Poor Jokes [OFFICIAL THREAD]

[Ali Musaaa :) 5,211]

Whaaaa? I live in 'Straya too.

 

Thats my point. White 'Strayan's would understand Inquisitor's joke more so than 'your kind' :P 

[Mzwakhe 818]

Salam,

:who is a true Muslim?

A man bought some rams to kill them as sacrifice. He takes them by the mosque in order to slay them and share their meat for those who were true Muslims.

He left the rams outside, & holding a big knife in his hand he entered the mosque shouting to the people:

- the one who is a true Muslim come out with me!

No one said anything, as they saw the knife, & did not know what he called them for.

A man went after him saying - I consider myself to be a true Muslim. He slew the ram & gave half of it to the man to take home.

He walked back into the mosque now holding a bleeding knife, & asked again: - is there any other true Muslim? - no one answered as they feared for their lives. Finally a man said: - let the Imam speak, he knows better who is a true Muslim.

- don't involve me - the Imam replied - I am only here to do a job I am paid for.

ws

[Chair Pundit 165]

Here is I read something off my pathetic Facebook feed:

 

A boy asked a wise old man, "Why do people run after the material comforts of the world when it is mortal? If they will leave their money behind when they die then why do they amass wealth? Why do they make enemies out of friends for material gains?'

 

The wise old man listened to all the three questions of the young boy, and then took out a box of matchsticks from the pocket of his decrepit tunic.

 

He took out three matchsticks, put the two back in the box, and broke the remaining matchstick in two. He threw away the top part of the matchstick and sharpened the edge of the second half and made it pointy. He then picked his teeth for the shreds of boiled mutton he had eaten in lunch, and said:

 

"Son, how do I know?"

 

 

LOL. Did not expect that ending.

 

Here is another joke: The Imam of the mosque announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."

[hasanhh 10,382]

(salam)

 

I do hope the MODs are not in an over censoring mode. So here is the joke:

 

 

A young man comes home very drunk. Needing to take the pressure off his bladder, he finds a door and opens it. A light comes on. "Odd" he thinks. So he closes the door and he can see the light go off. So he opens the door again and a light comes on again. He closes the door again and the light goes off again.

He does this several times.

The next morning the young man says to his mother, "I think we have a jinn in the house." "Why", she asks. "Because", he said, "Last night when I opened the door a light came on and when I closed the door the light went off."

"Oh, Yarabi", his mother says, "It was you playing with the motion sensor last night."

 

 

You thought something nasty happened to the  refrigerator, didn't you.???????? :shifty:

[Inquisitor 1,038]

A masochist asks a sadist: Please hurt me.

 

"No", replies the sadist.

[Haji 2003 9,679]

What do you call a Gujerati droid?

 

R2 Datoo

[hasanhh 10,382]

(salam)

 

Vegetable Oil is made out of vegetables.

 

Corn Oil is made out of corn.

 

Peanut Oil is made out of peanuts.

 

Baby Oil is made out of

 

:no:

[Marbles 16,149]

What do you call a Gujerati droid?

 

R2 Datoo

 

What do you call a Fat Boy in Gujarati?

 

Mota bhai.

[Mzwakhe 818]

Salam,

God created but two religions:

A man was a very capable imam, & a true patriot. He was asked how many religions are there in the world?

- there are but two religions in the world, the imam answered.

- what are these two religions as I think there are more - said the man.

- one of them is the faith of the good ppl, those on God's path, the other is that of the bad ppl, those who strayed God's way. The first follow his commandments, & the others are many in number.

ws

[hasanhh 10,382]

A Sunni, a Shi'ite and a Sushi were running through the desert when one fell and hit his head.

 

They found an old lamp. Rubbing it to see the inscription, a Jinni comes out.

 

The Jinni said, "For this, I grant you each one Wish".

 

The Shi'ite says, "I want to be safe in Basra" and immediately he is gone.

 

The Sushi says, "I want to be safe in Baghdad", and immediately he is gone.

 

The Sunni says, "I wish we were all in Fallujah."

[Mzwakhe 818]

Salam,

an old woman had 3 daughters in law, the brides went along well, but didn't like the strict mother in law. So they decided to kill her.

One day when their husbands were away, they started ticklishing the old lady that she laughed so hard she passed on. Ppl came for mourning wanting to know:- what she died of?

-well, she was sound & well, & she died laughing, the brides said.

ws

[asifnaqvi 48]

A pathan was sitting in a restaurant with his friend.

 

The pathan said," there are four men sitting on the table infront of me and one of them is my enemy."

Friend : wich one?

Pathan : the one who is taking tea. 

Friend :  but  i can see all of them taking tea.

Pathan : The one with white clothes.

Friend  : But all of them are wearing white clothes.

 

Now the pathan got irritated, he loaded his gun and shot three of them and said,

 

" The bloody R...... , who has survived is my enemy."

Edited July 9, 2014 by asifnaqvi

[hasanhh 10,382]

A poor man goes into the kitchen and his wife says, "I have a little job for you."

 

So the man cleans this little it of spilled flour off the floor.

 

A few minutes later, the wife says, "I have another little job for you."

 

The poor man does that one and then another one and another one and...

 

Finally, the poor man says, "this must be some kind of Communist Conspiracy"

 

The wife responds, "No dear, it's not."

 

Then the poor man thinks, "It is not a Communist Conspiracy, but a Conspiracy of Jinns"

[asifnaqvi 48]

What do you call a Fat Boy in Gujarati?

 

Mota bhai.

 

I guess in gujrati,

mota bhai = Barraa bhai.

[Marbles 16,149]

I guess in gujrati,

mota bhai = Barraa bhai.

 

Man you ruined the 'poor joke'.

 

:dry:

[asifnaqvi 48]

Man you ruined the 'poor joke'.

 

:dry:

 

 I did?

Meaning i Can make Pjs  B) 

[Hasan0404 2,032]

Wife: I Lost My Keys Again!.
Husband: Its In Ur Jeans.
Wife: Don't Drag My Family Into This ,,,,,,,

[Marbles 16,149]

Wife: I Lost My Keys Again!.

Husband: Its In Ur Jeans.

Wife: Don't Drag My Family Into This ,,,,,,,

 

That's called unintentionally hitting a raw nerve...

[hasanhh 10,382]

.

1):  You cannot do that. You will hate yourself.

 

2):   Not for long. I have a very forgiving nature.

[Wahdat 1,641]

A dedicated Sikh became an undercover officer in Delhi Police. 3 years latter, the police department is looking for him to give him his pay for the 3 years.

[Hasan0404 2,032]

Pathan: We are 35 siblings.

 

Surprised friend: Didnt the Family Planning campaigners visit your home?

 

Pathan: They visited but mistook our house for a madressa, and left.

Edited July 20, 2014 by Hasan0404

[hasanhh 10,382]

As reported/commented by Peter Goss on "Agenda" this week, Deutsche Welle:

 

The airline security regulations require that all nail clippers be confiscated from passengers before you fly them over a war zone.

[hasanhh 10,382]

(salam)

 

I saw a detour sign. Got me imagining,

 

If I want to take a trip, that will be "A tour"

 

If I go for some honey, that will be a "Bee tour"

 

If I drive to see something, that will be a "Cee-tour"

 

Dee-tour we have

 

If I go back for my key, that would be a "Kee-tour"

 

If I go golfing, that will be a "Tee-tour"

 

If I go to see you, that will be a "U-tour"

 

If I do algebra, that will be an "X-tour" and a "Y-tour"

 

If I go to the zoo, that will be "Zee-tour".

Edited August 9, 2014 by hasanhh

[jean_valjean 65]

A girl bought a laptop from a store. The other day she took it back to the store and yells furiously at the shop owner because she had a problem. The salesman asks "whats the problem ?", "i cant copy files from my computer to this laptop" replies the girl. After checking it for a while the technician asks " may i know how u tried to copy files from your computer" to which the girl replies " i plugged in a mouse to my computer ,copied my file from there, re-plugged the mouse to my laptop and then tried to paste it there" :P

[Marbles 16,149]

The doctor told a fat Sikh that if he ran eight kilometres a day for 300 days, he would lose 34 kilos.

 

At the end of 300 days, the Sikh called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem.
 

"What's the problem?" asked the doctor.
 

"I'm 2400 kms from home."

[hasanhh 10,382]

True story:

 

At the dinner table one night, the conversation turned to our various medical events over the past couple of weeks.

Cost of new eyeglasses, ear infection, dental, and stuff previous like tonsils, etc...

when my sister quipped, "If we all had our heads cut off --we'd be in perfect health".

 

 

 

Remembering this last night, you could also quip, "we all have something wrong in our heads'."

[hasanhh 10,382]

(salam)

 

When your horse gets sick, always put them in the barn -so they will be in stable condition.

[Brained 1,937]

Taken from an Italian story - from the 1920s when support for fascist politics was spreading rapidly across Italy - concerning a political recruiter from the Fascist Part arguing with a rural socialist that he should join the Fascist Party instead. 
"How can I," said the political recruit, "join your party? My father was a socialist. My grandfather was a socialist. I cannot really join the Fascist party." 

"What kind of an argument is this?" said the Fascist recruiter, reasonably enough.

"What would you have done," he asked the rural socialist, "if your father had been a murderer and your grandfather had also been a murderer? What would you have done then?"
"Ah, then," said the potential recruit, "then, of course, I would have joined the Fascist Party."

[hasanhh 10,382]

(salam)

 

News Flash: [21 Ain't-gonna-happen 2014] "Administration and Congressional Officials Pour into West Africa"

 

nutnews.gov; Administration officials and Congressmen with staff and families in tow, have poured into West Africa for photo-opportunities with the mountains of aid for the Ebola-plagued countries they brought with them.

.      But few people were in attendance at their arrival as most people are contained behind quarantine-wire or dead.

.      Senator John McPain, the senior senator from Aribonia said, "Better late than never. But we should have bombed first."

.      Secretary of State John Berry in a prepared statement said, " In our efforts to forward our policy objectives with our partners in the international community we come here to {inaudible} with our friends in their hour of need. "

.      The President's wife, Mitchel, was wearing a new sleeveless designer dress.

[hasanhh 10,382]

(salam)

 

Tues,26Aug14:

 

So on the news today is the story of a child who swallowed a "button size battery " for a "TV remote control".

 

The child was taken to Children's Hospital for surgery. And NO, his eyes weren't flashing.

 

The child did this on its First Birthday.

 

Question: Do you think this one will make it to number 2 ?

[hasanhh 10,382]

(salam)

 

Good News: the boy who swallowed the battery will be fine.

 

 

News Bar: "Who to cite in hearse crash?"

 

It's the guy in the back fault.

[Marbles 16,149]

Girl to boy: Love is not written on paper, for paper can be erased. Nor is it etched on stone, for stone can be broken. But it is inscribed on a heart and there it shall remain forever.

 

Boy: Hmmm, what about the heart attack?

[alisayyed 427]

Hindi/Urdu joke-

 

What do you call a cow dancing?

 

 

A: Guidance.

[hasanhh 10,382]

A parody on amy whitehouse (d.2011)

 

My favorite singer is Am I Beerhouse, who never said he could sing, but "bawls like a sick calf"

[hasanhh 10,382]

(salam)

 

A politico-medical opinion from radio show-off Laura Ingraham:

:wacko:

Source: MediaMatters, 17Sept14, 1358EDT, "Conservatives Find a Way to Attack Obama for Fighting Ebola"

 

"The scary little Ebola worms? Is that the real threat to national security?"

 

"worms"?

 

:cry:  <-- how else can we react to anyone some _____ dumb?