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In the Name of God بسم الله
Inquisitor

Poor Jokes [OFFICIAL THREAD]

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A former Federal Prosecutor has written a book about his involvement In the  investigating and questioning of A-dorable Hillar and cohorts.

But he can't decide on the title. Should it be "Fifty Shades of Jive" or "Fifty Shades of Guile" ? ? ?

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How American Dream comes true.

"It all started when I was a little boy. One day, my father gave me an apple. I soon sold it for five dollars and bought two apples and sold them for ten. Then I bought four apples and sold them for twenty. Well, this went on day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, until my father died and left me three hundred million dollars."

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14 hours ago, hasanhh said:

4th attempt:

The fire department was called to my remedial cooking class.

The instructor said, "We are going to learn to boil water."

l thought she said "batter".

Sign on my Remedial Cooking Class door:

Due to our recent incendiary event, all future classes will be held poolside.

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Just now, hasanhh said:

Sign on my Remedial Cooking Class door:

Due to our recent incendiary event, all future classes will be held poolside.

So l went to the Billiards Hall and no one was there.

Was class canceled?

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On 10Sept16 Uhty Hameedeh wrote:

"The expert in anything was once a beginner. Start now. Bismillah"

I have to disagree. Even 10 years later, I was saying the same thing to myself as the black day l got marred: "What have l done to myself?"   And l never did get any better at it.

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My remedial cooking teacher asked us to devise a recipe for cookies that are crispy.

My report was real easy. Make your batter to preferred taste and then cook at night.

When you take your cookies out with the lights off and they glow red, you know they will be crispy.

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And another Milton Berle joke:

Breaking News: foreign intelligence agencies have hack the Trump Transition Team (TTT) and discovered that President-Elect Trump plans to change the nuclear code to Password 1 .

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Modern Times

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family’s status, she consulted the family doctor. 

The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. 

He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms. 

Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the mother told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms. 

The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying, “Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that!  I'm dating Susan!”

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Extremist Response to a TV program:

Funeral Scene;

Minister: "What does it mean to be dead?"

A Man raises his hand like he is in class.

Minister's Answer: "To lose a Friend. To lose a family member."

Extremist Answer: To Party :party:  and sing, "Ding Dong the Witch is dead, the Witch is dead, Ding Dong the Wicked Witch is dead. Hi-Ho the Merry-Oh,  l had no Choice, it is cheaper than Divorce. Ding Dong the Wicked Witch is dead."  :hahaha:  [with no apologies to the Wizard of Oz]

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6 hours ago, starlight said:

Exopthalmophobia :D

I think the proper orthography is ex-opthalmophobia. Also known as ex-scopophobia which should be ex-'scoop'phobia, the fear of your ex scooping away your finances. :cry:

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My little sister is really peeved at me.

"What good is a remedial cooking class for YOU?" she steamed.

"Why? What's wrong?", l asked.

"If you invite us over for dinner, you could at least take the food out of the dividers."

http://recipes.howstuffworks.com/menus/history-tv-dinner.htm 

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I have been watching a couple of 'gone viral' brawls for Thanksgiving Evening and Black Friday.

Even though 10 million shopper went to the lnternet rather than the stores...

Maybe we should call the Friday after Thanksgiving "Black-Eye Friday" ?

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