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Bismillah arrahaman arrahim,

 

I'm a young sister (18 y.o) and I was wondering how should a woman be with her husband. I'm not married but I want to ask married woman how do they behave with their husband, what's our role? We should follow Sayyeda Fatima al Zahraa (as) so what are your advices for young sisters that still don't know marriage? So that we are prepared.

 

Thank you, with duaas.

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(bismillah)

 

(salam)

 

Sorry to post here, but this was in the new thread bar and I feel this may be beneficial.

 

Duties of husbands:

 

http://www.al-islam.org/principles-marriage-family-ethics-ayatullah-ibrahim-amini/part-2-duties-men

 

Duties of wives:

 

http://www.al-islam.org/principles-marriage-family-ethics-ayatullah-ibrahim-amini/part-1-duties-women

 

(wasalam)

Edited by Grief

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Wsalam,

Our role is differently not to cook and clean... Am not married, but I dont need a married person to teach me the basics.. Treat him with kindness but dont allow him to walk all over you. Dont just focus on cooking and forget about him. I have married friends and some of them proitites the wrong things... Anyways I have noticed that alot of woman became careless about their apperence, you should look good for yourself...

Be you and not someone else. No one can be like fadmat al zahra (as), we just have treat the other the way you liked to be treated. Comprimising and understanding is key. Commuincate if you dont agree on something,dont always give in, if your right then explain your point.

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Be his slave and satisfy him in every way possible. never raise ur voice at him and if he doesnt like something then u should go out of ur way to listen to him and obey him. of course...never obey him if it means disobeying Allah. 


btw am not married but this is my opinion of how a wife should be

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(Salam)

Truly said, a human.

Marriage is indeed a partnership for life. A husband and a wife should move together. You should not get ahead of your husband. Never speak louder than him. Make him feel that no matter what, he has someone at his side who understands him. If he's upset, cheer him up. If he's troubled, advice him. If he's wrong, correct him while trying not to offend him nor make him upset. Humans need someone to be with them who understand them. For your husband, is you!

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Aslam e Elukum,

 

OP this is a very important question, we women should know the role of a wife before we get married. 

 

Someone above mentioned that one cannot be like Sayyeda Fatima(SA), I agree with it, but one can try. The Prophet(SAWW) and the Ahl ul Bait(AS) are a fine example for us. We should follow what they taught us through their lives. If we are true Shias, we should follow them. 

 

And also read the links that brother Grief has posted in this thread. They are helpful as well. 

 

May Allah(SWT) help you. And may you have a great successful marriage filled with love. Ameen

Edited by Sapphire

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Here is a book that you should read which I hope will help you.

 

http://www.al-islam.org/principles-marriage-family-ethics-ayatullah-ibrahim-amini

 

And also read the links that brother Grief has posted in this thread. They are helpful as well. 

 

I posted that book... :dry:.

 

:P

Edited by Grief

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Like a wise man once said, a husband and wife are like garments to each other. A garment is aware of one's bodily flaws but covers them and bestows grace on the individual. So too, a spouse is intimately aware of his/her partner's every flaw, but hides them and beautifies the partner.

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Like a wise man once said, a husband and wife are like garments to each other. A garment is aware of one's bodily flaws but covers them and bestows grace on the individual. So too, a spouse is intimately aware of his/her partner's every flaw, but hides them and beautifies the partner.

 

Brother, by 'wise man', you mean the Quran?

 

They are your garments and you are their garments. (2:187)

 

:(

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Brother, by 'wise man', you mean the Quran?

 

They are your garments and you are their garments. (2:187)

 

:(

 

(Some) say they were three, the dog being the fourth among them; (others) say they were five, the dog being the sixth,- doubtfully guessing at the unknown; (yet others) say they were seven, the dog being the eighth. Say thou: "My Lord knoweth best their number"... [18:22]

Edited by Deewan

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Be his slave and satisfy him in every way possible. never raise ur voice at him and if he doesnt like something then u should go out of ur way to listen to him and obey him. of course...never obey him if it means disobeying Allah.

btw am not married but this is my opinion of how a wife should be

Why in the world would any woman marry if she thought she were consigning herself to slavery!

I think I understand the sentiment behind this idea described here, but the choice of words is just wrong, so terribly, sadly wrong.

A marriage is a partnership, not enslavement. Yes, make things easy and peaceful and pleasant for him - and he should do the same for her. If anything, the man has more responsibility to serve the wife as her protector and provider.

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Be his slave and satisfy him in every way possible. never raise ur voice at him and if he doesnt like something then u should go out of ur way to listen to him and obey him. of course...never obey him if it means disobeying Allah. 

btw am not married but this is my opinion of how a wife should be

 

Allah be praised.

 

This is a dream girl description of many a man.

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Why in the world would any woman marry if she thought she were consigning herself to slavery!

I think I understand the sentiment behind this idea described here, but the choice of words is just wrong, so terribly, sadly wrong.

A marriage is a partnership, not enslavement. Yes, make things easy and peaceful and pleasant for him - and he should do the same for her. If anything, the man has more responsibility to serve the wife as her protector and provider.

 

Not literal barbaric meaning of slavery...when the prophet (saws) narrated that if women were not obliged to worship Allah , I would have ordered them to worship their husbands,,again, i dont think the literal meaning of worship is meant here.I believe a wife should put her husbands needs before her own , and should obey him because its WAJIB on her to do so even if she doesnt not agree with him. anyways, thats just my opinion sis :) im traditional in my thinking thats why i used thr word slave 

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(Some) say they were three, the dog being the fourth among them; (others) say they were five, the dog being the sixth,- doubtfully guessing at the unknown; (yet others) say they were seven, the dog being the eighth. Say thou: "My Lord knoweth best their number"... [18:22]

Are you willing to elaborate? :)

Edited by Grief

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Not literal barbaric meaning of slavery...

anyways, thats just my opinion sis :) im traditional in my thinking thats why i used thr word slave

I would feel better about the use of the word "slave" if it included a qualifier that the husband has similar obligation to serve his wife, except he has been designated as the head of the family and that leadership needs to be respected. Like I said before, I think I understand the sentiment and it is in fact very sweet and legitimate. If the husband and wife both put the needs of the other ahead of their own the marriage would be bliss.

The word "slave" has a negative connotation in my culture and that is what I objected.

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Bismillah.

 

Salaam again.

 

I found a good chapter of a book on the topic:

 

THE DUTIES OF WOMEN: The Purpose of Marriage

 

Marriage is a natural necessity for every human being. It bears many good outcomes of which the most important ones are:

 

(1) The formation of a family through which one can find security and peace of mind. A person who is not married resembles a bird without a nest. Marriage serves as a shelter for anyone who feels lost in the wilderness of life; one can find a partner in life who would share one's joy and sorrow.

 

(2) The natural sexual desire is both strong and significant. Everyone should have a partner for satisfying their sexual needs in a secure and serene environment. Everyone should enjoy sexual satisfaction in a correct and proper manner. Those who abstain from marriage often suffer from both physical and psychological disorders. Such disorders and certain social problems are a direct consequence of the abstinence of youth from marriage.

 

(3) Reproduction: Through marriage the procreation of mankind is continued. Children are the result of marriage and are important factors in stabilizing the family foundations as well as a source of real joy to their parents.

 

A great deal of emphasis has been given in the Holy Qur'an and the Traditions to both marriage and having children. The Almighty Allah states in the Holy Qur'an:

 

"And among His signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves...” (30:21).

 

"The Prophet (SA) stated: 'There is no better structure founded in Islam other than marriage'."[1]

 

"Imam Ali (as) stated: 'Engage in marriage; because this is the tradition of the Prophet (SA) of Allah."[2]

 

"The Prophet (SA) of Allah stated: 'Whoever chooses to follow my tradition must get married and produce offspring through marriage (and increase the population of Muslims) so that on the day of resurrection I shall confront other Ummah (nations) with the (great) numbers of my Ummah'"[3]

 

"Imam Rida (as) stated: 'The greatest gain for a man is a faithful woman who, when she sees him, becomes happy and protects his property and her own honour in his absence'."[4]

 

What has been dealt with so far in this chapter has been only the worldly and animalistic side of marriage which the animals also share: the Benefits of companionship and reproduction. As such the true purpose of marriage for the human race is of a different kind. Mankind is not meant to have entered this world solely in order to eat, drink, sleep, seek pleasure or act lustfully, and then to die and be destroyed. The status of man is higher than such deeds. Human beings are meant to train themselves and their souls by gaining knowledge, committing good deeds, and behaving with good manners. Man is meant to take steps along the straight path to achieve nearness to Almighty Allah. Mankind is a creation that is able to cleanse his soul and by avoiding evil deeds and exercising good behaviour reach a level of such high status that even the angels are not able to attain. Man is a creature that is eternal. He has come to this world so that by the guidance of the prophets and the implementation of the programs set by the religion (of Islam), to secure his happiness in this world and the Hereafter; so that he could live a peaceful life in the next world eternally.

 

Therefore, the purpose of marriage should be searched for in this spiritual context. The aim of marriage for a religious person should be a means of avoiding evil deeds and purging one's soul of sins. It should be a means of acquiring nearness to the Almighty Allah. It is in this context that a suitable and good partner assumes an important role. When two believers, through marriage, form a family, their sexual relationship would benefit them in strengthening their mutual love and kindness, for such a couple, there would not exist any dangerous threats of sexual perversion, dangerous addictions or unlawful deeds. The Prophet (SA) of Islam and all of the Imams (as) have laid great emphasis on the institution of marriage.

 

"The Prophet (SA) stated: 'Whoever gets married, has safeguarded half of his religion'."[5]

 

"Imam Sadiq (as) stated: 'Two Rak'ats (units) of a married person's Salat (prayer) are better than seventy Rak'ats offered by a bachelor'."[6]

 

A faithful, pious, and harmonious partner plays a crucial role in having a respectable and honest life. Indeed having such a partner is an important factor when wanting to avoid evil deeds and enables the commitment of oneself in performing the obligatory acts of worship. A pious couple, not only would not meet with any obstacle in achieving religious goals, but would be a source of encouragement to each other.

 

Is it really possible for a faithful man of Allah to gloriously fight in His way, without the approval of his wife?

 

Is it possible for any pious person to earn his living lawfully, observing all religious aspects, paying statutary religious alms to avoid extravagance, and to spend on charitable deeds without the consent of his wife?

 

A pious person would always invite his partner to goodness, just as a corrupt person would tempt his partner towards corruption. It is then reasonable that, in Islam men and women, who want to get married, are advised to regard the piety and good manners of their future partners, as essential conditions.

 

"The Prophet (SA) stated: 'If I were to bestow all the good of both worlds upon a Muslim person, I would endow him with a humble heart, a tongue which continuously utters his praises, a body patient enough to withstand all calamities; and I would give him a pious spouse who, when she sees him, becomes happy, and protects his property and her own honour in his absence'."[7]

 

"One person went to the Prophet (SA) and said: 'I have a wife who always welcomes me when I come home, and escorts me to the door when I leave. When she finds me sad and unhappy, she then, by consoling me says: 'If you are thinking of sustenance, then do not despair, because Allah provides sustenance; and if you are thinking about the next life, then may Allah increase your intellect and efforts. Then the Prophet (SA) stated: ' Allah surely has functionaries and agents in this world and your wife is one of those. Such a woman would be rewarded half as much as a martyr'."[8]

 

"Imam Ali (as) was thinking the same when he spoke of Hadrat Zahra (as). He stated that she was the best help for worshipping the Almighty Allah. History tells us that the Prophet (SA), one day after the wedding of Imam Ali (as) and Hadrat Zahra (as), went to congratulate them in their house and know about their welfare. He asked Imam Ali (as): 'How do you find your spouse?' The Imam replied: 'I found Zahra as the best help in worshipping the Almighty Allah.' The Prophet (SA) then asked the same of Zahra (as), and she replied: 'He is the best husband'."[9]

 

Imam Ali (as), in one sentence, introduced the best woman in Islam and expressed the main purpose of marriage.

 

REFERENCES:

 

[1] Wasa 'il al Shiah, vol 14, p 3.

[2] Ibid.

[3] Ibid.

[4] Ibid, p 23.

[5] Ibid, p 5.

[6] Ibid, p 6.

[7] Ibid, p 23.

[8] Ibid, p 17.

[9] Bihar al-Anwar, vol 43, p 117.

 

With Duas.

 

Narsis.

Edited by narsis

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