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tearingmyhairout

Dealing With Irrationality Of My Wife

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I am married and my wife is irrational.

 

She believes in superstitions like the "evil eye;" blames me for things that couldn't possibly be my fault; etc.

 

[edited]

 

But, how do you then deal with it? What steps do you take?

 

Tune it out? Play along? Confront her and tell her it's irrational? Correct her Islamically? (These last 2 never seem to be tenable options in reality).

 

So, married guys, or guys who deal with wives, inlaws, whatever. How do you deal with the irrationality of women?

 

If u don't agree with the premise of this post, just ignore it. i need real answers. i am knee deep in the reality here, so only time tested advice please.

 

Thanks.

Edited by Muhammed Ali

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First of all, the "evil eye" is not a superstition because it is clearly stated in Qur'an that envious people do exist (Qur'an 113:5) and that is why we are supposed to seek protection in Allah from all the evil in the world. 

 

Do you think she could have some obsessive behaviors? What do you mean by correcting her Islamically doesn't work? Was she always like that? I think you need to provide more examples of what you think is irrational in her behavior so you can get more accurate help inshAllah. 

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Try fixing her behavior nicely and by love and logic .....

 

If nothing works, then go for Br. Darth Vador advice. I've saved it in my cell phone and review it often.

 

The jest of it is, "there are some people who are test for other people. The ones who are used as testers are the one who are in real misery. The one who are being tested are also in misery. Both are earning rewards from Allah swt; every family has one or two pieces like these".  

 

So just live your life, suffer a little, and go in next world sinless.

Edited by Waiting for HIM

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Ok, I am not married but I am a woman of marriageable age and I would suggest talking to her. 

Tell her that evil eye does exist but there is a way of avoiding it. 

Calm her down, explain things to her. Like if something happened, give her reasons as to why they may have happened other than the black eye? if you get what I mean? 

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You can't deal with irrational people mainly because you can't reason with them.

 

The best is to ask her to provide you some solid evidences of her accusation. Listen to her explanation calmly and then explain to her your thought - That without her providing any evidence, her assertions are merely false accusations and worse lies. And that a grown adult like her should stop behaving soo foolishly.

Edited by Gypsy

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Salam,

 

This post reminded me of my grandparents relationship. My grandma, similar to your wife, believes in every kind of superstition there is to the point where any evil that exists ,in her opinion, comes from the evil eye (Habibti she has a very kind and simple mind set) . 

 

On the other hand, my grandfather is a very realistic person who refuses to believe in any superstition.

 

I think it is nice how my grandfather resolves this issue whenever he is faced with it, and he frequently is. It seems that he has made it clear to her how silly he finds these superstitions. He usually addresses these matters with humor and he always makes a joke about how insignificant these details are but at the same time he plays along for the sake of his wife.

 

This makes a happy marriage. They agree to disagree on the small issues. The man feels that he has expressed his opinion and the woman appreciates that her husband is still willing to cope up with some of her seemingly silly beliefs.  

 

Talking calmly to your wife when she is being too irrational is key . Remember not to do so in front of others if not necessary and also it is important to make her realize that she is in error (when she is). If you make it sound like you can solve the given problem together it is better than making her feel alone in fault (even if she is) and try not to have a superior approach.

 

The more you sacrifice time to resolve this problem the more she will realize how much it is actually bothering  you.

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I am so sympathetic bro. I wish you all the best, being a man and a father is so hard now. 

 

I have accepted the irrationality as a test, its the only way to keep your sanity.

thanks bro i appreciate your sympathy. good to know someone else experiences this. peace upon you bro

 

 

Salam,

 

This post reminded me of my grandparents relationship. My grandma, similar to your wife, believes in every kind of superstition there is to the point where any evil that exists ,in her opinion, comes from the evil eye (Habibti she has a very kind and simple mind set) . 

 

On the other hand, my grandfather is a very realistic person who refuses to believe in any superstition.

 

I think it is nice how my grandfather resolves this issue whenever he is faced with it, and he frequently is. It seems that he has made it clear to her how silly he finds these superstitions. He usually addresses these matters with humor and he always makes a joke about how insignificant these details are but at the same time he plays along for the sake of his wife.

 

This makes a happy marriage. They agree to disagree on the small issues. The man feels that he has expressed his opinion and the woman appreciates that her husband is still willing to cope up with some of her seemingly silly beliefs.  

 

Talking calmly to your wife when she is being too irrational is key . Remember not to do so in front of others if not necessary and also it is important to make her realize that she is in error (when she is). If you make it sound like you can solve the given problem together it is better than making her feel alone in fault (even if she is) and try not to have a superior approach.

 

The more you sacrifice time to resolve this problem the more she will realize how much it is actually bothering  you.

thanks for your kind story. i agree with u that humor really makes things easier! actually i think humor might be the best strategy........

 

tashakkor!

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Did you ever try answering in an "irrational way".

 

 

The "evil eye" is the CCTV...the "evil ear" is GCHQ and NSA... the "evil nose" is the sanitation system...the "evil taste" is her mother's cooking (or hers, or your own, whatever is safest in the long-run)...and the "evil touch" the mail, maybe...

 

Or ask questions: Was that on TV?  Did your mother say that? What did your sister say?

 

Unless she has a mental illness, she is doing this in a manipulative way. She is after something. She is using irrationality to take over your rationality.

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It is one thing for her to believe in her superstitions, but there is another thing how you are totally disrespecting her. How can you discuss issues about you wife on the internet? Your wife may see this and may feel hurt. Brother not a big deal. Deal with it!

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It is one thing for her to believe in her superstitions, but there is another thing how you are totally disrespecting her. How can you discuss issues about you wife on the internet? Your wife may see this and may feel hurt. Brother not a big deal. Deal with it!

uh im trying to "deal with it." but u need strategies and advice for this. thats why i came here.

 

i live in third world country and not everyone speaks english and is on shiachat. lol  so u gotta be experienced not ask a philosopher who only thinks about marriage. i had great ideals for islamic marriage and then REALITY gets in the way. but its all good.

 

everyone else gave good advice. as i said, humor is important i think. and patience maybe.

Edited by tearingmyhairout

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The worst thing to do with an irrational person is to engage in conversation with them. Just ignore them when they are being irrational and give them attention when they behave rationally and respectfully. In this way you will conditional the irrational person to behave more rational by rewarding good behavior.

Good luck

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