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In the Name of God بسم الله

Women's Duty To Obey?

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Salam all,

If a woman is engaged to a man and he proposes to her that they live with his parents, is it her right to demand a house for her and her husband alone? Is it her right to refuse? I would like to know exactly if she has to obey him in that sense.

By engaged, i mean nikah has taken place but the cultural wedding has not happened yet and they are not living together yet.

Wasalam

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Buggy hit the nail right on the head. Rather than asking about rights, the lady should think about the reasons for her preference, and the reasons for her husband's preference. For any marriage to succeed, both partners must put the needs of the other above their own desires.

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Thank you for your replies.

I do understand that it is not that simple, however if the man is capable financially of providing her with her own house etc in this case what happens?

What if she is married to someone who does not accept any compromise and refuses to do anythibg but what he wishes and expects her to follow? In this case she will be unhappy which will lead to further problems.

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Thank you for your replies.

I do understand that it is not that simple, however if the man is capable financially of providing her with her own house etc in this case what happens?

What if she is married to someone who does not accept any compromise and refuses to do anythibg but what he wishes and expects her to follow? In this case she will be unhappy which will lead to further problems.

 

Well that is a big problem sister, it should be resolved before moving further I think. Are his parents good to you? do you think you could have them speak to him or someone else he respects? An attitude like you are describing will lead to nothing but unhappiness. Has he given you the reasons behind his behavior? have you mentioned to him that with his attitude happiness and blessings won't enter your marriage? 

 

Sister please try to solve this as soon as possible, there is always a solution inshAllah. 

May Allah be with you.

 

Salam

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^^ 

 

Salaam, 

 

Yes, I agree with Katyushka & notme, you have to solve these differences and settle on an agreement BEFORE any actual marriage/ living toegther condition take place. If you agree sheepishly with him along the way and be submissive to whatever he wants/ desires before formal nikah, what makes you think this condition will change after formal nikah? He will most likely realise you are submissive and will acquiesce to all his requests. It will be harder later on in your marriage to be the person behind the steering wheel and to take some control back in yoiur relationship. You have to let him know from the beginning that BOTH OF YOU will steer the wheel and that BOTH OF YOU will be in the drivers seat, with the children in the back, not the wife in the back. 

 

Ws

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(bismillah)

Compassion, understanding, love and compromise.

This says it all. This is what makes a relationship successful.

Sister you should follow Brother BuggyLemon's advise. It will be very helpful for you. Trust me.

Edited by Sapphire
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I personally prefer the couples have their own place to stay. I am noy really with the idea of staying with parents. The least problem is that both of us would not be comfortable in that house even if the patents are the sweetest. It is not about them personally, it is about having an independence life. Now, in case of going through financial difficulties that is a different story, however, as long is money is not an issue, living seperately is preferable. This is just an opinion.

Good luck.

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Salam all,

If a woman is engaged to a man and he proposes to her that they live with his parents, is it her right to demand a house for her and her husband alone? Is it her right to refuse?

No, he cannot demand that you live with his parents. You are marrying him and not every members of his family. The fact that he's even thinking of having a wife to serve his family is a bit worrying.
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No, he cannot demand that you live with his parents. You are marrying him and not every members of his family. The fact that he's even thinking of having a wife to serve his family is a bit worrying.

 

How does living in the same house as the guy's parents automatically means the girl is being forced to serve his family?

 

@ OP, no, Islamically you're not obliged to obey him in this case. It is your right to demand a separate place to live. However, if the matter of separate residency is so important, it should be discussed prior to nikah and a mutually acceptable arrangement agreed upon. If important things are left for later on, they might cause problems in the relationship.

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So if your parents have only one son, he gets married and leaves his parents house to please his wife and moves into a new home

Your parents are old and now depend on you, and you move into a new house, probably hire them some nanny and feel you have fulfilled your obligation. After all the sacrifices they have done for you, this is how their only son repays them??? Is this what Islam preaches?

Edited by Muditz786
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Well did the girls parents not sacrifice anything for her? Does she not als leave her family to join you? By that logic; does that mean she is abandoning her parents?

And as long as we are imagining unique scenarios and then generalising the conclusions; ..... What if she was the sole daughter? She is responsible to her own parents care and not as the husband assumes... his. Even if she wasnt the sole child; the husband is responsible for his parents care and not the wife. So if she cant or wont; then that is her right; and he is obliged to arrange for a carer or do so himself. similiar to housework and childcare responsibilities in islam.

Living in a seperate accommodation; even if its just a seperate floor space is highly reccomended for the sanctity of marriage; and does not indicate abandonment or ungratefuness in anyway. You have to open your mind a little... Islam is not as narrowminded as you think.

Edited by Asr
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Since the beginning of time, im not sure what Islam says about it, the woman has to leave the parents house and go live with her husband.

Did I mention anywhere in my post that the wife will serve and be the maid of the husbands parents? I said it is the sons obligation and leaving the house would be a bad decision as it will probably hurt your parents.

I do agree, who will take care of the girls parent, but that was Allah's test that he gave them no son but only a daughter.

Is there any hadeeth that living seperately is highly recommended for the sanctity of marriage?

Moreover, most of the Times complications with the wife and in laws arise when there is a huge extended family, lots of brothers and their wives living under the same roof. thats when all the mumbo jumbo happens. However, normally if its just the parents and the son, then I doubt any girl should object, as there also is no na-mahram, so the girl doesnt need to maintain hijab.

Ladies, dont get me wrong. I can see it from your perspective as to why you would want to live separately, but for me I would feel like I have let my parents down. Maybe this is because my parents have sacrificed a lot for me, more than what other parents have sacrificed for their children.

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What if the wife is the only child?  Who looks after her parents...?

 

Good question.

 

I think every couple has to work out the optimal arrangement that speaks to their particular circumstances. A wife who is the only child cannot leave her parents if they are old and need day-to-day care. For that one party (the couple or girl's parents) should relocate to be in close proximity to one another so that the elders are taken care of.

 

Sometimes it is very difficult to arrange something on these lines owing to constraints of geography and finances but it is for the parties involved to hammer out a possible solution.

 

I don't think there's any Islamic compulsion on any party to do a prescribed thing. For instance, a husband may move to wife's house if that's what needs to be done.

 

Moreover, most of the Times complications with the wife and in laws arise when there is a huge extended family, lots of brothers and their wives living under the same roof. thats when all the mumbo jumbo happens. However, normally if its just the parents and the son, then I doubt any girl should object, as there also is no na-mahram, so the girl doesnt need to maintain hijab.

 

In my experience the constituent families of a joint system do rather well when everyone has enough space (both physical and mental) available to them. In some cases I have seen four or five households living together in separate housing units / separate floors in a big enclosure and still calling it joint family since they share the main gate, front lawns and backyard.

 

In some instances, I have seen four or five households living in a rather modest house that's not big enough to accommodate so many people. Lack of space and privacy causes ill-feelings, purdah problems and arguments over apportioning of overheads, not to mention people poking their noses into each other businesses. Some don't really have an option as it's not financially viable for them to move into separate houses.

 

So, in my opinion, whether the so called joint family system is good or not for an extended family depends on a number of variables.

 

And then there's a case of an 'only-son' married man who lives with his parents in the same house (assuming daughters are married or don't exist). This isn't really joint family; it's just living with parents, although some would label it as 'joint family.'

 

If there are multiple married sons and living separately, parents may either choose to stay with one son permanently or rotate their residence. I have seen old parents moving between Lahore, Karachi, Dubai and Toronto all year to divide their time equally between their sons who lived with their families in the said cities...but still not having a separate residence of their own.

 

Ladies, dont get me wrong. I can see it from your perspective as to why you would want to live separately, but for me I would feel like I have let my parents down. Maybe this is because my parents have sacrificed a lot for me, more than what other parents have sacrificed for their children.

 

I am going to set down a condition in the marriage contract (symbolically speaking). My wife will have to give up her right to demand a separately gated, four-walled residence. (I'll provide her with a minimum of two-bedroom unit in the same building, with full functioning kitchen, a store room, a drawing room and a TV room). My mother will be staying in the same house on the ground floor so long as she's alive. I have no father, no brother and my sisters are/will be married. So no purdah excuses, no nagging sisters-in-law to deal with, no hard feelings for someone else's kids stealing your kids' food, no privacy problems either, just one mother-in-law to deal with. Is this too much to ask?

 

Am I being unfair to my future wife? I don't think so. If a girl thinks I am being unfair I just won't marry her -_-

Edited by Marbles
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in our days a wife and her mother in law just can't live under one roof.this is a fact.no matter how sweet both of them are it just can't happen..shouldn't happen..this is a big mistake..

 

OP,u should have said that to ur husband before the nikah..now it's a bit hard for him to accept or understand ur pov.

 

some here are assuming too much...the guy's parents are too old,can't do anything,need help..almost dying :wacko: ...i don't know why!

 

however,if this is true he can buy the upper floor or the lower floor ,where his parents live,it doesn't have to be 'under one roof',this way he will still take care of his parents and he will be pleasing his wife>>living happily ever after :shifty:

 

good luck..

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in our days a wife and her mother in law just can't live under one roof.this is a fact.no matter how sweet both of them are it just can't happen..shouldn't happen..this is a big mistake..

 

OP,u should have said that to ur husband before the nikah..now it's a bit hard for him to accept or understand ur pov.

 

some here are assuming too much...the guy's parents are too old,can't do anything,need help..almost dying :wacko: ...i don't know why!

 

however,if this is true he can buy the upper floor or the lower floor ,where his parents live,it doesn't have to be 'under one roof',this way he will still take care of his parents and he will be pleasing his wife>>living happily ever after :shifty:

 

good luck..

 

If the couple lives in the upper storey and parents live downstairs in the same house, it is still counted as 'living under the same roof'; it's a figure of speech.

 

Let's see who is assuming too much. I'd like to know why it is a "fact" that wives and parents-in-law can't live in the same house.

 

Parents don't have to be 'dying' to be living with you. If they are in advanced age, they need to be cared for on a day-to-day basis.

 

Also note that any arrangement isn't set in stone and doesn't have to be final once and for all. There will be times when you won't be living with your husband's parents and there will be occasions when you will. And then husband's parents won't live forever.

 

We should all remember that later on in life we will also be in the same boat as our parents are today. It is easy to say that you won't make your children stay with you now that you're young; when you get old, you'll want at least one of your children very much to be around you. This is what I call facts of life.

Edited by Marbles
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If I cant find a girl who isnt willing to sTay under the same roof as my parents, then I choose not to get married.

And yes marbles, what you speak is the truth. All the people who say that the son shouldnt stay under the same roof as their parents, 25 yrs from now karma is going back to bite them. Im pretty sure when they are old they will want their son under the same roof.

Notme, MashaAllah your parents are blessed with a caring daughter as you. People like you who are willing to sacrifice everything for their parents just like your parents did for you give me hope.

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Since the beginning of time, im not sure what Islam says about it, the woman has to leave the parents house and go live with her husband.

Did I mention anywhere in my post that the wife will serve and be the maid of the husbands parents? I said it is the sons obligation and leaving the house would be a bad decision as it will probably hurt your parents.

1. well People have been doing lots of crazy things from the beginning of time.. Including things like worshipping fire and statues and making human sacrifices to their gods. So that not really a good justification for anything...

2. You accept in your second post that youre not sure what islam says about it so on what basis are you questioning those who demand/provide a seperate house... With the ' is that what islam teaches you?' rubbish when you are not sure self?

3. In islam; it is every childs obligation; more so the elder son.. But each child has to make sure they do thier bit. If there is an only girl child; then it is equally her obligation to take care of them.

I do agree, who will take care of the girls parent, but that was Allah's test that he gave them no son but only a daughter.

so her test is that she leave them to fend for themselves in thier old age? What planet are you on?

Is there any hadeeth that living seperately is highly recommended for the sanctity of marriage?

Moreover, most of the Times complications with the wife and in laws arise when there is a huge extended family, lots of brothers and their wives living under the same roof. thats when all the mumbo jumbo happens. However, normally if its just the parents and the son, then I doubt any girl should object, as there also is no na-mahram, so the girl doesnt need to maintain hijab.

Ladies, dont get me wrong. I can see it from your perspective as to why you would want to live separately, but for me I would feel like I have let my parents down. Maybe this is because my parents have sacrificed a lot for me, more than what other parents have sacrificed for their children.

you cant claim yours have sacrificed any more or less than any other parent. Most parents by nature do this by default...Including a girls parents.

Girls also have to leave thier families and past life..it doesnt mean that they or you are letting the parents down just by living seperately.

I am going to set down a condition in the marriage contract (symbolically speaking). My wife will have to give up her right to demand a separately gated, four-walled residence. (I'll provide her with a minimum of two-bedroom unit in the same building, with full functioning kitchen, a store room, a drawing room and a TV room). My mother will be staying in the same house on the ground floor so long as she's alive. I have no father, no brother and my sisters are/will be married. So no purdah excuses, no nagging sisters-in-law to deal with, no hard feelings for someone else's kids stealing your kids' food, no privacy problems either, just one mother-in-law to deal with. Is this too much to ask?

Am I being unfair to my future wife? I don't think so. If a girl thinks I am being unfair I just won't marry her -_-

well no, but if the girl is a sole child; or becomes the sole willing/able carer of her parents; then you might have to accomadate your inlaws too. So long as you are open to that then your precondition is fair and square.. Othewise you might be staying single for a while... Edited by Asr
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Salam all,

If a woman is engaged to a man and he proposes to her that they live with his parents, is it her right to demand a house for her and her husband alone? Is it her right to refuse? I would like to know exactly if she has to obey him in that sense.

By engaged, i mean nikah has taken place but the cultural wedding has not happened yet and they are not living together yet.

Wasalam

 

To me personally, this would be a much bigger issue than just living with his parents. You have to differentiate between whether the fiance was being manipulative (as in he gave you one idea and then did another) or if it's something he assumed you already knew, or if the circumstances just suddenly changed and it isn't in his control.  

 

The answer to this question lies in the circumstances as many people have already said.

 

If he told you this pre-nikah, you're breaking your word and that in itself is haram, if it isn't in his control then you're obligated to listen because Nikah isn't like buying a ticket for the movies (you can't just walk out because suddenly the movie got uncomfortable). But  if he manipulated you then I would be very very careful, because I personally can't live with a manipulator. 

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If the couple lives in the upper storey and parents live downstairs in the same house, it is still counted as 'living under the same roof'; it's a figure of speech.

 

Let's see who is assuming too much. I'd like to know why it is a "fact" that wives and parents-in-law can't live in the same house.

 

Parents don't have to be 'dying' to be living with you. If they are in advanced age, they need to be cared for on a day-to-day basis.

 

Also note that any arrangement isn't set in stone and doesn't have to be final once and for all. There will be times when you won't be living with your husband's parents and there will be occasions when you will. And then husband's parents won't live forever.

 

We should all remember that later on in life we will also be in the same boat as our parents are today. It is easy to say that you won't make your children stay with you now that you're young; when you get old, you'll want at least one of your children very much to be around you. This is what I call facts of life.

i hate how some people here turn things into emotions and drama,when it's all about facts and rational thinking.

i am ready to sacrifice my life for my parents TOO.but this is'nt what i was talking about...

 

yes,Marbles,old aged parents need to be cared for on a daily basis,that's why i said if the guy insists on living with them he can buy the upper or lower 'apartment',which keeps him close to his parents and he can take care of them,at the same time his wife will be happy for living her own life independently.(i don't know how you understood my pov and what made u say it's still 'under the same roof'.!)

 

and yeah it's a fact that a wife and her Mother-inlaw can't live under the same roof,i know that becuz i'm a women,i'm married,i've witnessed other women and inlaws relationships where they were THAT close to each other...it's sad but it's true.(too old mother inlaws are out of this,as they become peaceful when they reach a certain age lol).there are other exceptions where the husband 'should' live with his parents,for instance,if one or both of them are ill or too old for living on their own...etc....so i guess i did not assume anything, all what i've said is from life experience..all married people will agree with that fact i've mentioned even if they say otherwise;some people try to deny facts of life sometimes in order to feel good about themselves and their lives..

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i hate how some people here turn things into emotions and drama,when it's all about facts and rational thinking.

 

..so i guess i did not assume anything, all what i've said is from life experience..all married people will agree with that fact i've mentioned even if they say otherwise;some people try to deny facts of life sometimes in order to feel good about themselves and their lives..

 

It's not about "facts"; it's about what works best for people. No one thing works for everyone. And then some girls have a chip of their shoulder; their mother-in-law's presence is always a problem for them because they want to "claim" the man exclusively and forget he's a son and a brother too. There are plenty of married girls who live amicably with their husbands' parents and don't see their mothers-in-law as enemy combatants.

 

Please reflect on the emboldened.

well no, but if the girl is a sole child; or becomes the sole willing/able carer of her parents; then you might have to accomadate your inlaws too. So long as you are open to that then your precondition is fair and square.. Othewise you might be staying single for a while...

 

Of course. I already said that in a previous post of mine. I don't expect my wife-to-be to abandon her parents if she's the only child or sole carer. A best arrangement that does for everyone will have to be worked out.

 

One should be flexible with these things. If there's something very important for a girl or a guy, they should make that clear prior to getting married.

Edited by Marbles
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It's not about "facts"; it's about what works best for people. No one thing works for everyone. And then some girls have a chip of their shoulder; their mother-in-law's presence is always a problem for them because they want to "claim" the man exclusively and forget he's a son and a brother too. There are plenty of married girls who live amicably with their husbands' parents and don't see their mothers-in-law as enemy combatants.

 

now see? just becuz i stated a truth that 99.99 % of married women agree with,i've become a bad wife who considers her mother inlaw an enemy..this is a rude accusation i think.

in fact my relationship with my m inlaw is more than good,however i can see how it can turn to be if we live together,again,because she is young relatively.and those girls that u are talking about,who have no problem with their mother inlaws and can live with them,i've seen such girls too where their mother in laws are either too old or working busy women..,so there is no problem here as i said before,old women and well educated working women are wise usually,and know how to keep peace with their sons' wives..

so again,i don't think i'm assuming anything here,as i'm aware of the exceptions..

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now see? just becuz i stated a truth that 99.99 % of married women agree with,

 

This is just your assumption not truth. I have yet to see evidence of 99.99% of married women objecting to living with the guy's parents.

 

Maybe it's a norm in Iran or Lebanon to demand a separate residence and live separately. I don't know. I can only talk about my country, where it is not.

 

Anyway, nothing I said was directed at you. I was only taking stock of the situations when wives are at fault.

 

Please accept my apologies if you still think I targeted you personally.

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Their mother-in-law's presence is always a problem for them because they want to "claim" the man exclusively and forget he's a son and a brother too. 

 

Mothers-in-law may be good people in their own right. But moons often have their dark side. However much the moon may try, it cannot undo that darkness.

 

The mother-in-law's nemesis is her daughter-in-law.  Has always been  - not only in the sub-continent tradition but also in many other parts of the world.

 

And strangely enough, a mother-in-law who may not get along with her daughter-in-law usually adores her son-in-law, however much a rogue he might be.

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Im not sure youll ever find such evidence; especially if youve nevery carried out a relevant study.

You cant assume 99.9% married women do not want seperate accomodation just because they are living with inlaws. Unless you asked them yourself... You are merely assuming.

Women tend to share these things with other women... .so its easier to get a better picture.

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Mothers-in-law may be good people in their own right. But moons often have their dark side. However much the moon may try, it cannot undo that darkness.

 

The mother-in-law's nemesis is her daughter-in-law.  Has always been  - not only in the sub-continent tradition but also in many other parts of the world.

 

And strangely enough, a mother-in-law who may not get along with her daughter-in-law usually adores her son-in-law, however much a rogue he might be.

 

Yes, you are right; it is in the nature of things. The two relations are such that some sort of tension and ill-feeling if not outright hostility is bound to develop from time to time. It doesn't even matter if the couple has separate residence or not.

 

But wise ones try to minimise the friction and not make it a problem. The man has a big role to play to maintain balance.

 

It is not only some wives who come with chips on their shoulders; some mothers-in-law aren't far behind.

 

When it comes to the dynamics of this relationship, a generalisation is always confusing.

Edited by Marbles
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1. well People have been doing lots of crazy things from the beginning of time.. Including things like worshipping fire and statues and making human sacrifices to their gods. So that not really a good justification for anything...

2. You accept in your second post that youre not sure what islam says about it so on what basis are you questioning those who demand/provide a seperate house... With the ' is that what islam teaches you?' rubbish when you are not sure self?

3. In islam; it is every childs obligation; more so the elder son.. But each child has to make sure they do thier bit. If there is an only girl child; then it is equally her obligation to take care of them.

so her test is that she leave them to fend for themselves in thier old age? What planet are you on?

you cant claim yours have sacrificed any more or less than any other parent. Most parents by nature do this by default...Including a girls parents.

Girls also have to leave thier families and past life..it doesnt mean that they or you are letting the parents down just by living seperately.

well no, but if the girl is a sole child; or becomes the sole willing/able carer of her parents; then you might have to accomadate your inlaws too. So long as you are open to that then your precondition is fair and square.. Othewise you might be staying single for a while...

 

 

First of all, let me tell you something. There is something known as society norms. One of it is that the GIRL leaves her parents house to go stay with her husband. You cannot expect the guy to go stay with the girl under normal circumstances. It goes against the society norms.

However, you will argue that society norms have nothing to do with Islam, and that if they go against Islam then you should not follow them.

So let me give you an extract from the book THE IDEAL MUSLIMAH:

 

Chapter 6: The Muslim Woman and Her Sons and Daughters-In-Law

A- Her daughter-in-law

Her attitude towards her daughter-in-law

The Muslim woman who understands the teachings of her religion and who is of a high character, regards her daughter-in-law as she regards her own daughters. Fate has made this woman the wife of her son, and she has joined the family and become one of its members. Similarly, when the young Muslim woman who has been brought up with Islamic values and attitudes leaves her parents' home and goes to live with her new husband, she regards her mother-in-law as she does her own mother.

 

Secondly, please dont jump into conclusions without reading properly. All i did was ask IS THAT WHAT ISLAM TEACHES YOU? (it wasnt a rhetorical question) I wanted a genuine answer on what Islam has to say on this matter. DID I SAY IN MY POST THIS IS WHAT ISLAM TEACHES YOU, no i didn't. So please dont accuse me and reply rudely to me when all i want to do is learn about what Islam has to say on this matter.

 

 

In my previous post, this is what i had said I do agree, who will take care of the girls parent, but that was Allah's test that he gave them no son but only a daughter.

Once again, you want to jump into conclusions and talking with spite. Never did i say that my wife should forget about her parents and not take care of them. If my wife loves my parents, dont you think i would reciprocate the love to her parents? What i meant by that statement is you cannot expect the son-in-law to move into the wife's house, and stay with her parents. That is why it is a test for parents with only daughters, that they will not be living with any child, and this can get very lonely.

 

When you said you cant claim yours have sacrificed any more or less than any other parent. Most parents by nature do this by default...Including a girls parents. 

Well, i can claim that mine have sacrificed more. I can claim this by looking at my relatives parents and friends parents. That is the reason that most children dont even care about their parents when they are old. However, since my parents have given up so much for me, it is my duty to ensure I take care of them too. I honestly dont see how this will happen if you live under different roofs. If you live in the same building but on different floors that is a different story. (technically its still under the same roof). However, by living separately it becomes a difficult task to take care of them.

 

Let me remind you of the story where the son went to the prophet and said how much he had sacrificed and taken care of his mother during her old age. (i dont remember the exact details). The prophet replied something along the lines that you haven't sacrificed anything in comparison to what your mother sacrificed for you when you were young and she took care of you.

 

The common conception among the masses is that the mother in-law is an evil person. Regardless of what she may do, or how kind she may be to her daughter in-law, her description remains as such -especially in the view of the daughter in-law. The posts above by SOME sisters further prove this point. Some women have it hard wired into them that mother-in-laws are evil cursed monsters, thus how can you expect peace amongst the mother in law and daughter in law, when some sisters already HATE their mother-in-law before even the marriage has taken place.

 

Lastly, I sincerely hope that 25 years from now you have the VERY SAME opinion that you have right now. 

 

If i have offended you or anyone else, please accept my sincere appologies

Edited by Muditz786
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You cant assume 99.9% married women do not want seperate accomodation just because they are living with inlaws. Unless you asked them yourself... You are merely assuming.

 

I understand what you're saying. Many people want many things but don't get it. I want a 5-acre farmhouse right now but I am having to live in a regular urban house.

 

Many women want separate residences but either husbands don't agree or can't afford. However, this doesn't lead us to assume that those women are living depressed miserable lives always arguing and fighting with husbands and inlaws, can we?

 

My life in this modest urban house isn't miserable though only God knows how much I long for the farmhouse.

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Mothers-in-law may be good people in their own right. But moons often have their dark side. However much the moon may try, it cannot undo that darkness.

 

The mother-in-law's nemesis is her daughter-in-law.  Has always been  - not only in the sub-continent tradition but also in many other parts of the world.

 

And strangely enough, a mother-in-law who may not get along with her daughter-in-law usually adores her son-in-law, however much a rogue he might be.

 

I don't think that it is true. They have no reason to be. 

 

I have always wanted to stay with my husband's parents. The reason is that I don't want my husband to abandon his parents when they need him the most. I believe in a joint family. 

 

And ALHAMDULLILAH my mother in law is a great woman who loves me tremendously. 

 

I think this relation can be a beautiful one but we need to be a little understanding. 

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Some of you sound quite selfish. Must of us like to look after ower parents. Its not just you men putting down your family if you leave them when their older and unable to do anything. What disgusts me the most is when men think they have the right to control when a female can vists her parents, you only care about you and your family. I have seen cases where men refuse to let their wifes viste her familys house.

Some men are just stingy thats why they stay with there family and some are geniune and like to stay with their parents or its cultural thats why they want to stay in one house. If you op dont want to stay in the same house as his family then you can tell him. You have every right to ask for your own house.

It's nice to have your own space, you can change the deco when you want without anyone nagging on your head,lol. Some mother in laws are nice they might even stick up with you over your husband, looool. But if his wahedd and only has a mother or just father then its upsetting to let his parent to live alone.

Anyways you cant always be the one that comprimises in a relationship you should both meet up in the middle. And some of you need to understand that not everyone can live in that eniverment.

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Some of you sound quite selfish. Must of us like to look after ower parents. Its not just you men putting down your family if you leave them when their older and unable to do anything. What disgusts me the most is when men think they have the right to control when a female can vists her parents, you only care about you and your family. I have seen cases where men refuse to let their wifes viste her familys house.

Unfortunately many men are like that. They only let their wives go meet her parents once a week. (in my culture its a Friday) others even refuse their wives to go meet their parents, which is completEly terrible.

Without a doubt, leaving the parents house and going to live with the husbands house is one of the toughest thing a woman can do. The least a husband can do is cheer her up and try to visit her parents as often as possible.

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