Marriage Issue: Need Help(Advice+Duas)

[seekingadvice1]

Assalam o Alaikum

 

I am a 24 year old business grad and I have graduated from a top university in Pakistan. I have a decent paying job Alhamdulilah plus I run my own online business which earns alot MashaAllah.

 

I am in a mess. I have been in a relationship with a fellow classmate who also happens to be a shia. I have been in love with her for several years and I have always wanted to marry her. We have been formally in a relationship since the past 3 years. Also in a temporary marriage for the past 1 year. The time period of our contractual marriage ends on 28th Feb. We have shared a severe physical plus emotional relationship. We havent had intercourse though but we have been in all other kinds of sexual relationship. She is the only person in this world I am attached to and she has been my motivation to achieve whatever I have achieved in life.

 

I am a Shia Syed but my mother comes from a non syed background plus a sunni family. She has converted to Shia Islam Alhamdulilah and is a fully practicing Shia.

 

I sent a proposal on 10th Rabiulawal and all went smoothly. The girl's father is very strict so we sent the proposal without telling the girls father that we both liked each other. My parents knew everything and were very understanding. The girls mother also knew that her daughter liked me but was unaware of the severity of her liking. I didnt go with my parents to her house. Instead my parents requested their parents to come at our place and meet me.

 

The girls dad became suspicious of the rishta and suspected that his daughter had some interest in me. He deliberately avoided coming to meet me. He tricked the girls mother to tell him that his daughter liked me. As soon as he found out he got angry and got her committed to someone else. By committed I mean a verbal agreement to get her married to someone else. He didnt even meet me. He has issues with my mom being an ex sunni and her being a non syed. I am a Syed since my father is a syed. Plus he has the other issue of not allowing a love marriage.

 

The girl is very weak and accepted her fathers decision. She called me and told me that she cant disappoint her parents and that I should forget her and move on because her father would never agree. I feel cheated and betrayed because she swore on God that she wont marry anyone else. The father has ego issues and cant allow love marriage because he believes that the society would talk bad about him since he has this image of being a strict person. Her dad is very stubborn. My dad tried to meet her dad but he called him and told him that he doesnt want to talk on this matter anymore. 

 

Her parents dont know the severity of our relationship. They dont know that we were physically involved or were in a mutah. She says that she cant tell them. 

 

She has cut off all communication from me. She also worked in the same workplace as me but resigned immediately after this incident. She doesn't have her phone anymore as her mother took it from her. As far as I know the guy she has been hooked with lives abroad and it would take a few months for him to come back and then the Nikkah to happen. The guy who she has been engaged to is unaware of the entire situation. Not only they are being unfair with me they are also being unfair with another family who have no idea about the situation.

 

I have been mentally disturbed I cry all day all night. I am so attached to her that I just cant move on. We have literally been living together for 7 years. Being together in school plus university and then talking all night. Everyone says that it is now impossible for anything to happen. But I have been praying a lot. I have been reciting several duas, have been asking God for forgiveness, staying away from all kinds of sins. I believe that nothing is impossible for God. Duas change destiny. 

 

I have been reading Ziarat e Ashura, Dua e Alqama, Dua e Tawassul, Dua Yastasheer on a daily basis alongside the obligatory prayers.

 

Please advice as to what other Duas i can read. Someone who has been in a similar situation like me and read some dua which turned impossible to possible? I am desperate for prayers. 

 

Moreover, I also want to know my rights as her temporary husband. The girl is my wife till 28th Feb and she got engaged during this period to another guy. I cant understand how a girl who has been so physically involved with me even imagine of getting married to any1 else. But she has always been very weak and she just cant stand up to her father no matter what. Do I have any Islamic rights in the above mentioned scenario? As her husband?

 

Please also give some advice about powerful duas which have proven results. Also a dua which could change her fathers heart or decision. This is a very difficult time for me and I am extremely disturbed emotionally. I know this difficulty is a result of the sins I have committed. I am repenting sincerely and hope that God forgives me.

 

I strongly believe in the power of dua. But everyone around me tells me to stop hoping and to start to move on. I cant keep on praying plus move on at the same time. What should I do?

 

Please advice. Please pray that the father agrees. It would be a miracle but nothing is impossible for God. Also recommend some duas.

 

JazakAllah

 

 

[struggling_On]

Question: how can She enter in muta marriage  without her father's permission?  Did you ask her to seek her father's permission?

[seekingadvice1]

I am in the taqleed of Ayatullah Sayeed Al Hakim. He allows mutah with a virgin without fathers permission provided you dont have sexual intercourse.

P.S This topic is not about mutah.

[Raven]

This makes no sense,  “muuta” over 7 years without her father’s knowledge. Her father seems like a stubborn narrow minded bigot, if he doesn’t approve of her marrying a “half sayed” then how did he approve of muuta? Oh yeah..because he didn’t.

[Marbles]

"Strict" dad who wears his honour on his sleeve so much so that he can't stand "love marriage" because "people would talk". A man who so cares for his public image and cares so much for his (sayed) lineage.....and look what the daughter has been quietly up to.

 

It's a lesson to all those "stricts" dads out there. Most of the time their daughters and sons end up doing exactly the opposite of what's shoved down their throats - of course, clandestinely, discreetly, quietly and behind their backs...
 

The girl can't "disappoint" her family by standing up for her rights but she can enter into a pretty physical mutah with a guy. What if daddy finds out? I think he's gonna be a tad disappointed. Hmmmm.

 

OP, I'm sorry, no more social commentary, but I can't offer any duas that would change her father's retarded mind. It seems his thinking is set in stone.

 

The girl has made her decision. Weak, afraid or just tired of the drama, she won't leave home and her family. I think you should move on. I know, it's easier said than done but unless you both are on the same page and want to elope (not recommended), I don't think you can do anything about this darn situation.

This makes no sense,  “muuta” over 7 years without her father’s knowledge

 

Mutah for one year, formal relationship (love affair) for three years. But seven years is how long they have known each other, through school, college and work.

Edited February 15, 2014 by Marbles

[Fatima NMA]

if he doesn’t approve of her marrying a “half sayed” then how did he approve of muuta? Oh yeah..because he didn’t.

he is not a half sayed,his father is sayed,so he is a sayed.

 

OP,u can send your parents to the girl's house to meet her parents and try to convince them..or u can tell the girl to take action and not just surrender,if she did nothing to stop this insanity her father is doing then she doesn't deserve u i guess.it's her who can change everything...talk to her..

 

and keep the duas,it can do miracles indeed..and i'll pray for you inshallah..

 

peace..

[EthidiumIodide]

This is what happens when people take their culture over their religion. 

[Praetorius]

Marbles, beautiful social commentary ^_^

 

But I disagree on the elopement part being not recommended. Honestly, if her father is that retarded, it's better for her to start a new life with the guy she has had a halaal relationship with for years.

 

To hell with the father's "honor" and "image". Stupid backward minded tribal dungbrains.

[Little_Socrates]

 

Assalam o Alaikum

 

I am a 24 year old business grad and I have graduated from a top university in Pakistan. I have a decent paying job Alhamdulilah plus I run my own online business which earns alot MashaAllah.

 

I am in a mess. I have been in a relationship with a fellow classmate who also happens to be a shia. I have been in love with her for several years and I have always wanted to marry her. We have been formally in a relationship since the past 3 years. Also in a temporary marriage for the past 1 year. The time period of our contractual marriage ends on 28th Feb. We have shared a severe physical plus emotional relationship. We havent had intercourse though but we have been in all other kinds of sexual relationship. She is the only person in this world I am attached to and she has been my motivation to achieve whatever I have achieved in life.

 

I am a Shia Syed but my mother comes from a non syed background plus a sunni family. She has converted to Shia Islam Alhamdulilah and is a fully practicing Shia.

 

I sent a proposal on 10th Rabiulawal and all went smoothly. The girl's father is very strict so we sent the proposal without telling the girls father that we both liked each other. My parents knew everything and were very understanding. The girls mother also knew that her daughter liked me but was unaware of the severity of her liking. I didnt go with my parents to her house. Instead my parents requested their parents to come at our place and meet me.

 

The girls dad became suspicious of the rishta and suspected that his daughter had some interest in me. He deliberately avoided coming to meet me. He tricked the girls mother to tell him that his daughter liked me. As soon as he found out he got angry and got her committed to someone else. By committed I mean a verbal agreement to get her married to someone else. He didnt even meet me. He has issues with my mom being an ex sunni and her being a non syed. I am a Syed since my father is a syed. Plus he has the other issue of not allowing a love marriage.

 

The girl is very weak and accepted her fathers decision. She called me and told me that she cant disappoint her parents and that I should forget her and move on because her father would never agree. I feel cheated and betrayed because she swore on God that she wont marry anyone else. The father has ego issues and cant allow love marriage because he believes that the society would talk bad about him since he has this image of being a strict person. Her dad is very stubborn. My dad tried to meet her dad but he called him and told him that he doesnt want to talk on this matter anymore. 

 

Her parents dont know the severity of our relationship. They dont know that we were physically involved or were in a mutah. She says that she cant tell them. 

 

She has cut off all communication from me. She also worked in the same workplace as me but resigned immediately after this incident. She doesn't have her phone anymore as her mother took it from her. As far as I know the guy she has been hooked with lives abroad and it would take a few months for him to come back and then the Nikkah to happen. The guy who she has been engaged to is unaware of the entire situation. Not only they are being unfair with me they are also being unfair with another family who have no idea about the situation.

 

I have been mentally disturbed I cry all day all night. I am so attached to her that I just cant move on. We have literally been living together for 7 years. Being together in school plus university and then talking all night. Everyone says that it is now impossible for anything to happen. But I have been praying a lot. I have been reciting several duas, have been asking God for forgiveness, staying away from all kinds of sins. I believe that nothing is impossible for God. Duas change destiny. 

 

I have been reading Ziarat e Ashura, Dua e Alqama, Dua e Tawassul, Dua Yastasheer on a daily basis alongside the obligatory prayers.

 

Please advice as to what other Duas i can read. Someone who has been in a similar situation like me and read some dua which turned impossible to possible? I am desperate for prayers. 

 

Moreover, I also want to know my rights as her temporary husband. The girl is my wife till 28th Feb and she got engaged during this period to another guy. I cant understand how a girl who has been so physically involved with me even imagine of getting married to any1 else. But she has always been very weak and she just cant stand up to her father no matter what. Do I have any Islamic rights in the above mentioned scenario? As her husband?

 

Please also give some advice about powerful duas which have proven results. Also a dua which could change her fathers heart or decision. This is a very difficult time for me and I am extremely disturbed emotionally. I know this difficulty is a result of the sins I have committed. I am repenting sincerely and hope that God forgives me.

 

I strongly believe in the power of dua. But everyone around me tells me to stop hoping and to start to move on. I cant keep on praying plus move on at the same time. What should I do?

 

Please advice. Please pray that the father agrees. It would be a miracle but nothing is impossible for God. Also recommend some duas.

 

JazakAllah

 

 

(bismillah) 

(salam)

 

Dear Brother,

 

Do not think a marriage is final until you are actually married to that person. This is all to common and leads to us having high expectations, falling in love with the person. The more interaction there is, you eventually start to talk as if you are already a married couple. Then the sad reality hits. This girl clearly loved her family and respected her Mother and Fathers decision, even though her father may have been wrong. My advice to you would be to move on from this person, and whatever has happend, take it as a blessing of Allah(swt). Next time you meet someone, talk to them but maintain a distance and don't get to deeply attached.

 

(wasalam)   

[Marbles]

Marbles, beautiful social commentary ^_^

 

But I disagree on the elopement part being not recommended. Honestly, if her father is that retarded, it's better for her to start a new life with the guy she has had a halaal relationship with for years.

 

To hell with the father's "honor" and "image". Stupid backward minded tribal dungbrains.

 

Personally, I don't mind elopement if that's what it takes to snatch your rights from backward parents who think they 'own' their children like property but let's look at it from the practical side of things.

 

Going by the sort of father he is, he may very well launch a big manhunt to have her daughter procured and the husband punished. It's doable; it's Pakistan. For that they will twist the law to suit themselves (have a case of kidnapping registered against the guy and get the police moving). I have seen some cases myself and I read very often about families who make life hell for the eloped couple. The consequences can be horrific. It may sound farfetched but it's not: there could be honour killings.

 

Moreover, the girl will put herself in a very precarious situation: She'd have to cut ties with her family for ever and she'd have absolutely nowhere to turn to if later in life there are problems in the marriage.

 

Then there are further issues about the girl's acceptance from her inlaws. They may be against their son taking such a drastic step and the girl may not be made to feel welcomed.

 

It looks like the girl knows the horrors in store for her and the guy if she 'runs' from home. And that's probably why she'd decided to call it quits.

 

Currently, I can only advice the OP to approach someone (a person or family) who is close to the girl's family and try to use their intercession. Sometimes it really works. If the girl's father has assurances and good word about the guy and his family, who knows he may as well relent.

[baqar]

India and Pakistan (and perhaps some other countries with similar cultures) have an infinite stock of stories like this one. 

[Abu Hadi]

Salam Br. 

 

If she is going with her father's decision, that means she agrees with it. 

 

She may still love you, but she has done the calculation in her mind, and her love for you is obviously less

than her fear of her father. He may have threatened her with physical or some other harm. These are just 

possibilities and I don't have enough information to know the actual situation. 

 

I would leave it alone and move on. I know this is easy to say and very difficult to do. 

Think about it this way, you had some good times and good memories with her and these 

were a gift from Allah(s.w.a). Consider it as a gift, but no gifts last forever in this dunya. 

 

Now you are in a good position for marriage. You are a young man with good career prospect ahead of you. 

It should be rather easy for you to meet someone else. There is a secret to love which most people don't realize

 

The origin of love is with Allah(s.w.a) and it doesn't reside in the body of a particular person. 

As it says in the Holy Quran, it is Allah(s.w.a) who places love in the hearts (it's valentine's day in the U.S so I am going a little far with this lol). So if you meet another sister and follow the same process, stick to your religion and don't violate it, 

treat her with respect and kindness, take care of her, etc, then the love will happen again. 

 

To think that love only resides in a certain place or certain person is to think badly of Allah(s.w.a)

So move on and you will find what you are looking for, InShahAlallah. 

Edited February 16, 2014 by Abu Hadi

[seekingadvice1]

he is not a half sayed,his father is sayed,so he is a sayed.

OP,u can send your parents to the girl's house to meet her parents and try to convince them..or u can tell the girl to take action and not just surrender,if she did nothing to stop this insanity her father is doing then she doesn't deserve u i guess.it's her who can change everything...talk to her..

and keep the duas,it can do miracles indeed..and i'll pray for you inshallah..

peace..

JazakAllah...i have already tried that..my father went to meet him but he was not allowed inside..they said the matter is over from their side.

But yes I believe in miracles. I believe in the power of duas. I will continue my prayers and InshaAllah Allah would listen to my prayers. God says the only thing which can change destiny is dua so I am still hopeful. Hopelessnes is a sin.

Please remember me in your prayers. If someone else prays for you it has a very strong effect so please pray that her dad agrees somehow InshaAllah.

[seekingadvice1]

Marbles, beautiful social commentary ^_^

But I disagree on the elopement part being not recommended. Honestly, if her father is that retarded, it's better for her to start a new life with the guy she has had a halaal relationship with for years.

To hell with the father's "honor" and "image". Stupid backward minded tribal dungbrains.

I have no problem with running away with her. My family will back me because they know that her father is being ridiculous. He did not even meet me before making a decision.

But the girl is too weak and she thinks that her mother and siblings would suffer if she did something extravagant.

[baqar]

So move on and you will find what you are looking for, InSha Allah. 

 

Good advice, brother, but easier said than done 

Edited February 16, 2014 by baqar

[baqar]

But the girl is too weak and she thinks that her mother and siblings would suffer if she did something extravagant.

 

Then leave her alone, as brother Hadi has suggested

Please remember me in your prayers.

 

I will 

[seekingadvice1]

I wish moving on was possible. It has been a month and each passing day gets tougher. I cry all day all night long. I cant work. I cant do anything.

The guy with whom the girl got hooked up duzn even know she was in a mutah with me for a year. And deeply in love with me plus physical in all ways possible..and during this time she has been hooked up to that guy possibly destroying the other guys life too. The girl would eventually end up telling the guy about her past nd he wud not tolerate it in any case. The girl is too scared to tell the truth to her parents as to the extent to which she was involved with me. Do you people think its fair what she is doing? Fair to her parents by hiding the complete truth, fair to the other guy who has no clue what he is getting into and fair to me by swearing on God that she wont marry any1 else?

Should I act and tell her parents the whole truth? A lot of lives are at stake here just cuz of a dads stuborness and a daughters weakness

[Fatima NMA]

 Do you people think its fair what she is doing? Fair to her parents by hiding the complete truth, fair to the other guy who has no clue what he is getting into and fair to me by swearing on God that she wont marry any1 else?

Should I act and tell her parents the whole truth? A lot of lives are at stake here just cuz of a dads stuborness and a daughters weakness

it's not fair at all...i hate such weak girls..i mean if she tells the truth her father would be ,max,very angry..he wouldn't kill any of u would he??and after his anger is gone or become less he will have to accept you..

 

besides,if u go and tell the truth things might get worse,the girl must do that with wisdom, strength and confidence...talk to her seriously..even if u had to threaten her by telling everything...just try to convince her of saying what she wants and what she doesn't.let her talk!

[Waiting for HIM]

OP as long as her father is not a Salafi, you are safe and she is safe. 

 

Her father is just a typical stubborn person who wants to control the life of her daughter and that is it. 

 

Tell the girl to be strong. Go talk to her father yourself. Tell him about yourself. Make it a meeting in a Shia masjid. Take the Shia molana with you to talk to him. Take the Shia molana in confidence beforehand though. Seek repentance for breaching the trust of her dad. Apologize and be his damad.

 

One thing in all this which goes against you big time, and that is, you contracted Mutah without her father's permission and on top of it, did all that you could do except for vaginal intercourse. So in other words you did not respect the girl's body in this case and got yourself and her sexually satisfied in a doubtful mutah. If she had hormones going, you could had controlled the situation by vowing to never touch eachother and make it a gift for both of you once you become perm. By doing this, you both never left the door open for an exit in case a scenario like this happens (that is her family doesn't agree). You have done a great dis-service to her because she is a woman, easily coercable, weak in her decisions, and since you have already emotionally used her, she will always have this special bond missing if she every chooses to marry someone else other than you. 

 

I know many couples who do mutah but never come in any form of sexual contact till they are married in permanent. Even some non-Muslim friends of mine here in a gf-bf relationship have done this, that is, keep each other virgin till marriage. 

 

Tell you the truth, had it been my daughter, I would have taken you to FATA (or Karachi) and taken care of you, just because in my mind you abused her naivety and her female weakness by doing sexual things together. On the other hand I would have allowed a non-sexual Mutah till permanent so we check you out what kind of person you are. But that just me, I know many pakis would prefer a haram engagement over a non sexual 'finding out' mutah solution. 

Edited February 20, 2014 by Waiting for HIM

[seekingadvice1]

I know what I have done wrong and I have been repenting for the past month.

To be honest it is me who feels the emotional bond strongly rather than the girl who is ready to get hooked up with another guy.Despite being in a severe physicl relationship with me.

She just emailed me that we both made mistakes and for her to live a normal life i shud remain shut or else her reputation would be at stake.

[Waiting for HIM]

I know what I have done wrong and I have been repenting for the past month.

To be honest it is me who feels the emotional bond strongly rather than the girl who is ready to get hooked up with another guy.Despite being in a severe physicl relationship with me.

She just emailed me that we both made mistakes and for her to live a normal life i shud remain shut or else her reputation would be at stake.

 

This tells you how indecisive and immature she has been. Which leads to my allegation (implied) on you manipulating her for sexual favors. She obliged to you easily, now she is obliging to her father (which she should in an ideal case) but I guess now its too late.

Edited February 24, 2014 by Waiting for HIM

[notme]

Should I act and tell her parents the whole truth? A lot of lives are at stake here just cuz of a dads stuborness and a daughters weakness

No, absolutely not! Why would you even think of doing such a thing!? Who would benefit from it? If she has moved on, that is the only thing you can do. Destroying her life will not turn back time and change her father's mind.

[GreyMatter]

Ah, once again we witness this infinitely pathetic Pakistani culture putting it's weight and destroying lives of the many, people value this backward culture which regresses us over Islam.

 

It is agonizing really, and even when people leave Pakistan for the West, this curse still stays alive, haunting the youth forever.

 

All it comes down to is: Pakistani culture; Public Image > Islam.

Pakistanis mingle with one and other so much that one's life is dictated by other people's perceptions. 

[seekingadvice1]

If u knew her u wud know tht she is destroying her life by agreeing with her dad...when the guy she has been hooked up finds abt her relationship with me he wont tolerate it..its like she is hiding the fact tht she has been married to another guy before...nd trust she wont b abl to hide this..this isnt sumdin which she cud keep in her stomach...she is betraying the new guy too who has no clue wat he is getting into..just c the other topic on shia chat titled "cheating wife and mahr" nd you wud know ehat future she has in store.

I just believe she shud b the one hu shud b honest with her dad nd tell him everything rather than me

[seekingadvice1]

This tells you how indecisive and immature she has been. Which leads to my allegation (implied) on you manipulating her for sexual favors. She obliged to you easily, now she is obliging to her father (which she should in an ideal case) but I guess now its too late.

I was married to her..it was a mutually agreed mutah with the view of permanent marriage..i took a fatwa from my marja and he allowed it. I know it wud hav been so much easier if v wernt sexual...but wats done is done..i can only repent..I have been praying for forgivness for the past month InshaAllah God will forgiv me..but wats happening now is so wrong at all levels to all the families involved nd also to the poor guy hu has no clue wat he is getting into

[Reza]

It's not uncommon to find weak, sheltered girls like this.  She's confused and wants to please everyone, and when she realizes she can't, will always pick the parents by default.  Happens all the time. 

[Waiting for HIM]

I was married to her..it was a mutually agreed mutah with the view of permanent marriage..i took a fatwa from my marja and he allowed it. I know it wud hav been so much easier if v wernt sexual...but wats done is done..i can only repent..I have been praying for forgivness for the past month InshaAllah God will forgiv me..but wats happening now is so wrong at all levels to all the families involved nd also to the poor guy hu has no clue wat he is getting into

Ok brother. If you are ready to burn the boats, talk to her father and tell her about mutah and the things which ensued later in a decent and in to the point way.

 

Just tell her dad that he will ruin her with her decision, her to be found husband, and you.

 

This ain't 17th century, he will come to his senses. Take a molana or one of his family elders with you.

 

Don't let it slip. If nothing else, then only for the reason that this will leave permanent scars on her and you for sure, and a divorce in waiting if her new husband ever finds out.

 

Take the hands out of the gloves and jump in - all in. 

 

Good luck. 

Edited February 25, 2014 by Waiting for HIM

[:Ruffles]

i hate reading topics like these... Ya :Allah help the pakis of the world smh :no: parents are too cultural. :(

[SlaveOfAllah14]

(Salam)

Talking to a maulana (prefferably a local one that the girl's father knows) and taking him to intercede is the best way imo.

[Hajji87]

OMG this girl has NO idea what she's doing. Noooooo idea. My God. My God. The consequences are going to be disastrous for everyone if she doesn't wake up!! I don't even want to know what's going to happen once her future husband finds out!!! I don't even want to imagine where all this lying and hiding will lead to. 

 

You need to talk to her. Tell her to be fearful of Allah (swt). Mutah is not a joke. Having a relationship is not a joke. Hiding the truth and lying to people is not a joke. She's playing with fire and she thinks she is taking the easiest way out. But it's not. Its the worst possible choice she could make. This girl is blinded and scared and she thinks this is the solution.

 

Wake her up and if you can't wake her up then talk to her father and tell him the truth before she goes disgracing the entire family and this nonsense goes public. And it will go public. I guarantee you it will. This guy will know, if not today, then tomorrow, if not tomorrow than in a year, if not a year then maybe in 10 years. But once he knows all hell will break lose around her. 

 

God I feel bad for people like this. 

[Ruq]

Ok brother. If you are ready to burn the boats, talk to her father and tell her about mutah and the things which ensued later in a decent and in to the point way.

 

Just tell her dad that he will ruin her with her decision, her to be found husband, and you.

 

This ain't 17th century, he will come to his senses. Take a molana or one of his family elders with you.

 

Don't let it slip. If nothing else, then only for the reason that this will leave permanent scars on her and you for sure, and a divorce in waiting if her new husband ever finds out.

 

Take the hands out of the gloves and jump in - all in. 

 

Good luck. 

 

This is an incredibly irresponsible and unIslamic thing to suggest. Youre not supposed to expose peoples sinning or shortfalls, especiallly if they have repented and changed their ways. If this woman has decided to acquiesce to her parents wishes it is up to her to do so. It is not this mans place to go interfering in her family and causing possible problems and strife between them and i doubt the woman in question will appreciate such behaviour. The only reason you would do this is to satisfy your selfish ego, not becuse it is best for the woman and her family.

 

The only responsible approach is to request a meeting between the families, preferably with a religious authority figure in attendance and encourage her to speak out and assert her wishes if she is refraining from fear.

[seekingadvice1]

OMG this girl has NO idea what she's doing. Noooooo idea. My God. My God. The consequences are going to be disastrous for everyone if she doesn't wake up!! I don't even want to know what's going to happen once her future husband finds out!!! I don't even want to imagine where all this lying and hiding will lead to.

You need to talk to her. Tell her to be fearful of Allah ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì. Mutah is not a joke. Having a relationship is not a joke. Hiding the truth and lying to people is not a joke. She's playing with fire and she thinks she is taking the easiest way out. But it's not. Its the worst possible choice she could make. This girl is blinded and scared and she thinks this is the solution.

Wake her up and if you can't wake her up then talk to her father and tell him the truth before she goes disgracing the entire family and this nonsense goes public. And it will go public. I guarantee you it will. This guy will know, if not today, then tomorrow, if not tomorrow than in a year, if not a year then maybe in 10 years. But once he knows all hell will break lose around her.

God I feel bad for people like this.

The prob is that i dont have any contact with her. She gave up in the very beginning and told me her dad wont agree..and begged that i shudnt tell abt us to him as in our mutah and relationship.

The ideal way would be for her to tell her dad herself. But we are talking about a girl who is weak and scared..so its impossible for her to tell her parents..nd she believes that i care about her so much that i wud never reveal it to her parents.

I agree with you its going to be a disaster cuz a marriage that starts on the basis of betrayal and lies cant end well. I also feel guilty now since somehow i wud b responsible for what will happen.Cuz i can tell the truth and im hiding it..which is putting several families reputation at stake. Haq is always the truth and I am hiding it.

Just pray whatever i do helps us to get together InshaAllah. Im praying a lot..the only thing getting in our way is a dads ego nd stuborness. I think i shud stand up for whats right if she duzn have the guts to do so

[seekingadvice1]

And what if her dad is not willing to meet up? He says he duzn want to discuss anything then y wud he meet us?

[seekingadvice1]

Just an update:

I got the courage to message her dad pleading him to agree..but dint tell him about the mutah...in return he insulted me nd told me that he got her married nd sent her to Canada to the new husband. She got married while she was in a mutah with me. I dont know whats the Islamic ruling on that but I am devastated. I have been crying and crying..i prayed alot..i want to get her out of my mind and heart but i just cant..the fact that she is now married to another guy that too just after a month..how can she move on so quickly after being in a relationship with me so long..i wish i cud give her baddua for putting me through this pain and misery..but Islam doesnt allow. I dont know what to do anymore, the pain is excrutiating, i want to get her out of my mind but i just cant...please pray for me..im so alone..she was everything for me..im in such a mental where i cant work cant do anything..plz pray that God gets her out of my mind.

[Marbles]

Just an update:

I got the courage to message her dad pleading him to agree..but dint tell him about the mutah...in return he insulted me nd told me that he got her married nd sent her to Canada to the new husband. She got married while she was in a mutah with me. I dont know whats the Islamic ruling on that but I am devastated. I have been crying and crying..i prayed alot..i want to get her out of my mind and heart but i just cant..the fact that she is now married to another guy that too just after a month..how can she move on so quickly after being in a relationship with me so long..i wish i cud give her baddua for putting me through this pain and misery..but Islam doesnt allow. I dont know what to do anymore, the pain is excrutiating, i want to get her out of my mind but i just cant...please pray for me..im so alone..she was everything for me..im in such a mental where i cant work cant do anything..plz pray that God gets her out of my mind.

 

It is clear to me that the father is obviously lying. It's not logistically possible to sent her to Canada within a month of everything happening.

 

As I have highlighted in my previous post, it's fraught with dangers if you tell the whole story. The girl clearly doesn't want you to spill the secrets either. So that would be a bad idea. It could lead to a situation in which she might get in great danger.

 

I really don't know what to suggest. I'm sorry you have to go through all this.