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aliasghark

Listening To Parents Obligatory?

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This might be a dumb question but I was watching the following - 22:24 for the exact question - and the scholar says that rather than being technically exactly 'obligatory' to listen to one's parents the guidance is more towards pleasing them (or something similar): 

 

 

This seems much more reasonable to me because although parents might be right most of the time, they're still humans and it makes sense to work with them to try your best to explain your side, please, satisfy and humor them in whatever ways you can about the direction to take rather than strictly 'obeying' each word they say. The word according to the holy Quran is 'ihsan' or favor, so as Sheikh Bahmanpour says we treat them kindly and appease them, try to come to a compromise, and do what you can to not upset them (except if they ask you to commit shirk in which case you're allowed to oppose that). 

 

I believed for years that it was an obligation in the same way that prayers, fasting, etc are. Is this news for anyone else? Are there any opposing views? :) 

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(salam)

 

If you follow any marja, see their advice.

 

For example, Sayyid Sistani says

 

Question: What are the limits of obeying one’s parents?

Answer: The duty of a child towards his parents is of two kinds:
 

 

  • The First: To be kind towards them by providing for them, if they are in need. To provide for their day-to-day needs. To respond to their requests that are related to their daily lives at a level that is normal and usual for a human being, in the sense that if he refuses to fulfill them, it would be regarded as “not being good to them” — and that would differ depending on whether they are healthy and strong or ill and weak.
  • The Second: To behave towards them kindly, by not offending them in word or action, even if they are unjust to him. In some religious text, it says, “And if they hit you, do not shun them; instead say, ‘May Allãh forgive you.’”


This is as far as it relates to the parents’ situation. As for those issues concerning the affairs of the child himself by which he could offend one of the parents, these are of two kinds:
 

 

  • The First: If the parent’s distress results from his concern for the child, it is forbidden for the child to do something that would distress his parent, irrespective of whether or not the parent has prevented him from it.
  • The Second: If the parent’s distress results from of his own evil characteristics (for example, dislike for the good of this world or the hereafter for his child), this kind of distress has no bearing on the child, thus, it is not obligatory on the child to submit to this kind of desires.


It becomes clear from this that, on its own, obeying the parents in their personal commands is not obligatory. And Allãh knows the best.

 

http://www.sistani.org/index.php?p=251364&id=46&pid=2057

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http://www.al-islam.org/greater_sins_complete/11.htm

 

 

Greatest sin..

 

 

Respect For Parents

 

As it is Wajib to fulfill the rights of the parents, it is also necessary to give them due respect and honour. Numerous traditions have been recorded from the Ahl ul-Bayt (a.s.)

 

1)      One must not address the parents by their names. However, they can be addressed by their title or kunniya.

 

2)      One must not precede them while walking, nor should one sit down before them.

 

3)      While having meals one should not begin before the parents. Hazrat Imam Zayn ul-’Abidīn (a.s.) did not have meals with his mother for the fear that he may pick a morsel which she intended to.

 

4)      One must never sit with one’s back to our parents in a gathering.

 

5)      While speaking, one’s voice should not rise above the voice of one’s parents.

 

6)      One should not do anything that would cause the parents to become a butt of criticism. We must not insult the parents of others, or they would insult our parents in retaliation.

 

7)      Hazrat Sajjad (a.s.) saw a young man walking on the street with the support of his father’s hand. He was much displeased and did not even speak to the boy again.

(al-Kāfi)

 

It is the unanimous opinion of the jurists that ‘Ahsan’ of parents means refraining from everything that displeases them.

The following actions are considered disrespectful:

 

1)      Not providing them with the necessities, thus compelling them to beg for them.

 

2)      Not inviting them to a function where others have been invited.

 

3)      Not getting presents for them from a place where one had been to, on a journey.

 

All the above acts are Harām. In addition, the jurists also consider the following actions Harām:

 

1)      To turn away from the parents with disdain.

 

2)      To sit with one’s back towards the parents.

 

3)      To speak in a voice louder than the parents.

 

4)      Walking ahead of the parents.

 

If any of them do not cause disrespect or displeasure, they are allowed. However, to refrain from them is ‘mustahab

Respect For Parents

 

As it is Wajib to fulfill the rights of the parents, it is also necessary to give them due respect and honour. Numerous traditions have been recorded from the Ahl ul-Bayt (a.s.)

 

1)      One must not address the parents by their names. However, they can be addressed by their title or kunniya.

 

2)      One must not precede them while walking, nor should one sit down before them.

 

3)      While having meals one should not begin before the parents. Hazrat Imam Zayn ul-’Abidīn (a.s.) did not have meals with his mother for the fear that he may pick a morsel which she intended to.

 

4)      One must never sit with one’s back to our parents in a gathering.

 

5)      While speaking, one’s voice should not rise above the voice of one’s parents.

 

6)      One should not do anything that would cause the parents to become a butt of criticism. We must not insult the parents of others, or they would insult our parents in retaliation.

 

7)      Hazrat Sajjad (a.s.) saw a young man walking on the street with the support of his father’s hand. He was much displeased and did not even speak to the boy again.

(al-Kāfi)

 

It is the unanimous opinion of the jurists that ‘Ahsan’ of parents means refraining from everything that displeases them.

The following actions are considered disrespectful:

 

1)      Not providing them with the necessities, thus compelling them to beg for them.

 

2)      Not inviting them to a function where others have been invited.

 

3)      Not getting presents for them from a place where one had been to, on a journey.

 

All the above acts are Harām. In addition, the jurists also consider the following actions Harām:

 

1)      To turn away from the parents with disdain.

 

2)      To sit with one’s back towards the parents.

 

3)      To speak in a voice louder than the parents.

 

4)      Walking ahead of the parents.

 

If any of them do not cause disrespect or displeasure, they are allowed. However, to refrain from them is ‘mustahab

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