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In the Name of God بسم الله

Would You Tolerate Your Wife Complimenting Men?

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You really don't get it do you? I for one hope you never get a partner that compliments other people for their beauty.

But sometimes, that's what it takes for people to learn.

Relax, brother :)

Women are very social, and which celebrity is cute/hot/whatever is something some girls like to talk about. It doesn't mean she is lusting him. It IS silly and shallow, but men need to not read so much into it.

That having been said, women need to be sensitive to their husbands and grow out of this phase quickly once they get married or risk needlessly hurting the feelings of the one who loves them.

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Yea man dat todally iz rygt yo, cuz when dey luk gud, dey luk gud, nah min bro?

What happened to lowering gazes?

Aslam e Elukum,   I don't find any man attractive or praise worthy except for one. And I don't like celebrities nor do I like to hear any gossip about them. Their lives are fake. Total waste of time. 

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What's shameful is when some sister say they want to marry the speaker in a mosque. Respect the place your in and try to keep your thoughts to yourself because your words are louder then you think... Lusting over speakers is not right, you should only focus on what he is saying and dont day dream about marrying him...

And what's even more trashy is when you come out of a mosque and you have a row guys checking you out,with your abaya on. And you have girls that encourge the guys to look futher.... It's just werid and shameful that we have people like this...

These things are just not acceptable...

What mufeed said should apply for both genders,not just one...

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I do not want to be judgmental, but from what you are saying she sounds like a vapid girl or maybe immature...People with an IQ above 95 are generally not interested in celebrities. And in general it is not good to make comments about the physical attractiveness of a person of the opposite sex to your spouse. It is inappropriate and insensitive.

Edited by Fatima Hussain
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Any person male or female who has interest in "celebrities", for ANY reason are ignorant in my opinion. They make billions off you fan girls and boys, and yet all you do is give attention to them. It's pathetic. Instead make your celebrities those who have the greatest moral and ethical values, ones who are humble and respectful.

For those of you who think its okay to openly and even privately praise (like oh he/she is sooo hawt!) the opposite genders looks are disrespectful to your lovers feelings. You truly do not understand what love is, nor do you have any modesty (modesty isnt hijab (male/female) only). Lets forget about the ethical values of a pious Muslim. For myself I take it as far as betrayal to my future wife, for I'm not married but I still hold my future wife in mind.

 

Yes, I get it. Being attracted to someone is part of our inner desires. There is no getting rid of it. But at least try and sustain it. For me, if an attractive female comes in front of me, I say to my nafs, " Oh Allah I give thanks for you are indeed great for making such beings." To me, this destroys satans whisperers and I control my nafs as I have brought forth Allah in my mind and heart...

 

Just a inexperienced, unmarried, laymans two cents...

(wasalam)

Edited by PureEthics
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You really don't get it do you? I for one hope you never get a partner that compliments other people for their beauty. 

But sometimes, that's what it takes for people to learn. 

 

 

no i think u dont get it. i for one hope u never get a partner that u cant trust. if u do im sure u will learn.

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sure but this isnt a red line. what was beautiful before still is. getting married doesnt make things ugly.

 

It's not about beautiful or ugly.  It's about ettiqute.  So yeah, there is a red line.  It's called not being an insensitive jerk. 

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It's not about beautiful or ugly.  It's about ettiqute.  So yeah, there is a red line.  It's called not being an insensitive jerk. 

 

or its about trusting your parter and not acting leik the jealous frat boy who pounds anyone who looks in the direction of his girlfriend.

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I think there's the ideal way we should all act, and then there's the reality of human nature.  It's 100% natural for us to notice attractiveness, and it's almost impossible for us to push those thoughts out of our heads immediately.  But it's very primitive and immature for a woman, in my opinion, to be oogling over celebrities, reposting their pictures on facebook, etc.  I don't think the world needs to know every thought that pops into your head, especially with something like this.

 

That being said, I wouldn't mind my (future) wife complementing someone on being handsome or in good shape or something like that.  But, if it becomes apparent she's doing it all the time or to try and hint that I'm ugly or something I probably won't like it.  But hopefully I marry someone who's better than that.

 

ETA: I'm adding this topic to the list of things to discuss with a potential spouse.  THanks

Edited by coldcow
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AliSaleh.... nobody said that people become ugly after marriage. But for a muslim - woman or man, it is not acceptable to look at a non-mahram with the purpose of enjoying their beauty - even before marriage, let alone after. It doesnt mean you think they are ugly, but you don't look at them with that purpose or even encourage the THOUGHTS. If a person can't control themself that much then they shouldn't even look.

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AliSaleh.... nobody said that people become ugly after marriage. But for a muslim - woman or man, it is not acceptable to look at a non-mahram with the purpose of enjoying their beauty - even before marriage, let alone after. It doesnt mean you think they are ugly, but you don't look at them with that purpose or even encourage the THOUGHTS. If a person can't control themself that much then they shouldn't even look.

 

thats my point: u r cpontrolling yourself. u r not lusting after them, u just recognize beauty.

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^.. Are you kidding me? 

 

He has a point, actually. Being overly jealous and controlling are signs of insecurity and not very attractive in a man or a woman. Personally, I wouldn't mind either. All part of the social experience.

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Okay, but I forgot to point out one thing also. It depends on the tone and how the compliments are being delivered. If your spouse is touching let's say Mr.Saud's muscles and saying how he's really buff. Then that's just plain wrong and hideous on the accord, I wouldn't marry someone like that or keep in touch with someone like that. But if you are at a dinner party and your wife compliments Ali's bowtie or suit, then proceeds to tell her opinion on Aalia's dress. Then what's going in your mind that you are being offended by that?

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lack of jealousy is bad sign, it hints to a great dysfunction in the man's personality.

Da-youth is the word used by prophet, he said that the scent of Jannah can be sensed from long distance (500 years) but the aaq (those who sever ties with families) and the da-youth will not smell it, so companions asked who is the da-youth? prophet said the one whom his wife fornicate while he knows.

 

Another hadth explains the good jealousy and bad jealously , bad jealousy is one done out of doubt, the good jealousy is one done out of certainty.

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Sheesh, read the post and stop being so thick headed?

 

I did read it. You and Agora have missed the entire point. Its not about being 'jealous' (which by the way, according to the Ahl al-Bayt [a], is a sign of Imān for the Believer), its about something called HayyaSeems few individuals here have forgotten about that. 

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Salam.

 

Would you allow your wife to say X celebrity is 'so hot' or 'so-good looking', to re-blog their pictures, and so on?

 

Would you allow them to compliment their cousins who you KNOW are like brothers to them on their looks, is that islamic?

 

 

 

The words are important. "So hot" is definitely inappropriate because it sounds like she is speaking from lust. This is something to be concerned about for sure (but not jealous about).

If she says within some other other context, "Mashallah, that handsome man, or that good-looking man", then she is just stating an objective fact and praising God. Nothing wrong with that!

In either case the husband should not get jealous, he should be a man and not get bothered by something trivial and petty.

Edited by Muhammed Ali
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as long as the men are myself , my sons , my grandsons , uncles , father and grandfather , I don't see a problem , and it should be encouraged.

the only time I hear the words "so hot " from them is when the air conditioner  plays up .

As for their cousins , well most of them are in their 80s , so even if they received a compliment , they wouldn't be able to hear them.

most of the celebrities we grew up with are dead anyway.

and my wives are not shallow and don't look at exterior beauty , that's why they married me .

Edited by :Sami II
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In either case the husband should not get jealous, he should be a man and not get bothered by something trivial and petty.

When I said this, 100% of everybody who was posting at that time disagreed.

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When I said this, 100% of everybody who was posting at that time disagreed.

woman! you should have got it by now. Whatever a man says is correct, even if he said what you said. Try to come to forum under male name and express the same opinions you have now and see for yourself! (tried and proved to be correct).

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First of all, a husband has no right to allow or disallow his wife to do anything. She is not a slave. A wife has no right to allow or disallow her husband to do anything either. Without freedom one can not be happy and without happiness one can not love. You must feel free in a relationship.

 

There is no explicit prohibition for this behavior in Islam. It is quite normal behavior actually. Learn to be tolerant.

Edited by Muhammed Ali
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What I mean is that people complimenting each others looks is a very common practice and expressing admiration about the appearance of celebrities/popular people is also very very common practice. Islam says nothing explicitly to prohibit it. So let it be. Just be tolerant. Islam is easy.

 

So is drinking alcohol, consuming pork and Zina. That doesn't make it right. 

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What I mean is that people complimenting each others looks is a very common practice and expressing admiration about the appearance of celebrities/popular people is also very very common practice. Islam says nothing explicitly to prohibit it. So let it be. Just be tolerant. Islam is easy.

 

Because it falls under countless stances of ethics and male to female interaction. Not to mention, we have physical and literal examples of our prophets and imams. But the answer is quite clear in Islam. If WE are not even allowed to look and lower our glaze, how the heck does complimenting on an opposite sex's appearance not go against this? Common sense and just a tiny bit of logic.

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