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In the Name of God بسم الله

What To Do? To Conisder Marriage Or Wait?

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  • Advanced Member

Assalam o Alaikum,

Its been almost two months since i lost the person i loved for 7 years. You can read the full story here for those of you havent read yet:

http://www.shiachat.com/forum/topic/235020513-marriage-issue-need-helpadviceduas/page-5#entry2682160

I was just going through another topic about barriers to marriage which got me thinking. I am at a stage where i feel lonely and depressed. I have no one and I have no clue how to move forward in life. I really need a partner.

Is it too soon for me to ask my parents to look for someone? I just think that the only way i can move on with my life is by getting the emotional support of a person via marriage. I dont want to hang on to the girl i loved for another 3 months and then see her marriage pictures and face another traumatic experience it would just be too much for me to handle. I want to move on before that but i dont c how i can.

Would it be too soon for me to find someone else? Cuz this time i dont want to risk anything i dont want to start a relationship all over again and then experiment. I want someone permanent who could be my support, give me motivation to do something in life and have some purpose which has clearly gone missing..someone did suggest in the previous discussion that the best way to move on from this is to actively start searching for girls for marriage.

What do you people think? I would love to hear your point of views. I just want to figure out a way to get past this. At present i am struggling.

JazakAllah

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Just move on, forget about her There are plenty more fish in the sea, maybe you were meant to get someone better, younger, way more better looking, smarter etc. Even though you loved her, you will wake up one morning and think, "what the hell?" but I do think you should get back out there - this person isn't worth any more of your tears.Onwards and upwards :)

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  • Advanced Member

Assalam o Alaikum,

Its been almost two months since i lost the person i loved for 7 years. You can read the full story here for those of you havent read yet:

http://www.shiachat.com/forum/topic/235020513-marriage-issue-need-helpadviceduas/page-5#entry2682160

I was just going through another topic about barriers to marriage which got me thinking. I am at a stage where i feel lonely and depressed. I have no one and I have no clue how to move forward in life. I really need a partner.

Is it too soon for me to ask my parents to look for someone? I just think that the only way i can move on with my life is by getting the emotional support of a person via marriage. I dont want to hang on to the girl i loved for another 3 months and then see her marriage pictures and face another traumatic experience it would just be too much for me to handle. I want to move on before that but i dont c how i can.

Would it be too soon for me to find someone else? Cuz this time i dont want to risk anything i dont want to start a relationship all over again and then experiment. I want someone permanent who could be my support, give me motivation to do something in life and have some purpose which has clearly gone missing..someone did suggest in the previous discussion that the best way to move on from this is to actively start searching for girls for marriage.

What do you people think? I would love to hear your point of views. I just want to figure out a way to get past this. At present i am struggling.

JazakAllah

 

Salam brother,

 

InshAllah others can give you their opinions about this, I just would like to ask you something. Would you believe that it is good or ethical, to get permanently married to a girl that will possibly give you all her heart right after marriage thinking you will as well but in the back of your head and in your heart you love someone else and you may think of someone else? I understand that someone may help you emotionally to get out of this but well, I personally would feel deceived and betrayed if a guy married me in a moment where he only needed me to move on, if she was to know, you would make her feel jealousy, anger, frustration and possibly resentment towards you that may not leave her heart.

 

I don't know I'm just throwing some thoughts, what if you are married and the girl you love contacts you and wants to talk to you. would you reply? would u tell her ur married? or you would get so excited and happy that you may start a conversation with the girl you love behind your wife's back?

 

I've known of stories like these so I just wanna spare you more pain inshAllah.

May Allah guide you.

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  • Advanced Member

Assalam o Alaikum,

Its been almost two months since i lost the person i loved for 7 years. You can read the full story here for those of you havent read yet:

http://www.shiachat.com/forum/topic/235020513-marriage-issue-need-helpadviceduas/page-5#entry2682160

I was just going through another topic about barriers to marriage which got me thinking. I am at a stage where i feel lonely and depressed. I have no one and I have no clue how to move forward in life. I really need a partner.

Is it too soon for me to ask my parents to look for someone? I just think that the only way i can move on with my life is by getting the emotional support of a person via marriage. I dont want to hang on to the girl i loved for another 3 months and then see her marriage pictures and face another traumatic experience it would just be too much for me to handle. I want to move on before that but i dont c how i can.

Would it be too soon for me to find someone else? Cuz this time i dont want to risk anything i dont want to start a relationship all over again and then experiment. I want someone permanent who could be my support, give me motivation to do something in life and have some purpose which has clearly gone missing..someone did suggest in the previous discussion that the best way to move on from this is to actively start searching for girls for marriage.

What do you people think? I would love to hear your point of views. I just want to figure out a way to get past this. At present i am struggling.

JazakAllah

 

From a western perspective, normally its a good thing for people to spend some time to themselves before moving on to another relationship.  Imagine if you moved into something too quickly.  Then your feelings for the first person may interfere with your focus and comfort with the newer prospects.

 

If that makes sense.

 

Its good to cool down, get your thoughts together, and then move forward with a clear mind.  Rather than to "rebound".

 

Best of luck.  I imagine you will be fine with a bit of time, InshaAllah.

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  • Veteran Member

Bismehe Ta3ala,

Wa Alikum Assalam wa rahamah.

Please take this as a motherly advice and deactivate your fasidbook NOW. Of course you will stay depressed because as another person pointed out fb is all fake smiles and a show.

Nothing wrong with asking your parents to help you look for a bride. You need to keep yourself busy and find something to keep your mind occupied.

Brother, you don't have to fall in love with the girl you marry. The love part comes after marriage, Insh'Allah. Move on, you will be fine.

M3 Salamah, FE AMIN Allah

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  • Advanced Member

Assalam o Alaikum,

Its been almost two months since i lost the person i loved for 7 years. You can read the full story here for those of you havent read yet:

http://www.shiachat.com/forum/topic/235020513-marriage-issue-need-helpadviceduas/page-5#entry2682160

I was just going through another topic about barriers to marriage which got me thinking. I am at a stage where i feel lonely and depressed. I have no one and I have no clue how to move forward in life. I really need a partner.

Is it too soon for me to ask my parents to look for someone? I just think that the only way i can move on with my life is by getting the emotional support of a person via marriage. I dont want to hang on to the girl i loved for another 3 months and then see her marriage pictures and face another traumatic experience it would just be too much for me to handle. I want to move on before that but i dont c how i can.

Would it be too soon for me to find someone else? Cuz this time i dont want to risk anything i dont want to start a relationship all over again and then experiment. I want someone permanent who could be my support, give me motivation to do something in life and have some purpose which has clearly gone missing..someone did suggest in the previous discussion that the best way to move on from this is to actively start searching for girls for marriage.

What do you people think? I would love to hear your point of views. I just want to figure out a way to get past this. At present i am struggling.

JazakAllah

I honestly think you need more time Brother. 

Yes, you need someone. Yes, you want someone. Yes, a woman in your life would seem to solve your problems, or so you think.

But, you might have unrealistic expectations of what this potential young lady will be able to give you. What really sticks out to me is that you say "The only way I can move on to get married because I need that emotional support." That tells me you are willing to throw your soul, every fiber of your being into another woman, the same way you did the first time.

I would love to tell you "Yes Brother, ask your parents, you can do it inshallah". But I am worried you are too "eager" to get married because of a broken heart and not because you are actually ready.

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  • Advanced Member

Salam,

You need to heal that pain inside you before you make such a big decision. Your just trying to run away from a situation and jumping into another relationship will do more harm then good because your not in the right state of mind. And you may regrat your decision when your back to your normal thinking.

You should go on a hoilday or take a break from what your doing. The people that I have seen, that have made these snap decision have either ended in divorce or they dont get along with the person there with. Dont marry to make the other jealous, it will only harm you.

Seriously delete and block that girl or else you will not have the power to move on. You looking at her will not help you...

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  • Moderators

Assalam o Alaikum,

Its been almost two months since i lost the person i loved for 7 years. You can read the full story here for those of you havent read yet:

http://www.shiachat.com/forum/topic/235020513-marriage-issue-need-helpadviceduas/page-5#entry2682160

I was just going through another topic about barriers to marriage which got me thinking. I am at a stage where i feel lonely and depressed. I have no one and I have no clue how to move forward in life. I really need a partner.

Is it too soon for me to ask my parents to look for someone? I just think that the only way i can move on with my life is by getting the emotional support of a person via marriage. I dont want to hang on to the girl i loved for another 3 months and then see her marriage pictures and face another traumatic experience it would just be too much for me to handle. I want to move on before that but i dont c how i can.

Would it be too soon for me to find someone else? Cuz this time i dont want to risk anything i dont want to start a relationship all over again and then experiment. I want someone permanent who could be my support, give me motivation to do something in life and have some purpose which has clearly gone missing..someone did suggest in the previous discussion that the best way to move on from this is to actively start searching for girls for marriage.

What do you people think? I would love to hear your point of views. I just want to figure out a way to get past this. At present i am struggling.

JazakAllah

Salam Br.

 

No, I don't think it's too soon. The solution for depression is action, fe Sibilillah. 

 

IMO, don't rely on your parents to find someone for you. Take the initiative, use all means available to you. 

 

I have suggested this many times because I have seen this work more than any other method. 

 

First, get involved with Islamic activities, projects. Go to the masjid and volunteer to help. 

Give sadaqa, even 1 dollar, but if you can afford more, give more. volunteer at a homeless shelter, help people in your community that need help. Get involved in your community in a postive way. This will open up opportunities to meet sisters, mumina ones,  the ones that you want to be with for the long run, in ways you can't even imaging right now. 

Try  this first.

 

The world is full of people that need your help, and especially there is extra thawab in helping followers of Ahl Al Bayt(a.s). If you help them meet their needs, Allah(s.w.a) will help you meet yours. It's really that simple. 

 

 

Salam. 

Edited by Abu Hadi
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  • Advanced Member

salaam

I'm having trouble understand exactly what happened , why did u lose the person u loved for 7 yrs?? & is she getting marry soon or what?

but I know how u feel I faced a similar situation like this too & it hurts A LOT to c the ppl u were good friends with now moving on & having their own lives & ur left all alone. it will make u feel even more lonely & feel ur life is not going anywhere. but what I realised is i needed to busy myself with life & create new opportunities 4 me to start new life & forget the past. like finding new exciting job, continue my studies, meet new friends & try to get engaged with them like calling them often & inviting them over. trust me this stuff can make u forget a lot of the past that's hurting u.

why I say this & not say u should marry right away? cuz u don't want 2 rush marriage & do things u can regret. if I were u brother I wud make chances of introducing myself to new girls & 2 their families. u can make friendly relations with them until u find 'the one' & is sure she the 1 u want.

also don't ever think if u marry right away ur new wife can make u forget ur lover past. & don't put an innocent sister into situation like this cuz if she finds out she'll be depressed & hate u 4 it.

take ur time until u start to feel good & love again , then u shud marry. past tragedies take time to heal in ur heart & u must b patient.

Fi aman Allah

ws

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