Poor Jokes - [OFFICIAL THREAD]

[Marbles]

(salam)

"The scary little Ebola worms? Is that the real threat to national security?"

 

"worms"?

 

:cry:  <-- how else can we react to anyone some _____ dumb?

 

Well, Americans.

[hasanhh]

(salam)

 

A Muslima fell gravely ill.  She was so very sick, she asked her husband to do ruqya sharia.

 

So, her husband began reading from Quran, beginning with Sura Nisaa, the 3rd ayat.

 

The Muslima got up and cooked dinner.

[hasanhh]

(salam)

 

A teacher walked into her classroom one morning and asked the class, "Who shot Abraham Lincoln ? Our 16th President ? "

 

No hands go up, so she asked a student in the front row, "Who shot Lincoln ?"

 

The student answered, "I do not know, I was taking a shower last night."

 

So, the teacher asked a student in the back of the room, "Who shot Abe Lincoln ?"

 

The second student answered, "I was asleep last night."

 

The teacher asked a 3rd student, and that student responded, "I didn't watch the news last night."

 

Sadden by the class' lack of knowledge, the teacher walkout into the hallway for a moment.

 

The school principal came walking by and asked the teacher, "Why are you so sad?"

 

The teacher answered, "Because not one of these students knows who shot Abraham Lincoln.!"

 

The principal responded, "Well, maybe it's because Lincoln is not in their class."

 

 

There is some truth in this here joke. Yet, when I went to school, from the second grade on, everyone knew Lincoln was shot for sitting in John Wilkes' booth.

Edited September 29, 2014 by hasanhh

[JSAli]

heard this one the other day

 

Time to make ISIS WASWAS

[AnaAmmar1]

another isis joke

 

what makes an ISIS joke funny?

The execution.

[Haji 2003]

[AnaAmmar1]

hamburger walks into the bar

bartender says, "we dont serve food here".

 

some more poor jokes

 

feminism

 

 

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Feminists never change anything.

 

 

why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?

so people dont confuse them with feminists.

 

 

this post is not against women.i <3 women

[hasanhh]

A hamburger walks into McDonald's.

The cashier says, "We don't serve food here".

[hasanhh]

(salam)

 

This joke is by courtesy of a muslima:

 

"When a woman is angered and sits there quietly, prepare yourself.

 

Her shatan is trying to calm her down."

 

:D

[hasanhh]

(salam)

 

A man and wife wanted a new car. The woman said,

 

"I want a something that goes from 0 to 80 in 4 seconds or less. My birthday is next week so surprise me.!"

 

So the man, for her birthday, bought her a brand new^{bathroom scale} !

[Guest]

Question:

Dear Molana, my wife has gone off to her parents in a huff and is refusing to return.What do the ulama say about this?

 

answer:

Molana:  "So which of the favours of your Lord would you deny?" (Ar-Rahman 55:55)

[hasanhh]

New Video Game:

 

 

Call of Duty: the School

 

 

:rolleyes:

Edited November 9, 2014 by hasanhh

[Haji 2003]

American technology meant that they had ice-creams in many different colours before anyone else.

 

 

[hasanhh]

(salam)

 

Gotta post this from a comment on CNN:

 

Rosetta and Philae have travel ten years into space and Philae has landed on Comet 67J.

 

Fascinating.

 

How did the European Space Agency do this without GPS ?  

[hasanhh]

(salam)

 

:shifty:

 

Psst!

 

I read this week the Amerikan Stasi are "tracking 47,000 potential terrorists' inside the USA.

 

I just noticed SC has 46,721 members.

 

Is that US ?

[hasanhh]

(salam)

 

Inanenews.dumb, 27Nov14, "President Insane denies Tom Turkey Thanksgiving Pardon"

 

(OP) Washingtown, FLASH, President Insane has denied the annual national bird, Tom Turkey, a presidential pardon. Tom will be halal-ed today, then scalded and quartered before cooking by 1300hrs ETT (Eastern Turkey Time).

In announcing his decision, Insane ranted that he is denying Tom a pardon because of the severity of the charges against him, these being insectic genocide, unsanitary habits and noise pollution.

Tom is spending his last night locked-up in a closet with only a bowl of water.

Edited November 27, 2014 by hasanhh

[Bright]

"I used to sell furniture for a living... the trouble was, it was my own."

- Les Dawson (1931 – 1993), English comedian

 

 

"I was so poor, I couldn't even pay attention."

- Unknown

 

 

Those jokes also fit based on a literal interpretation of the thread title  ^_^ 

[Hasan0404]

I hope it does not make controversy, and make me  branded as pervert.

 

 

It takes 2 Sikhs to milk a goat.

 

One to hold the teats, other to lift the goat up and down.

[hasanhh]

(salam)

 

Irish Times, Sat29Nov14, "Pope supports strikes against ISlL terrorists"

 

----- Pop Francie "condemned the "barbaric violence" perpetrated against Christians and other minorities in Syria and Iraq..."

 

--- also laid a wreath at Ataturk's tomb

 

- disinterested Turkish public response  to visit

 

 

Opine:  so, the Big Peace Pop wants more "peace bombs" or what?

[Marbles]

From my Facebook feed

 

----------

 

Once An ISIS member stopped the car of a christian couple, and asked them if they are Muslim or not?

The Christian man: I'm Muslim
 

ISIS member: If you are a Muslim then recite a verse of Quran

Christian man recited a verse from Bible
 

ISIS member: Yeah! that was right, you are allowed to go.

"What a risk u took! why did u tell him that we are Muslims? if he knew you are telling lie he would kill both of us" asked the wife when they got further.

"Do not worry! if they knew Quran they would not kill innocents" Answered the Husband.

[hasanhh]

Reading another thread, I remembered this -after decades.

 

No put-on, my Dad use to occasionally say:

 

"Wives should be like cars: trade them in every couple of years."

 

l think the quote is entirely correct --as in how he said it.

[saas]

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

 

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The maid, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

 

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby had poop in his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. So he goes to the maid's room but the door is locked so he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father and maid up to no good. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep poop."

[hasanhh]

(salam)

 

Today, 16Dec, is the date Col. Harland Sanders died in 1980.

 

Founder of KFC -Kentucky Fried Chicken-  he answered the age old question:

 

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"

 

.^{To get away from Col. Sanders}.

[hasanhh]

(salam)

 

From the "CAIR Newsletter", Novemebr 2014, page 9

 

"Muslims Shed Light on What Impacts Their Vote"

 

--- from an automated survey of "more than 3,000 registered Muslim voters in CA, NY, lL, Fla, TX and VA:

 

Which political party do you support in the upcoming election?

 

23% declined to answer

 

5% Green Party --those tree hugging extremists

 

2% Libertarian -- those anti-gov't resistors

 

4% "Other"  - Constitutional extremists and "back door to communism" Socialists

 

51% Democrat  :yaali:

 

and.... 15% Republican --those enactors of draconian measures and peeping-Tom surveillance.

 

Opine: No wonder the Rabid-anti-American-Fascists (RAAF) are mad at us, even hate us. We Muslims not only not give them party money, errrr political contributions, we do not vote for them either. Republicans-in-Force (RIF) are constantly in "islamophobe mode" because we don't like them.

But as to our mis-guided brothers and sisters that vote for the RIF-RAAF (play on " riff-raff"), Repent and join the humanitarian community.

 

And for 2016, remember our misguided brothers and sisters, like the old saying goes: Whether it is Silverado, a fake ID to buy liquors under age, lying about the Global War on Islam -errrr "terror"--, or some sick things George H.W. did.... REMEMBER: Where There ls A Bush, There ls A Crime.

[blu115]

In today's society the white heterosexual male is looked upon as the greatest evil based only on his race and sexuality. You have to be brown, gay, or a woman to get anywhere in this world these days. (Bonus points if you're a brown gay woman like one of my coworkers.)

You can't be serious..?

Nevermind, I forgot this was a joke thread.

Edited December 17, 2014 by blu115

[Shabnam Rizvi]

 

 

"If you can’t beat the record, you can beat up its owner." :no: 

[hasanhh]

Who is the big winner in Pakistan ?

 

 

 

 

 

:shaytan:

[peace seeker II]

[hasanhh]

(salam)

 

Kim Jong-un. Isn't he the brother of Kim Car-dashian?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Apologies to Kim. Jong-un that is.

[hasanhh]

(salam)

 

News Item:

 

26Dec14: DeutscheWelle is reporting that two Saudi Arabian women have been bound over to the "Anti-Terrorism Court" for driving.

 

 

:!!!:

 

 

And l thought American girls were bad drivers.

 

:D

[hasanhh]

I can't believe I got a "like" for one of my "poor jokes". :yaali:

[peace seeker II]

ok i have another poor joke  @)

 

peace seeker is really cool  ...   and funny

[:Sami II]

ok I have one , wait no , I have 4 of them ... :lol:

[Khalilallah]

ok I have one , wait no , I have 4 of them ... :lol:

fingers?

[:Sami II]

fingers?

worse , mother in laws