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In the Name of God بسم الله

A Women's Jihad Is Pleasing Her Husband?

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  • Advanced Member

[ I have usually seen men failing to fulfill their role. Everyone's perspective is different.

If the woman is temporarily the primary breadwinner and she has agreed to it, the family dynamic is unchanged. I'm on my phone so I can't paste the fatwa from Sayed Sistani that says that if a woman's husband neglects his duties and does not support her, she is allowed to steal his property to support herself. If this isn't possible and she can not compel him to support her and is obligated to support herself, she no longer is required to obey him until he starts supporting her again.

The key thing to notice is that this is only in the case where the husband's negligence of his duties forces the wife to be the breadwinner, not when she has agreed to it.

And no, there is never a situation in which the husband must obey his wife.

 

Why don't spouses honor each other's wishes, regardless of gender?  I think this is very much possible, so long as requests are asked in a kind and respectful manner, while taking into consideration the other's abilities and limitations.  

(bismillah)

 

(salam)

 

 

Actually there are a few, as far as I know.

 

One is her right to physical relations at least once every four months.

 

(wasalam)

 

Ah, I feel that it should never get to that point.  4 months is so long.  Couples should just oblige one another whenever the desire in the husband or wife arises.

It isn't even just about the cooking and cleaning etc man. I know that it is not required of a wife in Islam, but do you think a good wife will just lie there all day to wait for her husband to come home just so they can sleep together, and solely for that purpose? And my comments also extended to things like dignity and chastity and betterment of family. Do you think in the examples i explained from my own experience, that these parents were bettering their families by doing what they did? I think my own mother was a perfect example of what a good, obedient woman is. She never went out, never did things deemed inappropriate, always placed us, her children, above her own needs, always taught us right from wrong, to fear God, she always remains faithful to my father, and before knowing him, she never dated, or spoke to men accept for relatives. But she knew that as a woman, her role in taking care of the home and the family was integral. To me, that is obedience.  How many men can you imagine actually doing half of the stuff a woman does? I cook, I clean, I do them sorts of things, but when it come to laundry, washing and drying i am fine with, but folding and putting away I have not the patience to do so, i only do out of necessity due to living solo.  

 

And I do not know.

 

And also... Weren't you leaving SC?

 

She never dated?  How old was she when she got married and where are you from?

Edited by Fatima Hussain
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(bismillah)

 

Ah, I feel that it should never get to that point.  4 months is so long.  Couples should just oblige one another whenever the desire in the husband or wife arises.

 

I never said it should. Islamic Law does not define 'should' or 'shouldn't'. It just lays down the rights and what each must strictly adhere to.

 

Islamic principles go above and beyond this, but the law is important as the framework... The base which one builds off of to achieve higher stages of success.

 

(wasalam)

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Why don't spouses honor each other's wishes, regardless of gender? I think this is very much possible, so long as requests are asked in a kind and respectful manner, while taking into consideration the other's abilities and limitations.

Absolutely!

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(bismillah)

(salam)

Absolutely!

"..And one of His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest in them and He put between you love and compassion; most surely there are signs in this for a people who reflect." (30:21)

Imam as-Sadiq (a.s) stated: "One of the characteristics of the prophets of Allah is that they are all kind towards their wives."

The Prophet of Allah (S) stated: "The words of a man who tells his wife, 'I love you truly', should never leave her heart."

Imam as-Sadiq (a.s) stated: "Whoever is our friend, expresses his kindness to his spouse more."

The Prophet of Allah (S) stated: "The more one becomes faithful the more one expresses kindness to his spouse."

(wasalam)

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The Prophet (S) said, 'If I was in a position to command anyone to prostrate in front of anyone else, I would command the woman to prostrate in front of her husband.’[al-Kafi, v. 5, p. 508, no. 6]

 

If it were allowed by Allah(SWT) I would prostrate in front of my husband. He is that kind of a person. ALHAMDULLILAH. :wub: 

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A woman's jihad is NOT pleasing her husband. A wonan's jihad is pleasing her GOD. And part of god's comnands to her is to please her husband and make him feel comfortable and peaceful. Just like how the man has to please her and treat her with gentleness. They are both covers for each other.

As for the hadith that says about prostrate the husband, RUBBISH!! The prophet would NEVER say something like that ever. See some hadiths you can tell have a changed context. A woman will only worship Allah! How about unmarried woman huh.

Edited by Faithful Dome
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  • 1 month later...
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There is something else that I have been thinking...

 

I think, in order to please your husband, we women should allow them to have other women (halal way obviously).

 

If we stop to think about it - and not in a "he doesn't love me sort of way" than biologically a man is not programmed not be sexually exclusive to the one woman. Whilst women are programmed to stay and be faithful to the one man (parental investment). Ladies this may seem a dreadful concept to you, but as long as he doesn't rub your nose in it then why not? I was talking to some friends recently about this, and they said "surely if a wife lets her husband do this then it must mean she doesn't love him?" On the contrary, it means that you love Allah swt because you are giving your man the greatest gift. In return he will realise how special you are and nobody will take your place in his heart. 

 

Sisters, surely having a happy stress free home life is something that we all wish to aspire to?

 

Aren't there conditions about having multiple wives... particularly the one about how you have to treat them all equally.

“but if you fear that you will not do justice (between them), then (marry) only one…” (Surah an-Nisaa, 4:3)

Find me a man nowadays who is capable of doing that.

 

The greatest gift to your husband is another woman....?? Shouldn't you be the greatest gift? Men are fully capable of controlling their desires and staying with one woman. If for the 5-10 or so years from puberty till the time they get married, they were supposed to control their desires... then upon having a wife, don't tell me that all of a sudden they can't do that anymore... especially when they have a wife that they can fulfill their desires with. 

This sort of stuff makes men seem so weak and incapable of self-control. They don't have to always succumb to animalistic desires.

If a man truly loves his wife, I don't see why he would go after other women. The Prophet (s) remained with only Bibi Khadija (as) during her lifetime, as she was the one he loved truly. Same with Imam Ali (as) and Bibi Fatima (as).

 

Until you have experienced your husband loving another woman, I don't think you should jump to conclusions about how women should be okay with it.

What are the halal ways? temporary marriage or permanent marriage: In one way, he is basically using a woman solely to temporarily fulfill sexual desires. How can someone be okay with their husband treating a woman that way?

In the other way, he is bringing another woman into his life permanently, and will have to treat her just the same as you. Sure, it might not mean that he doesn't love you anymore, but it would also imply that he loves someone else as well... not many women would be okay with that.

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There is something else that I have been thinking...

 

I think, in order to please your husband, we women should allow them to have other women (halal way obviously).

 

If we stop to think about it - and not in a "he doesn't love me sort of way" than biologically a man is not programmed not be sexually exclusive to the one woman. Whilst women are programmed to stay and be faithful to the one man (parental investment). Ladies this may seem a dreadful concept to you, but as long as he doesn't rub your nose in it then why not? I was talking to some friends recently about this, and they said "surely if a wife lets her husband do this then it must mean she doesn't love him?" On the contrary, it means that you love Allah swt because you are giving your man the greatest gift. In return he will realise how special you are and nobody will take your place in his heart. 

 

Sisters, surely having a happy stress free home life is something that we all wish to aspire to?

 

Careful what you wish for. A man is not just biological but can become attached and  blinded emotionally to a woman and will do what pleases her. What pleases her might be letting go of you.

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • Advanced Member

Am not going to responed to everyone,but the only two people I agree with are notme and fatmia hussain.

I dont understand the other females on this plateform,thats all am going to say for today.....

I too would like to quote a couple of sayings... Am only quoting them because am sick of people quoting for one gender and what they should be doing...

"God will not accept prayer and good deeds of a man who harasses his wife and he is among the first people to enter the Hell."

"I bring God as witness that I never made Fademah (as) angery and never made he do anything."

"Woman are like flowers. They should be treated gently,kindly, and with affection."

"Be kind and considerate to your woman. She is a tender flower, and not your slave in the household." Imam Ali (as)

Some woman and men need to understand that not every woman will agree or like your suggestion. If a man is marrying someone like the op or other sisters with similar view then he can marry up to 4. But if he is going for someone similar to myself, they should think twice ( or 10) before even considering or speaking about this matter...

Were not alike,what doesnt hurt you can deeply hurt another person. And life is not just about pleasing your husband, theirs others that you need to please eg your family,specially your mother that gave brith to you....

You cant buy respect,you earn it and if you want to be respected then you to should respect the person your with. Respect a man who can protect you, that helps you,that supports you in your ups and downs. Not a man that has no reason for you to respect him....

Edited by kim.tinkerbell
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  • 2 weeks later...

My views are still the same, however I should add an important caveat. In a loving relationship it's give and take. The husband also has obligations he has to fulfil too, and you both have to be on the same page in order for this to work. It will take a very special man for a woman, to essentially give her life up in order to cater for his every need. Not to say it can't be done, but when a woman starts on this road there is no turning back so she should choose wisely..

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In a loving relationship it's give and take.

Is this not contradictory? There's no love if there is an expected obligation. However, relationship can't survive without making compromises. Therefore, there is no such thing as love. What is the point of a relationship in the absence of love? It is senseless.

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  • Advanced Member

al-Hasan b. Mahbūb related from Mālik b. `Aṭiyyah from Muḥammad b. Muslim from Abū Ja`far عليه السلام. He said:

A woman came to the Messenger of Allāh صلى الله عليه واله and said: O’ Messenger of Allāh! What is the right of the husband over the wife? He said to her: She obeys him and does not disobey him, does not give anything in charity from her house except with his permission, she does not keep a voluntary fast without his permission and does not prevent him from herself even if she be on hunchback. She does not leave her house but with his permission; if she leaves without his permission, the angels of the heaven, the angels of the earth, the angels of wrath and the angels of mercy damn her until she returns to her house. So she said: O’ Messenger of Allāh! Who among the people has the greatest right on the man? He said: His parents. She said: Who among the people has the greatest right over the woman? He said: Her husband. She said: So do I have a right over him similar to what he has over me? He said: No, not [even] one in a hundred! She said: By the One Who sent you as a Prophet with the truth, no man shall ever own my neck.

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Is this not contradictory? There's no love if there is an expected obligation. However, relationship can't survive without making compromises. Therefore, there is no such thing as love. What is the point of a relationship in the absence of love? It is senseless.

 

There is love between parents and children yet there is still a sense of obligation. The same goes for our relationship with Allah. 

 

With that said, true love (which the Qur'an calls mawaddah, its root meaning referring to some deep seated friendship) is a gift that Allah puts between a husband and wife. Yet all actions and states of being come with responsibility. 

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