Poor Jokes - [OFFICIAL THREAD]

[hasanhh]

When Sami wrote "l have four of them", l initially thought he meant thumbs.

[Guest]

dying to know what the joke was :)

[hasanhh]

(salam) my young friends,

 

I must be getting old. l only wanted to make a phone call. Yet, l asked someone where the rotary dial on his cell phone was.

 

:wacko:

[hasanhh]

Yappy Neew Here

 

I ain't as Thunk as You Drink I am.

 

:dry: From 2000EST to 2400EST --except for CBS-- Fox, ABC and NBC are running 4 straight hours of New Year's Countdown.

 

#%&*^$ Don't these New York yidiots think we can tell time ?

Edited January 1, 2015 by hasanhh

[Guest]

Morning time 

Wife : please give me the newspaper

 

Husband : oh, come on darling newspaper is a thing of the past . Be a sport . Take my iPad , it is all yours .

 

Wife takes tab and kills cockroach with it.

 

Husband faints ...

 

Moral-

Follow your wife.

[hasanhh]

(salam)

 

Several dogs got together and decided to form a pack.

The first dog woofed, "Let's start introducing ourselves.My master calls me Rex. What do your masters call you?"

The second dog woofed, "My master calls me Sit"

The third dog woofed, "My master calls me Get-Down"

The fourth dog barked, "My master calls me Quiet."

And the fifth dog woofed, "My master calls me On-the-Papers."

Edited January 6, 2015 by hasanhh

[hasanhh]

What is a jellyfish's favorite drink?

[hasanhh]

Ocean Spray.

[Aliph]

What did 0 (zero) say to 8 (eight)?

 

Nice belt  :D

[Aliph]

What washes up on the shores of tiny beaches?

 

Microwaves  ^_^

[Aliph]

What's the calendar's favourite food?

 

Dates  ;)

[hasanhh]

(salam)

 

Why did the dinosaurs die out?

 

.^{Because they lost their Rex-appeal}

[hasanhh]

.

 

CNN Money, 21Jan15, 1437EST, "Deflation 'Death Star' firing lasers at economy"

 

quote: :!!!: "Deflation is a scary as Darth Vader ..."   :!!!:

 

 

Is SC 'doomed' ?  :donno:

[Guest]

1.Put your wife in a room and lock it.

2. put your dog in other room and lock it.

3. open both rooms after 2-3 hours and see who is happy to see you, and who will BITE you.. lol.

 

 

Warning... Group members are advised not to try this at home as these stunts were performed by professionals, who are now divorced and living happily with their dog.

[alisayyed]

Seen on a T shirt -

I know karate, kung fu and 47 other dangerous words.

[hasanhh]

(salam)

 

Movies:

 

House of Horrors (1946)

 

"An insane sculptor sends the disfigured criminal he saved from drowning to kill the critics who denounced him."

 

 

School of Horrors (2015)

 

"An insane teacher sends the disfigured student he saved from drowning to kill the critics who denounce him."

 

 

Government of Horrors (continuous)

 

"An insane politician sends the police he saved from budget cuts to terrorize the people who criticize him."

[hasanhh]

(salam)

 

Local Headline on newsbar:

 

Marijuana legalizers "...arrive in Ohio with high-flying ambitions..."   :shifty:

[alirex]

 

1.Put your wife in a room and lock it.

2. put your dog in other room and lock it.

3. open both rooms after 2-3 hours and see who is happy to see you, and who will BITE you.. lol.

 

 

Warning... Group members are advised not to try this at home as these stunts were performed by professionals, who are now divorced and living happily with their dog.

 

 

Only " BrainUser "s like it. :D

[hasanhh]

(salam)

 

When I hear voices, it is usually my stomach saying, "feed me".   :wacko:

 

 

The others l ignore.  :wacko: :wacko:

[hasanhh]

What is a tree's favorite drink?

 

 

root beer

[aliyah21]

Wearing five or more layers of makeup should be considered niqab... because no one knows what you really look like  :shifty:

[baradar_jackson]

You can't be serious..?

Nevermind, I forgot this was a joke thread.

 

 

Keep in mind that the person who made this statement is himself a brown dude who once said that German blood has been pumping in his veins since he was born.

 

That explains all you need to know, no?

 

[alirex]

Don't go to that Orator he will " White wash " you.

 

Man : :blink:  What ?

 

Only people having brain can get there " Brainwash ".

[hasanhh]

(salam)

 

Politico, 28Jan15, 0846ESTupdate; "Homeland Security funding on the brink'

From a story on NPR this Tuesday:

The we-define-necessity-STASI sub-department HS will run out of money 27Feb15. As "essential personnel" they will remain on-the-job and get their back-pay later.

The vote is stalled on the Senate floor.

 

The joke? The gov't is the joke...... on US :mad:

 

So, when you check under your beds tonight, start getting into the habit of taking your handgun with you

[peace seeker II]

[peace seeker II]

 

 

Edited February 5, 2015 by peace seeker II

[ShiaHashmi]

Girlfriend’s Problems with Boyfriend after Marriage

A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy..

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0,MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1 . Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5..3 to fix these problems but it just doesn’t seem to work.
What can I do?

Signed,

———— Reply From IT Support ———

DEAR Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system ­ ­.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulove­dme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5..
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Beer 6.1..
Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to re install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
To summarize – Husband 1.0 is a great program You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.

Good Luck Madam!
IT SUPPORT DESK.

 

[hasanhh]

:!!!:

 

NBC News is reporting today that undersea volcanic eruptions are linked to climate change.

 

:scream:  :lol:

 

Is this kinda some nefarious gov't intelligence test to see how really stew-pid we all is???????

 

There are volcanic eruptions on the moon Io.

[hasanhh]

(salam)

 

Poll:  Do you believe there is more apathy in today's society?

 

 

:unsure:   1] I need to think about this.

 

:donno:   2] I'm not sure, l guess.

 

:excl:   3] Yes, there is.

 

:no:   4] No, there is not.

 

:o   5] I don't know and l don't care!

[hasanhh]

.

 

Flour and Egg whipped together with Swiss Cheese and Turkey  - Monte Cristo Sandwich

 

 

Poached Egg on English Muffin with Pork and Hollandaise Sauce - Eggs Benedict

 

 

Egg on plate in microwave too long - Egg's Blown Apart

[shiamehdi14]

I didn't look at all the previous posts so I hope this joke was not used.

 

I love Ramadan because it is the only month I get a date  every night.

[alisayyed]

I didn't look at all the previous posts so I hope this joke was not used.

 

I love Ramadan because it is the only month I get a date  every night.

It has been posted before.

You lose. Someone beat you to it. This defeat will haunt your nightmares.

You will be judged your entire life on the basis of this post.

Btw. Thanks for posting. It doesn't get old, this joke. :-)

[hasanhh]

(salam)

 

May have been "used" before, but it does remind me of my "olden days".

[hasanhh]

.

 

 

What do you call an lS maskie?^{Target Practice}

[peace seeker II]

what's the future of IS? 

 

,..

 

 

 

...

 

 

..

 

 

..

 

WAS