in time he said them at the same time as l did. For 3 surahs! 

But what really 'got me' was when his father got home and he stood there talking to him in Arabie and then talked to me in English and then back to Arabie.. He has only been transitioning from two-word speak to sentences for about 10 days now. Points at words in a book and asks me "That !". Strongly left-brained so far. Yet he prefers to eat with his left, holding the utensil like an adult at the every end, and holds a pen like an adult also with is left --but only scrawls.

Now l got to start working on his spatial thinking.

Hmmmm, maybe the :egg:of a 'mad scientist'.  :D

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A Haji family tradition is that when I am connecting through Dubai I message my sister-in-law with a text "HTC". This is also short for "hit the cr*****r". Anyway this time things were not so straightforward:

IMG_1766.jpg.68d378b9e15eaa90e764363cb078bb78.jpg

So she sends this reply and here's my response:

IMG_1767.jpg.76715b6261c01c2a5e911fec492831f6.jpg

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From my local news:

A Harvard study found that arguments over household chores was the cause of 25% of divorces. They recommend hiring a cleaning service to save on arguments. Doing the dishes was the biggest complaint.

Ref: one is here: https://www.romper.com/p/arguing-over-chores-leads-couples-to-divorce-study-finds-its-not-all-that-surprising-8686588 

So the anchors and the weather girl were bantering about this. The weather girl said her and her husband argue over the chores and her husband says, "Hire a cleaning lady" and she replies, "l am the cleaning lady".

That is the first accurate and appropriate thing l have heard any girl say this year.

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On 03/04/2018 at 1:48 PM, Haji 2003 said:

A Haji family tradition is that when I am connecting through Dubai I message my sister-in-law with a text "HTC". This is also short for "hit the cr*****r". Anyway this time things were not so straightforward:

IMG_1766.jpg.68d378b9e15eaa90e764363cb078bb78.jpg

So she sends this reply and here's my response:

IMG_1767.jpg.76715b6261c01c2a5e911fec492831f6.jpg

There's a postscript to this sideways look at foresight. While my sister-in-law's skills lie in predicting motions mine are more cerebral (obviously), this was about niece II getting into the same school as DD:

IMG_1769.thumb.jpg.dfaa489898f09ccacb415f2fadb14c99.jpg

 

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On ‎3‎/‎31‎/‎2018 at 3:16 AM, hasanhh said:

So l again babysitted my nephew. He'II be 2years 8 months in ~ten days.

Thursday, l carried some stuff up the steps for my little sister. l hit my forearm on something and it bled. l wrapped it in a table napkin until the bleeding stopped.

So Friday, when l went over l rang the bell and then stepped over to the window he looks out of and peered in. He pulls back the blind and looks and has the eyes of his ugly uncle peering back at him. He jumps and starts squealing with laughter. Then he opens the door (his father had already unlocked it) and says, "Salamallikum, come in". He runs back to the TV, so when l get over there he says, "Amu, come" and l step over, he takes my arm and looks to where he knew l jaggedly cut myself and says, "OK".  :party:

Then, ...

l brought this forward so the event makes sense.

So today, 2 weeks later, he is slow because he has a cold. While sitting under my arm he suddenly jumps up, grabs my arm, looks to where l cut myself while saying "hurt"? Looks at it, says, "O.K." and plops back down under my arm.  :)

ls a two week memory 'normal' ?

So, l also being sick, decide to lay down on the couch. l throw a pillow behind me and use another for my head. He climbed behind me again and being small enough lays with his head above mine.

l fall asleep. And hour and half later l wake up. He is still there. Sound asleep.

And snoring. 

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Wife was playing the usual Asian needy mum game with my 10-year-old son and asking him who he loved more, her or me.

So he replies, "well it was your egg and his sperm so that makes it 50:50".

That's my boy.

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No . . . l am not kidding.

When l was little, over half a century ago, there was this joke: "What is black and white and red all over?" A newspaper.

Huh? OK, newspapers are red because the front page is always violence and traffic accidents and such. The black and white is the paper and print.

So today, l was looking for a joke and found: "What is black and white and read all over?"

Must be some cognitive disorder.  :ko:

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:cry: "l spent several thousand dollars on a household robot last month. . .

lt runs the vacuum cleaner when the game is on . . .

Calls me to dinner 10 minutes before the game is over ...

Expects me to eat egg plant and avocadoes . . .

Puts my cans of soda in the back of the refrigerator . . .

Runs the laundry before l shower so l have cold water . . .

. . .:ranting: women programmers."

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l have all this super-secret stuff. Similar to new-clear weapons research.

But it is cluttering my secure facility.

So l took it all down to a warehouse and locked the door.

l'II be cursed  if someone not only broke in but also back a truck up to the door and hauled all 55,000 documents away.

They even stole my CD collection.

:ranting: Now want to know who did this.

Oh, what the heck.

:surrender: l should have made copies ...

but then l'd have had twice the clutter.

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