Jump to content
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!) ×
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!)
In the Name of God بسم الله
Sign in to follow this  
seekingadvice1

Marriage Issue: Need Help(Advice+Duas)

Rate this topic

Recommended Posts

Assalam o Alaikum

 

I am a 24 year old business grad and I have graduated from a top university in Pakistan. I have a decent paying job Alhamdulilah plus I run my own online business which earns alot MashaAllah.

 

I am in a mess. I have been in a relationship with a fellow classmate who also happens to be a shia. I have been in love with her for several years and I have always wanted to marry her. We have been formally in a relationship since the past 3 years. Also in a temporary marriage for the past 1 year. The time period of our contractual marriage ends on 28th Feb. We have shared a severe physical plus emotional relationship. We havent had intercourse though but we have been in all other kinds of sexual relationship. She is the only person in this world I am attached to and she has been my motivation to achieve whatever I have achieved in life.

 

I am a Shia Syed but my mother comes from a non syed background plus a sunni family. She has converted to Shia Islam Alhamdulilah and is a fully practicing Shia.

 

I sent a proposal on 10th Rabiulawal and all went smoothly. The girl's father is very strict so we sent the proposal without telling the girls father that we both liked each other. My parents knew everything and were very understanding. The girls mother also knew that her daughter liked me but was unaware of the severity of her liking. I didnt go with my parents to her house. Instead my parents requested their parents to come at our place and meet me.

 

The girls dad became suspicious of the rishta and suspected that his daughter had some interest in me. He deliberately avoided coming to meet me. He tricked the girls mother to tell him that his daughter liked me. As soon as he found out he got angry and got her committed to someone else. By committed I mean a verbal agreement to get her married to someone else. He didnt even meet me. He has issues with my mom being an ex sunni and her being a non syed. I am a Syed since my father is a syed. Plus he has the other issue of not allowing a love marriage.

 

The girl is very weak and accepted her fathers decision. She called me and told me that she cant disappoint her parents and that I should forget her and move on because her father would never agree. I feel cheated and betrayed because she swore on God that she wont marry anyone else. The father has ego issues and cant allow love marriage because he believes that the society would talk bad about him since he has this image of being a strict person. Her dad is very stubborn. My dad tried to meet her dad but he called him and told him that he doesnt want to talk on this matter anymore. 

 

Her parents dont know the severity of our relationship. They dont know that we were physically involved or were in a mutah. She says that she cant tell them. 

 

She has cut off all communication from me. She also worked in the same workplace as me but resigned immediately after this incident. She doesn't have her phone anymore as her mother took it from her. As far as I know the guy she has been hooked with lives abroad and it would take a few months for him to come back and then the Nikkah to happen. The guy who she has been engaged to is unaware of the entire situation. Not only they are being unfair with me they are also being unfair with another family who have no idea about the situation.

 

I have been mentally disturbed I cry all day all night. I am so attached to her that I just cant move on. We have literally been living together for 7 years. Being together in school plus university and then talking all night. Everyone says that it is now impossible for anything to happen. But I have been praying a lot. I have been reciting several duas, have been asking God for forgiveness, staying away from all kinds of sins. I believe that nothing is impossible for God. Duas change destiny. 

 

I have been reading Ziarat e Ashura, Dua e Alqama, Dua e Tawassul, Dua Yastasheer on a daily basis alongside the obligatory prayers.

 

Please advice as to what other Duas i can read. Someone who has been in a similar situation like me and read some dua which turned impossible to possible? I am desperate for prayers. 

 

Moreover, I also want to know my rights as her temporary husband. The girl is my wife till 28th Feb and she got engaged during this period to another guy. I cant understand how a girl who has been so physically involved with me even imagine of getting married to any1 else. But she has always been very weak and she just cant stand up to her father no matter what. Do I have any Islamic rights in the above mentioned scenario? As her husband?

 

Please also give some advice about powerful duas which have proven results. Also a dua which could change her fathers heart or decision. This is a very difficult time for me and I am extremely disturbed emotionally. I know this difficulty is a result of the sins I have committed. I am repenting sincerely and hope that God forgives me.

 

I strongly believe in the power of dua. But everyone around me tells me to stop hoping and to start to move on. I cant keep on praying plus move on at the same time. What should I do?

 

Please advice. Please pray that the father agrees. It would be a miracle but nothing is impossible for God. Also recommend some duas.

 

JazakAllah

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This makes no sense,  “muuta” over 7 years without her father’s knowledge. Her father seems like a stubborn narrow minded bigot, if he doesn’t approve of her marrying a “half sayed” then how did he approve of muuta? Oh yeah..because he didn’t.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"Strict" dad who wears his honour on his sleeve so much so that he can't stand "love marriage" because "people would talk". A man who so cares for his public image and cares so much for his (sayed) lineage.....and look what the daughter has been quietly up to.

 

It's a lesson to all those "stricts" dads out there. Most of the time their daughters and sons end up doing exactly the opposite of what's shoved down their throats - of course, clandestinely, discreetly, quietly and behind their backs...
 

The girl can't "disappoint" her family by standing up for her rights but she can enter into a pretty physical mutah with a guy. What if daddy finds out? I think he's gonna be a tad disappointed. Hmmmm.

 

OP, I'm sorry, no more social commentary, but I can't offer any duas that would change her father's retarded mind. It seems his thinking is set in stone.

 

The girl has made her decision. Weak, afraid or just tired of the drama, she won't leave home and her family. I think you should move on. I know, it's easier said than done but unless you both are on the same page and want to elope (not recommended), I don't think you can do anything about this darn situation.


This makes no sense,  “muuta” over 7 years without her father’s knowledge

 

Mutah for one year, formal relationship (love affair) for three years. But seven years is how long they have known each other, through school, college and work.

Edited by Marbles

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

if he doesn’t approve of her marrying a “half sayed” then how did he approve of muuta? Oh yeah..because he didn’t.

he is not a half sayed,his father is sayed,so he is a sayed.

 

OP,u can send your parents to the girl's house to meet her parents and try to convince them..or u can tell the girl to take action and not just surrender,if she did nothing to stop this insanity her father is doing then she doesn't deserve u i guess.it's her who can change everything...talk to her..

 

and keep the duas,it can do miracles indeed..and i'll pray for you inshallah..

 

peace..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Marbles, beautiful social commentary ^_^

 

But I disagree on the elopement part being not recommended. Honestly, if her father is that retarded, it's better for her to start a new life with the guy she has had a halaal relationship with for years.

 

To hell with the father's "honor" and "image". Stupid backward minded tribal dungbrains.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

Assalam o Alaikum

 

I am a 24 year old business grad and I have graduated from a top university in Pakistan. I have a decent paying job Alhamdulilah plus I run my own online business which earns alot MashaAllah.

 

I am in a mess. I have been in a relationship with a fellow classmate who also happens to be a shia. I have been in love with her for several years and I have always wanted to marry her. We have been formally in a relationship since the past 3 years. Also in a temporary marriage for the past 1 year. The time period of our contractual marriage ends on 28th Feb. We have shared a severe physical plus emotional relationship. We havent had intercourse though but we have been in all other kinds of sexual relationship. She is the only person in this world I am attached to and she has been my motivation to achieve whatever I have achieved in life.

 

I am a Shia Syed but my mother comes from a non syed background plus a sunni family. She has converted to Shia Islam Alhamdulilah and is a fully practicing Shia.

 

I sent a proposal on 10th Rabiulawal and all went smoothly. The girl's father is very strict so we sent the proposal without telling the girls father that we both liked each other. My parents knew everything and were very understanding. The girls mother also knew that her daughter liked me but was unaware of the severity of her liking. I didnt go with my parents to her house. Instead my parents requested their parents to come at our place and meet me.

 

The girls dad became suspicious of the rishta and suspected that his daughter had some interest in me. He deliberately avoided coming to meet me. He tricked the girls mother to tell him that his daughter liked me. As soon as he found out he got angry and got her committed to someone else. By committed I mean a verbal agreement to get her married to someone else. He didnt even meet me. He has issues with my mom being an ex sunni and her being a non syed. I am a Syed since my father is a syed. Plus he has the other issue of not allowing a love marriage.

 

The girl is very weak and accepted her fathers decision. She called me and told me that she cant disappoint her parents and that I should forget her and move on because her father would never agree. I feel cheated and betrayed because she swore on God that she wont marry anyone else. The father has ego issues and cant allow love marriage because he believes that the society would talk bad about him since he has this image of being a strict person. Her dad is very stubborn. My dad tried to meet her dad but he called him and told him that he doesnt want to talk on this matter anymore. 

 

Her parents dont know the severity of our relationship. They dont know that we were physically involved or were in a mutah. She says that she cant tell them. 

 

She has cut off all communication from me. She also worked in the same workplace as me but resigned immediately after this incident. She doesn't have her phone anymore as her mother took it from her. As far as I know the guy she has been hooked with lives abroad and it would take a few months for him to come back and then the Nikkah to happen. The guy who she has been engaged to is unaware of the entire situation. Not only they are being unfair with me they are also being unfair with another family who have no idea about the situation.

 

I have been mentally disturbed I cry all day all night. I am so attached to her that I just cant move on. We have literally been living together for 7 years. Being together in school plus university and then talking all night. Everyone says that it is now impossible for anything to happen. But I have been praying a lot. I have been reciting several duas, have been asking God for forgiveness, staying away from all kinds of sins. I believe that nothing is impossible for God. Duas change destiny. 

 

I have been reading Ziarat e Ashura, Dua e Alqama, Dua e Tawassul, Dua Yastasheer on a daily basis alongside the obligatory prayers.

 

Please advice as to what other Duas i can read. Someone who has been in a similar situation like me and read some dua which turned impossible to possible? I am desperate for prayers. 

 

Moreover, I also want to know my rights as her temporary husband. The girl is my wife till 28th Feb and she got engaged during this period to another guy. I cant understand how a girl who has been so physically involved with me even imagine of getting married to any1 else. But she has always been very weak and she just cant stand up to her father no matter what. Do I have any Islamic rights in the above mentioned scenario? As her husband?

 

Please also give some advice about powerful duas which have proven results. Also a dua which could change her fathers heart or decision. This is a very difficult time for me and I am extremely disturbed emotionally. I know this difficulty is a result of the sins I have committed. I am repenting sincerely and hope that God forgives me.

 

I strongly believe in the power of dua. But everyone around me tells me to stop hoping and to start to move on. I cant keep on praying plus move on at the same time. What should I do?

 

Please advice. Please pray that the father agrees. It would be a miracle but nothing is impossible for God. Also recommend some duas.

 

JazakAllah

 

 

(bismillah) 

(salam)

 

Dear Brother,

 

Do not think a marriage is final until you are actually married to that person. This is all to common and leads to us having high expectations, falling in love with the person. The more interaction there is, you eventually start to talk as if you are already a married couple. Then the sad reality hits. This girl clearly loved her family and respected her Mother and Fathers decision, even though her father may have been wrong. My advice to you would be to move on from this person, and whatever has happend, take it as a blessing of Allah(swt). Next time you meet someone, talk to them but maintain a distance and don't get to deeply attached.

 

(wasalam)   

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Marbles, beautiful social commentary ^_^

 

But I disagree on the elopement part being not recommended. Honestly, if her father is that retarded, it's better for her to start a new life with the guy she has had a halaal relationship with for years.

 

To hell with the father's "honor" and "image". Stupid backward minded tribal dungbrains.

 

Personally, I don't mind elopement if that's what it takes to snatch your rights from backward parents who think they 'own' their children like property but let's look at it from the practical side of things.

 

Going by the sort of father he is, he may very well launch a big manhunt to have her daughter procured and the husband punished. It's doable; it's Pakistan. For that they will twist the law to suit themselves (have a case of kidnapping registered against the guy and get the police moving). I have seen some cases myself and I read very often about families who make life hell for the eloped couple. The consequences can be horrific. It may sound farfetched but it's not: there could be honour killings.

 

Moreover, the girl will put herself in a very precarious situation: She'd have to cut ties with her family for ever and she'd have absolutely nowhere to turn to if later in life there are problems in the marriage.

 

Then there are further issues about the girl's acceptance from her inlaws. They may be against their son taking such a drastic step and the girl may not be made to feel welcomed.

 

It looks like the girl knows the horrors in store for her and the guy if she 'runs' from home. And that's probably why she'd decided to call it quits.

 

Currently, I can only advice the OP to approach someone (a person or family) who is close to the girl's family and try to use their intercession. Sometimes it really works. If the girl's father has assurances and good word about the guy and his family, who knows he may as well relent.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Salam Br. 

 

If she is going with her father's decision, that means she agrees with it. 

 

She may still love you, but she has done the calculation in her mind, and her love for you is obviously less

than her fear of her father. He may have threatened her with physical or some other harm. These are just 

possibilities and I don't have enough information to know the actual situation. 

 

I would leave it alone and move on. I know this is easy to say and very difficult to do. 

Think about it this way, you had some good times and good memories with her and these 

were a gift from Allah(s.w.a). Consider it as a gift, but no gifts last forever in this dunya. 

 

Now you are in a good position for marriage. You are a young man with good career prospect ahead of you. 

It should be rather easy for you to meet someone else. There is a secret to love which most people don't realize

 

The origin of love is with Allah(s.w.a) and it doesn't reside in the body of a particular person. 

As it says in the Holy Quran, it is Allah(s.w.a) who places love in the hearts (it's valentine's day in the U.S so I am going a little far with this lol). So if you meet another sister and follow the same process, stick to your religion and don't violate it, 

treat her with respect and kindness, take care of her, etc, then the love will happen again. 

 

To think that love only resides in a certain place or certain person is to think badly of Allah(s.w.a)

So move on and you will find what you are looking for, InShahAlallah. 

Edited by Abu Hadi

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

he is not a half sayed,his father is sayed,so he is a sayed.

OP,u can send your parents to the girl's house to meet her parents and try to convince them..or u can tell the girl to take action and not just surrender,if she did nothing to stop this insanity her father is doing then she doesn't deserve u i guess.it's her who can change everything...talk to her..

and keep the duas,it can do miracles indeed..and i'll pray for you inshallah..

peace..

JazakAllah...i have already tried that..my father went to meet him but he was not allowed inside..they said the matter is over from their side.

But yes I believe in miracles. I believe in the power of duas. I will continue my prayers and InshaAllah Allah would listen to my prayers. God says the only thing which can change destiny is dua so I am still hopeful. Hopelessnes is a sin.

Please remember me in your prayers. If someone else prays for you it has a very strong effect so please pray that her dad agrees somehow InshaAllah.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Marbles, beautiful social commentary ^_^

But I disagree on the elopement part being not recommended. Honestly, if her father is that retarded, it's better for her to start a new life with the guy she has had a halaal relationship with for years.

To hell with the father's "honor" and "image". Stupid backward minded tribal dungbrains.

I have no problem with running away with her. My family will back me because they know that her father is being ridiculous. He did not even meet me before making a decision.

But the girl is too weak and she thinks that her mother and siblings would suffer if she did something extravagant.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...