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In the Name of God بسم الله
Inquisitor

Poor Jokes [OFFICIAL THREAD]

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(salam)

 

A couple of days ago ...

 

I awoke in my chair and the end of a Shriek movie was on.

 

The "princess" is trying to get somewhere to marry/marr some poor guy.

 

Some dumb "prince" or some such nonsense.

 

Shriek is her guide and guard ... I guess.

 

Shriek gets all mushy about her.

 

So, finally, Shriek goes to the "princess" and blah, blah, blah

 

The "princess" loses control and is transformed into her true self:

 

An Ogre

 

And I thought: Yep. If that ain't the Truth. You may think you see a "princess like" girl, but they are ogres underneath.

 

Remember that, all you single men.

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(salam)

 

A woman at our mosque lost her husband. Not at the mall, but "lost" as in he died.

 

So the funeral was last month. So last week she went to his grave to check it.

 

While she was there, she started to lament:

 

Ali, why did you go and leave us so poor?

Our daughter, Fatima, needs shoes.

Our son, Hussein needs a shirt.

Muhammad needs pants.

Ya-Sin needs socks and T-shirts.

And Fatuma needs a hijab.

 

That night, her husband Ali appears to her in a dream and says:

"Woman, why complain to me. I am dead and in my grave. I am not in Abu Dhabi."

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(salam)

 

A Father says:

 

My sons, never marry a doctor.

 

His sons looked very puzzled as their mother was a doctor.

 

Finally, the oldest asks,

 

"Why not, Father?"

 

To which  their Father answered,

 

"Because if you make her angry,

 

she can do more than

 

put ipecac in your coffee."

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From my neighbor, yesterday:

 

Two boys are in the hospital.

First boy: What are you in for?

2nd boy: I'm here to have my tonsils taken out.

First boy: Don't worry. They put you asleep and when you wake up, you get to get ice cream for three days.

2nd boy: What are you in here for?

First boy: A circumcision.

2nd boy: Oh, Gosh. That's terrible. I had that when I was a few days old and I couldn't walk for a year.

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(ra)

 

True story.

Me at the smart-alek teenager age ... a long, long, time ago, in a house, far, far, away:

 

My mother at the kitchen sink:

Complaining --as was usual-- ...

.

"I cook, I clean, I wash these dishes, I wash the clothes, I never get a chance to sit ..."

 

I said, interruptingly, "But that's what mommies are for"

 

At which point I immediately jumped backed and ducked.

 

She missed me by centimeters.

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I didn't want to derail starlight's thread "Marriage: Before and After" here:


with a joke pic... so I'll post it here:

 


 

This was in the news last month:

www.bbc.co.uk/news/blogs-trending-33411219

 

There's a famous sculpture of the Egyption Queen Nefertiti from 3300+ years ago, and a town in Egypt paid someone to make an outdoor replica.  But the workmanship is no comparison compared to the one from thousands of years ago  :lol:

 

Side by side comparison:


 

So the BBC page includes a joke by someone on Twitter, who says it's:

"Nefertiti before and after marriage"

 

At first, I thought he meant the "After" was the high-quality sculpture... but then I realized that since he's Arabic, he was viewing it right-to-left  :D

Edited by Bright

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Warning- This is a poor joke. no offense meant. Please read the 500 pages end-user agreement carefully before you read the joke. Also, conditions applied (thats another 100 pages). 

 

 

A guy marries a Chinese woman.

She passed away after sometime.

At the funeral, a friend consoles-

Friend: Really sorry to hear that. After all, she was from China. How long did you think she would last?

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