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In the Name of God بسم الله

Q For The Bros. Would You Like Her To Work Or No?

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  • Veteran Member

Which would infer that leaving the home without permission is in fact a violation of the husband's right as it coincidentally conflicts with his right to sexual intercourse.

Is it his right or is it not his right? Why should it be a husband's prerogative to unilaterally prevent his wife from going out if it doesn't interfere with his primary rights? Sistani claims indirectly that it doesn't violate his rights. Lots of double talk going on here.

 

I think the problem might be that you are reading things a little too pedantically. Remember that this is translated from Arabic, and not written directly in English. Yes, the man has the right to confine the woman to the house, and if she leaves, she is violating his rights.

 

As for why it should be the husband's prerogative, then that is simply because there are ahadith that say it is. Scholars aren't just making this stuff up.

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As for why it should be the husband's prerogative, then that is simply because there are ahadith that say it is. Scholars aren't just making this stuff up.

I'm aware that it's not made up, but in cases where the husband's rights aren't being hindered there is no other purpose to confining the wife to the home; other than being arbitrarily dictatorial.

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ORRR the woman could just make it part of her marriage agreement that she has the right to 'leave the house' and 'work' whenever she darn well pleases :) 

 

(something about 90% of the women I know have done)

 

I personally think it should come down to having 'open discussions' between both spouses to see what it is best for the family unit. At times it may be best for the woman to work, at other times it may be best to not. To arbitraily say 'NO! YOU ARE A WOMAN YOU STAY HOME!' is just stupid in this day and age in my opinion (unless you live somewhere like Afghanistan or Pakistan etc).

 

When looking at those living in the western world most families are double income not because they necessarily 'want to' but because the HAVE to in order to make ends meet. I think it is really stupid when I see egotistical muslim men who are unable to provide well for their families (for whatever reason) who then say NO! My wife doesnt have permission to work (even though she wants to) based purely on the guy's ego. Would it not be best for the family to be able to lift themselves out of poverty by having both of them work? Is that not best for the family in the long run?

 

I thoroughly understand the importance of having a parent at home to raise the children, but I think the decision for a women to go to work or not should be based on what is BEST FOR THE FAMILY UNIT and not based on a guy's ego as a breadwinner.

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To me It will all depend on the families financial needs. I would always prefer a wife who gives priority to her family though. In my experience this could be done with the wife working as well. I have a working mom who always gives priority to our family. Although, this may differ if there are young kids involved, at that point I would sit with my wife and weigh out our options. If the financial situation is really tight GOD forbid then arrangements can be made for the kids (stay with grandparents or a suitable islamic daycare), its not like the kids will be neglected, I rather live in a simple one room apartment with no luxuries before any of my kids get neglected. Now if the wife wants to work for her emotional health and well being I wouldn't mind her working as some women are raised in that independent environment where they need to utilize their time by working, if it creates a stable and happy household then why not. Also, for me to hold my wife at home without a justifiable cause will ultimately create problems, thats a given, like someone said earlier islamic laws are suppose to be used with justice.


Edited by Mushkil Kusha
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Ofcourse. She does and always has been. Lady Khadijah (as) was the richest woman in arabia because she worked the hardest.

 

Any man who believes that his wife should be at home or stay at home should tell his daughters that as well. ''Stay in your house for your future husband little girl, don't get an education, don't think of the possible scenario of him leaving you with 4 children without education without work without anything little girl, stay dumb and poor and never learn to take care of yourself''

 

Hypocrites.

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I don't understand why women should work when the kids are young. Day care is so expensive, if you work you will end up giving most/ all of the salary to the day care. Most people get help from their mothers but raising kids is a lot of hard work. I don't understand people belonging to cultures which put so much emphasis on respect for parents, why don't these people feel guilty about asking their old mothers to raise their kids for them? I am not against women working, I am just complaining about the expectation from women to keep working even when kids are young. 

I have noticed that most women have to deal with stress between ages of 25 and 40, it doesn't matter if they are house wives or working. I see many women who are in their 40s and look happy, these same women were bitter/ depressed ten years ago. 

Edited by Mokhtar2012
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I don't understand why women should work when the kids are young. Day care is so expensive, if you work you will end up giving most/ all of the salary to the day care. Most people get help from their mothers but raising kids is a lot of hard work. I don't understand people belonging to cultures which put so much emphasis on respect for parents, why don't these people feel guilty about asking their old mothers to raise their kids for them? I am not against women working, I am just complaining about the expectation from women to keep working even when kids are young. 

I have noticed that most women have to deal with stress between ages of 25 and 40, it doesn't matter if they are house wives or working. I see many women who are in their 40s and look happy, these same women were bitter/ depressed ten years ago. 

(salam)

On the contrary, here in Canada the daycares wether non for profit or private are subsidized by the government so its very cheap for parents, even cheaper for families earning under 40K. In addition, people in the west earn child benefits from the government which further helps the cause. Even in other countries its hard to believe daycares are so expensive that it will cost you most/all of your salary . Also, I don't speak for other men but I wouldn't 'expect' anything from my wife in that regard especially when the kids are young, its just a scenario when times get really tough and you have to make ends meet.

Edited by Mushkil Kusha
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(salam)

Also, I don't speak for other men but I wouldn't 'expect' anything from my wife in that regard especially when the kids are young, its just a scenario when times get really tough and you have to make ends meet.

I understand that, unfortunately it's harder for men to find jobs than women. Here, day care is not cheap, so most people get help from their parents. 

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Ofcourse. She does and always has been. Lady Khadijah (as) was the richest woman in arabia because she worked the hardest.

 

Any man who believes that his wife should be at home or stay at home should tell his daughters that as well. ''Stay in your house for your future husband little girl, don't get an education, don't think of the possible scenario of him leaving you with 4 children without education without work without anything little girl, stay dumb and poor and never learn to take care of yourself''

 

Hypocrites.

billionaires do not work hard , they work smart and employ stupid uni graduates (who think they are really smart ) to work hard for them and in return pay them peanuts.

poor little slaves who go to school , uni and get a job, work hard , pay taxes and die broke.

please don't compare our great beloved :S-Khadija (as) to the foolish women of today who are sold into corporate slavery.

Please don't insult the mother of the greatest woman who ever lived , to the stupid women of today who sells her soul for a few fiat (:Riba) $$.

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • Advanced Member

Asalaam Alaikum

Sister Zaynab it is not permissible to leave the house of your husband without his permission, very simple , there are no ifs or ands about it. And why would i leave without his permission anyway. It is simple respect to your husband and home. If my husband didn't want me to work I'm ok with it, I'd prefer to work but its not a big deal.

Daycare in Toronto is NOT subsidized for all families, you must qualify for it AND you have to be working. The average cost of daycare here in Toronto is $55/day.

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Asalaam Alaikum

Sister Zaynab it is not permissible to leave the house of your husband without his permission, very simple , there are no ifs or ands about it. And why would i leave without his permission anyway. It is simple respect to your husband and home. If my husband didn't want me to work I'm ok with it, I'd prefer to work but its not a big deal.

Daycare in Toronto is NOT subsidized for all families, you must qualify for it AND you have to be working. The average cost of daycare here in Toronto is $55/day.

 

If you're not qualified that means you can afford it with no problem. I don't know where you got that number from but you might want to check this Child care fee subsidy calculator.

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I rather be a stupid uni graduate who works hard than a billionaire on the day when I have to show my face to Allah ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì, when I will be accounted for every penny.

Well you can be rich and a good muslim and not have to worry about it. I'm sure Khadijah (ra) will be fine inshallah, along with all the rich Prophets (as) and any wealthy, good companions or well off true shia or Imams (as). Choosing to be stupid however, might get you in some trouble ;)

With all due respect osama bhai, not being rich doesn't mean you won't waste money. I know both rich and poor muslims who will buy an ipad even when they have a phone and laptop. Some families will even take out loans to buy this stuff and what always happens is that the wife brags to my mother about the nice new floors or expensive new fridge or whatever they just bought to my mother and the husband calls up my father and cries to my father about how much debt they have -.-

Edited by Baji
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Well you can be rich and a good muslim and not have to worry about it. I'm sure Khadijah (ra) will be fine inshallah, along with all the rich Prophets (as) and any wealthy, good companions or well off true shia or Imams (as). Choosing to be stupid however, might get you in some trouble ;)

With all due respect osama bhai, not being rich doesn't mean you won't waste money. I know both rich and poor muslims who will buy an ipad even when they have a phone and laptop. Some families will even take out loans to buy this stuff and what always happens is that the wife brags to my mother about the nice new floors or expensive new fridge or whatever they just bought to my mother and the husband calls up my father and cries to my father about how much debt they have -.-

It's a fact that earning halal money is becoming harder. It was already hard in developing countries and it's becoming harder in developed countries also. We need to remember that Imams (A.S.)' companions were both poor and rich. It's not fair to assume that just because someone is poor, it means that person is lazy or spends too much money. I heard a hadith about the end of times that it will be very hard to find a sincere friend or halal earned money and I think that hadith is becoming true. I don't think Allah will punish anyone for being dumb. "Our actions are rewarded based on the level of intelligence we have and the real intelligence is obedience to Allah" ( I heard this from someone). 

Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.H.) got help from Bibi Khadija (A.S.) but He (p.b.u.H.) spent that money on Islam. Men expect financial help and dowry from their wives for big house or cars and justify it by saying that Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.H.) got help from Bibi Khadijah (A.S.). 

Edited by Mokhtar2012
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  • Advanced Member

No need for her to work...because she was smart enough to marry a chemical engineer east African khoja!

Oh what a lucky girl...she will be!

Chemical engineers are smart and rich, oil and gas for the win!!!

Edited by La fata illa Ali
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It's a fact that earning halal money is becoming harder. It was already hard in developing countries and it's becoming harder in developed countries also. We need to remember that Imams (A.S.)' companions were both poor and rich. It's not fair to assume that just because someone is poor, it means that person is lazy or spends too much money. I heard a hadith about the end of times that it will be very hard to find a sincere friend or halal earned money and I think that hadith is becoming true. I don't think Allah will punish anyone for being dumb. "Our actions are rewarded based on the level of intelligence we have and the real intelligence is obedience to Allah" ( I heard this from someone). 

Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.H.) got help from Bibi Khadija (A.S.) but He (p.b.u.H.) spent that money on Islam. Men expect financial help and dowry from their wives for big house or cars and justify it by saying that Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.H.) got help from Bibi Khadijah (A.S.).

You missed my point. My point is don't choose to be dumb. I'm not saying poor people don't work hard. Bro I'm broke atm and working a job to help pay for school. Nor was I saying all poor people spend too much money. I was saying being poor doesn't automatically mean you will not spend money or that u will only spend for the sake of Allah.

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Salam. I was wondering about the opinion of brothers on the following.

Would you prefer a wife who was working and provided a second income or one who was a stay-at-home wife/mother and why?

If your wife was a homemaker but your economical situation became tight, would you like her to start working or would you rather her let you handle everything?

Thanks.

If she had no interest in working and she tells you herself that she wouldn't mind helping to provide for the home then I think she might be trying to tell you something indirectly (as women tend to do)---"better do something or else...". But if she just wants to work because she has a passion to fulfill something in life then why would you NOT give her the freedom to work?

Edited by eThErEaL
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You missed my point. My point is don't choose to be dumb. I'm not saying poor people don't work hard. Bro I'm broke atm and working a job to help pay for school. Nor was I saying all poor people spend too much money. I was saying being poor doesn't automatically mean you will not spend money or that u will only spend for the sake of Allah.

Sorry I didn't understand your post. I apologize for getting sentimental :). 

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If you're not qualified that means you can afford it with no problem. I don't know where you got that number from but you might want to check this Child care fee subsidy calculator.

This is the general cost where I live in Toronto, I'm in mid- town not in the east end where it may be cheaper

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