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Mishal800

Can Wife Stop Husband From Love Making?

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Salaam Alaikum!

I am married for 10 years now and mother of 3 kids. Recently i found out my husband had been cheating on me with another woman from past 4 years..i have suspected it earlier as well as he was never into intimacy mood most of the time and always was giving excuses of work load etc but when i asked him he always said no there is no other woman except ME. Anyways i caught him and his gf and he then confessed that they are having a haraam relationship from so many years now issue is my husband told me he will terminate all relationships with her. I believed him again for the sake of our young kids but after fe months i caught him keeping a contact with her through calls and texts since she is in different country now. They both send each other naked pictures etc and now my husband said he has convinced his gf to marry some one else and this verbal affair will end by january 2014. I dont know whether this is right or wrong but i felt so disgusted reading their messages of sharing past sex experiences with each other..i told my husband i will not let him have any kind of physical relationship with me until he confess upon Quran that his affair has ended completely. Am i on right track...i am so confused should i leave him without thinking about our kids since he is a  caring father and did Islam allows a wife to stop husband from approaching her physically in condition like mine? Please can some one suggest me what should i do..Please help me...

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walaikumsalam wa rahmatullah!!

 

How disgusting is he? Sister, I feel for you. Please contact an alim or post the question to a marja that you follow.  I personally think you are very strong to give him chances. I would show him the door. Especially since it has been going on for four years!. if he had any respect or care that he has three children with you, he would not have done that in the first place!!

 

grr

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No, from an Islamic point of view a wife can not deny her husband intimacy.

Unless she fears for her health, that he might have picked up a disease. She can refuse contact with him for the sake of her health until he has been tested and the results back clean.

But the affair isn't going to stop from her marrying someone else. It will just hurt more people.

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The first thing i advise is that you go straight to your dr have have yourself checked for STD's. Youre in a difficult position as your husband is a proven liar and adulterer, so if you chose to remain with him you will have to do so knowing what he is capable of and that he could do it again. If you decide to continue sexual relations with this man i advise you to insist on using condoms to protect yourself. Bare in mind that any action you take will be informing him on how he can treat you in the future. Its your decision.

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You should call your male relatives, so they'll tie him to a tree, and flog him instead. You shouldn't keep up with that kind of attitude he has no respect for you and your kids.  Once a cheater will always remain a cheater, better to leave him before you catch a case of STD. What makes you think swearing on the Quran will stop him from doing it again? If he was God fearing to begin with he wouldn't have chosen that cheap woman over his family. 

Edited by ~Rose~

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Seriously when will women learn that a man- even if he is your husband- will never be your possession. Only God owns people. When women start making their husbands and fiances their number one priorities in life then all hell breaks loose for them. If they only learn to make God number one and their husbands second, then they would live content lives and their husband's affairs wouldn't bother them- ensuring the other women are STD free and the relationship is halal.  It's been known for millenniums that it's natural for men to want more than one woman so why  act all shocked and betrayed? I say that you should give your husband another chance and let him turn his affairs into halal. Or perhaps maybe he has done mutah with them and it is already halal. Anyway you should be more accepting because it's been this way from the beginning of time. Don't make your husband your entire world. Make God your entire life and place your husband second. Eradicate the evil of jealousy- it's not worth to get angry, upset or jealous over another human being.

Edited by Cover My Face

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Sister your case is NOT of being the 1st wife and she being the 2nd.

Tell you the truth, you were living with a ZANI man (unless they had contracted Mutah) which he has confessed it in front of you, so you are 1/2 witness. They shared nude pictures which you saw, which creates more than one witnesses. In other words if you take this case to an Islamic judge (Marja'), your husband might come under the statutes of Islamic Sharia, and if found in Iran or parts of Iraq, he could be persecuted for his ZANA.

One more thing, punishment for ZANA OF A BACHELOR is flogging, ZANA of a person having a SPOUSE is punishable by death or stoning.

Another thing, if a person has committed ZANA with a woman, they become HARAM for each other for NIKAH forever. In other words, they CAN NOT marry each other even if they want to. Islamic Shaira (Shia Islam) does not allow ZANI man and woman to marry each other. This is an automatic Islamic deterrent of spread of Zana in society.

Another thing, PAST IS THE BEST PREDICTOR OF FUTURE. This means after her, world is not empty of women. He has done it once, tasted the proverbial blood, he will go for more. He will not stop after she is supposedly married. Do not believe in the promise of a FASIQ, a ZANI, a DRUNKERD, a GAMBLER. these four kinds never go back from their habits unless they really are changing themselves really fundamentally.

SOLUTION:

1. Examine yourself, during kids and all, have you been denying intimacy to him. Because this is reason number one for men infidelity. Stats say, men are 90% more likely to find another woman once the woman is pregnant and is physically unavailable. Most of the time women are the one who inadvertently push men towards ZANA by making themselves unavailable.

2. Allow him to marry someone else in a timed marriage (mutah) or even in permanent Nikah. Since right now ball is in your court, do him and yourself two favors:

* Right now you are in position of power. Allow him to do a 2nd HALAL, then dictate your favorable terms of visitations, of sharing time, of financial support, and of other things you could think of.

** This way you save yourself from living with a ZANI man. Also you save him from earning more sins which will surely send him to hell fire. You also save yourself from various STDs of dirty Zana-able women. A 2nd wife would more likely be clean since she would not hopefully be 'professional'.

*** This saves you from divorce which is an option anyway. BUT..

3. Do not listen to those women here who might suggest you to seek divorce. Divorce will bring you in the position of weakness. You said he is a good father. This is your strength since you are the mother of his three kids. Allowing him HALAL option will in-debt him to you. In exchange, prepare legal documents to get ownership of his (this is sly) assets or such which give you more longterm security to you over him.

Edited by Waiting for HIM

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Let him swear by the Qur'an.  There's no turning back after that point.  Require mandatory talking with an alim or counselor.  He has to be completely open and honest about everything from A to Z.  If he hides anything again, then leave him. 

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They shared nude pictures which you saw, which creates more than one witnesses. In other words if you take this case to an Islamic judge (Marja'), your husband might come under the statutes of Islamic Sharia, and if found in Iran or parts of Iraq, he could be persecuted for his ZANA.

One more thing, punishment for ZANA OF A BACHELOR is flogging, ZANA of a person having a SPOUSE is punishable by death or stoning.

 

 

If I'm not mistaken brother, she will have to provide 4 witnesses to the 'event' for having the Shariah penalty of death to take place. I highly doubt anybody would be witness to that.

 

is he Pakistani ?

 

:Sami, you really like to stereotype, don't you? What difference is that going to make? Please enlighten :)

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If I'm not mistaken brother, she will have to provide 4 witnesses to the 'event' for having the Shariah penalty of death to take place. I highly doubt anybody would be witness to that.

 

 

:Sami, you really like to stereotype, don't you? What difference is that going to make? Please enlighten :)

I have a question for you br inquisitor , why are all of such men that do such things Pakistani ?

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is he Pakistani ?

First time funny..second time..silly ..third time you deserve a beating.

You speak like adultery is only limited to the pakistani community..? quite ignorant and prejudiced for someone who pretends to be so wise and spiritual.

Edited by Asr

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First time funny..second time..silly ..third time you deserve a beating.

You speak like adultery is only limited to the pakistani community..? quite ignorant and prejudiced for someone who pretends to be so wise and spiritual.

funny , it was not meant to be funny , it is a serious issue here , we have desperate , destitute and abused sisters on the verge of suicide in the hands of Pakistani men .

Why is this ?

They are not arab , Iranian or Khoja .

We have broken families as a result of such men .

read these posts , we have a new one every week complaining of such men .

And all you worried about is me being  prejudice when all I'm doing is pointing out a weird pattern that keeps recurring here.

Perhaps there's something wrong here .

As for me pretending to be wise and spiritual , I am not .

I am however very good at seeing patterns , and with this gift in life i have pretty much worked out most things as most things repeat like a broken record.

 

Its appearance is attractive and its inside is destructive. It is a deception, a vanishing reflection and a bent pillar. When its despiser begins to like it and he who is not acquainted with it feels satisfied with it, then it raises and puts down its feet (in joy), entraps him in its trap, makes him the target of its arrows and puts round his neck the rope of death taking him to the narrow grave and fearful abode in order to show him his place of stay and the recompense of his acts. This goes on from generation to generation. Neither death stops from cutting them asunder nor do the survivors keep aloof from committing of sins.

 

Nahj ul Balagha sermon 82.

Edited by :Sami II

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