Poor Jokes - [OFFICIAL THREAD]

[Inquisitor]

I'm unsure if a topic especially for PJs exists, but I just went ahead and made one. Post your PJs here, if you will. I'll start :

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New method of breaking up:

A boyfriend threw 6 cricket balls at his girlfriend.

GF: What was that?

BF: It's over baby!

[Ali_Hussain]

I read a Jewish joke the other day (it went something along the lines of:)

A rabbi and a taxi driver arrive at the gates of heaven, an angel comes to greet them and immediately ushers the taxi driver through the gates, leaving the rabbi waiting.

This infuriates the rabbi, who says "How is it possible that he enters heaven before me, he is just a taxi driver, whilst I am a rabbi, a scholar of G-d's religion, I dedicated my life to Him!"

The angel replies "You gave boring sermons, when you preached, you turned people away from G-d, whereas he was an erratic and dangerous driver, when passengers were in his car, they feared for their lives and prayed and remembered G-d a lot"

[Sumerian]

On 4/2/2014 at 2:59 AM, Inquisitor said:

I'm unsure if a topic especially for PJs exists, but I just went ahead and made one. Post your PJs here, if you will. I'll start :

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

New method of breaking up:

A boyfriend threw 6 cricket balls at his girlfriend.

GF: What was that?

BF: It's over baby!

Inappropriate joke.

[Inquisitor]

On 4/2/2014 at 5:32 AM, DaBeast313 said:

Inappropriate joke.

I would like to know what is inappropriate in that joke. And apologize for any offense caused.

[Ali-F]

[hasanhh]

Inquisitor:

My guess as to what is allegedly "inappropriate" is that it is 'politically incorrect'. The girl throwing the cricket balls is the only 'acceptable' thing.

White males are politically and automatically guilty of everything.

[Inquisitor]

On 4/2/2014 at 1:26 PM, hasanhh said:

Inquisitor:

My guess as to what is allegedly "inappropriate" is that it is 'politically incorrect'. The girl throwing the cricket balls is the only 'acceptable' thing.

White males are politically and automatically guilty of everything.

I don't get what is inappropriate. The joke is not about throwing balls at someone. The joke is actually more apt for people following cricket in that in a cricket match bowling 6 balls constitute 'an over'.

But heck, anyway the thread is ruined. It was supposed to be about poor jokes, which people should have let it be and not dig deep to read in between the lines.

[hasanhh]

Sorry, don't know crichet.

OK folks, back to the "poor jokes".

[The Green Knight]

So this Taliban tries to cross a river and begins to drown. His hand touches a fish below him so he grabs the fish and throws it out of water saying: "At least you don't have to drown as well and as for me, Allah will help me."

[hasanhh]

Told in the mosque by the imam:

A flood came and a man climbed a tree. A truck came by and offered the man a ride and the man said, "no thanks, Allah will help me".

The water rose and a boat came by and offered a ride. The man said, "no thanks, Allah will help me".

The water rose over the tree and the man drowned. Allah (s.w.t.) appeared to the man and the man asked, "Why didn't you help me?" And Allah said, "What? I sent you a truck and a boat.!"

[hasanhh]

Sign at Sky Diving School:

 

Absolutely No Blind People Allowed

.   It scares the Scat out of your Dog.

[Inquisitor]

Chemistry PJ:

 

You should not drink water while studying.

 

Why?

.

.

.

.

Because concentration decreases with addition of water.

[baradar_jackson]

White males are politically and automatically guilty of everything.

 

 

What part of the joke led you to believe the male in question was white?

 

[Maryaam]

A man, recently killed in a car accident, found himself walking along a winding road. Up ahead, he could see what seemed to be Heaven.  When he reached the end of the road, there was an angel.  The angel was looking right at him and motioning for him to hurry up, saying that there were only three spots left.  The man was confused and unsure, but he approached the angel and asked what he meant. The angel explained that there were 3 rooms left and each had one spot – and asked the man to choose one of the doors to the rooms to be opened for him.  The man did not know which one to choose so he asked the angel what was behind the doors.  The angel replied that he didn’t usually do this, but seeing that it was the end of the day – he would show him what was behind each door and he could choose the one that he felt he would be most comfortable. The man agreed.

 

Each room had huge heavy doors.  The angel using all his might pushed open the first door. It creaked and strained but eventually opened wide.  And there, as far as the eye could see, were 1000’s of people, standing on their heads, on cement blocks.   The man was kind of taken back and upset but asked to see the next room.

 

The angel closed the doors to the first room and opened the next set of doors. Again with a loud groan – they opened. And there, as far as the eye could see, were 1000’s of people, standing on their heads, on mattresses.   To the man, this seemed slightly better than the room before, but definitely not great.  However, with slightly increasing hope for the next room, he asked to see it.

 

The angel closed the large doors to the second room and proceeded to the third and final room.  Again with a lot of effort and a little help from the man, the angel was able to push the massive doors open. There, as far as the eye could see, were 1000’s of people, standing ankle deep in “poop”, holding cups and saucers sipping coffee.   The man considers his three choices, graciously thanks the angel for letting him see them all, and ultimately decides to remain in the third and final room. The angel is surprised, but says, it is done– go join the rest.  The man takes a cup and gingerly steps into the ankle deep “poop”.  Then, just as the angel has closed the huge doors, a voice from a PA system booms across the huge room, “Alright folks, coffee break is over. Back on your heads!”

[Agora]

What part of the joke led you to believe the male in question was white?

Because he did something inappropriate or bad or was at fault for something. If the man was anything but white, there would be less accusations and more excuses ("he is a product of his environment", "he is a product of institutionalized racism", "his ills were caused by the white man", etc.)

In today's society the white heterosexual male is looked upon as the greatest evil based only on his race and sexuality. You have to be brown, gay, or a woman to get anywhere in this world these days. (Bonus points if you're a brown gay woman like one of my coworkers.)

Edited April 5, 2014 by Agora

[The Green Knight]

A man's wife known for her temper by the neighbors falls unconscious one day. People take her for dead so they give her a bath and shroud then put her on that wooden stretcher and the proceed to the cemetery. The husband is all quiet with a stoic look on his face as he walks along with them. On the way they hit a electricity pole and because of the jolt the woman regains her consciousness and groans, and people realize that she wasn't dead so things go back to normal. After some years the woman dies for real and people gather and proceed to the cemetery. When they near that old electricity pole the husband mutters: "Careful boys, careful now, keep away from that pole." :p

[Ali-F]

Told in the mosque by the imam:

 

 

A flood came and a man climbed a tree. A truck came by and offered the man a ride and the man said, "no thanks, Allah will help me".

The water rose and a boat came by and offered a ride. The man said, "no thanks, Allah will help me".

 

The water rose over the tree and the man drowned. Allah (s.w.t.) appeared to the man and the man asked, "Why didn't you help me?" And Allah said, "What? I sent you a truck and a boat.!"

 

This is shirk.

[Lordofgemini]

Come on its a moral story and don't take everything literally :$

[aliyah21]

 

There was an emergency meeting held by Wahhabis discussing what if their heads get worshipped, should they be chopped off?

Abu Simzim, a known Wahhabi area man, has chopped off his own right hand. His friends tried in vain to prevent him for sanity reasons, but Abu Simzim felt that Tawheed would be better served by his right hand removed.

“As soon as a homeless beggar kissed his hand he knew that it had to go,” says Omar Lili, Abu Simzim’s best friend. “We tried to tell him that it’s okay, but he insisted that only God is to be revered not his right hand.”

Citing the Wahhabi demolitions of tombs, historic sites, and holy structures, Abu Simzim concluded that his right hand must be chopped off because it was being worshiped.

“No, he is wrong,” says Sheikh Al Nibaani, his mentor, “Abu Simzim is wrong, we only demolish mosques, houses of Sahaba, erase Prophet’s memories, and chopping other people’s hands, that’s our job not chopping our own hands.”

Abu Simzim is recovering but is worried about his head being worshipped because the Sheikh kissed his head. 

[hasanhh]

If I had a dollar...er, Euro... for everything I did I thought was smart I would be a rich fool.

[Wahdat]

Chemistry PJ:

 

You should not drink water while studying.

 

Why?

.

.

.

.

Because concentration decreases with addition of water.

two sodium atoms walking down a street

 

atom 1: oh no.... searching his pockets...... i lost an electron

atome 2: are you sure?

atom 1: i am positive.

[hasanhh]

Some woman threw a shoe at Hillary Clinton.

 

That woman was obviously visually impaired...

 

 

 

Hillary does not look like George Bush.

[The Green Knight]

Some woman threw a shoe at Hillary Clinton.

 

That woman was obviously visually impaired...

 

 

 

Hillary does not look like George Bush.

 

OMG women rights violated !! Oh wait . . .

[Sumerian]

I would like to know what is inappropriate in that joke. And apologize for any offense caused.

You mentioned how a "girlfriend" talks to her "boyfriend" in a relationship. This is not a romance site. This is an Islamic site. These stuff shouldn't be mentioned.

[Brained]

Heisenberg was going 100 mph on a 60 mph road. He got pulled over by a policeman " Do you know how fast you are going?".

Heisenberg replied "no.... I only know where I'm"

[aliyah21]

A friend posted this on FB: 

 

When I saw you I was like, "Mashallah!"
Then I wanted you and I was like, "Inshallah!"
But then I paid closer attention and I was like, "Subhanallah!"
I got to know you and I was like, "Astghfurallah!"
So since I left you I was like, "ALHAMDULILAAH!"

[Brained]

What is the difference between Kajal and Kajol?

Kajol is an alcohol whereas Kajal is an aldehyde. #organicjokes

[baradar_jackson]

Here is a typical Iranian joke.

 

Most Iranian jokes are of a racist nature; meaning, Iranians like to poke fun at the different nations and cities that make up the country.

 

The stereotype for "Turks" (Azeris) is that they are dumb.

The stereotype for Lors is two-fold: the main one is that they are violent, but they also have a stereotype of being dumb.

 

Keep in mind that these stereotypes are just for fun; everyone knows they are not really true. Azeris and Lors together make up about a third of Iran's population. :)

 

Now that I'm done with the intro, here is the joke...

 

It's Muharram. People are gathering at a local husseiniya for a majlis. The guy who is doing the majlis is starting to really get into it, and just before the majlis reaches its climax, he shouts: "Turn off the lights! Tonight we are going to Karbala!" After someone turns off the lights, he continues reciting the majlis. Once it is over and someone turns back on the lights, he notices that a large number of people are missing from the gathering, and some are standing against the back wall, holding their personal luggages. The rozeh khoon (majlis reciter guy) says to them: "What the hell are you guys doing!? This is a majlis! What are you, Turks?" To that, the luggage people replied: "No, we're Lors. The Turks have already boarded the bus."

 

The end.

 

Please don't delete this. :(

Edited April 16, 2014 by baradar_jackson

[Jaabir]

Here is a typical Iranian joke.

 

Most Iranian jokes are of a racist nature; meaning, Iranians like to poke fun at the different nations and cities that make up the country.

 

[...]

 

Here's a kind of stereotype joke about rich Arabs.

 

The son of a rich Emarati minister was studying abroad in the U.S. He started driving his brand new Lamborghini Aventador to university but noticed that all the other students were travelling by train.

 

One day he checked his email and saw an email from his father asking him how he was liking his university. He responded, "I'm enjoying it here, but all of the students here get to university by train and I feel embarrassed when I get there in my Lamborghini."

 

So the next day he gets a response from his father: "Son, $500 million has just been added to your account. Go and get yourself your own train and please stop embarrassing us."

[hasanhh]

I asked my ex-wife why she always had so many credit cards and credit card bills.

 

She said, "Every time I passed by the malls, the doors would open and call me in."

[hasanhh]

A girl asked a man she just met what he did for a living. The man, a pastor, said, "I am an exorcist."

 

The girl responded, "Is that like a personal trainer or something?"

 

[an exorcist does exorcism, that casting out of demons -from Judeo-Christian superstitions]

[Brained]

Wahhabi: My mother is going to marry. 

Yazid: Meri Maa'wiya' karne jarhi hai.

 

wiya: shaadi/ marriage.

 

 

 

X: Aur Sahih hai?

Y: Han

X: Bukhari ya Muslim?

[Ali_Hussain]

This is a pretty poor one:

 

Arabic is such a powerful language that it can even make a jet stop in mid air, you can check it out for yourselves, if you utter any Arabic sentence on a moving plane, the plane will immediately stop and redirect itself to the nearest airport

Edited April 22, 2014 by Ali_Hussain

[The Green Knight]

Two Nazis walk into a BAR.  (BAR = Brownings Automatic Rifle, us army squad support weapon during WW2)

[Marbles]

Two girls were fighting over a seat on a bus. The conductor came and said, 'Why are you fighting? Whoever is older among you should get the seat".

 

Both girls kept standing for the rest of the journey.

Edited April 24, 2014 by Marbles