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In the Name of God بسم الله

I Have A Genetic Illness And I'm Worried...

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Badwa

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Salaams

 

I'd appreciate peoples honest responses here as I am in a bad place mentally....

 

I was born with a genetic condition which to briefly explains means that my collagen is weak and therefore I have flexible joint and I walk with somewhat of a limp. This condition is with me for life and as a result it also means that should I ever marry and want a child them there is a 50% chance that he/she will get the condition.

 

I've certainly had ups and downs in my life and it has been tough to deal with my condition. However, that hasn't stopped me, I can walk, have gone to uni, got a degree, got a high end job and traveled the world. I do have to make adjustments to my life (for example to extreme sports) but on the whole its an invisible illness (as in you wouldn't know I had a disability if you saw me face-to-face).

 

However, I am really worried that I won't ever get married as a result of the 50% chance of passing this on, this is the issue which crushes my confidence and I feel worthless everytime I think about it. Part of me thinks that given the fact that females do want to bear children, the thought of the child being ill/born with a genetic condition could be a no-no.

 

I would like peoples honest opinions here, if someone approached you with a similar condition would you say yes/no, would the fact that it can be passed on be something which you could not live with? Like I said I am a tough cookie as I've had to deal with a lot in my life so you dont need to be nice and give me an answer designed to soften the blow.

 

Anyway, thank you for reading...

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I think if you find someone who is ready to face the test, although this means she has to be religous to a high level to understand this concept or she can simply be understanding. I advise to look for someone with this stream of thinking. I am aware that it is very hard to do so. Pray and have tawakol and Allah is with you at all times. Dua will get you far.

Plus, its a 50% chance, why are you sure? With dua and tawakol it will be 0%.

In my prayers, fee aman ilah.

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This may sound perverse to some people, but it is an option depending on your moral persuasion.

 

An ultrasound scan can help a specialist detect an abnormality in the bone structure of the foetus. If the genetic trait has been inherited, an abortion can be carried out and you could start over, till you achieve the desired result. If the genetic illness can be detected within 8 weeks in conception then abortion is arguably not a moral issue because the foetus isn't conscious, therefore doesn't actually have a life. 

 

Of course, it's your job to find someone who will love you enough to put up with this.

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Well you could always explain to a girl how you have this illness but live a great life mashallah. So even if ur kid has it, God forbid, it doesn't mean your child will not be able to have a normal life. I doubt it would scare off a girl, and if it does, she's not good enough for you anyway. 

I know men with worse stuff who find a wife.  Youll be okay iA.

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You can heal any illness, by the permission of Allah by allowing spirit to come into the heart and then projecting. See:

http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=gregg%20braden%20cure&sm=3

 

Incidently you can use the same technique to make someone sick and even die.

 

This is what Jesus will do when he reappears (as), according to several ahadith. He will heal the sick with spirit and 

destroy the unjust with spirit.

 

He will just blow with anger towards the Khabeeths in the world and they will instantly die, from the ahadith say, miles away!

 

You can do this too, but mind you, only use it on big demonic humans. As for little ones, you can still win them over to faith

by sharing the kindness of your heart.

 

Please remember that the spirit in heart has two qualities, fighting injustice and being kind and generous to the oppressed.

 

So true faith is a combo of deadly rage and tender kindness; standing up for justice and generosity.

 

If you can't differential between a Tayyib and a Khabeeth via spiritual olfactory perception, it means you are a low level demonic human or a high level demonic human. Demonic humans have all 5 of their spirit senses locked. Believers have at least some of their olfactory preception working. Don't be deceived by perception. Almost all Khabeeths in the world wear the garb or religiosity, even among the "shia".

Edited by abdabd
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You can heal any illness, by the permission of Allah by allowing spirit to come into the heart and then projecting. See:

http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=gregg%20braden%20cure&sm=3

 

Incidently you can use the same technique to make someone sick and even die.

 

This is what Jesus will do when he reappears (as), according to several ahadith. He will heal the sick with spirit and 

destroy the unjust with spirit.

 

He will just blow with anger towards the Khabeeths in the world and they will instantly die, from the ahadith say, miles away!

 

You can do this too, but mind you, only use it on big demonic humans. As for little ones, you can still win them over to faith

by sharing the kindness of your heart.

 

Please remember that the spirit in heart has two qualities, fighting injustice and being kind and generous to the oppressed.

 

So true faith is a combo of deadly rage and tender kindness; standing up for justice and generosity.

Alimohamed is that you?

Edited by ~Rose~
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Are you  talking to me? No.

 

Anyway, I forgot to mention. There are many divorced or widower men with kids already who don't want more kids.

Marry one of them.

The world has enough children. It is better to take care of the orphans. Maybe that is what Allah wants you to do.

 

I would not advise trying to have children as if the child comes out with the same illness you have, the child might be resentful

towards you. If your parents knew what you know wouldn't you at least slightly be resentful towards them? I would be, especially if my case of the genetic illness was much more severe than yours.

 

Just put your profile up on shiamatch and specify that you can not have kids. Don't have to say the rest immediately.

I guarantee you , you will get men interested in you, especially if you  are att

Edited by abdabd
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Salaams

 

I'd appreciate peoples honest responses here as I am in a bad place mentally....

 

I was born with a genetic condition which to briefly explains means that my collagen is weak and therefore I have flexible joint and I walk with somewhat of a limp. This condition is with me for life and as a result it also means that should I ever marry and want a child them there is a 50% chance that he/she will get the condition.

 

I've certainly had ups and downs in my life and it has been tough to deal with my condition. However, that hasn't stopped me, I can walk, have gone to uni, got a degree, got a high end job and traveled the world. I do have to make adjustments to my life (for example to extreme sports) but on the whole its an invisible illness (as in you wouldn't know I had a disability if you saw me face-to-face).

 

However, I am really worried that I won't ever get married as a result of the 50% chance of passing this on, this is the issue which crushes my confidence and I feel worthless everytime I think about it. Part of me thinks that given the fact that females do want to bear children, the thought of the child being ill/born with a genetic condition could be a no-no.

 

I would like peoples honest opinions here, if someone approached you with a similar condition would you say yes/no, would the fact that it can be passed on be something which you could not live with? Like I said I am a tough cookie as I've had to deal with a lot in my life so you dont need to be nice and give me an answer designed to soften the blow.

 

Anyway, thank you for reading...

 

Salam,

 

Nothing is for sure in this life. Allah swt has the power to change the course of everything as he wishes. With prayers and submission to Allah, there is nothing to fear. How about people without disabilities that give birth to children that are disabled? It is all in Allah's hands. The way your children comes out is completely independent from you because Allah himself decided to test you with this individually, and other members of your family perhaps but I personally would not refrain from marrying someone with something like your disability, because that doesn't stop you from your marital duties or fatherhood duties. Your child can never blame you for it because that is up to Allah alone and with prayers and faith, everything is possible <3

 

Edited by katyushka
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  (salam)

 

My brother (or sister) in Faith, ur story touches me deeply and I can safely say that whatever happens, you should never lose ur faith in Allah sw, for only Him knows what is best for his followers, therefore you must always have faith that someday He will send in your life someone who is worthy of you and worthy of sharing ur successful life with them and all the good that ur life has to offer. If I were you, I would NEVER feel low confidence in my abilities !!  This is important 'cuz why should I? I have NOT DONE something of my will that has ruined my life or anybody else's life. What I have in my life (genetic illness) is GIVEN to me by Allah and only He can make it go away. You must always remember this cuz  it will lessen your pain.

 

And when you find that special someone whom you would like to spend the rest of your life, you must have this attitude that what you have is NOTHING wrong or bad and so you must NOT be ashamed at all (or afraid). A true Muslim will know this by their heart even before you tell them, and they will understand by themselves. They will understand that what you have Allah could have given it to them as well or to anybody, no one is "special" or excused from what Allah gives or takes.  If someone rejects or dissappoints you ever, you should let them know this that someday there is all possibility they or their children can have it too (even of NOT genetic for them).

 

If a "Muslim" brother or sister does not want to be with you, then they do NOT understand this (all that I wrote above) and so they DONT deserve you cuz they are KAFFIR & LOW in value & WORTH. And you deserve someone better, not some Kaffir who doesnt know God.

 

PEACE & Prayers

 

(wasalam)

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Salaams

 

I'd appreciate peoples honest responses here as I am in a bad place mentally....

 

I was born with a genetic condition which to briefly explains means that my collagen is weak and therefore I have flexible joint and I walk with somewhat of a limp. This condition is with me for life and as a result it also means that should I ever marry and want a child them there is a 50% chance that he/she will get the condition.

 

I've certainly had ups and downs in my life and it has been tough to deal with my condition. However, that hasn't stopped me, I can walk, have gone to uni, got a degree, got a high end job and traveled the world. I do have to make adjustments to my life (for example to extreme sports) but on the whole its an invisible illness (as in you wouldn't know I had a disability if you saw me face-to-face).

 

However, I am really worried that I won't ever get married as a result of the 50% chance of passing this on, this is the issue which crushes my confidence and I feel worthless everytime I think about it. Part of me thinks that given the fact that females do want to bear children, the thought of the child being ill/born with a genetic condition could be a no-no.

 

I would like peoples honest opinions here, if someone approached you with a similar condition would you say yes/no, would the fact that it can be passed on be something which you could not live with? Like I said I am a tough cookie as I've had to deal with a lot in my life so you dont need to be nice and give me an answer designed to soften the blow.

 

Anyway, thank you for reading...

MashaAllah if you have high end job and can afford, did you explore the option of genetic selection of genes for your kids once you choose to have one. It may not be a medical possibility yet or it could be already an option.

Islam original (I.e. Shia) is very progressive and everything is allowed as long as no zana, literal or lateral (such as getting pregnant from sperm donation is haram) is not involved.

I've a cousin sister who found some unwanted growth issues with her ovaries. Doctors recommended to remove both, what she did was with the permission of Marja, she had doctors extracted and froze her eggs and then went through the ovaries removal procedure. Now whenever she will be married, she could still be able to be a mother by artificial insemination with her husband.

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salam Badwa,u asked for an honest answer and here is mine..

 

if i was not married and someone with this illness proposed to me and he is really attractive and i like him and there is that 'chemistry' between me and him, is momin,educated,has self confidence and he really likes me as well, then i would not reject him for such a reason becuz now there are many solutions and alternatives for ur case...the things i mentioned are rare to find in a guy nowadays..but i have to say it's most probably the parents of the girls who might cause u problems in getting married...

 

good luck..

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This may sound perverse to some people, but it is an option depending on your moral persuasion.

 

An ultrasound scan can help a specialist detect an abnormality in the bone structure of the foetus. If the genetic trait has been inherited, an abortion can be carried out and you could start over, till you achieve the desired result. If the genetic illness can be detected within 8 weeks in conception then abortion is arguably not a moral issue because the foetus isn't conscious, therefore doesn't actually have a life. 

 

Of course, it's your job to find someone who will love you enough to put up with this.

You are trying to give advice on a Muslim - Shia forum to tell people to do selective abortion. Get out of here with your trash. Have some shame - fear Allah (if you even believe in him), and don't post your non sense any more.

To the original Poster:

 

(salam)

Brother don't let shaytan make a mountain out of an ant hill. In fact that saying is still flawed, because it means that there is some thing negative to what you have. Part of faith - in fact a very big part is having confidence in Allah (swt). Allah is merciful and mercy giving. You always have to look at the positive side to things, and never focus on what you think is negative. Negative thinking is almost always from shaytan to discourage you. 

Allah has blessed you enormously. First and foremost you have the wilayat of Ahlulbayt (as). More than that out of his infinite mercy he has kept you safe, and healthy and given you rizq and education and affluence Allah has raised you and taken care of you your entire life and most probably the genetic condition that you have (what you are thinking is a hindrance) may be a great blessing for you and the reason for many of your successes.  Trust in Allah (swt) - he has taken care of you all of this time and he has also encouraged you to marry and have children - so trust in him, and know that he is the lord of mercy and kindness - to an extent that we can never even fathom. 

Don't allow shaytan to creep in to your mind and eat away at your faith and confidence. 

InshaAllah what ever comes about from your marrying and having kids - will be of great benefit to you in this world and the next. 

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You can marry a woman who suffers from another disease. In fact, you have more chance to get married compared to women who have the same problem. And as to children, you can adopt 1 or more.


+ I don't think that limping is considered a big problem. If you are a good person, there will be women who willingly accept to marry you.

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Salaams

 

I'd appreciate peoples honest responses here as I am in a bad place mentally....

 

I was born with a genetic condition which to briefly explains means that my collagen is weak and therefore I have flexible joint and I walk with somewhat of a limp. This condition is with me for life and as a result it also means that should I ever marry and want a child them there is a 50% chance that he/she will get the condition.

 

I've certainly had ups and downs in my life and it has been tough to deal with my condition. However, that hasn't stopped me, I can walk, have gone to uni, got a degree, got a high end job and traveled the world. I do have to make adjustments to my life (for example to extreme sports) but on the whole its an invisible illness (as in you wouldn't know I had a disability if you saw me face-to-face).

 

However, I am really worried that I won't ever get married as a result of the 50% chance of passing this on, this is the issue which crushes my confidence and I feel worthless everytime I think about it. Part of me thinks that given the fact that females do want to bear children, the thought of the child being ill/born with a genetic condition could be a no-no.

 

I would like peoples honest opinions here, if someone approached you with a similar condition would you say yes/no, would the fact that it can be passed on be something which you could not live with? Like I said I am a tough cookie as I've had to deal with a lot in my life so you dont need to be nice and give me an answer designed to soften the blow.

 

Anyway, thank you for reading...

 

Allah(s.w.a) is just, so when he gives you a physical defect, he gives you other strengths to compensate. 

When you talk to a sister for marriage, emphasize your other strengths and lay on the 'charm'  B)

After she is interested, then you can tell her that you have this 'slight' condition but it doesn't affect your life much

If you think of it as minor, she will also think of it that way, but if you make it into a 'big deal', she will too. 

It's all in how you present it. Salam. 

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