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In the Name of God بسم الله
Inquisitor

Poor Jokes [OFFICIAL THREAD]

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To bring an old subject up to date:

On 2/19/2017 at 6:30 AM, hasanhh said:

 

On 1/24/2017 at 3:06 AM, hasanhh said:

New 23Jan 2017

Note 8 is delayed again.

 

On 10/13/2016 at 3:34 AM, Marbles said:

IMG-20161012-WA0008.jpg

 

On 10/18/2016 at 6:11 AM, hasanhh said:

I'd have guessed it was a lithium car battery.

We now "know' why Galaxy 7s got a little heated (info at end)

http://bgr.com/2017/08/25/galaxy-note-8-battery-vs-galaxy-note-7/ 

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Be careful how you write your descriptions. Verbatim follows:

Movie:

Shadow of the Thin Man #1096

Saturday, August 26, ...

Duration: 1:37:04

Description:  Nick and Nora Charles solve race track-related murders with their 4-year-old son and dog, Asta

Question: So Nick and Nora have a Kanine Kid/Canine Child ? Or do they think their dog is a child?

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For my Remedial Cooking Class, our homework is to describe you cooking space at home.

Since l hadn't vacuumed my stove in a few months l thought l'd chose this.

On top, around the burners are: a jar of peanut butter, pepper, salt, sage, ginger, garlic, something with the label worn and faded, a spoon in a spoon-dish, olive oil, steak sauce, vitamins, some card from Ramadhan, coffee cup. To the left of the stove is a toaster. Just to the right of the stove are a screwdriver, pliers, spackling, silicone-in-a-tube, empty bread wrappers, a tray, a nail, radio, and something l can't identify.

ln short, this is not your classical stove ... it is a workbench.

And no folks, l did not make anything of this up.

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And Another Milton Berle:

How are you?

Terrible. l got fired from my job ... at it was my first day there.

What happened?

l was sent down to the museum to run the 20-Ton crane. So while l was moving this crate the cable broke and it crashed onto the floor.

But it was the cable that broke.

l know. The museum's Director was there and he about cried and said, "l the was a 75 million year-old dinosaur." Then l said, "Well, l am glad it wasn't a new one."

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1 hour ago, starlight said:

Message from a friend in Karachi:

"Due to heavy rains, I am stuck at home with wife! Please HELP!!

To our dear doc

 

Have you ever watched the movie "Constipated"?

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It hasn't come out yet.

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Screech ... BANG ... crash ..."yelp"

Friend: Are you alright?

My life is flashing before my eyes.

Friend: Yeah, l can understand. Your Dad never would of thought you'd wreck his motorcycle before you were 16.

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A girl went to a doctor, "doctor saheb I have a height problem. please help me!"

The doctor looked her up and down, "what do you mean?"

She said, "according to my weight my height should be 7'4"

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Thanks to multiple phone numbers each of the family members carrying now a days ... And the way they are stored...contact list is a bit scaryy :cry:

 


"Mummy new"

"Papa 2"

"Wife old"

"Wife 2"

"Mother in Law  jazz"

"Husband pakistan"

"Husband Dubai"

"Husband Europe"

And the best one is

" *Husband temporary* "

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On ‎9‎/‎12‎/‎2017 at 2:37 AM, Marbles said:

Thanks to multiple phone numbers each of the family members carrying now a days ... And the way they are stored...contact list is a bit scaryy :cry:

 


"Mummy new"

"Papa 2"

"Wife old"

"Wife 2"

.........................................." *Husband temporary* "

This reminded me of a woman in the paper in the 1960s. She wrote in to "Dear Abby" l think it was complaining that that her husband always introduced her as "This is my first wife".  [l heard my Mom reading it to my Dad.]

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Another Milton Berle:

When l was in college,

Son: "Sorry Mom that l haven't called in several weeks."

Mom: "That's OK, it has been a relief that you waited to call. Your Father and l have been short of money recently."

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Can't find the thoughts thread, so this will have to do.

Quote

'At the heart of France's crushing defeat lies the internal degeneration of the ruling elite. Cot drew a most vivid picture of this process. He spoke at some length about 'female influences' in politics. Every major French figure has a wife or more often, 'Madame de Pompadour', engaged in politics. In the overwhelming majority of cases these are extremely reactionary politics. One should be thankful, Cot says, if the mistress is stupid, for then she can do less harm. But if she is a clever woman, she presents a very grave danger.

 

Gorodetsky, G. (2016) The Maisky diaries: the wartime revelations of Stalin's ambassador in London. Yale University Press.

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WARNING:  Mydogynme Alert

Tues, 26Sept17

The lead story on DeutscheWelle,  headline for the BBC, story on PBS, ... :worried: "Must be something 'big' ."

King Salman has decreed that women will now be allowed to drive by June 2018.

:hahaha:

What !   Do not KSA police have enough to do as it is now?

Consider that police already have Missing Children offices.

Now they will need Missing Drivers  offices.

Don't believe me? Consider this true story, but with the locations changed.

Phone Call: lmed, l'm lost. How do l get home?  :helpsos:

lmed: Where are you?

l'm at an intersection on the expressway.

Well, what does the signs say?

Uhhhh, l don't think they are correct. One says Muscat l go left and the other says go right for Yemen. (Actually they were states.)

HOW CAN THE SIGNS BE WRONG?:angry:

Because l am driving home. So do l go to Yemen or Muscat to get home to Medina.?

# -expletives. What road does it say?

Interstate.

l know that. :cry:ing.  What other signs can you read?

Well there's ... (quite a list).

Imed: OK, l know where you are. DO NOT GO ANY WHERE. I AM COMING TO GET YOU !

Yes, OK We will wait.

"WE ?" Who is with you?

____, ____, [my ex] and [their son, age 3 or 4] = 5

:dwarf:   :ranting:

lmed's employer: What is wrong, lmed?

l have to go get my wife. :sorry:  She got lost driving.

Where is she?

Oman

Employer:  :ko:

OPINE: l had to go get my lost wife too. So lmed and several others from around here had the same Missing Drivers problem.

And there are other considerations: insurance rates, accidental injury, congestion, the need for more women police to arrest 'wild, women wheelers', ...

 

 

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