A Women's Jihad Is Pleasing Her Husband?

[Sabrina Abbas]

I've been thinking...is this a way women can get paradise?

 

Prophet, , said:“If the woman performs the five daily prayers, fasts the month of Ramadan, maintains her chastity and obeys her husband, she will enter the Paradise of her Lord.

 

 

Obedience is the first right that Islam acknowledges for the husband over his wife. She is required to obey him in everything unless he commands her to do an act of disobedience. The Prophet, , said: “No creature should be obeyed when it comes to disobeying the Creator.”

 

This may be controversial - but should we women be more, accommodating to the needs of our husbands's? 

 

And would it not save us heartache if we allowed us men freedom? Because biologically men are not, programmed to stay with the one woman, so should we turn a blind eye? 

 

[Waiting for HIM]

OP: you are right on mark.

 

Either you are a sister coming from a very religiously enlightened background, or you are a man trapped in a woman's body - lol, or you are a troll posting as a woman.

[Sabrina Abbas]

Nope - I am definitely a woman. My views may be controversial, but that does not mean that I am a troll.

[Rohulah Khorasani]

Salam alaikom

 

don't confuse everything, first of all doesn't matter if the question is from man or female, obedience has a condition of course, the condition is, the man has to be right on the need of obedience, it must be in the way of islam and no harm should come to the woman, , so if some fool man without knowledge of islam demands thing or obedience from his wife and actually misuses this tradition indirectly or directly has no base for this hadith, so the sisters must aundrestand the meaning of this tradition (hadith) and if need aducate their man(not really that they would accept)  or ask for someone knowledgeable for help,

 

Yes obedience if the man tries to resemble ahle bait

 

Asalam

[Waiting for HIM]

Nope - I am definitely a woman. My views may be controversial, but that does not mean that I am a troll.

Your views are not controversial. They are Islamic which is sadly too hard to swallow for lots of feminists, feminist-lite, and to lots of female flattering men.

[notme]

Why do we only hear about what women must do? Yes, the man is the head of the family so the wife must be subordinate if the man is filling his role. Let's talk for a change about the responsibilities of men.

[BintAlZahraa]

Why do we only hear about what women must do? Yes, the man is the head of the family so the wife must be subordinate if the man is filling his role. Let's talk for a change about the responsibilities of men.

 

Because despite the countless times that these things have been mentioned, it still doesn't seem to resonate with most of our dear sisters...

That being said, I think it's a lot easier to address the problems of men than it is to address the problems of women nowadays. 

 

OP, isn't there a hadith about how if Allah were to make a woman prostrate to anyone other than Him, it would be her husband?

[notme]

Because despite the countless times that these things have been mentioned, it still doesn't seem to resonate with most of our dear sisters...

That being said, I think it's a lot easier to address the problems of men than it is to address the problems of women nowadays.

OP, isn't there a hadith about how if Allah were to make a woman prostrate to anyone other than Him, it would be her husband?

But women wouldn't have to be self sufficient and would have an opportunity to be feminine if males would be men and not overgrown boys.

(I am not talking about all men, just too many, and there are immature women too.)

[PenOfTruth]

Because despite the countless times that these things have been mentioned, it still doesn't seem to resonate with most of our dear sisters...

That being said, I think it's a lot easier to address the problems of men than it is to address the problems of women nowadays. 

 

OP, isn't there a hadith about how if Allah were to make a woman prostrate to anyone other than Him, it would be her husband?

The Prophet (S) said, 'If I was in a position to command anyone to prostrate in front of anyone else, I would command the woman to prostrate in front of her husband.’[al-Kafi, v. 5, p. 508, no. 6]

[notme]

If a husband does not provide for his wife, she is allowed to steal from him to meet her needs. A woman is not obligated to obey her husband if he does not provide for her.

A good marriage is based on both partners putting the needs of the other ahead of their own wants, and on mutual respect. It won't work if only one spouse takes active part.

[PenOfTruth]

If a husband does not provide for his wife, she is allowed to steal from him to meet her needs. A woman is not obligated to obey her husband if he does not provide for her.

A good marriage is based on both partners putting the needs of the other ahead of their own wants, and on mutual respect. It won't work if only one spouse takes active part.

Well said, many people here lack to know this.

The Prophet (S) said, 'If a man has a wife who mistreats him, Allah does not accept her daily prayer, nor any other good deed she performs, even if she was to fast all her life, until and unless she relieves him and pleases him…and the husband will bear the same burden and punishment if he mistreats or oppresses his wife.’[Wasael al-Shi`aah , v. 14, p. 116, no. 1]

some brothers need to understand that both play same roles in terms of giving needs to the opposite side.

[BintAlZahraa]

The Prophet (S) said, 'If I was in a position to command anyone to prostrate in front of anyone else, I would command the woman to prostrate in front of her husband.’[al-Kafi, v. 5, p. 508, no. 6]

 

That's it, thanks ! 

 

Assalamu Alaikum wb,

 

Thank you for starting this thread. You raise some important points. 

 

To answer your question, yes I do believe we should be more accommodating.

 

I think what seems to have become prevalent today is the idea that when a woman is submissive to her husband she is viewed as being weak/inferior, which is a completely misguided way of thinking. 

 

The Prophet (s.a.w.) said, 'Whichever woman serves her husband for seven days, Allah locks seven doors of Hell to her and opens eight doors of Paradise instead whereof she may enter as she pleases.’He also said, 'A woman's quenching of her husband's thirst with a glass of water is better for her than a whole year spent fasting during the day and praying at night.’ 

 

 رسولُ اللّه‏ِ (صَلَّيَ اللهُ عَلَيهِ وَ آلِهِ): أيُّما امرَأةٍ خَدَمَتْ زَوجَها سَبعَةَ أيّامٍ ، غَلَّقَ اللّه‏ُ عَنها سَبعةَ أبوابِ النارِ وفَتَحَ لَها ثمانِيَةَ أبوابِ الجَنَّةِ تَدخُلُ مِن أينَما شاءَتْ.وقالَ (عَلَيهِ الّسَلامُ): ما مِنِ امرَأةٍ تَسقِي زَوجَها شَربَةَ ماءٍ إلّا كانَ خَيراً لَها مِن سَنةٍ صِيامِ نَهارِها وقِيامِ لَيلِها. 

 

 Irshad Al-Qulub, P. 175 

 

Imam al-Sadiq (as) narrated that Umm Salama [the Prophet's wife] asked the Prophet (s.a.w.) about the status of women when being of service to their husbands, so he (s.a.w.) replied, 'Any woman who so much as moves something from one place to another in her husband's house with the intention of improving it is regarded with mercy by Allah, and whoever Allah regards [with mercy] He does not punish.’ 

 

 الإمامُ الصّادقُ (عَلَيهِ الّسَلامُ): سَألَتْ اُمُّ سَلَمَةَ رسولَ اللّه‏ (صَلَّيَ اللهُ عَلَيهِ وَ آلِهِ) عن فَضلِ النساءِ في خِدمَةِ أزواجِهِنَّ ، فقال: أيُّما امرَأةٍ رَفَعَتْ مِن بَيتِ زَوجِها شيئا مِن مَوضِعٍ إلى مَوضِعٍ تُرِيدُ بهِ صَلاحاً إلّا نَظَرَ اللّه‏ُ إلَيها ، ومَن نَظَرَ اللّه‏ُ إلَيهِ لَم يُعَذِّبْهُ. 

 

 Bihar Al-Anwar, V. 103, P. 251, No. 49 

 

Imam al-Kazim (as) said, 'The sacred war (jihad) of a woman is to be of excellent service to her husband.’ 

 

 الإمامُ الكاظمُ (عَلَيهِ الّسَلامُ): جِهادُ المَرأةِ حُسنُ التَّبَعُّلِ 

 

 Al-Kafi, V. 5, P. 507, No. 4

 

 

 

 

 

 

Beautiful ahadith! Jazakum'Allah khair sisters !

[Sapphire]

Yes a women's jihad is pleasing her husband. HE(SWT) is pleased with a woman who is kind to her husband and who treats him with respect.

I would put all my husband's needs before any of my needs. I would die trying.

May Allah(SWT) give us the strength to please HIM(SWT) all the time. Ameen.

[:Sami II]

(salam)

 

I've been away for the last couple of weeks as Ive been helping my sons look for their prospective wives .

It has been an eye opener for me from my days of searching for suitable mates.

They use the internet for such things now ..wow .

If I may share  some stats that I've witnessed re this topic of obedience.

From over 1,000 prospective sisters , the question was asked to my sons , "what are you looking for in a wife ?"

they replied with..

 

1. obedience

2. accepting polygamy 

 

from the 1,000 , only 3 agreed to such conditions .

even though my sons are financially well off , pious and great looking guys raised in Oz .(:Alhamdulilah)

Being who I am in the way I look at data , I have had a very interesting time putting the replies together from the expectations and demand of sisters today .I looked further into the replies and found that the word "obedience " is a taboo word for sisters today next to "polygamy".

 

ws

[:Ruffles]

Why do we only hear about what women must do? Yes, the man is the head of the family so the wife must be subordinate if the man is filling his role. Let's talk for a change about the responsibilities of men.

Although both are important, Ive seen more women not accept their roles than men not accepting their roles. Usually its the women forcing a man out of his role...

[Fatima Hussain]

What if the husband is not supporting the woman financially?  And/or what if the woman is the breadwinner?  Does this change the dynamic?

Your views are not controversial. They are Islamic which is sadly too hard to swallow for lots of feminists, feminist-lite, and to lots of female flattering men.

You can be a feminist (believing in equal rights for men and women) and want to do things that please your husband and avoid things that cause him displeasure.  Marriage is a two-way street, about mutual love and respect for one another.  Wanting to please your spouse is just one part of it.  If someone is not interested in pleasing their spouse then they are too selfish to be married.

Although both are important, Ive seen more women not accept their roles than men not accepting their roles. Usually its the women forcing a man out of his role...

The common problem among men I see is not having enough involvement in a child's life or simply not wanting to support their wife and children financially.  The problem I see most often with women is them putting their career above the needs of their children.  Unfortunately, in the United States, women are expected to have double roles.  They are expected to be working lady, but still they are expected to attend to children more than the father.  This is not "liberation" for women; this is unfair to both women and children. 

Edited January 24, 2014 by Fatima Hussain

[Fatima Hussain]

Assalamu Alaikum dear sister,

 

I'm not sure if I understood your question correctly, but I don't see how a man's inability to support his wife financially/not being the primary earner in the household has anything to do with obedience to one's husband. At least, not in Islam. 

 

Wa alaikum assalam.  If the man does not support the woman financially at all (thus not fulfilling his basic duty as a husband) and the woman is supporting him, should he obey her?  Does he deserve obedience simply for being male?

Edited January 24, 2014 by Fatima Hussain

[PenOfTruth]

Wa alaikum assalam.  If the man does not support the woman financially at all (thus not fulfilling his basic duty as a husband) and the woman is supporting him, should he obey her?  Does he deserve obedience simply for being male?

I know couples, in which the woman is the one working and supporting the family financially. However, this does not twist the narrations around of who is the one in charge of the family hence should obey her. I dont think it is for 'simply bieng a male' but much more deeper. But, whoever is supporting the family, both husband and wife give the opposite their needs, biulding a balanced lifestyle for both. In any case, the women's jihad will be to obey her husband, regardless of who is supporting the family financially. If i understood your question.

[Fatima Hussain]

I know couples, in which the woman is the one working and supporting the family financially. However, this does not twist the narrations around of who is the one in charge of the family hence should obey her. I dont think it is for 'simply bieng a male' but much more deeper. But, whoever is supporting the family, both husband and wife give the opposite their needs, biulding a balanced lifestyle for both. In any case, the women's jihad will be to obey her husband, regardless of who is supporting the family financially. If i understood your question.

But if one party is giving more in the relationship, does it not make sense to ask more of the other one?

[PenOfTruth]

But if one party is giving more in the relationship, does it not make sense to ask more of the other one?

Im not sure if i understood.

[Fatima Hussain]

Im not sure if i understood.

If the wife provides, can she not ask of more from her husband and deserve to have her requests honored?

Edited January 24, 2014 by Fatima Hussain

[PenOfTruth]

If the wife provides, can she not ask of more from her husband and deserve to have her requests honored?

Yes she has the right to ask for so, whilst obeying him. This goes back to the understanding and respect that exists between the two.

[Fatima Hussain]

Assalamu Alaikum wb,

 

Dear sister, the husband should extend respect towards his wife, there is no doubt about that, but that is not the issue we are discussing. We are discussing obedience to ones husband. 

Wa alaikum assalam , if you notice...my initial question was in regards to whether or not obedience to one's husband is an obligation conditional to the husband's ability to perform his duties (financial support)...

[Marbles]

Sisters Fatima Hussain and Noor Al Huda.

 

Logically speaking, money changes the power dynamics of a relationship regardless of which family philosophy you subscribe to. If a man is regarded head of the family due to responsibilities placed on his shoulders, if he doesn't fulfill those responsibilities, if he isn't the breadwinner, or at least not the main contributer to his family's finances, whereas the wife is, what right does he have anymore to command his wife to obey him in all matters where whife's obedience is demanded?

 

Islamically, wife's obedience might not be contingent on husband's financial contribution but can there be a good relationship in such a scenario? I don't think a husband who fails to support his family can really command his wife to obey him in how to run the family.

 

[Qa'im]

Imam al-Baqir (‘a) said: "No intercessor for a woman, on the Reckoning Day, is more effective with Allah than the consent of her husband."

Bihar-ul-Anwar, vol. 81, p. 345
 

Imam Abi-l-Hasan-ir-Ridha’ (‘a) narrates from Imam Amir ul Mu'mineen ‘Ali (‘a) who said: The best women among you are those who have five qualities."

Amir ul Mu'mineen (‘a) was requested what those five were when he said:

1. She is easy-going, obedient, humble, and economical to her husband.

2. She is good tempered to him.

3. She is cooperative and helpful to him in difficulties.

4. Whenever her husband is angry or depressed, she does not rest until she finds him happy and pleased.

5. When her husband is absent from her, she protects his belongings in his absence.

Such a woman is an agent of the agents of Allah and the agent of Allah will not be disappointed, (she gains her correct hopes)."

Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 324
 

Imam as-Sadiq (‘a) said: "Any woman who spends the night while her husband is rightfully angry with her, her prayer is not accepted from her until he becomes pleased with her."

Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 507
 

The Holy Prophet (S) said: "The right of a man upon (his) wife is: lighting the light, preparing food, receiving him at the threshold of the door of the house with pleasant conversation, and avoid refusing to offer herself to him except for the time there is an excuse."

Makarim-ul-Akhlaq, vol. 2, p. 246
 

The Holy Prophet (S) said: "A woman has not performed the right of Allah, Almighty and Glorious unless she performs the right of her husband."

Mustadrak-ul-Wasa'il-ush Shi'ah, vol. 14, p. 257
 

Imam al-Baqir (‘a) said: "Once a woman came to the Prophet (S) and said: "O' Messenger of Allah! What is the right of a husband upon his wife?" Then, he answered her: "That she obeys him and does not offend him!"

Wasa'il-ush Shi'ah, vol. 10, p. 527

 

 

http://www.al-islam.org/a-bundle-of-flowers-sayyid-faqih-imani/admirable-qualities-wives

 

----------------------

 

In marital life, it is very easy to create an issue out of nothing. When there is tension in the home, spouses act in spite of each other, and are even looking to get into an argument. Sometimes, creating controversy is a spouse's way of gaining the wanted attention of his/her partner. On some days, a husband or a wife will be feeling more defensive; on some days days they'll be more needy and emotional. Allah knows that a being patient as a wife is a tough task. This is why He called it a jihad - while the jihad of men is to fight oppressors, the jihad of women is to obey their husbands. A woman who dies in childbirth is even considered [equal to] a martyr in Ja`fari fiqh. Allah did not obligate working for women, nor did He obligate fighting, nor did He obligate going to jum`a prayers, but He did obligate an undying support for their husbands. Even if he gets on her nerves sometimes, she should refrain from pushing his buttons. The Muslim man is a working man, and so home should be the "safe zone" for him - a place where he can find love, order, simplicity, support, and happiness.

 

With regards to sexuality, yes, it is true that a wife cannot deny the conjugal rights of her husband if she does not have a legitimate excuse. There are reasons for this. The use of sex as a weapon or a tool is poisonous to a marriage. There are women who withhold sex and make unreasonable demands on their husbands for them to attain it. There are also women who try to deliberately punish their husbands by abstaining from him. Not only does this create animosity and disorder in the relationship, but it spills outside too. A man who is being deprived of sex will most likely seek it outside of the marriage. That can potentially include zina, rape, and masturbation. Sexual repression can also make men more tense, aggressive, or depressed. All of these factors can lead to the breakdown of marriages and the destruction of traditional family structures. Islam curtails this by obligating regular sex within a marriage and giving sexual recommendations to both men and women.

Edited January 24, 2014 by Qa'im

[TheLoneSoldier]

Obedience. Oh how I love reading some of these posts! **sigh**

If only people understood what it actually meant. I think people take obedience as being brainwashed or not having the right to their own thoughts or opinions ie: the choice to say no to doing something that is wrong or sinful when being made to or told to do so.

Having grown up in western culture this is something I've seen lacking from marriages or relationships of those around me. My mother always did as was required of her, never did I hear my father demand she do things, though there were times he'd ask her to prepare his clothes for work or his lunch etc but she still did it and did not complain. My parents both shared religious views that were similar, wanted the same from their relationship and in raising a family, and were agreeable on almost all things.

Staying with Australian friends I saw a complete contrast. Mothers who refused to cook dinner for families as she cooked her own, and would tell older children and husband to cook their own meal as they knew where the kitchen was. A whole family refusing to clean the house or do laundry as their favourite saying seemed to be "I'm not the only one living here! You do it! ". Wives going to clubs or strip shows while their husband is also out at clubs, leaving children home alone with an older sibling. Complete lack of responsibility on both halves. I would say there was no obedience whatsoever from either party responsible. And as was the case with most of these friends parents, they'd been married or in long term relationships with many others and had many children from these relationships creating a family with many many half brothers and sisters.

Edited January 24, 2014 by TheLoneCrusader

[:Sami II]

Obedience. Oh how I love reading some of these posts! **sigh**

If only people understood what it actually meant. I think people take obedience as being brainwashed or not having the right to their own thoughts or opinions ie: the choice to say no to doing something that is wrong or sinful when being made to or told to do so.

Having grown up in western culture this is something I've seen lacking from marriages or relationships of those around me. My mother always did as was required of her, never did I hear my father demand she do things, though there were times he'd ask her to prepare his clothes for work or his lunch etc but she still did it and did not complain. My parents both shared religious views that were similar, wanted the same from their relationship and in raising a family, and were agreeable on almost all things.

Staying with Australian friends I saw a complete contrast. Mothers who refused to cook dinner for families as she cooked her own, and would tell older children and husband to cook their own meal as they knew where the kitchen was. A whole family refusing to clean the house or do laundry as their favourite saying seemed to be "I'm not the only one living here! You do it! ". Wives going to clubs or strip shows while their husband is also out at clubs, leaving children home alone with an older sibling. Complete lack of responsibility on both halves. I would say there was no obedience whatsoever from either party responsible. And as was the case with most of these friends parents, they'd been married or in long term relationships with many others and had many children from these relationships creating a family with many many half brothers and sisters.

mamma mia ...

in :Shia , the wife/wives are not required to cook , clean , look after the kids or manage the domestic logistics .

the obedience does not extend to all this.

the obedience is in providing the sexual needs of the husband , her leaving the house ,her  maintaining her chastity ,dignity and her faith for the betterment of the family and society.

For women thinking with their own minds and having own opinions , well bro , there's no such thing, and that goes for the men too.

Most of us are programmed , brainwashed and made to follow a script .

When you surrender yourself to :Allah swt , it is only then you are free to be you .

So when are you coming into our :Shia famiglia bro ?

Edited January 24, 2014 by :Sami II

[TheLoneSoldier]

mamma mia ...

in :Shia , the wife/wives are not required to cook , clean , look after the kids or manage the domestic logistics .

the obedience does not extend to all this.

the obedience is in providing the sexual needs of the husband , her leaving the house ,her  maintaining her chastity ,dignity and her faith for the betterment of the family and society.

For women thinking with their own minds and having own opinions , well bro , there's no such thing, and that goes for the men too.

Most of us are programmed , brainwashed and made to follow a script .

When you surrender yourself to :Allah swt , it is only then you are free to be you .

So when are you coming into our :Shia famiglia bro ?

 

 

It isn't even just about the cooking and cleaning etc man. I know that it is not required of a wife in Islam, but do you think a good wife will just lie there all day to wait for her husband to come home just so they can sleep together, and solely for that purpose? And my comments also extended to things like dignity and chastity and betterment of family. Do you think in the examples i explained from my own experience, that these parents were bettering their families by doing what they did? I think my own mother was a perfect example of what a good, obedient woman is. She never went out, never did things deemed inappropriate, always placed us, her children, above her own needs, always taught us right from wrong, to fear God, she always remains faithful to my father, and before knowing him, she never dated, or spoke to men accept for relatives. But she knew that as a woman, her role in taking care of the home and the family was integral. To me, that is obedience.  How many men can you imagine actually doing half of the stuff a woman does? I cook, I clean, I do them sorts of things, but when it come to laundry, washing and drying i am fine with, but folding and putting away I have not the patience to do so, i only do out of necessity due to living solo.  

 

And I do not know.

 

And also... Weren't you leaving SC?

Edited January 24, 2014 by TheLoneCrusader

[Sumerian]

Yes a woman has to obey her husband all the time. Our hadiths from Imams and Prophets confirmed that, but I think there are conditions in dangerous situations.

[Sabrina Abbas]

Assalamu Alaikum wb,

 

Thank you for starting this thread. You raise some important points. 

 

To answer your question, yes I do believe we should be more accommodating.

 

I think what seems to have become prevalent today is the idea that when a woman is submissive to her husband she is viewed as being weak/inferior, which is a completely misguided way of thinking. 

 

The Prophet (s.a.w.) said, 'Whichever woman serves her husband for seven days, Allah locks seven doors of Hell to her and opens eight doors of Paradise instead whereof she may enter as she pleases.’He also said, 'A woman's quenching of her husband's thirst with a glass of water is better for her than a whole year spent fasting during the day and praying at night.’ 

 

 رسولُ اللّه‏ِ (صَلَّيَ اللهُ عَلَيهِ وَ آلِهِ): أيُّما امرَأةٍ خَدَمَتْ زَوجَها سَبعَةَ أيّامٍ ، غَلَّقَ اللّه‏ُ عَنها سَبعةَ أبوابِ النارِ وفَتَحَ لَها ثمانِيَةَ أبوابِ الجَنَّةِ تَدخُلُ مِن أينَما شاءَتْ.وقالَ (عَلَيهِ الّسَلامُ): ما مِنِ امرَأةٍ تَسقِي زَوجَها شَربَةَ ماءٍ إلّا كانَ خَيراً لَها مِن سَنةٍ صِيامِ نَهارِها وقِيامِ لَيلِها. 

 

 Irshad Al-Qulub, P. 175 

 

Imam al-Sadiq (as) narrated that Umm Salama [the Prophet's wife] asked the Prophet (s.a.w.) about the status of women when being of service to their husbands, so he (s.a.w.) replied, 'Any woman who so much as moves something from one place to another in her husband's house with the intention of improving it is regarded with mercy by Allah, and whoever Allah regards [with mercy] He does not punish.’ 

 

 الإمامُ الصّادقُ (عَلَيهِ الّسَلامُ): سَألَتْ اُمُّ سَلَمَةَ رسولَ اللّه‏ (صَلَّيَ اللهُ عَلَيهِ وَ آلِهِ) عن فَضلِ النساءِ في خِدمَةِ أزواجِهِنَّ ، فقال: أيُّما امرَأةٍ رَفَعَتْ مِن بَيتِ زَوجِها شيئا مِن مَوضِعٍ إلى مَوضِعٍ تُرِيدُ بهِ صَلاحاً إلّا نَظَرَ اللّه‏ُ إلَيها ، ومَن نَظَرَ اللّه‏ُ إلَيهِ لَم يُعَذِّبْهُ. 

 

 Bihar Al-Anwar, V. 103, P. 251, No. 49 

 

Imam al-Kazim (as) said, 'The sacred war (jihad) of a woman is to be of excellent service to her husband.’ 

 

 الإمامُ الكاظمُ (عَلَيهِ الّسَلامُ): جِهادُ المَرأةِ حُسنُ التَّبَعُّلِ 

 

 Al-Kafi, V. 5, P. 507, No. 4

Ws

Thanks sister, it's very important to me that my Shia sisters have happy marriages.

Imam Musa Kasim (as) Hadith illustrates this perfectly

[Sabrina Abbas]

Sisters Fatima Hussain and Noor Al Huda.

 

Logically speaking, money changes the power dynamics of a relationship regardless of which family philosophy you subscribe to. If a man is regarded head of the family due to responsibilities placed on his shoulders, if he doesn't fulfill those responsibilities, if he isn't the breadwinner, or at least not the main contributer to his family's finances, whereas the wife is, what right does he have anymore to command his wife to obey him in all matters where whife's obedience is demanded?

 

Islamically, wife's obedience might not be contingent on husband's financial contribution but can there be a good relationship in such a scenario? I don't think a husband who fails to support his family can really command his wife to obey him in how to run the family.

I don't see how money is relevant in order to obey your husband? Ideally a wife would be better just staying at home, but say for example a wife has to work (kids are expensive) and she earns more than her husband then why should that make her not obey him? Unless she is one of those hideous women that feels the need to belittle her husband.

A real man, is a strong husband who is the head of the household, the kind of man a woman can look up to and respect. And a real woman is that who pleases her husband.

[Sabrina Abbas]

There is something else that I have been thinking...

 

I think, in order to please your husband, we women should allow them to have other women (halal way obviously).

 

If we stop to think about it - and not in a "he doesn't love me sort of way" than biologically a man is not programmed not be sexually exclusive to the one woman. Whilst women are programmed to stay and be faithful to the one man (parental investment). Ladies this may seem a dreadful concept to you, but as long as he doesn't rub your nose in it then why not? I was talking to some friends recently about this, and they said "surely if a wife lets her husband do this then it must mean she doesn't love him?" On the contrary, it means that you love Allah swt because you are giving your man the greatest gift. In return he will realise how special you are and nobody will take your place in his heart. 

 

Sisters, surely having a happy stress free home life is something that we all wish to aspire to?

[:Sami II]

It isn't even just about the cooking and cleaning etc man. I know that it is not required of a wife in Islam, but do you think a good wife will just lie there all day to wait for her husband to come home just so they can sleep together, and solely for that purpose? And my comments also extended to things like dignity and chastity and betterment of family. Do you think in the examples i explained from my own experience, that these parents were bettering their families by doing what they did? I think my own mother was a perfect example of what a good, obedient woman is. She never went out, never did things deemed inappropriate, always placed us, her children, above her own needs, always taught us right from wrong, to fear God, she always remains faithful to my father, and before knowing him, she never dated, or spoke to men accept for relatives. But she knew that as a woman, her role in taking care of the home and the family was integral. To me, that is obedience.  How many men can you imagine actually doing half of the stuff a woman does? I cook, I clean, I do them sorts of things, but when it come to laundry, washing and drying i am fine with, but folding and putting away I have not the patience to do so, i only do out of necessity due to living solo.  

 

And I do not know.

 

And also... Weren't you leaving SC?

i was leaving for the 2nd time , but you're plea to return got me back ?

and who else is going to make you laugh ?

Your mum sounds like a great lady , they don't make them like that anymore.

I bet she was a good cook too .

When are you saying the :Shahada ?

So I can find you a good :Shia wife so you don't have to cook and clean just for you , but for the 2 of you .lol

[notme]

[

Although both are important, Ive seen more women not accept their roles than men not accepting their roles. Usually its the women forcing a man out of his role...

I have usually seen men failing to fulfill their role. Everyone's perspective is different.

What if the husband is not supporting the woman financially? And/or what if the woman is the breadwinner? Does this change the dynamic?

You can be a feminist (believing in equal rights for men and women) and want to do things that please your husband and avoid things that cause him displeasure. Marriage is a two-way street, about mutual love and respect for one another. Wanting to please your spouse is just one part of it. If someone is not interested in pleasing their spouse then they are too selfish to be married.

The common problem among men I see is not having enough involvement in a child's life or simply not wanting to support their wife and children financially. The problem I see most often with women is them putting their career above the needs of their children. Unfortunately, in the United States, women are expected to have double roles. They are expected to be working lady, but still they are expected to attend to children more than the father. This is not "liberation" for women; this is unfair to both women and children.

If the woman is temporarily the primary breadwinner and she has agreed to it, the family dynamic is unchanged. I'm on my phone so I can't paste the fatwa from Sayed Sistani that says that if a woman's husband neglects his duties and does not support her, she is allowed to steal his property to support herself. If this isn't possible and she can not compel him to support her and is obligated to support herself, she no longer is required to obey him until he starts supporting her again.

The key thing to notice is that this is only in the case where the husband's negligence of his duties forces the wife to be the breadwinner, not when she has agreed to it.

And no, there is never a situation in which the husband must obey his wife.

[Grief]

(bismillah)

 

(salam)

 

And no, there is never a situation in which the husband must obey his wife.

 

Actually there are a few, as far as I know.

 

One is her right to physical relations at least once every four months.

 

(wasalam)

Edited January 24, 2014 by Grief