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In the Name of God بسم الله

Poor Jokes [OFFICIAL THREAD]

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I read a Jewish joke the other day (it went something along the lines of:) A rabbi and a taxi driver arrive at the gates of heaven, an angel comes to greet them and immediately ushers the taxi dr

two sodium atoms walking down a street   atom 1: oh no.... searching his pockets...... i lost an electron atome 2: are you sure? atom 1: i am positive.

Told in the mosque by the imam: A flood came and a man climbed a tree. A truck came by and offered the man a ride and the man said, "no thanks, Allah will help me". The water rose and a boat

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3 hours ago, Marbles said:

 

Inferiority complex it is. 

Cultural curiosity question: why would any person of your ancient and important heritage want to ever be anything else? Inferior to what?!  I had to spend lots of time in World History when I was a kid ( even back in the really bad old Euro-Centric days) reading about India and your part of the world. The color plates were pretty impressive. 

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On 5/30/2017 at 3:59 AM, LeftCoastMom said:

Cultural curiosity question: why would any person of your ancient and important heritage want to ever be anything else? Inferior to what?!  I had to spend lots of time in World History when I was a kid ( even back in the really bad old Euro-Centric days) reading about India and your part of the world. The color plates were pretty impressive. 

It relates to questions of statehood and cultural identity that arose in the wake of Partition in 1947. For centuries we were Indians with roots in Indo-Persian Muslim culture. This changed when we left India to forge a new identity based on the two-winged, newly-minted state of Pakistan. That's when we were forced to confront questions of identity.

If we are no longer Indian, are we then part of the Persianate world? Even though our language(s) and culture have been heavily influenced by Persianate world and we spoke Farsi as lingua franca for over 800 years, we had lost it to a new homegrown lingua franca (Urdu) long before the British consolidated India. The arrival of the British drove the final nail to our claims of being part of the Persianate world when English became the language of education and instruction.

We lost the Persianate heritage but we couldn't lose the Islamic identity, as it was the basis for the establishment of a new country. Islam became the primary marker of our identity but we needed to ground it in something. Our religious establishment turned towards the Arab world to seek answers and demanded the adoption of Arabic as the national language, taught in schools etc. Thus a new class of  Arab wannabes Al-Bakistanis was born. This debate gave rise to questions about whether we should be a politically secular country or a caliphate-type shariah-run state where religious scholars have the final word. The debate is still raging.

Amid all this, there were regional linguistic identities that took a stand against Urdu as the national language. It might be surprising to you, but Urdu is not native to Pakistan but to regions that fall in India. The percentage of Pakistanis who speak Urdu as their native language was less than 10% in the 1998 census. Provinces that came together to form the federation all have their own distinct languages(s).

To sum up, we don't have a commonly agreed upon language; we don't have a homogeneous ethnic population to make a nation; we don't have historical continuity of a country which could have helped us absorb multi-ethnic and multi-lingual smaller identities into a grand idea of a nation (as in India). If we have none of that, than how are we a country and what justification do we have to be a country? What is Pakistan then?

I'm sorry for the long ramble, but I hope I'm able to show the faultlines around which our questions of identify and its concomitant inferiority complexes come from. Apparently it matters little if we are home to the world's most ancient civilisations (Moenjodaro, Harappa, Gandhara Buddhist civilsation etc). We are not ready to own any of those because for Muslims history starts only from 7th CE onwards.

 

Edited by Marbles
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^ Thank you for taking the time to explain it to me. I was aware of some of the issues but not all of them. I didn't imagine they had resulted in an inferiority complex, since the builders of those ancient civs were still your ancestors, regardless of your present religion. The Maya ,for example, are mostly Catholic today, but are proud as peacocks about those temple cities and the accomplishments of the civilization.

Edited by LeftCoastMom
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:ranting:  Now Back to the Poor-Jokes , "ya no good varmints" [Yosemite Sam]

 

[Elsewhere, in CyberSpace]  :keeporder: <--keep Hasan Calm, he is Fasting

 

l got an email from the end of the 21st Century in my no-time-exists.light account.

The PRC-HS-#7  [PRChina-House Support-Robot-Class 7] asked me what is the relationship between "text" and "textiles".

 

 

Edited by hasanhh
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How many existentialists does it take to screw on a light bulb?

Two - one to change the light bulb and one to observe how it symbolises an incandescent beacon of subjectivity in another world of cosmic nothingness.

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^^^^^ :clap:

Now for a really poor joke:

The people in the office were speculating on whether a romance would develop between to of the electrical engineers. He is from Perdue. She is from M.l.T.

"Not a chance", said the office manager. "They are  different voltages.****"

 

****You cannot join different voltages under most conditions. In your American house, you have 220V and 110V.

Yeah, so bad a joke  l send apologies to Milton Berle.

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Loool @starlight this joke is most likely derived from Gargantua and Pantagruel, the 16th/17th century book by Rabelais. Pantagruel's has a clever-fool friend Thomaste who gets into a silent debate with the father of Church. Thomaste wins the debate and when he's asked how he did it he gives similarly foolish answers. You might want to check it out. It's a long episode spanning multiple pages and it's absolutely hilarious!

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Paki Medicine  Another Milton Berle:

Paki Wife:  What did the Doctor Say.

Paki Husband; He said l have the flu.

Paki Wife: Well, what did the doctor tell you to do?

Paki Husband: The Doc said, Stay quiet, drink plenty of fluids and get plenty of rest.

Paki Wife:  ln other words, YOUR typical weekend.

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OK, this is kinda sexist, but

 Now ask me again if l think women are hysterical and abusive towards children.

:D

According to ABC WNN, 12June17, the Mother was "trying to capture the moment when the baby says "momma" for the first time. As D.Macedo opined, the baby may never say it again.

 

:hahaha:

Edited by hasanhh
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On 2017-5-29 at 3:32 PM, Marbles said:

@starlight @Lover of Ahlulbait (ams) @Brained @Heavenly_Silk @Darth Vader @AnaAmmar1

LOL a fitting response to the Al-Bakistanis out there...

11.thumb.jpg.a0deff9558f2d03852cc79fbcf4ece48.jpg

22.thumb.jpg.7a79380d266ec55d322a64e3a7414cc5.jpg

 

Same thing happened with Moulavi Ismaeel Deobandi(I am not sure though), a revert shia, during a munaazra with a sunni Scholar. The sunni guy trapped him on the pronunciation of وَلاَ الضَّالِّينَ . He made a point by saying that you have read that word wrong and true pronunciation is close to د instead of zuaad.
To which Moulavi ismaeel said, "Ap ki biwi ko mard(مرض ) lag gia ha, us ka kuch kijiye".

Sunni guy became really mad.

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In a sermon he delivered at the Prophet’s Mosque in Medina last Friday, the progressive Imam She‎ikh Salah Al-Budair declared 

“I know that I will shock many people by saying this, but I think that women can indeed be admitted into Heaven. ,” the Imam preached. “ The Prophet said ‘No woman should travel except with a Mahram’. Ascending to heaven is the greatest trip in every good muslim’s existence. I don’t believe that the Prophet meant this trip to be an exception. I think that a woman can get into Heaven, as long as she’s accompanied by a man of her family. This, of course, implies that at least one man in her family needs to be admitted himself…”

The real joke follows later

A group of conservative scholars and religious leaders from across Saudi Arabia, overseen by the country’s ministry of Islamic Affairs, signed a declaration condemning the Imam’s sermon as a blasphemy, and reaffirming that “only men are worthy of going to Heaven”.

 

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53 minutes ago, starlight said:

In a sermon he delivered at the Prophet’s Mosque in Medina last Friday, the progressive Imam She‎ikh Salah Al-Budair declared 

“I know that I will shock many people by saying this, but I think that women can indeed be admitted into Heaven. ,” the Imam preached. “ The Prophet said ‘No woman should travel except with a Mahram’. Ascending to heaven is the greatest trip in every good muslim’s existence. I don’t believe that the Prophet meant this trip to be an exception. I think that a woman can get into Heaven, as long as she’s accompanied by a man of her family. This, of course, implies that at least one man in her family needs to be admitted himself…”

The real joke follows later

A group of conservative scholars and religious leaders from across Saudi Arabia, overseen by the country’s ministry of Islamic Affairs, signed a declaration condemning the Imam’s sermon as a blasphemy, and reaffirming that “only men are worthy of going to Heaven”.

 

lol I totally understand this

woman: it's just a joke btw no need to get crazy

Edited by Muhajir
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Another Milton Berle:

Nurse: Girls! l'm getting MARRIED   (<--- women's spelling)  :yahoo:

:discussion:  :party:

:dwarf:"Wait a minute. WHO are you marrying?"

Nurse: "The rich guy in Room 353."

    :discussion:   "So HOW did you do it?"

Nurse: "l got him to ask me before the shot they gave him wore off."

:worried: :confused:

Nurse: "Girls ... my brothers were there. Aaaaannnnd ...

:mod: "Here's the contract".

 

 

 

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True Story: (simplified)

Wife: Help in the kitchen (in mild imperative voice)

Me:  Yeah, l'll help (unspoken: "drill sergeant")

Wife: Do this (what ever it was)

Me: (trying to do whatever it was)

Sergeant Wife: "Not like that ! Errrr, like this!"

Me:  [Fumbling what-ever-it-was again.]

Sergeant Wife: "Here !  Give it to me!*** You do it this way"( in rising tone of the frustration voice)

Me:  [Trying to figure out what l did 'wrong'.]

Sergeant Wife looking directly into my eyes says: "Even for a husband ... you're dumb."

 

***l was thinking 'knuckle sandwich'.

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6 hours ago, hasanhh said:

Whatever "special type of skills" they have, l never benefited from them.

As much as I hate to admit as much as I hate to admit as much as I hate to admit this but they do have some good to them because they can help us guys learn to be more caring and nice and emotionally sensitive, I know it sucks but I guess guys need woman to help with with that stuff and it does suck lol and hurts to do so like literarily but ya...

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11 hours ago, Muhajir said:

As much as I hate to admit as much as I hate to admit as much as I hate to admit this but they do have some good to them because they can help us guys learn to be more caring and nice and emotionally sensitive, I know it sucks but I guess guys need woman to help with with that stuff and it does suck lol and hurts to do so like literarily but ya...

:hahaha: to the nth degree.

You haven't been 'brainwashed'. You have undergone 'brain reconstructive surgery'. :party:

l believe you need an ice pack for the swelling:  :fever: 

But you have 'hope'. lt is your 'teenage mind'. You'll out grow it, inshallah.

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1 hour ago, hasanhh said:

:hahaha: to the nth degree.

You haven't been 'brainwashed'. You have undergone 'brain reconstructive surgery'. :party:

l believe you need an ice pack for the swelling:  :fever: 

But you have 'hope'. lt is your 'teenage mind'. You'll out grow it, inshallah.

I have been damaged by them for life, I have the scars to prove it lol.

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