Will It Be Sin, If A Shia Man Marry A Revert?

Saamra Abidi · September 7, 2013

As-salamu-alaikum,

I am sharing my story here, and InshaAllah I'll get my answer.

I was born in a Hindu family, my parents are like most of the Indian parents who are Haters of Muslims. But I never differentiated people by their religion or caste. I used to follow that typical hindu culture Until i met a shia guy who was earlier my friend, but later on we both fell in love with each other. He only told me that there is only ONE GOD. Questions started coming on my mind regarding the "Gods" I was worshipping. He told me a lot about Islam, and I also took initiative to look forward. I searched Internet and started seeking knowledge. There were many questions in my mind and I got the answers of all.

And this way, I got faith in Allah. There are soooo many things that Hindus don't even know about their own religion, BUT they follow them like anything. I'm really thankful to Allah for showing me the true path. I accepted Islam with all my heart, Not for my Lover, but for Allah and because it is true. And i started practising it secretly.

I have written my name as Saamra Abidi beacuse, my lover assured me that he'll marry me, and he only gave me the name Saamra. Abidi was his surname and I considered him as my husband.

I don't talk to any other guy, I broke all my contacts from my friends(even girls too), and was just learning and learning more of Islam, and was also learning traditions and customs of shia culture so that in future when we get marry i don't face problem in adjusting with his family.

BUT...., few days ago, he left me.

He now says that if he'll marry me, it will be against the law of Allah. He said that society will talk bad about his family, his relatives will break contact with him, and he don't want to get into all this drama.

On the other side, my parents want me to get married within a year or 6 months. I can never marry a hindu. I can never be again the one I was before (i.e. a Hindu following Hindu patterns and worshipping statues) I love my lover sooooo much that I cannot even think of any other person in my life.

My parents know that I used to love a muslim boy, if I'll tell them that I'll follow Islam, they will never understand me and think that I'm doing this for him only. I really don't know what to do now.... I'm in a deep shock and all i'm doing is just praying to Allah. Sometimes i feel like running away from my home.... but where ??? And sometimes I think that if my parents will pressurize me soo much to marry a hindu boy, I'll commit suicide (I know its Haram.. but I am getting no other option)

My lover's last words for me were "I'm Sorry for the assurance I gave to you, I cannot help you anymore, Please Forget me and my Love, it was all Haram, and Forgive me"

I'm completely shattered, broken, hurted, and lost...

Can anyone tell me that where is my fault... and if the relationship was Haram, and mistake, Can't we get married and make it Halal.

Will Allah be happy with the decision he has taken by leaving me... I pray to Allah for our marriage, but is it really a Sin if I'm praying for our marriage!!! ???

Please help me.. I really don't know what to do.

JazakAllah Khayr

PenOfTruth · September 7, 2013

I don't understand how your marriage with him is haram..? and islam always says obey your parents but you can only disobey them when they disobey Allah swt.

tell them your a mulsim, why are you afraid when Allah swt is with you?

and tell them you will marry someone muslim no matter what.

about the man, im confused why he left you? .. and yes your relationship was haram thus relationships are not allowed in islam, but if you can marry each other, do it as soon as possible.

remember: only disobey your parents when they disobey god.

if you cant get married to him, wait until Allah swt gives you a solution, he is the most merciful.

it is not haram for a revert to marry a shia

wasalam :)

Edited September 7, 2013 by PenOfTruth

md. ammar ali · September 7, 2013

salaam wa aliakum sister

this is mohammad ammar ali.i too reverted to islam from being a hindu.

1st of all congratulations to you for accepting islam.

i have read your post,i can understand your situation...

but never lose hope in Allah swt.
Allah swt says in the glorious quran that he is with the patient.

so be patient and supplicate to Allah swt

and one more thing is that Allah swt says in the glorious quran that he will not burden any soul with more than that it can bear

please be patient,dua to Allah swt and hope for the best.

it is not a sin to marry a revert.

never think about haraam things like suicide.be cool and think about the possible ways to overcome this problem.think that this is a test from Allah swt.

i hope all your problems will be solved inshaAllah ameen

khuda hafeez

**Ibn Al-Shahid** · September 7, 2013

It seems to me that he is making an excuse over the real reason. It is actually not frowned upon nor is it haram in Islam to marry a revert. It is actually praised because he gave you the initiative to get to know Allah [swt].

As the previous posters said, be patient. This is Allah's test for you, he wants to see how much you can withstand and if you are truly a believe or not.

May Allah bless you and gives you his best. Stay close to Him [swt] and you will be fine.

Edited September 7, 2013 by itinerary

Baji · September 7, 2013

Get a job and be more independant of ur parents so u don't feel like you have to listen to them so much. Move out too maybe. And this is a test for you but the guy is kinda a jerk. Its great in islam to marry a convert but if he's probably afraid of the community judging him for marrying a convert or judging that he had a lover. Get busy to help get over the guy, pick up a hobby, start volunteering, etc. And be patient. Allah gives you better than what He takes away inshallah.

Saamra Abidi · September 7, 2013

I don't understand how your marriage with him is haram..? and islam always says obey your parents but you can only disobey them when they disobey Allah swt.
tell them your a mulsim, why are you afraid when Allah swt is with you?
and tell them you will marry someone muslim no matter what.

about the man, im confused why he left you? .. and yes your relationship was haram thus relationships are not allowed in islam, but if you can marry each other, do it as soon as possible.

remember: only disobey your parents when they disobey god.

if you cant get married to him, wait until Allah swt gives you a solution, he is the most merciful.

it is not haram for a revert to marry a shia

wasalam :)

salaam wa aliakum sister
this is mohammad ammar ali.i too reverted to islam from being a hindu.
1st of all congratulations to you for accepting islam.
i have read your post,i can understand your situation...
but never lose hope in Allah swt.
Allah swt says in the glorious quran that he is with the patient.
so be patient and supplicate to Allah swt
and one more thing is that Allah swt says in the glorious quran that he will not burden any soul with more than that it can bear
please be patient,dua to Allah swt and hope for the best.
it is not a sin to marry a revert.
never think about haraam things like suicide.be cool and think about the possible ways to overcome this problem.think that this is a test from Allah swt.
i hope all your problems will be solved inshaAllah ameen
khuda hafeez

It seems to me that he is making an excuse over the real reason. It is actually not frowned upon nor is it haram in Islam to marry a revert. It is actually praised because he gave you the initiative to get to know Allah [swt].

As the previous posters said, be patient. This is Allah's test for you, he wants to see how much you can withstand and if you are truly a believe or not.

May Allah bless you and gives you his best. Stay close to Him [swt] and you will be fine.

Get a job and be more independant of ur parents so u don't feel like you have to listen to them so much. Move out too maybe. And this is a test for you but the guy is kinda a jerk. Its great in islam to marry a convert but if he's probably afraid of the community judging him for marrying a convert or judging that he had a lover. Get busy to help get over the guy, pick up a hobby, start volunteering, etc. And be patient. Allah gives you better than what He takes away inshallah.

JazakAllah everyone for your reply

Penoftruth:

Sister, firstly, It is not like, that I'm afraid of telling truth to my parents, but they will never believe me that I'm following Islam for my own, they'll only think that I have been brainwashed by my Lover, and they will forcefully ask me to get married.

Secondly, as I mentioned above, that I still love him sooooooo much, that I can't even think of any other boy.

Md. AmmarAli:

Congratulations to you too for accepting Islam. Yes, u are right that he will not burden any soul with more than that it can bear. But I'm veryyy much depressed by the behaviour of my lover, and that's why I'm sooo worried. He left me when I need him the most.

itenerary:

Only Allah knows the true intentions of my lover...

Baji:

I forgot to mention that Yes, I am seeking for a job because of my dependency on my parents. May be my job will postpone the idea of my parents. But I'm really broken from inside, I'm not in a condition to do job, because everything is making me cryyy sooo hard. But still I'm trying my level best.

I can't get over with my lover, his love is literally killing me.. I really don't know that can Allah be happy with him by his decision of leaving me... :'( :'( I just wish that Allah may not curse him for this kind of behaviour to me.

StarryNight · September 7, 2013

Salam Saamra,

Unfortunately, you are not the only one who has been left hanging in the nowhere after a marriage promise has been made. It is very sad that many Muslim men tend to get scared and run away just because the other person was not raised with their religion or culture and do not even care about the intentions of that person. If his love for Allah and you was strong enough, he would have found the strength to give you the place you deserve (eg. to be his wife as he said). Breaking a promise is haram in our religion, and as far as I understand he promised you that. It is very sad when people mix culture with religion and make a mess out of it.

May Allah be with you, as others suggested, try to keep calm and keep your prayers up, believe me, Allah has greater plans for you and when he takes something away that we think is our everything, something way better happens. You must take every experience and turn it to your benefit and to get closer to Allah and that is the ultimate beauty.

Please do not despair from Allah's mercy because I can assure you that he will open a path for you in which you will marry a very pious and good Muslim brother that will be your true love because he will show you the true meaning of Islam.

We all get tested according to our level of faith. You will obtain a greater status if you trust Allah inshAllah.

Be strong.

Salam

Saamra Abidi · September 8, 2013

Salam Saamra,

Unfortunately, you are not the only one who has been left hanging in the nowhere after a marriage promise has been made. It is very sad that many Muslim men tend to get scared and run away just because the other person was not raised with their religion or culture and do not even care about the intentions of that person. If his love for Allah and you was strong enough, he would have found the strength to give you the place you deserve (eg. to be his wife as he said). Breaking a promise is haram in our religion, and as far as I understand he promised you that. It is very sad when people mix culture with religion and make a mess out of it.

May Allah be with you, as others suggested, try to keep calm and keep your prayers up, believe me, Allah has greater plans for you and when he takes something away that we think is our everything, something way better happens. You must take every experience and turn it to your benefit and to get closer to Allah and that is the ultimate beauty.

Please do not despair from Allah's mercy because I can assure you that he will open a path for you in which you will marry a very pious and good Muslim brother that will be your true love because he will show you the true meaning of Islam.

We all get tested according to our level of faith. You will obtain a greater status if you trust Allah inshAllah.

Be strong.
Salam

Katyushka:

Now I just wish to live alone, I don't want a better partner, because I cannot love any other boy like I loved him.

It's a request from you people please pray for me, that my lover come back to me and marry me. Is there any specific dua, which may help me in melting my lover's heart ??? May Allah swt return him to me... :'( :'( :'(

Wind Chimes · September 9, 2013

Sister Saamra,

The fact that you are not alone in this, is true. I understand your situation as I am going through almost the same situation. I know it hurts and it hurts real bad. The pain is unbearable. Be patient. I will pray for you.

Mushkil Kusha · September 9, 2013

(wasalam)

Firstly, let it be clear that Its certainly not a sin to marry a revert. You need stop thinking like this just because someone who you think is pious claims its against the laws of Allah ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì Something that would constitute being against his ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì law would be obvious physical contact or anything which can lead to other Haraam acts. Now you say you have accepted islam with all your heart and not for him, this statement is something you should ponder over very seriously because you are now going to be tested on it. He may not remain in your life for whatever cultural reasoning however Allah ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì could easily test you if Islam and the trust in Allah ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì remains in your heart or not. That being said, I strongly disagree with his reasoning behind not going through with it. If the thought of society talking bad about his family scares him or the fact that his relatives will break contact with him (which is one of the major sins in islam) then I'm sorry because he lacks knowledge and faith. As hard as it may be I would use this opportunity to reach out to Allah ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì to get closer to him and learn more about islam on your own. At the moment you may think that he's someone you can not live without but wait until you meet a real pious brother who will shun any cultural set back to marry you, someone who will come and grow with you in faith. Allahu A'alam

Edited September 9, 2013 by Mushkil Kusha

Saamra Abidi · September 9, 2013

Sister Saamra,

The fact that you are not alone in this, is true. I understand your situation as I am going through almost the same situation. I know it hurts and it hurts real bad. The pain is unbearable. Be patient. I will pray for you.

(wasalam)

Firstly, let it be clear that Its certainly not a sin to marry a revert. You need stop thinking like this just because someone who you think is pious claims its against the laws of Allah ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì Something that would constitute being against his ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì law would be obvious physical contact or anything which can lead to other Haraam acts. Now you say you have accepted islam with all your heart and not for him, this statement is something you should ponder over very seriously because you are now going to be tested on it. He may not remain in your life for whatever cultural reasoning however Allah ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì could easily test you if Islam and the trust in Allah ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì remains in your heart or not. That being said, I strongly disagree with his reasoning behind not going through with it. If the thought of society talking bad about his family scares him or the fact that his relatives will break contact with him (which is one of the major sins in islam) then I'm sorry because he lacks knowledge and faith. As hard as it may be I would use this opportunity to reach out to Allah ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì to get closer to him and learn more about islam on your own. At the moment you may think that he's someone you can not live without but wait until you meet a real pious brother who will shun any cultural set back to marry you, someone who will come and grow with you in faith. Allahu A'alam

Windchimes:

Sister, JazakAllah for remembering me in your prayer, I will also pray for you. Yes, this pain is really unbearable.., I can't sleep, can't eat, my weight By the way, may I know happened in your case ? I wish my Lover had never left me like this, and the strangest thing is, that he is OK. May be he is thinking that he has pleased Allah...

MushkilKusha:

Brother, yes, I do understand that Allah may be testing my faith, but I'm surrounded by sooo many problems...

NHGhauth · September 10, 2013

Salam Sister Saamra.

This is clearly a test from Allah. A test will produce this result: either you'll turn back or become stronger. It is a question of choice on your part.

How do you weather this? If you have decided to continue to be with Allah Azzawajalla, then pray - as you are a revert, start slowly with keeping up with all the obligatories. Learn the Holy Quran. (Btw, do you know that there is verse stating that in every difficulty there is relief?)

Then slowly teach yourself to get up in just before the early morning obligatory prayer to do the tahajudd.

Then slowly also, after the maghrib prayers and before you do the isya, learn to do the ghufaylah.

And then learn to recite the duas prescribed by Rasulullah and the Ahlul Bayt. Theirs are the best solution in every problem we have in our lives. I vouch for this. The best is to speak to Allah from your heart relating your sadness and asking for relief together with buckets of tears coming out from your eyes.

Realistically, society cannot blame you should you revert back to hinduism. No man is an island. If you really want to continue to be a Muslim, please ask ernestly for Allah to give you support and send help.

The flip flop lover Abidi of yours, maybe Allah had already seen that he is not the one for you and you are better off without him. Or that you are a betterperson than him and that he is beneath you.

By the way if you want to continue being a muslim, unless you yourself like the name, why not change the name? It is a fact that naturally people give good, beautiful and meaningful names to their children. Why not just stick to your given name by your parents? If you have fallen in live with Rasulullah and the Ahlulbayt, just add any of their names to your existing one and viola, you are still your old self with the only difference being that you are now guided.

Good luck in whatever you decide, young Saamra.

Wassalam.

tearsofregret · September 10, 2013

Asalam Alykum,

I am deeply sorry. For whatever pressure or situation this happened. I would like to congratulate you on finding the right path. Again, I am very sorry and no it is not haram for him to marry you. Perhaps you should take a peek at this thread and it may give you some extra hope.

http://www.shiachat.com/forum/index.php?/topic/235007771-salatul-layl-40-nights-in-a-row-seeing-imam-zaman/#entry2497922

May Allah help you.

Ma´Salam.

Saamra Abidi · September 10, 2013

Salam MODERATOR of Shiachat.com,

Please approve my posts, because I want to thank them all and want help . From the last 2 days I have been trying to post, but my requests are being rejected.. these people will think that I'm not even giving reply to their posts...

Sister Saamra,

The fact that you are not alone in this, is true. I understand your situation as I am going through almost the same situation. I know it hurts and it hurts real bad. The pain is unbearable. Be patient. I will pray for you.

(wasalam)

Firstly, let it be clear that Its certainly not a sin to marry a revert. You need stop thinking like this just because someone who you think is pious claims its against the laws of Allah ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì Something that would constitute being against his ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì law would be obvious physical contact or anything which can lead to other Haraam acts. Now you say you have accepted islam with all your heart and not for him, this statement is something you should ponder over very seriously because you are now going to be tested on it. He may not remain in your life for whatever cultural reasoning however Allah ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì could easily test you if Islam and the trust in Allah ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì remains in your heart or not. That being said, I strongly disagree with his reasoning behind not going through with it. If the thought of society talking bad about his family scares him or the fact that his relatives will break contact with him (which is one of the major sins in islam) then I'm sorry because he lacks knowledge and faith. As hard as it may be I would use this opportunity to reach out to Allah ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì to get closer to him and learn more about islam on your own. At the moment you may think that he's someone you can not live without but wait until you meet a real pious brother who will shun any cultural set back to marry you, someone who will come and grow with you in faith. Allahu A'alam

Salam Sister Saamra.

This is clearly a test from Allah. A test will produce this result: either you'll turn back or become stronger. It is a question of choice on your part.

How do you weather this? If you have decided to continue to be with Allah Azzawajalla, then pray - as you are a revert, start slowly with keeping up with all the obligatories. Learn the Holy Quran. (Btw, do you know that there is verse stating that in every difficulty there is relief?)

Then slowly teach yourself to get up in just before the early morning obligatory prayer to do the tahajudd.

Then slowly also, after the maghrib prayers and before you do the isya, learn to do the ghufaylah.

And then learn to recite the duas prescribed by Rasulullah and the Ahlul Bayt. Theirs are the best solution in every problem we have in our lives. I vouch for this. The best is to speak to Allah from your heart relating your sadness and asking for relief together with buckets of tears coming out from your eyes.

Realistically, society cannot blame you should you revert back to hinduism. No man is an island. If you really want to continue to be a Muslim, please ask ernestly for Allah to give you support and send help.

The flip flop lover Abidi of yours, maybe Allah had already seen that he is not the one for you and you are better off without him. Or that you are a betterperson than him and that he is beneath you.

By the way if you want to continue being a muslim, unless you yourself like the name, why not change the name? It is a fact that naturally people give good, beautiful and meaningful names to their children. Why not just stick to your given name by your parents? If you have fallen in live with Rasulullah and the Ahlulbayt, just add any of their names to your existing one and viola, you are still your old self with the only difference being that you are now guided.

Good luck in whatever you decide, young Saamra.

Wassalam.

Windchimes:

Sister, JazakAllah for remembering me in your prayer, I will also pray for you. Yes, this pain is really unbearable.., I can't sleep, can't eat, my weight By the way, may I know happened in your case ? I wish my Lover had never left me like this, and the strangest thing is, that he is OK. May be he is thinking that he has pleased Allah...

MushkilKusha:

Brother, yes, I do understand that Allah may be testing my faith, but I'm surrounded by sooo many problems... Really very sad..

NHGauth :

Sister, JazakAllah for your reply. I am learning the various obligatories, the way of life like a muslim girl. I have learnt some small prayers like Suarh Fatiha, Surah Ikhlas, Nad e Ali, Dua e Tawassul, Tasbeeh Bibi Fatima, Tasbeeh E Yunus, and few more things. I do wuzu before parying, For Tahajjud prayer, I would say, that these days my nights are sleepless, so I usually miss this prayer. I have watched some documentaries also. And I am in the process of learning more and more. I purchased a Naqab also. I really want to be a true Muslim. I will learn Ghufaylah (1st time coming across to this term and JazakAllah for telling me about it) :)

You asked me that why ain't I'm sticking to my old name and add any of the names of Ahlybayt.. It is beacuse my Old name starts with one of the Hindu God's name... How can I add any Pious name with that Najis name dear.. I can't and I'll never.

Brother and Sisters, I'm getting motivated by your posts. May Allah help you all. :) :) :)

tearsofregret:

Salam brother, JazakAllah Khaiyr for your reply.

Saamra Abidi · September 10, 2013

Salam MODERATOR of Shiachat.com,

Please approve my posts, because I want to thank them all and want help . From the last 2 days I have been trying to post, but my requests are being rejected.. these people will think that I'm not even giving reply to their posts...

Sister Saamra,

The fact that you are not alone in this, is true. I understand your situation as I am going through almost the same situation. I know it hurts and it hurts real bad. The pain is unbearable. Be patient. I will pray for you.

(wasalam)

Firstly, let it be clear that Its certainly not a sin to marry a revert. You need stop thinking like this just because someone who you think is pious claims its against the laws of Allah ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì Something that would constitute being against his ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì law would be obvious physical contact or anything which can lead to other Haraam acts. Now you say you have accepted islam with all your heart and not for him, this statement is something you should ponder over very seriously because you are now going to be tested on it. He may not remain in your life for whatever cultural reasoning however Allah ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì could easily test you if Islam and the trust in Allah ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì remains in your heart or not. That being said, I strongly disagree with his reasoning behind not going through with it. If the thought of society talking bad about his family scares him or the fact that his relatives will break contact with him (which is one of the major sins in islam) then I'm sorry because he lacks knowledge and faith. As hard as it may be I would use this opportunity to reach out to Allah ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì to get closer to him and learn more about islam on your own. At the moment you may think that he's someone you can not live without but wait until you meet a real pious brother who will shun any cultural set back to marry you, someone who will come and grow with you in faith. Allahu A'alam

Salam Sister Saamra.

This is clearly a test from Allah. A test will produce this result: either you'll turn back or become stronger. It is a question of choice on your part.

How do you weather this? If you have decided to continue to be with Allah Azzawajalla, then pray - as you are a revert, start slowly with keeping up with all the obligatories. Learn the Holy Quran. (Btw, do you know that there is verse stating that in every difficulty there is relief?)

Then slowly teach yourself to get up in just before the early morning obligatory prayer to do the tahajudd.

Then slowly also, after the maghrib prayers and before you do the isya, learn to do the ghufaylah.

And then learn to recite the duas prescribed by Rasulullah and the Ahlul Bayt. Theirs are the best solution in every problem we have in our lives. I vouch for this. The best is to speak to Allah from your heart relating your sadness and asking for relief together with buckets of tears coming out from your eyes.

Realistically, society cannot blame you should you revert back to hinduism. No man is an island. If you really want to continue to be a Muslim, please ask ernestly for Allah to give you support and send help.

The flip flop lover Abidi of yours, maybe Allah had already seen that he is not the one for you and you are better off without him. Or that you are a betterperson than him and that he is beneath you.

By the way if you want to continue being a muslim, unless you yourself like the name, why not change the name? It is a fact that naturally people give good, beautiful and meaningful names to their children. Why not just stick to your given name by your parents? If you have fallen in live with Rasulullah and the Ahlulbayt, just add any of their names to your existing one and viola, you are still your old self with the only difference being that you are now guided.

Good luck in whatever you decide, young Saamra.

Wassalam.

Windchimes:

Sister, JazakAllah for remembering me in your prayer, I will also pray for you. Yes, this pain is really unbearable.., I can't sleep, can't eat, my weight By the way, may I know happened in your case ? I wish my Lover had never left me like this, and the strangest thing is, that he is OK. May be he is thinking that he has pleased Allah...

MushkilKusha:

Brother, yes, I do understand that Allah may be testing my faith, but I'm surrounded by sooo many problems... Really very sad..

NHGauth :

Sister, JazakAllah for your reply. I am learning the various obligatories, the way of life like a muslim girl. I have learnt some small prayers like Suarh Fatiha, Surah Ikhlas, Nad e Ali, Dua e Tawassul, Tasbeeh Bibi Fatima, Tasbeeh E Yunus, and few more things. I do wuzu before parying, For Tahajjud prayer, I would say, that these days my nights are sleepless, so I usually miss this prayer. I have watched some documentaries also. And I am in the process of learning more and more. I purchased a Naqab also. I really want to be a true Muslim. I will learn Ghufaylah (1st time coming across to this term and JazakAllah for telling me about it) :)

You asked me that why ain't I'm sticking to my old name and add any of the names of Ahlybayt.. It is beacuse my Old name starts with one of the Hindu God's name... How can I add any Pious name with that Najis name dear.. I can't and I'll never.

Brother and Sisters, I'm getting motivated by your posts. May Allah help you all. :) :) :)

tearsofregret:

Salam brother, JazakAllah Khaiyr for your reply.

Saamra Abidi · September 10, 2013

Salam MODERATOR of Shiachat.com,

Please approve my posts, because I want to thank them all and want help . From the last 2 days I have been trying to post, but my requests are being rejected.. these people will think that I'm not even giving reply to their posts...

Sister Saamra,

The fact that you are not alone in this, is true. I understand your situation as I am going through almost the same situation. I know it hurts and it hurts real bad. The pain is unbearable. Be patient. I will pray for you.

(wasalam)

Firstly, let it be clear that Its certainly not a sin to marry a revert. You need stop thinking like this just because someone who you think is pious claims its against the laws of Allah ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì Something that would constitute being against his ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì law would be obvious physical contact or anything which can lead to other Haraam acts. Now you say you have accepted islam with all your heart and not for him, this statement is something you should ponder over very seriously because you are now going to be tested on it. He may not remain in your life for whatever cultural reasoning however Allah ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì could easily test you if Islam and the trust in Allah ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì remains in your heart or not. That being said, I strongly disagree with his reasoning behind not going through with it. If the thought of society talking bad about his family scares him or the fact that his relatives will break contact with him (which is one of the major sins in islam) then I'm sorry because he lacks knowledge and faith. As hard as it may be I would use this opportunity to reach out to Allah ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì to get closer to him and learn more about islam on your own. At the moment you may think that he's someone you can not live without but wait until you meet a real pious brother who will shun any cultural set back to marry you, someone who will come and grow with you in faith. Allahu A'alam

Salam Sister Saamra.

This is clearly a test from Allah. A test will produce this result: either you'll turn back or become stronger. It is a question of choice on your part.

How do you weather this? If you have decided to continue to be with Allah Azzawajalla, then pray - as you are a revert, start slowly with keeping up with all the obligatories. Learn the Holy Quran. (Btw, do you know that there is verse stating that in every difficulty there is relief?)

Then slowly teach yourself to get up in just before the early morning obligatory prayer to do the tahajudd.

Then slowly also, after the maghrib prayers and before you do the isya, learn to do the ghufaylah.

And then learn to recite the duas prescribed by Rasulullah and the Ahlul Bayt. Theirs are the best solution in every problem we have in our lives. I vouch for this. The best is to speak to Allah from your heart relating your sadness and asking for relief together with buckets of tears coming out from your eyes.

Realistically, society cannot blame you should you revert back to hinduism. No man is an island. If you really want to continue to be a Muslim, please ask ernestly for Allah to give you support and send help.

The flip flop lover Abidi of yours, maybe Allah had already seen that he is not the one for you and you are better off without him. Or that you are a betterperson than him and that he is beneath you.

By the way if you want to continue being a muslim, unless you yourself like the name, why not change the name? It is a fact that naturally people give good, beautiful and meaningful names to their children. Why not just stick to your given name by your parents? If you have fallen in live with Rasulullah and the Ahlulbayt, just add any of their names to your existing one and viola, you are still your old self with the only difference being that you are now guided.

Good luck in whatever you decide, young Saamra.

Wassalam.

Windchimes:

Sister, JazakAllah for remembering me in your prayer, I will also pray for you. Yes, this pain is really unbearable.., I can't sleep, can't eat, my weight By the way, may I know happened in your case ? I wish my Lover had never left me like this, and the strangest thing is, that he is OK. May be he is thinking that he has pleased Allah...

MushkilKusha:

Brother, yes, I do understand that Allah may be testing my faith, but I'm surrounded by sooo many problems... Really very sad..

NHGauth :

Sister, JazakAllah for your reply. I am learning the various obligatories, the way of life like a muslim girl. I have learnt some small prayers like Suarh Fatiha, Surah Ikhlas, Nad e Ali, Dua e Tawassul, Tasbeeh Bibi Fatima, Tasbeeh E Yunus, and few more things. I do wuzu before parying, For Tahajjud prayer, I would say, that these days my nights are sleepless, so I usually miss this prayer. I have watched some documentaries also. And I am in the process of learning more and more. I purchased a Naqab also. I really want to be a true Muslim. I will learn Ghufaylah (1st time coming across to this term and JazakAllah for telling me about it) :)

You asked me that why ain't I'm sticking to my old name and add any of the names of Ahlybayt.. It is beacuse my Old name starts with one of the Hindu God's name... How can I add any Pious name with that Najis name dear.. I can't and I'll never.

Brother and Sisters, I'm getting motivated by your posts. May Allah help you all. :) :) :)

tearsofregret:

Salam brother, JazakAllah Khaiyr for your reply.

Ebn Tie me yeah · September 12, 2013

I never knew men also break promises.

If he truly loved you, a man will not abandon his lover, i dont need to teach you, there are wholesome Bollywood movies to watch.

So i advise you to remove the family name "abidi", the shias of the sub-continent are very strange with very shallow mind, they are fanatical about being Syed or Abidi, Zaidi,Jafri, Kazmi,Rizvi and Naqvi. If you see any family names with those i have shown you, please avoid them. Most of them do not even perform Namaz but busy themselves with Majalis during Muharram. Muslim only in name.

They are proud to be known Syed or Syeda but their characters do not reflect those of the Family of the Prophet (sawa). Pray for guidance and if you parents insist you marry a Hindu, You may tell him (ie hindu) that you are Muslim and if he wants to marry you, tell him to convert.

Born Muslims create hell lot of drama of caste and Family Dignity better find a revert Muslim who follows the Ahle Bayt and marry him.

Saamra Abidi · September 13, 2013

I never knew men also break promises.

If he truly loved you, a man will not abandon his lover, i dont need to teach you, there are wholesome Bollywood movies to watch.

So i advise you to remove the family name "abidi", the shias of the sub-continent are very strange with very shallow mind, they are fanatical about being Syed or Abidi, Zaidi,Jafri, Kazmi,Rizvi and Naqvi. If you see any family names with those i have shown you, please avoid them. Most of them do not even perform Namaz but busy themselves with Majalis during Muharram. Muslim only in name.

They are proud to be known Syed or Syeda but their characters do not reflect those of the Family of the Prophet Õáì Çááå Úáíå æÂáå. Pray for guidance and if you parents insist you marry a Hindu, You may tell him (ie hindu) that you are Muslim and if he wants to marry you, tell him to convert.

Born Muslims create hell lot of drama of caste and Family Dignity better find a revert Muslim who follows the Ahle Bayt and marry him.

Ebn Tie me yeah :

Salam brother, Yes, he is very proud to be known Syed. But I really wanna know that Will Allah swt be pleased with this act of him ???

He might be very happy with his decision but what should I do now!!! I cannot think of marrying anyone else. I am just one man woman..., can never be with anyone else, because my love is not fake. Can I get some more suggestions, except marrying the other guy.

muneermosvi · September 13, 2013

I have a colleague working with me, she has the same story...She was hindu even till now she is having a hindu name but she has converted to Islam secretlyand is praticing it. The person she loved left her as he was SYED and can't marry her etc. but this girl never give up and refused to get marry with a Hindu boy. Her younger sisters are now married but she keeps on waiting and praying.Strange are the ways of Allah, the Person(Syed) who left her had a divorse with his wife and now he is back and they are making the praperations of new Life.

So I would recommend you to be patient and always Pray to Allah to bless you. Dont stuck to that person....may be Allah has chosed someone better

than him....Allah only know the best........!!!!!!!!!!

Saamra Abidi · September 14, 2013

I have a colleague working with me, she has the same story...She was hindu even till now she is having a hindu name but she has converted to Islam secretlyand is praticing it. The person she loved left her as he was SYED and can't marry her etc. but this girl never give up and refused to get marry with a Hindu boy. Her younger sisters are now married but she keeps on waiting and praying.Strange are the ways of Allah, the Person(Syed) who left her had a divorse with his wife and now he is back and they are making the praperations of new Life.
So I would recommend you to be patient and always Pray to Allah to bless you. Dont stuck to that person....may be Allah has chosed someone better
than him....Allah only know the best........!!!!!!!!!!

Salam muneermosvi :

Brother, JazakAllah for sharing your friend's story, SubhanAllah. Can you tell me, that how did she managed to refuse proposals of marriage (I mean, you are an Indian, you must be knowing the tactics of typical Indian parents who are Anti-Muslim, my parents would threaten me to harm my lover if I will refuse to marry other guy) Please let me know how to avoid all this drama, I'm not afraid of telling my parents the truth, But I'm afraid that they may harm my lover, because for them I will be just a brainwashed person. Please tell me more. May your friend live a happy married life & Allah swt bless her and you too.

NHGhauth · September 14, 2013

Salam Sister Saamra,

Do you know that you have a long way to go? I think you are only either in your late teens or early twenties.

Human beings are very plastic. Nobody, I mean nobody remains the same. You want to cure yourself from heartbreak?

Firstly stop telling yourself that you will love only this stupid boy Abidi. There are a world of men out there, how do you know what will happen in the future?

Tell you what. You say that you will never change, will never love anyone but him. But, should you see a specimen of gorgeus creature of a man? would you not as the women had experience in Surah Yusof, cut their finger on the knife?

There are among us who had witnessed a specimen of 1 over million of what Nabi Yusof was, although still a nice specimen. I was told they cannot help but stare and everything went off from their mind. ;-P This is one instance when there is a similarity between men and women.

There are splendid creatures among them men. There are also among them the most appaling among Allah's creature.

Look out into world, broaden your horizon. Please stop thinking that the world is only what you are experiencing and living in in India.

Stop thinking about him, distract yourself. I can tell you that by looking at his family and had you married him, you would never be happy. Then how would that end?

It is actually a luck escape, I tell you. Allah had indeed blessed you.

What is the purpose of life? is it not to be the best happy and achieve the greatest satisfaction that you can?

Good luck little sister. May Allah continue to guide, comfort and be with you.

Wassalam.

Saamra Abidi · September 14, 2013

Salam Sister Saamra,

Do you know that you have a long way to go? I think you are only either in your late teens or early twenties.

Human beings are very plastic. Nobody, I mean nobody remains the same. You want to cure yourself from heartbreak?

Firstly stop telling yourself that you will love only this stupid boy Abidi. There are a world of men out there, how do you know what will happen in the future?

Tell you what. You say that you will never change, will never love anyone but him. But, should you see a specimen of gorgeus creature of a man? would you not as the women had experience in Surah Yusof, cut their finger on the knife?

There are among us who had witnessed a specimen of 1 over million of what Nabi Yusof was, although still a nice specimen. I was told they cannot help but stare and everything went off from their mind. ;-P This is one instance when there is a similarity between men and women.

There are splendid creatures among them men. There are also among them the most appaling among Allah's creature.

Look out into world, broaden your horizon. Please stop thinking that the world is only what you are experiencing and living in in India.

Stop thinking about him, distract yourself. I can tell you that by looking at his family and had you married him, you would never be happy. Then how would that end?

It is actually a luck escape, I tell you. Allah had indeed blessed you.

What is the purpose of life? is it not to be the best happy and achieve the greatest satisfaction that you can?

Good luck little sister. May Allah continue to guide, comfort and be with you.

Wassalam.

Nhghauth:

Salam sister,

My age is 24 yrs.

Whatever you mentioned above is true, no doubt. Even I was never a girl like this, But the thing is, that I loved him with full devotion and trusted him blindly, I found the purpose of my life after meeting him and was really happy that I have found the truth path (i.e. Islam) I never thought that he can leave me in middle. We were just waiting for him to get a job and then getting married as soon as possible. As I have mentioned in my previous posts, that I already considered him as my husband, I cannot move further (How can a wife cheat her husband!) I still love him, and I'm really unable to express my feelings and love for him in words.. I am not in a condition to look around for few more good people and start making contacts, this relationship has changed me totally,I just love 1 person and will be faithful to him forever. I have lost my appetite, my sleep and when I sleep I see him in my dreams, sometimes I'm unable to breathe properly and get panic attacks too, and all I can do is pray to Allah swt. Only Allah swt knows that how deep my love is..

Gypsy · September 14, 2013

I'm completely shattered, broken, hurted, and lost...

Can anyone tell me that where is my fault... and if the relationship was Haram, and mistake, Can't we get married and make it Halal.

It's not your fault that he left you. I don't think there's anything wrong with you as a person. You probably didn't do anything to “break the relationship”.

There's probably more to the reason than he's telling you. Maybe his family wants him to marry someone else? Maybe he realized that this relationship is not going to go anywhere? Maybe he didn't love/care for you as much as you think he did? Whatever the case maybe, I think it's best if you don't attach your personal faith to him. Your religion/ your faith/belief should always be independent.

Saamra Abidi · September 14, 2013

It's not your fault that he left you. I don't think there's anything wrong with you as a person. You probably didn't do anything to “break the relationship”.

There's probably more to the reason than he's telling you. Maybe his family wants him to marry someone else? Maybe he realized that this relationship is not going to go anywhere? Maybe he didn't love/care for you as much as you think he did? Whatever the case maybe, I think it's best if you don't attach your personal faith to him. Your religion/ your faith/belief should always be independent.

Salam Gypsy,

Sister, his family is right now worried for his job. Yes, it may be true that what I thought "Love Forever" was just an illusion... an illusion that has tore me to pieces.. and along with this situation, my parents! (who can never understand me nor Islam) I will ask to Please pray for me. May Allah bless you.

awaiting_for_the.12th · September 14, 2013

Nhghauth:

Salam sister,
My age is 24 yrs.
Whatever you mentioned above is true, no doubt. Even I was never a girl like this, But the thing is, that I loved him with full devotion and trusted him blindly, I found the purpose of my life after meeting him and was really happy that I have found the truth path (i.e. Islam) I never thought that he can leave me in middle. We were just waiting for him to get a job and then getting married as soon as possible. As I have mentioned in my previous posts, that I already considered him as my husband, I cannot move further (How can a wife cheat her husband!) I still love him, and I'm really unable to express my feelings and love for him in words.. I am not in a condition to look around for few more good people and start making contacts, this relationship has changed me totally,I just love 1 person and will be faithful to him forever. I have lost my appetite, my sleep and when I sleep I see him in my dreams, sometimes I'm unable to breathe properly and get panic attacks too, and all I can do is pray to Allah swt. Only Allah swt knows that how deep my love is..

Salam,

Congrats on becoming muslim.

"How can a wife cheat her husband?" Well because you are not married to him and so its not cheating. It doesn't matter what you think or feel about this, if there is no marriage contract then neither him nor you can call each other husband/wife.

InshAllah, you will be fine after some time. Human brain is amazing, hormones will stabilize. The rejection you feel will turn into anger and hopefully indifference after some time. It just takes time, no one can "love" anyone forever and you ain't no Zulekha.

Sometimes its better to let go of the person instead of dragging yourself and other with you. Women are known for their patience maybe thats what you should do.

Saamra Abidi · September 15, 2013

Salam,
Congrats on becoming muslim.
"How can a wife cheat her husband?" Well because you are not married to him and so its not cheating. It doesn't matter what you think or feel about this, if there is no marriage contract then neither him nor you can call each other husband/wife.
InshAllah, you will be fine after some time. Human brain is amazing, hormones will stabilize. The rejection you feel will turn into anger and hopefully indifference after some time. It just takes time, no one can "love" anyone forever and you ain't no Zulekha.
Sometimes its better to let go of the person instead of dragging yourself and other with you. Women are known for their patience maybe thats what you should do.

Salam "awaiting for the 12th",

Brother, I don't know what reply should I give to you, but I would only say that these hormones and brain are actually provoking me to kill myself and making me mad. I have started hating myself that why did I trusted him soooo much, If you can remember me in your prayer, please do.. and ask Allah to please do some miracle.

By the way, is there any way to know that will he come back to me not ??

JazakAllah

md. ammar ali · September 15, 2013

"O you who believe, seek help through patience and prayer. Surely, Allah is with those who are patient."

Say, "O My servants who have believed, fear your Lord. For those who do good in this world is good, and the earth of Allah is spacious. Indeed, the patient will be given their reward without account." (39:10)

Be sure we shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives or the fruits (of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere

And We shall try you until We test those among you who strive their utmost and persevere in patience; and We shall try your reported (mettle)

On no soul does Allah Place a burden greater than it can bear. It gets every good that it earns, and it suffers every ill that it earns. (Pray:) “Our Lord! Condemn us not if we forget or fall into error; our Lord! Lay not on us a burden Like that which You did lay on those before us; Our Lord! Lay not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear. Blot out our sins, and grant us forgiveness. Have mercy on us. You are our Protector; Help us against those who stand against faith

Saamra Abidi · September 15, 2013

"O you who believe, seek help through patience and prayer. Surely, Allah is with those who are patient."

Say, "O My servants who have believed, fear your Lord. For those who do good in this world is good, and the earth of Allah is spacious. Indeed, the patient will be given their reward without account." (39:10)

Be sure we shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives or the fruits (of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere

And We shall try you until We test those among you who strive their utmost and persevere in patience; and We shall try your reported (mettle)

On no soul does Allah Place a burden greater than it can bear. It gets every good that it earns, and it suffers every ill that it earns. (Pray:) “Our Lord! Condemn us not if we forget or fall into error; our Lord! Lay not on us a burden Like that which You did lay on those before us; Our Lord! Lay not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear. Blot out our sins, and grant us forgiveness. Have mercy on us. You are our Protector; Help us against those who stand against faith

Salam md. ammar ali :

Brother, JazakAllah for your reply. I remember you mentioned on previous post that you too were hindu and got reverted. Would you please share your story here.

And thanks for the site you mentioned i.e. "www.al-islam.org", I'm reading it right now.

"www.shiasearch.com" is also a good site, it helped me, will help you too.

Edited September 15, 2013 by Saamra Abidi

awaiting_for_the.12th · September 15, 2013

Salam "awaiting for the 12th",

Brother, I don't know what reply should I give to you, but I would only say that these hormones and brain are actually provoking me to kill myself and making me mad. I have started hating myself that why did I trusted him soooo much, If you can remember me in your prayer, please do.. and ask Allah to please do some miracle.

By the way, is there any way to know that will he come back to me not ??

JazakAllah

If you are feeling suicidal, you might need professional help. Since your significant one left, the most support you need is from your family but they are already looking the other way so one of the solutions is to spend more time with friends and keep yourself occupied. Make new shia friends and just keep yourself busy. In time, you will feel better.

md. ammar ali · September 15, 2013

Salam md. ammar ali :

Brother, JazakAllah for your reply. I remember you mentioned on previous post that you too were hindu and got reverted. Would you please share your story here.
And thanks for the site you mentioned i.e. "www.al-islam.org", I'm reading it right now.

"www.shiasearch.com" is also a good site, it helped me, will help you too.

wa aliakum as salam sister,

its a pretty long one and ill do it later on inshaAllah

yes its a good one indeed.

btw do u watch majalis? if i may suggest, try watching the lectures of sayed ammar nakshawani.

http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=sayed+ammar+nakshawani+biography&oq=sayed+ammar+nakshawani+biogr&gs_l=youtube.1.1.0l5.123.1057.0.3627.4.2.0.2.2.0.316.523.2-1j1.2.0...0.0...1ac.1.11.youtube.bbJWSYiWaeY

anyways be patient and take care

everything will be fine inshaAllah

khuda hafeez

Saamra Abidi · September 15, 2013

wa aliakum as salam sister,

its a pretty long one and ill do it later on inshaAllah

yes its a good one indeed.

btw do u watch majalis? if i may suggest, try watching the lectures of sayed ammar nakshawani.

http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=sayed+ammar+nakshawani+biography&oq=sayed+ammar+nakshawani+biogr&gs_l=youtube.1.1.0l5.123.1057.0.3627.4.2.0.2.2.0.316.523.2-1j1.2.0...0.0...1ac.1.11.youtube.bbJWSYiWaeY

anyways be patient and take care
everything will be fine inshaAllah

khuda hafeez

Yes brother, i have watched majlis, but not much. The link you gave me here is very good. JazakAllah. I hope you will share your story soon.

Khuda Hafiz.

muneermosvi · September 16, 2013

Salam muneermosvi :

Brother, JazakAllah for sharing your friend's story, SubhanAllah. Can you tell me, that how did she managed to refuse proposals of marriage (I mean, you are an Indian, you must be knowing the tactics of typical Indian parents who are Anti-Muslim, my parents would threaten me to harm my lover if I will refuse to marry other guy) Please let me know how to avoid all this drama, I'm not afraid of telling my parents the truth, But I'm afraid that they may harm my lover, because for them I will be just a brainwashed person. Please tell me more. May your friend live a happy married life & Allah swt bless her and you too.

The best way to duck the marriage Praposals is to say no to marriage without giving any reason.If by mistake you will give them the reason (loving a muslims guy) then all the swords of your family/relatives etc will start to fall on you head.What she did was, kept mum and simply kept refusing the marriage by saying I will not marry, ofcouse it needs alot of guts to resist the pressure......

As the time will pas the approach of Parents will start to change, and now they will try to act as like frend rather parents, then that is the time when

you start sharing your secrets with them......and in the mean time if you have any contact with this Abidi person keep in touch with him but never push him or force him by that way he might feel himself as he is Special person etc...and will not bend due to Ego etc. Just let him know the situation you are in and keep praying ...as Allah is the only one who will help.......

Saamra Abidi · September 16, 2013

The best way to duck the marriage Praposals is to say no to marriage without giving any reason.If by mistake you will give them the reason (loving a muslims guy) then all the swords of your family/relatives etc will start to fall on you head.What she did was, kept mum and simply kept refusing the marriage by saying I will not marry, ofcouse it needs alot of guts to resist the pressure......
As the time will pas the approach of Parents will start to change, and now they will try to act as like frend rather parents, then that is the time when
you start sharing your secrets with them......and in the mean time if you have any contact with this Abidi person keep in touch with him but never push him or force him by that way he might feel himself as he is Special person etc...and will not bend due to Ego etc. Just let him know the situation you are in and keep praying ...as Allah is the only one who will help.......

Salam brother,

I had already mentioned in my very 1st post that, my parents knew that I use to love him, but I rejected that there nothing between us. My parents are very strict and they will immediately blame him for doing all this. I'm not in contact with my lover, he refused to talk to me and from the past 12 days we haven't talked to each other.

ali786ali · September 21, 2013

There's only one solution to your problem,

Hazrat Ali [a].

Dargah e Aaliya Najaf e Hind, in Jogirampuri, Najibabad, district - Bijnor, Uttar Pradesh.

However if you are unable to visit the place then there is one more way out,

Imam e Zamana [a.f]

Ariza !!!

--------

Write an Ariza to Imam e Zamana a.f.

How to write ariza?

Answer: Purify yourself by having bath and then pick a piece of paper and write a letter to Imam e Zamana a.f. in the language that you are well verse in. Then make a small dough of wheat flour and wrap the letter in the dough. After this go to any stream of fresh water like river, canal, dam, lake or well of fresh water.

Recite this following dua and throw the ariza in the stream of fresh water. Insha Allah you'll get the best solution for your problem. The solution may be in the form of acceptance of your prayer. It may also be in the form of advice in your dreams or it may be in the form that best suits your good life and happiness.

The dua is:

BISMILLAH ARRAHMAN ARRAHEEM

YA HUSAIN IBN ROH'IN SALAMUN ALAIKA

ASH'HADO ANNA WA FATAKA FI SABEELILLAHE

WA ANNAKA HAYYUN INDALLAHE

MARZOOQUN WA QAD KHATABTOKA

FI HAYATEKALLATI LAKA INDALLAHE

AZZA WA JALLA WA HAZEHI RUQ'ATI

WA HAJATI ILA MAULANA SAHEB AL-ASR

ALAIHIS SALAMO FASALLIMHA ILAIHE

FA'ANTAS-SIQQATUL-AMEEN

ALLAHUMMA SALLE ALA' MOHAMMAD WA AAL E MOHAMMAD

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ameen and Take Care.

Edited September 21, 2013 by ali786ali

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