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In the Name of God بسم الله

My Husband Dont Want Me To Study

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haydar husayn,did i say anything about the husband's decision?of course he has the right to do what he did,i am just talking about the cultural differences ,that made the wife not accept her husband's wish,and come here to ask for help,if the wife was one of his or similar culture,then that wouldn't be a problem as it is for some australian woman...

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Hello Abu Hadi,

 

Salam Sister, 

 

About your situation, it is a difficult one. No, I don't think you should go behind his back to do the course

 

Personally, I think her husband is prohibiting her civil right of education. While I agree she shouldn't go behind his back, it is important for her community to talk with her husband about his error, because it is a form of abuse or negligence to withhold education. Although she is not a child, she as a woman with rights deserves the right to study if that is her desire. The community needs to get involved in the rights of women, not just for her sake but for the sake of all the women in the community.

1) Take an Arabic course. He would probably allow this and this would give you immediate practical benefits in the place where you live

 

She should be able to take any course she so desires.  She needn't be limited just to Arabic.

 

 

2) Once he gets used to the idea of you being in class and taking course, he might change his opinion regarding your education if he sees some practical benefits from it, i.e. you can get along better in the country where you live and you can communicate with his family. I would first try a class in spoken Arabic, Saudi dialect, rather than studying Classical (fusha) Arabic. Again, he and you will see more immediate and practical benefits in your life from the spoken Arabic.

 

 


Good point, but it is a shame that her husband doesn't already know the value of an education. She is very young and sadly, he is taking advantage of her youth and naivety. Maybe he does know the value and doesn't want her to become empowered. Education = power.

 

 


 

There is a big problem with, especially young, Caucasian female reverts getting married too quickly after their reversion and with too little thought and investigation about who exactly they are marrying and the implications of marrying someone from a different ethnic and cultural background. There is a tendency, because these women are very vunerable after their reversion and sometimes suffering alienation from their own family and society to cling on to the first muslim man that asks to marry them. They do the marriage without much knowledge of the guy or his family and are not prepared for the cultural differences that exist. 

 

 

I lost count of the number of cases that I know of of these women marrying men they barely know, find out after the marriage that there are huge differences and issues with the guy and/or his family that are impossible for them to deal with, then end up single and divorced sometimes with a few kids also.

 

 

 

 

100% agreed. :( This is a huge and worrying issue. :(

 

My question to you is, what should be done to help this to no longer be an issue?

 

As for the alienation from their own family, this is dangerous except when the family has their own issues. Sad to say, some families (no matter the belief system/religion) are abusive and some girls are trying to look for escape from their families.

 


I would suggest that if there are any sisters in this group reading this thread, that they wait and investigate the man and his family thoroughly before marriage. Ask alot of questions, do some outside investigation, ask other people in the community about  him who know him but are not his close friends or family. I would even do a credit check and criminal records check. If there is anything there that looks suspicious, ask him about it. All of this is your right to do, Islamically, and it is a recommendation of the Prophet(p.b.u.h) and Imams(a.s) to ask about someone and get as much information as you can from outside sources (not from his family ) before marriage, so there are no nasty surprises afterwards. 

 

Also realize, that if you are marrying a guy from middle east, south asia, you are marrying his family also. Especially if the mother or father has a bad reputation in the community or has a criminal record, etc, I would seriously reconsider the marriage because you will have to deal with the parents on a regular basis. Also, you must understand the cultural differences of the culture you are marrying into. To sum, do your homework, do not rely on blind trust. 

 

This is awesome advice.

 

To the OP, pray.

 

I very much hope your husband changes his mind. Nothing is impossible with God; God can help your husband understand that you are a woman whose rights deserve to be respected and who encourages you to study for God's glory.

 

Peace and God bless you.

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Asalam Alaikum Sister,

 

I would say hold off on the course and let him warm up to it, no need getting him upset for something that is preventable. You are in his country and very close to his family. May seem old fashioned but dont rock the boat and let it pass, its better there is happiness and harmony in your home than risking angering him and making yourself miserable.

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Prehaps he should since the topic should read "My husband doesn't want me to study".

 

I honestly don't think the OP is Australian because most people on here have English as a second language and do a better job than this girl. Remember her other topic..."I'm sicking of eating at restaurants".

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Gypsys marja:

2421. For a woman with whom permanent marriage is contracted, it is haraam to go out of the house without the permission of her husband, though her leaving may not violate the rights of the husband. Also she should submit herself to his sexual desires, and should not prevent him from having sexual intercourse with her, without justifiable excuse.

 

2436. If a wife of temporary marriage goes out of the house without the permission of her husband, and the right of the husband is in anyway violated, it is haraam for her to leave. And if the right of her husband remains protected, it is a recommended precaution that she should not leave the house without his permission.

 

...back in the real world. These kinds of fatwa's are utterly ridiculous. They are completely arbitary and take no account for the specific situations involved between people. What they do is to serve as a justification for people to excuse their bad behavour under the guise of it being 'Islamic'. Not only do they contradict  common sense, but they are incongruous with Quran, which does not make marriage a dictatorship and only prescribed imprisonment for sexual transgression.

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excuse me Basim Ali,but are u ok?i mean are ur reading abilities ok?

 

would u plz tell me ,for god's sake,where did Waiting for HIM mention anything about husband's religion or religion at all???????

she/he was just shocked by this match as both husband and wife are from completely different CULTURES,the first is from a block-minded culture,while the wife is from an open one,two opposites..which is ,my opinion as well as many others' too!! though that doesn't mean the husband is bad,keep this in mind...

 

but i think ur just enjoying the authority u've got here as a mod :)

 

what? sis, these are BASIM ALI'S comments!. I think you should have read it properly before you posted that. He wouldn't "enjoy" having the authority then misuse it. That's injustice and it definitely isn't worth earning a sin online. They are not waiting for him's comments. Look at IMALI's post, she has the original.

 

wasalam

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what? sis, these are BASIM ALI'S comments!. I think you should have read it properly before you posted that. He wouldn't "enjoy" having the authority then misuse it. That's injustice and it definitely isn't worth earning a sin online. They are not waiting for him's comments. Look at IMALI's post, she has the original.

 

wasalam

salam

 

have u even read what i wrote?? i mentioned Basim Ali's name before i reply to him...my reply was to basim ali by the way,in case u misunderstood the whole thing :wacko:

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...back in the real world. These kinds of fatwa's are utterly ridiculous. They are completely arbitary and take no account for the specific situations involved between people. What they do is to serve as a justification for people to excuse their bad behavour under the guise of it being 'Islamic'. Not only do they contradict  common sense, but they are incongruous with Quran, which does not make marriage a dictatorship and only prescribed imprisonment for sexual transgression.

 

Allah(s.w.a) would never give someone responsibility without also giving authority. That would be unjust.

The man is the wakel (no good translation but approximately the manager) of the household. Since this is his responsibility, and not the wife's, it also gives him a certain degree of authority. This is the theory. There are some men who abuse this authority and use it to enslave their wife (which was not the purpose of it) and there are some women who do not recognize their husband as the wakel of the house, that is the real world. These actions do not make the wikalat (managership) of the husband any less vaild Islamically. 

Edited by Abu Hadi
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^ There is a difference between guardianship and dictatorship. In any reasonable household there is discussion on issues that affect everyone involved and people have to set their boundaries and justify them. I think these kinds of fatwa's ultimately do more harm than good, because they pander to peoples weaknesses. Rather than having the Quranic prescription of good will between spouses, they help keep negative cultural attitudes in place, which ultimately helps no one. If fatwa's like this were not reinforcing unecessary attitudes that justify imature relationships, then maybe women wouldnt be putting off marriage for so long - securing their education before marriage.


Also, seeing as we're talking about the real world, the balance of responsibility in modern relationships is often not clear cut. For instance, although my dad was the chief wage earner in our family, my mum more naturally took the role of manager of the financial affairs ( no, she isnt some domineering battle axe). So she would sort the bills and and the budgeting for different things and my dad was very happy for her to do so. That is a major responsibility for her to take. So if roles like this are deligated between the people in the marriage, so is the responsibility to some extent also.

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I could be wrong, but the more I read these Australian woman posts the more I think it is not really an Aussie and maybe not even a woman. These look more like bait threads in order to incite the battle of sexes.

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excuse me Basim Ali,but are u ok?i mean are ur reading abilities ok?

 

would u plz tell me ,for god's sake,where did Waiting for HIM mention anything about husband's religion or religion at all???????

she/he was just shocked by this match as both husband and wife are from completely different CULTURES,the first is from a block-minded culture,while the wife is from an open one,two opposites..which is ,my opinion as well as many others' too!! though that doesn't mean the husband is bad,keep this in mind...

 

but i think ur just enjoying the authority u've got here as a mod :)

I am fine. Thank you for asking.  

 

Can you tell me more about this 'open' culture please? Does it involve anything Islamic? Because last time I checked Saudi Arabia was closer to Islamic values than Australia (yes contrary to what you may know). Also, in case you didn't read between the lines the post was implying Saudi Arabia = Wahabis = evil (or something like that). I was merely pointing out that there are many Shia Saudis (as the spouse obviously turned out to be) out there and insulting Saudis would be insulting them (heck, I've spent most of my life here and I was offended by his comments, and I'm not even a Saudi).

 

People who have not been to Saudi Arabia except for Hajj/Umra/Ziyarah should refrain on commenting on things like the culture of Saudi Arabia. Unless you can show me genuine research on it, such opinions hold zero value. If it's anything that's block-minded it's this haste to comment on things you have distorted and plain false information about. 

 

(salam) 

 

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(salam)

 

^Unfortunately a lot of the outside world doesn't really know what life is actually like inside the country and various experiences one can have depending on where they reside (of course this is because the country's social life is relatively cut off from the rest of the world). Going for Hajj and/or Umrah or reading articles in the news (most of the time Saudi only makes it to the news for some crazy fatwa that some Mufti passes) doesn't makes anyone an expert on Saudi society and for anyone to come and make large stereotypical generalizations (that too in this case where we don't know jack-all about a person's personal situation other than the few things she mentioned) is just wrong.

 

But who am I to advise; this is ShiaChat - nothing new! People are just waiting to jump and prey on individuals.

 

Wassalam

Edited by Aal-e-Imran
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salam

 

have u even read what i wrote?? i mentioned Basim Ali's name before i reply to him...my reply was to basim ali by the way,in case u misunderstood the whole thing :wacko:

 

 

 

excuse me Basim Ali,but are u ok?i mean are ur reading abilities ok?

 

would u plz tell me ,for god's sake,where did Waiting for HIM mention anything about husband's religion or religion at all???????

she/he was just shocked by this match as both husband and wife are from completely different CULTURES,the first is from a block-minded culture,while the wife is from an open one,two opposites..which is ,my opinion as well as many others' too!! though that doesn't mean the husband is bad,keep this in mind...

 

but i think ur just enjoying the authority u've got here as a mod :)

 

walaikumsalam sister

 

Asa matter of fact yes, I did read what you wrote..

 

You asked basim where waiting for him said things against religion. You highlighted Basim Ali's RED paragragh. I was telling you that that red paragraph was written by Basim Ali and you blamed him instead.

 

Understand where I am coming from instead of jumping to conclusions that we didn't read what you wrote or that we can't read sister. Anyhow, Basim replied to you himself so it doesn't matter any more.

 

waslam.

Edited by 786repenting
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:huh: oh gosh!!

repenting,YES i highlighted Basim Ali's Red paragraph,becuz simply i was replying to him who wrote that red paragraph!! got it now?? :wacko:

 

 

and u guys,why don't u admit that the saudi society and culture,is completely different from the australian society and culture?is that hard to get??i mean even a 2 year old child will notice that difference!!

 

again,i'm not saying that the open-mindedness of the west is better than the Muslim conservative east(saudi arabia)..this whole issue of the young woman (the op)from the beggining had nothing to do with islam..

basim ali,u very well know what OPEN means,i mean the culture that prevents a woman from driving a car is obviously not as OPEN as the culture that gives women all their rights(this is just one aspect)..being muslims and shia is good for them,i realize that,but only becuz the saudis are muslims or some are shias doesn't mean that they are better than people in the west of other religions,come on!!so stop the blind defending in the name of islam!!! becuz this has nothing to do with islam.it's more a cultural thing...full stop.

 

peace.

Edited by Fatima NMA
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:huh: oh gosh!!

repenting,YES i highlighted Basim Ali's Red paragraph,becuz simply i was replying to him who wrote that red paragraph!! got it now?? :wacko:

 

 

and u guys,why don't u admit that the saudi society and culture,is completely different from the australian society and culture?is that hard to get??i mean even a 2 year old child will notice that difference!!

 

again,i'm not saying that the open-mindedness of the west is better than the Muslim conservative east(saudi arabia)..this whole issue of the young woman (the op)from the beggining had nothing to do with islam..

basim ali,u very well know what OPEN means,i mean the culture that prevents a woman from driving a car is obviously not as OPEN as the culture that gives women all their rights(this is just one aspect)..being muslims and shia is good for them,i realize that,but only becuz the saudis are muslims or some are shias doesn't mean that they are better than people in the west of other religions,come on!!so stop the blind defending in the name of islam!!! becuz this has nothing to do with islam.it's more a cultural thing...full stop.

 

peace.

 

You don't understand where I am coming from so  leave it. :dry:  and relaaax sister. You seem way too agitated from your posts..

 

Yes, there are major differences between the cultures.  It's a cultural thing but Saudia Arabic being a muslim country will have islamic concepts. So it isn't totally free from islamic teachings (or in some places extreme versions) regardless, It is just the way the societies in the west and  Saudi Arabic are. No country can be generalised or judged, anyone can marry anyone in which case the main foundation is that they must be a muslim. Countries, cultures blah blah don't really matter. InshaAllah, may Allah help simplymuslim21 and her husband to have an increased understanding of cultural norms etc. And simplymuslim21, please try to obey your husband even though it can be difficult (has alot of rewards!), however, communication is also very important in this relationship as he should try to understand your perspective.

 

Wasalam

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You don't understand where I am coming from so  leave it. :dry:  and relaaax sister. You seem way too agitated from your posts..

 

Yes, there are major differences between the cultures.  It's a cultural thing but Saudia Arabic being a muslim country will have islamic concepts. So it isn't totally free from islamic teachings (or in some places extreme versions) regardless, It is just the way the societies in the west and  Saudi Arabic are. No country can be generalised or judged, anyone can marry anyone in which case the main foundation is that they must be a muslim. Countries, cultures blah blah don't really matter. InshaAllah, may Allah help simplymuslim21 and her husband to have an increased understanding of cultural norms etc. And simplymuslim21, please try to obey your husband even though it can be difficult (has alot of rewards!), however, communication is also very important in this relationship as he should try to understand your perspective.

 

Wasalam

 

why would i leave it?it's not written in ur name :P

 

so preventing a woman from driving is islamic now huh?? :blink:

 

 

i see why ur arguing about this, YOU LIVE THERE :) 

 

however,i agree with u about the blue colored statements u mentioned..i wasn't saying anything contrary to this,i never stated Musts in my posts..people are free to choose..

 

peace..

Edited by Fatima NMA
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why would i leave it?it's not written in ur name :P

 

so preventing a woman from driving is islamic now huh?? :blink:

 

 

i see why ur arguing about this, YOU LIVE THERE :) 

 

however,i agree with u about the blue colored statements u mentioned..i wasn't saying anything contrary to this,i never stated Musts in my posts..people are free to choose..

 

peace..

 

I said leave it because you are not understanding what I am trying to tell you. Secondly name has got nothing to do with it, it's about what is right. :P

 

No Islam doesn't forbid women to drive, however they have many other laws which do relate to islam. That is why I said (extreme versions in some places)..

 

LOL, hun, I was born and bred in the United Kingdom and have never set foot in that country. I'm glad you agree with the blue coloured words as they are true. And I never implied you didn't agree with them either.. You know sometimes it's fun talking to someone so young.

 

Peace.

Edited by 786repenting
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(salam)

 

 

I'd probably be in the UAE tied to a camel being raced around.

 

Lol !!! That line seriously made my day xD.

why would i leave it?it's not written in ur name :P

 

so preventing a woman from driving is islamic now huh?? :blink:

 

 

i see why ur arguing about this, YOU LIVE THERE :) 

 

however,i agree with u about the blue colored statements u mentioned..i wasn't saying anything contrary to this,i never stated Musts in my posts..people are free to choose..

 

peace..

 

You need to practice your conversational skills, You talk in a broken distasteful fashion. Free advice.  "Peace".

Edited by El Cid
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LOL, hun, I was born and bred in the United Kingdom and have never set foot in that country.

u r contradicting urself now :wacko:  what did u mean then by saying this?:You don't understand where I am coming from so  leave it. :dry:

 

You know sometimes it's fun talking to someone so young.

u mean like urself? yeah that's true :)

 

 

 

You need to practice your conversational skills, You talk in a broken distasteful fashion. Free advice.  "Peace".

 

 

hey kid,,thanks for the advice but i didn't get the bolded one :unsure: :dry:
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