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In the Name of God بسم الله
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Family Problems Urgent Help

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i am a 24 year old girl who was born as a Muslim

ive grown up in Australia with my parents and siblings  

i have gone to uni and am trying to get into medical school 


my problem is ,that 2 years ago i meet a Australian boy who has always had an interest in Islam since he was 16 and has converted ,he is religious and successful hes a year older then me but much wiser and mature ,hes already bought two houses at age 18 and works all week ,he dosent party or drink or eat pork 

he was engaged to a girl but as she cheated he left her few years ago so hes never had any sexual relationships

he prays and fasts and does all required and more 

my sibalings have made a strong relationship with him and have become great friends

but ever since i told my parents there is such man who has an interest in marring me they have changed 

i do find him someone who will make my iman stronger and see him as a man for my children and he does have high interest in raising his kids the Islamic ways 

my parents have go insane basically ,words cannot describe how they react scream or talk ,they have become abusive and have hit me ,i had a brain damage due to the injurious they gave me ,ive had bruises all over my body and health wise i am not well at all

they want to control everything i do ,they way i eat sit drink go out dress etc

they have blamed me for all their health issues and curse me like no tomorrow 

they refer to the boy as the Jew boy and talk about him as if he is a piece of animal 

they have threaten me and have driven themselves to insanity 

i hate being at home because of the extent of damage thieve done to me mentally and physically

my parents curse death upon me or cancer and never to b married and never to have kids 

but when i tell them they deny such things 

it does hurt seeing my friends having a family kids and their own life yet mine is being dictated by my family's 

they have stooped me from my education and anything i want they argue all day and want me to talk to them i haven communicated much to them because i don't wanna lie to them ,they force me to give them an answer they want to hear and not what i want to say otherwise ill be punished 

the boy hates how ive been treated yet he still respects my family and what they have done ,if he ever was bad he would have done harm or taken me away or called the police


my dad ha sent spoken to me for a while and my mum compares m to every other girl 


i am afraid of facing them and telling them what i want 

not just because of fear but i do love them for what they have done for me and dont want them to die off ,im torn in between two worlds and don't know what to do ,i have given up on life and im lost 

is there any advice in what to do ?i seriously need help or i will be losing my life ,i cant take it anymore and i have become weak and brittle 

i have asked for advice from skaikhs but they told me to get the law involved or run off and i dont intend to do so 


anything i can do or how to approach this situation 


salam alakaom

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Wa alykum salaam

Sister please speak to a marja about this. Maybe for your safety keep quiet for now until you get religious answer. Thou wish to marry him even if ur dad says no will need a marjas involvement as the father to you is a wali.

If you need to vent dear sis I am here just pm me.

I pray for your safety InshaAllah.

Pray to Allah.

Edited by Zaynab McCabe

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where do you live in Australia sister? always here to help !!


about your parents, the one time you can disobey them is when they disobey god.


I agree in getting the law involved ASAP.

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Take this issue to your local sheikh and speak to your sheikh and them openly, so that there is a just judge between you, bring your witnesses etc and as teh Quran says we can never judge a situation until we hear both sides of the story, as this has been outlined in the story of dawud wheer such a case was brought before him and God was unhappy with his quick conclusion without hearing the other side , no matter how convincing and truthful one side may seem

if they wont go to a sheik, then set them up and make them come into a situation where the sheikh is there , or talk to the sheikh first and organise with the sheikh to confort them

if this fails and the sheikh cannot conrner them or get them to come and see him, then with the sheikh go to the police

Islam has enough bad press in the world, so do first seek a sheik to judge between you, surely there must be someone from some mosque your parents respect or listen to their lecture etc or go to him or seek his council, if there is absolutely nobody then you need to go straight to the law, but do not be unjust

people have a tendency to paint the picture a certain way if they dont get what they want, and i am not saying your doing that but you must do things the way Islam has thought in the Quran

and your posting this here is not appropriate, it is like public humiliation, if you have the pirvacy to be able to post here then you have the privacy to talk to a sheikh or some authoritative person

this is not appropriate what you did by posting this here

if you cannot find a sheik to judge betwen you i also am from Australia and i can organize a sheik who is just and will help in such a situation


Edited by yukapuka2

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And has there come to you the news of the adversaries, when they climbed over the wall of [his] prayer chamber -

When they entered upon David and he was alarmed by them? They said, "Fear not. [We are] two adversaries, one of whom has wronged the other, so judge between us with truth and do not exceed [it] and guide us to the sound path.

Indeed this, my brother, has ninety-nine ewes, and I have one ewe; so he said, 'Entrust her to me,' and he overpowered me in speech."

[Dawud (David)] said (immediately without listening to the opponent): "He has wronged you in demanding your ewe in addition to his ewes. And, verily, many partners oppress one another, except those who believe and do righteous good deeds, and they are few." And Dawud (David) guessed that We have tried him and he sought Forgiveness of his Lord, and he fell down prostrate and turned (to Allah) in repentance.

So We forgave him that; and indeed, for him is nearness to Us and a good place of return.

[We said], "O David, indeed We have made you a successor upon the earth, so judge between the people in truth and do not follow [your own] desire, as it will lead you astray from the way of Allah ." Indeed, those who go astray from the way of Allah will have a severe punishment for having forgotten the Day of Account.

Quran 38:20-26


Edited by yukapuka2

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Your family is very abusive and acting like a dictatorship. Your parents are behaving like children in kindergarten. Too emotional and completely lack immaturity. I can't believe that they even resort to torturing you; their own flesh and blood.


Your family should be happy that you have found a nice man to get married to but they are acting as if you don't deserve to be happy.


From your description, the man sounds very nice. Nice men are very hard to come by. You are also at an appropriate age to be married.


The first thing you should do is not lose your head over your parents attitude. They are trying to break you down. Right now, they think if they are hostile to you, because you dare to go against family tradition, then you would say goodbye to this man and break off your relationship.


Tell them resolutely that this is the guy you wish to be married to and they would have to accept you and him sooner or late. Now, get the man you like to understand the family situation. Arrange a meeting between him and your parents. And whatever you do, don't lose your mind. This is a tricky situation. You are better to succeed if you don't lose your mind.

Edited by Gypsy

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Get married secretly to the boy and get away from your parents' house ASAP.

Edit: I just saw you wrote that the boy supports your family's actions toward you... How can you want to marry a person that endorses your pain?

Edited by BuggyLemon

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understand that this is a major test from Allah S.W.T.....he testing you to see if you pass or not.therefore you MUST be patience because patience is the key to success in Allah's government. talk to Allah.... tell him your problems/wants/needs... and you will be amazed at the change you will see but remember that if something you want doesnt happen it either because 

1) have patience because now is not the right time..... Allah knows best

2) Allah will give you something much better in the future

and 3) this is not good for you 

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Hey sister, Im so sorry to hear about what u are going thru, but in my opinion, you need to sit w/ urself for some quiet time & think about  what u really want. And yes u are definitely torn choosing between ur family and a man you really like. But honestly, sister the family of a muslim sister or muslim brother is extremely important and in Islam, we preach the significance of the family above all other social groups. A person wud be lost if they didnt have their family. And second, I really wudn't want to become too involved with a convert from a non-Islamic country and prefer them over my family.  Come on, sister, u shud know better than that considering ur age & educational standards. If he was a born Muslim and a very good man, I wud say try as hard as u can to convince ur parents and maybe get a Marja to bridge the gap between him & ur parents. But now ur dealing w/ a convert, is  more difficult & risky. Sister, u need to be & act more rationally. When I was in uni also, a guy from a non-Islamic country fell in love with me and wanted to get closer intimately & exclusively like gf/bf & stuff like that. But I knew better than to become romantically involved with a non-Muslim man from a different religious or ethnic background than I am from. I kept my distance & stayed just friends & thats the best thing a Muslim sister cud do. I cud never disappoint my family like that and turn my back on Islam and my country.


Think about it, its a tough one,

Allah w/ you, though, wishing u the best

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