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In the Name of God بسم الله

Embarassed And Depressed

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So today, while waiting in front of the mall after school (it's less busy, so I just make the walk), a young adult, smoking and on the phone, walks to me in an aggressive manner and says ''take a walk''. I look at him--he's shorter than me, but he has the white trash look about him--and I said ''me?'' he said, ''yeah, take a f*** walk''. And like a coward, I do.

 

I can't even force myself to write it--but I was scared. Like a loser, coward, idiot, piece of [Edited Out], I walked away. I gave someone that type of control over me. I am so down on my spirits right now, I could barely communicate all day. I feel horrid; terrible, disgusted, embarrassed, and depressed. I can't believe I did not do anything. I probably could have taken him on, but yet I was still scared. My goodness. When I was picked up, my mom--who knew nothing, she came after I walked-- put on some Hezzbollah music--and I felt so ashamed to even listen to the Sayed, especially, when he spoke about Imam Hussein.

 

Just a horrible day. I mean, I do now feel inspired to work out, and maybe in a few months, if I improve physically, I will look at this day as a positive, but until then . . . I am so depressed and embarrassed. I mean, I know there are worse things going on in the world, cancer and aids, but my manhood felt so cheap today.

 

Anyways,

 

Sallam.

 

 

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1.) Never share your problems, especially not on this site. It's psychiatrists seem to think that insulting you even more is the cure lol. I know it's rediculous.

2.) you learned a lesson from it so that is good. Next time Man up and hold your ground!

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  • Advanced Member

So today, while waiting in front of the mall after school (it's less busy, so I just make the walk), a young adult, smoking and on the phone, walks to me in an aggressive manner and says ''take a walk''. I look at him--he's shorter than me, but he has the white trash look about him--and I said ''me?'' he said, ''yeah, take a f*** walk''. And like a coward, I do.

 

I can't even force myself to write it--but I was scared. Like a loser, coward, idiot, piece of [Edited Out], I walked away. I gave someone that type of control over me. I am so down on my spirits right now, I could barely communicate all day. I feel horrid; terrible, disgusted, embarrassed, and depressed. I can't believe I did not do anything. I probably could have taken him on, but yet I was still scared. My goodness. When I was picked up, my mom--who knew nothing, she came after I walked-- put on some Hezzbollah music--and I felt so ashamed to even listen to the Sayed, especially, when he spoke about Imam Hussein.

 

Just a horrible day. I mean, I do now feel inspired to work out, and maybe in a few months, if I improve physically, I will look at this day as a positive, but until then . . . I am so depressed and embarrassed. I mean, I know there are worse things going on in the world, cancer and aids, but my manhood felt so cheap today.

 

Anyways,

 

Sallam.

Watch this.

 

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Asalam Alykum,

 

You shouldn't feel depressed. I wrote a whole story about me on how I got into really bad stuff because of anger. I think you did the right thing. He didn't have control over your life. He would have, had he said I need you to come here and watch my car 8 hours a day, 5 days a week while I am at work without pay so no one can scratch it. Sometimes stuff like this happens to me as well. While I stand there imagining how my fist will go through this guy's head, I say, I am sorry, head down and I just move away. No point getting into a fight because he got left out from the snow white play. Always avoid situations. I worked as security at many places and sometimes we get young adult and people my age about 27 on Ketamine (horse tranquilizer), we simply walk away and not get involved because its not worth it. Once I was at work and some Asian boys started shouting abuse at the other Asian group. The second Asian group beat the first one really badly and ran off. The first group came and said why didn't you help us? I said if you don't help yourself, how can I help you? I just observed, called the police and sat at a distance and later on wrote a report about what happened and how I made sure I was safe. Same thing applied when I was involved in the security of British Royal Family. We had a lot of back up and I was there to observe. Had there been something that happened, I would simply observe and write a report. Never let people get to you. He or she maybe having a bad day. Ignore it, stay out of trouble. Even a cat can fight so it doesn't really prove you are a man.

 

Ma'Salam.

Edited by tearsofregret
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Salaam alaykum,

I do a little bit of boxing with not much sparring.  I used to spar regularly and I have to get back into it but my advise would be to invest in a martial arts program.  Something realistic and applicable in a situation like you faced.  For example, boxing, muay thai, kickboxing, mixed martial arts, et cetera.  These disciplines not only teach you to defend yourself in such situations but also walk away from them.  Once you have the basics down, you just laugh and walk away saying, "I could have broken his nose in a split second but for the sake of Allah [swt], I forgive him."

Edited by muslim720
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Exactly. I went to stand in front of the mall entrance, and I suppose because he was one his phone, and did not want anyone listening to his conversation--even though I was about to put on my earphones--he thought he had the right to walk right up to me and kick me out.


Sallam everyone, thank you all for your comments, I really have enjoyed reading them. There seems to be two threads going on here--similar to the one's going on in my head.

 

At times, I get an attack of anxiety, when I remember how cowardly I acted, and vehemently regret not doing anything, but then, I feel some comfort, knowing I avoided a situation that could have grown into a bigger one, with far more consequences.

 

Who knows. Again, I really do believe I could have taken him on, but for some reason, I felt all my confidence disappear. Some people have commented that I did the right thing by controlling my anger, and when I read those comments, I feel even worse: the fact is, I did not control my anger; I was scared, and so I walked away like a coward.

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(salam)

 

There is a major difference between (someone bringing about fear onto another) versus (someone controlling you). It's understandable that your ego was damaged, because I sense this is the real issue. What concerns me is that your ego is so huge that you cant believe you were scared by a person older than you, hence you walked away.

 

Look at it this way, minus that ego of yours :)

 

Hypothetical scenario:

 

Let's say after he made his comments, and you decided to talk back or fight...he pulls a gun and shoots you in the head. Was it worth it? Was it worth your mom coming to pick you up dead on the ground? And over what? Because some young man decided to act like a fool and you had to be tough and open your mouth and fight back? Was it worth it brother?

 

I wonder what that news headline would have read: "Young, teenage boy was shot by a stranger at the local mall, because he had to prove to a stranger that he was tough."

 

Really?

 

A man knows when he should walk away and when he should fight...Just as people shouldn't argue with ignorant people, I wonder how fighting an ignorant man would look...choose your battles!

 

I'm happy you were scared, because you are alive to tell the story. This is an imperfect world with imperfect people, and my point is: Anything can happen, and is it worth it?

 

Be safe.

 

(wasalam) AB313

 

 

  

Edited by AhlulBayt_313
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Exactly. I went to stand in front of the mall entrance, and I suppose because he was one his phone, and did not want anyone listening to his conversation--even though I was about to put on my earphones--he thought he had the right to walk right up to me and kick me out.

Sallam everyone, thank you all for your comments, I really have enjoyed reading them. There seems to be two threads going on here--similar to the one's going on in my head.

 

At times, I get an attack of anxiety, when I remember how cowardly I acted, and vehemently regret not doing anything, but then, I feel some comfort, knowing I avoided a situation that could have grown into a bigger one, with far more consequences.

 

Who knows. Again, I really do believe I could have taken him on, but for some reason, I felt all my confidence disappear. Some people have commented that I did the right thing by controlling my anger, and when I read those comments, I feel even worse: the fact is, I did not control my anger; I was scared, and so I walked away like a coward.

 

salaam brother ur story happens all the time dont fear it or worry, sometimes ppl are so afraid of acting in the wrong way that might embarras them in front of ppl so their actions come out wierd or wrong. thats perfectly fine maybe u are so worried of making a fool of urself in front others  so that makes u at loss of words or ideas when situations like these happen. 

 

take this as lesson and move on, no worrying

Ws

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Exactly. I went to stand in front of the mall entrance, and I suppose because he was one his phone, and did not want anyone listening to his conversation--even though I was about to put on my earphones--he thought he had the right to walk right up to me and kick me out.

Sallam everyone, thank you all for your comments, I really have enjoyed reading them. There seems to be two threads going on here--similar to the one's going on in my head.

At times, I get an attack of anxiety, when I remember how cowardly I acted, and vehemently regret not doing anything, but then, I feel some comfort, knowing I avoided a situation that could have grown into a bigger one, with far more consequences.

Who knows. Again, I really do believe I could have taken him on, but for some reason, I felt all my confidence disappear. Some people have commented that I did the right thing by controlling my anger, and when I read those comments, I feel even worse: the fact is, I did not control my anger; I was scared, and so I walked away like a coward.

Salaamun Alaikum.

You should take up a sort of martial arts as it will help you to control your anxiety. If martial arts is not an option then learn to control your breathing which will make the anxiety disperse.

IMO you shouldn't have walked away. You should've spoken to the person, no matter how hostile the convo, and stood your ground. He has no right to dictate your actions to you. Never throw the first punch, but always be ready to dodge or block and counter. Saying Nade Ali will ensure your victory (personal experiences).

Don't let what has already happened affect you, we can't change that. Use this experience to prepare yourself for anything similar in the future.

Salaam

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Lets us think from the point of view of the agrressor.

 

The aggressor- He is talking on the phone and is looking for some privacy. He can walk to a secluded place and talk, but he does not. He decides to tell a kid to get away from his place. Why?

He has something that you are not aware of. A gun or he himself is a martial arts expert or simply a bully and genrally gets away with what he wants.

So he asks you to take a walk. Does he think you will retaliate? No, he believes not. Mainly because you are younger than him.

What does that give him? Now that is a difficult question. Satisfaction, maybe?  Is he a sadist? Is he a racist? probably both.

 

Your response, "Who me?". That was an good response in itself. It showed that you did not care who that guy was.

But then you decide to walk away. Now, what is worng in it? You have acted in a safe manner in a ambigious situation . That is entirely fine.

 

Alternate scenario- You said, "I wont, so what?".or "what if I dont?"

The guy raises his fist and there is a fight (The gun scenario looks too extreme). Maybe this is what you presently wish had happenned. So that you could punch him real hard. Right?

 

My opinion- If you walked out from an ambigious situation, there is nothing to worry or think about. Being safe is not being foolish.

In such a wierd scenario, it is normal for people to make decisions that they would have not made otherwise.

The next time you see that guy, look him straight in the eye and he will cast his look down.

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You shouldnt feel bad - a smart person chooses their fights very carefully. There are people in this world with personal and social issues who are walking around with a lot of insecurity, frustration and anger. They get there little kicks and fixes where they can and casual rudeness is often one of the ways they try and reassure themselves that they matter. The most important thing is to not let them transfer their problems onto your shoulders. The best way to deal with such people is to smile (a nice cheesey one) and make a light hearted quip. See it for how silly it is and move on safe in the knowledge you have more important things to occupy your attention and energies.

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