Poor Jokes - [OFFICIAL THREAD]

[Haji 2003]

[hasanhh]

Mt ex use to trick me. She'd ask things like, "What kind of soup do you want? Borscht or beet?"

She got away with kind of thing because l couldn't spel b-o-r-s-c-h-t.

[hasanhh]

Old Dotard here.

l read this article.

First there is "Farout" (124AU), and now there is "Farfarout"(132AU).

https://www.livescience.com/farfarout-planet-distance-record.html 

These dwarf-planet names reminds me of personalized comments l get . . . even on S.C.

Maybe its not eccentricity, but early-onset dementia.

Well, maybe not. l can still spell big words.

lt's the littul wons that stump l.

[hasanhh]

l had to go to the store this cold morning.

So when l went out to my truck, l had this chicken on top of the cab.

They always move on when l get in.

So l start up and drive to the store.

When l came out, that chicken was still there.

lt's feet were frozen to the cab.

0kay, but l ain't gonna put no fluffy bird inside my truck. That's where dogs, wives and kids go.

l drive home and parked in the Sun.

l'II check later to see if it got itself loose.

[Guest]

2 hours ago, hasanhh said:

l had to go to the store this cold morning.

So when l went out to my truck, l had this chicken on top of the cab.

They always move on when l get in.

So l start up and drive to the store.

When l came out, that chicken was still there.

lt's feet were frozen to the cab.

0kay, but l ain't gonna put no fluffy bird inside my truck. That's where dogs, wives and kids go.

l drive home and parked in the Sun.

l'II check later to see if it got itself loose.

This is brutal!! How can you do this?? The poor helpless chicken. How scared the poor thing must be stuck on top of the truck while you drove away. What it had become unstuck while you were driving. You could have at least left him some food. 

[hasanhh]

2 hours ago, starlight said:

What it had become unstuck while you were driving.

"Well, if it could not have flown away if it became unstuck, then it will have been blown away."

 

"The shaytan impulsed me to write that."

[hasanhh]

lf l ever post a poor joke that people "Iike", l'II drink a soda to celebrate.

[Ashvazdanghe]

On 2/12/2021 at 12:21 PM, hasanhh said:

Maybe its not eccentricity, but early-onset dementia.

Well, maybe not. l can still spell big words.

lt's the littul wons that stump l.

[Ashvazdanghe]

On 2/12/2021 at 12:21 PM, hasanhh said:

First there is "Farout" (124AU), and now there is "Farfarout"(132AU).

[Haji 2003]

 

[hasanhh]

Another Milton Berle:

My sister was telling me about her new business. lt is her first foray into the business world.

After describing her business, she started telling me about the money. She never thought she would make any.

Gross receipts minus expenses, employee pay, income taxes, social security taxes, business taxes, medicare taxes, local assessments, utilities, incidentals and so on. Then she said, "l had money left. So brother, where is my adding mistake?"

[hasanhh]

l was watching this 1958 Daffy Duck  cartoon.

Daffy is on a street trying to sell stuff out of a suitcase. Flowers, bent back-scratchers, and then a "Joe Miller Joke Book".

WHO? 

So after rummaging around the lnterNet, l found this:

https://www.nypl.org/blog/2014/03/31/joe-miller-historical-joke-books 

a 2minute read

The man is from the 18th Century.

[Haji 2003]

 

[hasanhh]

Happy Valentine's Day

The forecast is to be coldest Valentine's Day on record. [ l guess St. Valentine does not believe in climate change. ]  So, as any devoted bibliophile, l send Valentine cards to all my bounded darlings; but every year, all l get in return is a print out.

[hasanhh]

l was reading this short article on quantum computing.

The article describes the fundamental inability to check on the reliability of any results. Basically, a sequence of (Edwin) Schrodinger's Cat -until the box is opened there is no way to know if the cat is alive or dead.

So, lf you have two cats each inside two separate boxes, in sequence, you'd have anyone of dead-dead, dead-alive, alive-dead, alive-alive.

That is linear thought.

Which raises the specter of 2 dimensional thought.

Consider, Xexp4?  A  " 4? " exponent, as "?" signifies the inherent questionable state.

Which we can describe with problem X. X then has the ?(questionable) exponent combinations of: sometimes alive-sometimes alive, sometimes alive-sometimes dead, sometimes dead-sometimes alive, and sometimes dead-sometimes dead.

This is very easy  to understand. Just think of being marred, the problem X.

[Haji 2003]

[Haji 2003]

[Heavenly_Silk]

[Ain-Al Hayat]

[Haji 2003]

 

 

^

comments after an ad for one of these:

 

[hasanhh]

An updated kids joke from the 1950's

Confucius say, "He who lives in glass house, dress in basement."

Update: From the Collections of Wise Sayings compiled by  0ne 0bi-in-the-Gobi in Star Trek -the Next Escalation

Edited February 27, 2021 by hasanhh

[hasanhh]

Adapted from Radio Report:

Sign on door:

-World Obesity Association-

You must be 300 lbs to enter

[hasanhh]

l had a couple of ideations for the "Thoughts" thread today, but this old dotard forgot them. 

l wiII have to start writing these down. l wouldn't want S.C to miss any of my celebrated cerebral coruscations.

"l just love messing with the psuedo-intellectuals . . . anywhere."

[hasanhh]

lt iz 0358hrs Eastern Daylight Time.

l woke up and decided to do Witr.

Done, l check on the computer for Fajr.

0638hrs.

Huh?

lf we spring-forward for daylight savings, then should it not be an hour earlier?

Old dotard here, can't get his poor, old head around this gov't cwap anymore. Although l do remember to pay my protection money to the Worthless Washington White-trash. Natural occurring survivalists impulse l figure . . . lnshallah.

Anyway, l sorted this out by realizing that we are hypothetically an hour 'closer' to the Prime Meridian.

Ahamduallah, at least l have part of a brain remaining, inshallah.

[hasanhh]

0kay you students of chemistry, what do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, silver and erbium?

SWAgEr

swagger - a confident or arrogant walking style

[hasanhh]

Did you know that the word studying is a portmanteau for "students dying?"

[hasanhh]

What does Comet Leonard and Scooby-Doo have in common?

They both have tails.

[hasanhh]

An Al specialist worked on this robot with light-sensor defects. At length, he rebuilt the sensors then wired and set them into place. To run a test on his repairs, he said to his assistant, "Power to the Pupils".

[hasanhh]

A young man climbs a mountain to attain enlightenment.

Reaching the cave at the top, he asks,

"Oh great guru of the gaggling globe . . . what is your advice for making sound decisions?"

After a moment, the guru replies,

"Carefully . . . choose your guitar."

[hasanhh]

Have you all noticed the Reza's new avatar looks like Charlie Sheen?

Yep . . . just google "charlie sheen with headband" and you'II scc.

The colors match the "D.C." online one.

[hasanhh]

From a lead on DeutscheWelle:

https://www.travelandleisure.com/trip-ideas/banwol-south-korea-purple-island 

Now this could make a great movie.

Attack of the Purple People Eaters

[from the 1958 pop song]

[hasanhh]

Trump, against his wishes, signs the Demoncrats $2.3 Trillion Covid Relief bill -Dec2020

Biden signs the Demoncrats $1.9 Trillion Relief bill.

Biden proposes $2 Trillion stimulus bill.

The Demoncrats are spending US Dollars  like they are going out of style.

"Hmmmmm . . . l wonder which style of money l should get now? Euros? Renmenbi? Krona? Won? . . . 

 

[Heavenly_Silk]

[hasanhh]

Very good, @Heavenly_Silk l like that very much. lt reminds me of William E. Hills famous cartoon My Wife My Mother-in-Law. An optical illusion.

[hasanhh]

0n another thread there is a discussion about Men being marred.

l quipped, there is Marred Man, Single Man, Sinful Man and Hermit Man.

Now, lMH0, that is a superhero the Comic Books and Hollywood have missed.

May l present out new superhero . . . Hermit Man:

l nominate for the ideal image, myself.

Here l am outside last Fall: https://www.texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth624297/ 

And here "l" am, inside: https://www.brokehorrorfan.com/post/124924651149/robert-harris-who-played-old-man-cadwell-in-cabin 

lsn't Hermit Life 'geat'?