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In the Name of God بسم الله
Inquisitor

Poor Jokes [OFFICIAL THREAD]

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Two Palestinian men go to a sheikh and ask him: "Ya Imam, if we liberate al-Qods, are we permitted to have our way with the enemy's women?" The sheikh answers: "Ha! If you do that, you can have your way with me!"

 

(got this from a Palestinian movie)

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A Rashti man tells his friend: "Tehran is such an amazing place. As soon as you come out of the terminal, they come pick you up in a car free of charge, then they take you to the finest restaurants for dinner, then they take you to the finest hotels, everything paid for, and then they even give you money." His friend tells him: "You're so full of c.rap, you've never been to Tehran." The Rashti man says: "I haven't been, but my wife told me all about it."

Edited by baradar_jackson

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OK, Marbles, that was a good joke. Now for a REAL story.

 

My wife's birthday was this week. For a couple of months, she kept saying she wanted ME TO BUY her a suit.

 

So the afternoon of her birthday, I went out and bought her a suit. A doll's suit.

 

She finds it hanging on the door...all birthday like.

 

She kinda glares at me and I said, "You wanted a suit, so I got you a suit".

 

She still looking at me. I said, "You didn't say what size."

 

She still looking at me, and I  said, "Be glad you didn't ask for a bikini."

 

 

Then we changed clothes and went out to eat at a nice restaurant. (I had to pay.) (My car and gas, too.)

 

She said at the restaurant, "I meant for you to by me a suit in Michigan" (There a lot of Islamic stores there.)

 

But I do not think she meant another doll's suit.

Edited by hasanhh

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An American tourist boards a cab in Moscow and asks the cabbie to take her to the airport asap, the driver assures her that he is a Master and  will get to the airport very soon. So he drives like a maniac and crosses red light after red light with no worry. All of a sudden he brings his car to a screeching halt at a green light. The passenger cant help but wonder why the guy stopped at a green light. To which the cabbie replies 'maybe another Master in a hurry is passing by.'

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OK, Marbles, that was a good joke. Now for a REAL story.

 

My wife's birthday was this week. For a couple of months, she kept saying she wanted ME TO BUY her a suit.

 

So the afternoon of her birthday, I went out and bought her a suit. A doll's suit.

 

She finds it hanging on the door...all birthday like.

 

She kinda glares at me and I said, "You wanted a suit, so I got you a suit".

 

She still looking at me. I said, "You didn't say what size."

 

She still looking at me, and I  said, "Be glad you didn't ask for a bikini."

 

 

Then we changed clothes and went out to eat at a nice restaurant. (I had to pay.) (My car and gas, too.)

 

She said at the restaurant, "I meant for you to by me a suit in Michigan" (There a lot of Islamic stores there.)

 

But I do not think she meant another doll's suit.

 

Ah, I was listening to Beyonce's "Who Runs the World" song, and I came up with a poor joke of my own.

 

Q) Who runs the world?

A) Men

 

Q) Who runs men's brains?

A) Women.

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Nasseruddin Shah, while in England as a guest of the British crown, is taken to a football game (which at the time had not yet become the world's preferred sport but was mostly an English affair). He watches the game for a while without understanding much of what is happening, before finally asking one of the Englishmen: "What are they trying to do?" The Englishman says: "They are trying to take the ball from one another." Nasseruddin Shah replies to this (in earnest): "Why don't they just give them 22 balls?"

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An old joke from the 1960s:

 

A man travels with his wife for a European vacation. They get to London for dinner and he orders "steak and potatoes". Then they travel to Brussels and for dinner he orders "steak and potatoes". They get to Bonn and again he orders "steak and potatoes". Then in Paris he once more orders "steak and potatoes" for dinner. Finally, they fly back to the United States. Driving home, they stop at a restaurant and the man orders "steak and potatoes". After they finish eating the man says to his wife, "I don't understand why people come back from Europe and rave about the food? It tastes the same over there as it does here."

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WARNING : Slight Exaggeration --extrapolated from true events:

 

 

A man was arguing with his wife in the kitchen. She said, "how can you say that with a sharp knife in my hand?" The dumb man said, "It is not as sharp as your tongue.!" The wife starts laughing. The Dumb Man says, "Forget 5, give me 10". The wife says, "Yes".  So they start to double High 5. The Dumb Man gets 5 in his right hand and a knife in his left hand.

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I am not interested in jokes but this one is funny:

O God! Thanks for everything you gave, for everything you didnt give, for everything you gave but then you took it back, for everything you didnt give but you are going to give later, for everything you gave but you are going to take it back, for every thing you are not going to give and for everything you didnt give but you claim that you have given it.

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An old lady goes to her priest and says ''father,I have a problem with my husband, he keeps chasing after young girls''

 

The priest replies ''ah yes, I have a similar problem with my dog, he is always chasing cars''

 

The old lady, a little perplexed, asks ''How are the two similar?''

 

The priest replies ''Well up to now, he has never caught one, but if he ever does, I don't know what on earth he thinks he'll be able to do with it!''

Edited by Ali_Hussain

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