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ASyeda

My Family Objects To Hijab

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Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatahu

I have wanted to do hijab for the past couple of years, and especially within these last few months. I'm a 19 year old girl in college in the US, and I know hijab is wajib, but I have to at least ask my parents before I start.

A few months ago I resolved to take the hijab and persistently asked (even begged, I would say) to let me wear hijab. However, they objected because they said my safety would be undermined while I'm at college (we live in the South, where ignorance can be abundant).

Although I constantly told my parents that I am ready for any backlash, and that I would start whether they supported me or not (I just wanted their blessing, as I don't need their permission on this), they became even more against my wearing hijab. I'm the youngest of 4 girls, and my older 3 sisters all got involved as well, all of them saying I shouldn't do hijab, that I'm being a disobedient daughter, that I'm just using hijab as a protection is college and trying to "cover" myself from uncomfortable/awkward situations that can be encountered in college.

While none of this is true, I unfortunately buckled under the pressure. Now, a couple of months later, hardly a day goes by that I don't regret complying with my family on this.

I wish to start asking my family again, but this time leaving it just between me and my parents, and not letting things get out of hand. I have tried repeatedly talking to them in a calm manner, but even then my parents can be very defensive. How should I go about this? Please help!

Thank you, JazakAllah Khairan.

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There aren't any other hijabis in my college. It's a small college and there are very few Muslims, most of whom sont publicly acknowledge that they are Muslim.

 

In that case I could see the reason behind your parents' concern. Although the odds of something bad happening due to hijab is very low but still. Being the baby of the family makes it all the reason for them to be protective of you.

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In that case I could see the reason behind your parents' concern. Although the odds of something bad happening due to hijab is very low but still. Being the baby of the family makes it all the reason for them to be protective of you.

I definitely see the reason behind their concern, however they should understand that I am doing this for Allah ta'ala and He will do what is best for me inshAllah.

You don't have to be obedient when it involves disobeying Allah, but if your family really really a big problem for you, is putting it on when you leave to house not an option?

I have thought about doing hijab behind their backs, but I feel that this should be treated as an open blessing, not something I should hide and feel embarrassed for :(

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I definitely see the reason behind their concern, however they should understand that I am doing this for Allah ta'ala and He will do what is best for me inshAllah.

I have thought about doing hijab behind their backs, but I feel that this should be treated as an open blessing, not something I should hide and feel embarrassed for :(

 

(bismillah)

 

Salaam Sister,

 

I may not understand your position. But please think of Fatima A.S, Bibi Mayram A.S, Bibi Zainab A.S. If they could do it at their time, so could you, especially when Allah has your back without a doubt. It is a command by Allah, to an extent where you must disobey your parents when it comes to your religion. You are our flag bearers. Without you females, no one would know about Islam. I suggest you hid it from them, and do it when you go out. It is still a blessing when you do it without telling them, because Allah sees the gratitude of your obedience when everyone is against you. This is your test in life, and inshAllah you will pass. Know that your not alone, and im sure plenty of sisters are in your position. Besides living in a country where you had freedom to wear what ever you want, no one can make you take it off at school. If people are are ignorant from where you live, then from the start why bothering caring for them or being friends with them, ignore them. You have your faith, and you should abide by it. Im sure there are people there who will accept you for who you are. inshAllah dont worry and make this commitment before ramadan ends.

 

(wasalam)

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Salam Alikum,

Hijab is wajib and your parents have no say in this. Secondly, since you are aware that it is wajib there is more sin then being ignorant of the ruling. Thirdly, since you are a Syeda there is even more sin on you for the disobedience then a non syed muslim. Forthly, since its Ramadan for every sin the penalty is doubled so there is even more sin in this. As you can see (your parents are wrong) this is all going in your scroll and I hope you do observe it soon. Maybe discuss it nicely with your parents.

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(bismillah)

 

Salaam Sister,

 

I may not understand your position. But please think of Fatima A.S, Bibi Mayram A.S, Bibi Zainab A.S. If they could do it at their time, so could you, especially when Allah has your back without a doubt. It is a command by Allah, to an extent where you must disobey your parents when it comes to your religion. You are our flag bearers. Without you females, no one would know about Islam. I suggest you hid it from them, and do it when you go out. It is still a blessing when you do it without telling them, because Allah sees the gratitude of your obedience when everyone is against you. This is your test in life, and inshAllah you will pass. Know that your not alone, and im sure plenty of sisters are in your position. Besides living in a country where you had freedom to wear what ever you want, no one can make you take it off at school. If people are are ignorant from where you live, then from the start why bothering caring for them or being friends with them, ignore them. You have your faith, and you should abide by it. Im sure there are people there who will accept you for who you are. inshAllah dont worry and make this commitment before ramadan ends.

 

(wasalam)

 

 

Wa salams,

 

What are they likely to do if you just started wearing it without their approval? what would be the repercussions from them?

 

 

Salam Alikum,

Hijab is wajib and your parents have no say in this. Secondly, since you are aware that it is wajib there is more sin then being ignorant of the ruling. Thirdly, since you are a Syeda there is even more sin on you for the disobedience then a non syed muslim. Forthly, since its Ramadan for every sin the penalty is doubled so there is even more sin in this. As you can see (your parents are wrong) this is all going in your scroll and I hope you do observe it soon. Maybe discuss it nicely with your parents.

 

You are all right, I know this is a test from Allah, and while I may not have passed the first time, He is giving me another chance Alhamdulillah.

I'm not sure how my parents would react if I just started without their permission. I don't think they would be very happy at first, but maybe if they see things are going well for a bit, they will accept it inshAllah.

Please do dua that my parents and family change their views soon and accept my hijab inshAllah, and that I pass this test. May Allah bless you all.

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You are all right, I know this is a test from Allah, and while I may not have passed the first time, He is giving me another chance Alhamdulillah.

I'm not sure how my parents would react if I just started without their permission. I don't think they would be very happy at first, but maybe if they see things are going well for a bit, they will accept it inshAllah.

Please do dua that my parents and family change their views soon and accept my hijab inshAllah, and that I pass this test. May Allah bless you all.

 

InshAllah sister, we are here for you and you will definitely be in our duas, as the nights of Qadar here as well. You are keeping Hijab to keep yourself pure and with modesty, what better way to live than that? Just dont give up and ask for Allah's help in this month.

 

(wasalam)

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I get where they are coming from, they just want you to be accepted into society and not be taunted by the uneducated masses running around. I would say just bare it for now, when your old enough to move out and move elsewhere. Or possibly get married. A situation where you can take your own decisions in a practical life. Then you can do whatever you want, Hijab or no hijab. Goodluck anyway, You're in college. There's more important things to worry about the Hijab anyway. Just indulge yourself in studying and having fun with your friends on the weekends.

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I get where they are coming from, they just want you to be accepted into society and not be taunted by the uneducated masses running around. I would say just bare it for now, when your old enough to move out and move elsewhere. Or possibly get married. A situation where you can take your own decisions in a practical life. Then you can do whatever you want, Hijab or no hijab. Goodluck anyway, You're in college. There's more important things to worry about the Hijab anyway. Just indulge yourself in studying and having fun with your friends on the weekends.

 

:wacko: :squeez: :huh:

 

Whats more important than obeying Allah?

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:wacko: :squeez: :huh:

 

Whats more important than obeying Allah?

 

Surviving in this world is just as important, Don't go around being an extremist and preaching Islam without thinking of pro and cons to everything.

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Surviving in this world is just as important, Don't go around being an extremist and preaching Islam without thinking of pro and cons to everything.

 

So by wearing clothes and being covered, your chances of surviving is slim? :wacko:

Your the one that is implying extremist values to something very simple and harmless. By the way, I think our creator (if you believe in Him) would have known the pros and cons, if he made it WAJIB. Please dont go around and undermine Allah's commands...

 

Wow, I never knew the world was that harsh...

Edited by PureEthics

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So by wearing clothes and being covered, your chances of surviving is slim? :wacko:

Your the one that is implying extremist values to something very simple and harmless.

 

Wow, I never knew the world was that harsh...

 

I never said that, All I said was surviving and acceptance from society around you is just as important. Now look at ASyeda's situation. Obviously her parents aren't idiots and they know what they are talking about judging the environment around them. They must've seen something, heard something or experinced something to not let ASyeda don the hijab. Maybe they are right too, parents do know what they are talking about. As soon as you accept that, life becomes more easier. Instead of simply telling her it's wajib, Judge the place and environment around her first. Which is why you good sir sound like an extremist.

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I never said that, All I said was surviving and acceptance from society around you is just as important. Now look at ASyeda's situation. Obviously her parents aren't idiots and they know what they are talking about judging the environment around them. They must've seen something, heard something or experinced something to not let ASyeda don the hijab. Maybe they are right too, parents do know what they are talking about. As soon as you accept that, life becomes more easier. Instead of simply telling her it's wajib, Judge the place and environment around her first. Which is why you good sir sound like an extremist.

 

I have been living in America all my life. If people in france can do it, anyone can. Have you ever heard of nuns? Have you seen what they wear? There have been muslims living in the ghetto and in the south for years. Not once has someone been killed or whatever for wearing hijab. Its not that easy to just go in broad daylight and do something like that, especially if its just because a piece of cloth on the head, come on man. Who said you cannot survive or be accepted? Please tell me. Even if you wanna go to the extreme circumstance which your trying to make, you can always move. Allah has given you a brain. It really doesnt make sense to me. Would your parents want you to go around naked rather than have your body covered? Like really? What nonsense is that. The matter is, they are afraid. By looking at their daughter with hijab, their daughter becomes a reminder of Allah to them, and they feel ashamed. Everyday they will look at the hijab and feel guilty. Or the you wont find anyone to marry excuse.. Please have some faith in Allah. Lets have some integrity, if we truly believe in what we believe...

 

LOL@extremist...

 

(wasalam)

Edited by PureEthics

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I have been living in America all my life. If people in france can do it, anyone can. Have you ever heard of nuns? Have you seen what they wear? There have been muslims living in the ghetto and in the south for years. Not once has someone been killed or whatever for wearing hijab. Its not that easy to just go in broad daylight and do something like that, especially if its just because a piece of cloth on the head, come on man. Who said you cannot survive or be accepted? Please tell me. Even if you wanna go to the extreme circumstance which your trying to make, you can always move. Allah has given you a brain. It really doesnt make sense to me. Would your parents want you to go around naked rather than have your body covered? Like really? What nonsense is that. The matter is, they are afraid. By looking at their daughter with hijab, their daughter becomes a reminder of Allah to them, and they feel ashamed. Everyday they will look at the hijab and feel guilty. Or the you wont find anyone to marry excuse.. Please have some faith in Allah. Lets have some integrity, if we truly believe in what we believe...

 

LOL@extremist...

 

(wasalam)

 

I wouldn't rather go around imposing more problems and hectics on myself or people I care about, which is why her parents want her to be protected in the first place. Now see? There you just did it again. "Going around naked", Since when is just wearing a simple pair of pants and a shirt classified as going around naked? That's what they say in Sunni lectures for God sake's man. :donno: You should believe and have faith in Allah(swt) but you should also try to fit in with the rest of society. Let me give you an example, I live in Lahore. On Eid-Ul-Azha, My father and I sacrifice a goat/whatever in our front lawn or backyard. Now imagine if I lived in the Subarbans of London, I was to go around doing that in my house. Washing away the blood onto the streets and the neighborhood being filled with the screams of the animal. Not only will I be breaking about 5 laws there, What do you think the rest of that society will think of me? Sure, I was only following my religion and sacrificing in the name of Allah(swt), do you think they would ever talk to me again or go around saying nice things about me? :donno: That's just an example by the way, not comparing sacrifice to hijab.

Edited by El Cid

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I wouldn't rather go around imposing more problems and hectics on myself or people I care about, which is why her parents want her to be protected in the first place. Now see? There you just did it again. "Going around naked", Since when is just wearing a simple pair of pants and a shirt classified as going around naked? That's what they say in Sunni lectures for God sake's man. :donno: You should believe and have faith in Allah(swt) but you should also try to fit in with the rest of society. Let me give you an example, I live in Lahore. On Eid-Ul-Azha, My father and I sacrifice a goat/whatever in our front lawn or backyard. Now imagine if I lived in the Subarbans of London, I was to go around doing that in my house. Washing away the blood onto the streets and the neighborhood being filled with the screams of the animal. Not only will I be breaking about 5 laws there, What do you think the rest of that society will think of me? Sure, I was only following my religion and sacrificing in the name of Allah(swt), do you think they would ever talk to me again or go around saying nice things about me? :donno: That's just an example by the way, not comparing sacrifice to hijab.

 

I gave you the example of being naked because what you think is by wearing a scarf and decent close your putting people around you in danger, and thus you are an extremist. What nonsense is that? Since when is following your faith extreme? In fact what is extreme is those who cant handle other peoples faiths or a phobic.

 

Ahsant, who said by wearing a head scarf your breaking laws?

 

By the way, have you been to a meat plant? If not, then what they do to animals is 999999 worse then sacrificing a Goat in the Islamic way. Also if anyone were to judge you they are ignorant, plan and simple. Why even bother with them? I dont think it is a law in England, since all over the west we have farms and such that we go to and do it. There are procedures and you obey them. After all this is the land of the free and democracy, no one can lawfully harm you for following your faith.

Edited by PureEthics

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Ahsant, who said by wearing a head scarf your breaking laws?

 

I gave you an example on acceptance. Like I stated above too.

This is tiring, my friend. You say one phrase, then go around editing your post to fit in a paragraph and add more points to the arguement. That isn't fun at all. :donno: If your going to say something, say it. Not going around editing.

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My parents actually are, alhamdulillah, very good people and inspire me to be a better Muslim. I'm pretty sure they don't fear my hijab being a "reminder" to them, they just have many issues with my safety.

And please, if anyone wants I debate the necessity of hijab, kindly take it to another thread, as this one doesn't pertain to that.

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I lived in the south for a few years. Sourherners are generally very nice people and even if they have racist tendencies they don't usually act on them. Also America has laws that protect people and if there is any harassment I'm sure the school would be all over it to try and help you as the bad press would not be something they wanted. Living in America there is really very little to worry about. Maybe you get teased or some rude comments but the probability of your safety being compromised is almost nothing

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I lived in the south for a few years. Sourherners are generally very nice people and even if they have racist tendencies they don't usually act on them. Also America has laws that protect people and if there is any harassment I'm sure the school would be all over it to try and help you as the bad press would not be something they wanted. Living in America there is really very little to worry about. Maybe you get teased or some rude comments but the probability of your safety being compromised is almost nothing

I agree, it's just a question of convincing my parents of that iA.

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Sis, its hard for me to appreciate the kinds of pressures that some people go through with their parents, because mine were pretty relaxed (not religious), but from my perspective, i see a 19 year old woman (im not sure when youre considered an 'adult' where you are, but in UK youre totally grown at 18, all responsibility is on you) who is very passionate about having her hijab, so you should just do it. Is it likely your parents are going to be talked around now? sometimes you just have to take the plunge and do what your heart tells you. InshAllah i hope you see a way that Allah has made for you to do what your heart is telling you. Maybe its not as complicated or difficult as youre imagining. You could do a test by wearing it around the house to see what reactions you get.

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Sis, its hard for me to appreciate the kinds of pressures that some people go through with their parents, because mine were pretty relaxed (not religious), but from my perspective, i see a 19 year old woman (im not sure when youre considered an 'adult' where you are, but in UK youre totally grown at 18, all responsibility is on you) who is very passionate about having her hijab, so you should just do it. Is it likely your parents are going to be talked around now? sometimes you just have to take the plunge and do what your heart tells you. InshAllah i hope you see a way that Allah has made for you to do what your heart is telling you. Maybe its not as complicated or difficult as youre imagining. You could do a test by wearing it around the house to see what reactions you get.

My parents may be able to be talked into coming around, it just depends on the circumstances (how I approach it and if any others try to sway my parents' opinions). I think taking the plunge might be the only way, and if that's the case, then inshAllah that I do and that it has benefits for me and my family.

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^ I believe you should not do anything without your parents' permission. Thats if your parents have raised you well and have not abused you or beaten you or.... You owe that much to them. Dont they say something like heaven is at the feet of the mother or something..?

 

And Allah would understand that. Those who go against their parents, families, tradition, culture etc in the name of Allah are the salafis. And we all know how dangerous that path is. Hijab is indeed important but hijab of the mind, of the soul, of heart are far more important and you should have those on until your parents allow you to wear the headscarf or you move to a bigger more open minded city. 

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(bismillah)

 

(salam)

 

 

^ I believe you should not do anything without your parents' permission. Thats if your parents have raised you well and have not abused you or beaten you or.... You owe that much to them. Dont they say something like heaven is at the feet of the mother or something..?

 

And Allah would understand that. Those who go against their parents, families, tradition, culture etc in the name of Allah are the salafis. And we all know how dangerous that path is. Hijab is indeed important but hijab of the mind, of the soul, of heart are far more important and you should have those on until your parents allow you to wear the headscarf or you move to a bigger more open minded city.

 

This point has been addressed in our religion as follows: obedience to parents is a must, EXCEPT when

 

1. they prevent you from doing something wajib

2. they force you to do something haram

 

Based on this I would suggest to our respected sister that she starts observing the hijab straight away, even if this means doing it discretely without letting people know at home (i.e, leaving the house and wearing the hijab as soon as possible). In the meantime the discussions with the parents should continue and inshaAllah once an agreement is reached then she no longer needs to conceal that she is wearing the hijab.

 

Wallahu A'lam

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Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatahu

I have wanted to do hijab for the past couple of years, and especially within these last few months. I'm a 19 year old girl in college in the US, and I know hijab is wajib, but I have to at least ask my parents before I start.

A few months ago I resolved to take the hijab and persistently asked (even begged, I would say) to let me wear hijab. However, they objected because they said my safety would be undermined while I'm at college (we live in the South, where ignorance can be abundant).

Although I constantly told my parents that I am ready for any backlash, and that I would start whether they supported me or not (I just wanted their blessing, as I don't need their permission on this), they became even more against my wearing hijab. I'm the youngest of 4 girls, and my older 3 sisters all got involved as well, all of them saying I shouldn't do hijab, that I'm being a disobedient daughter, that I'm just using hijab as a protection is college and trying to "cover" myself from uncomfortable/awkward situations that can be encountered in college.

While none of this is true, I unfortunately buckled under the pressure. Now, a couple of months later, hardly a day goes by that I don't regret complying with my family on this.

I wish to start asking my family again, but this time leaving it just between me and my parents, and not letting things get out of hand. I have tried repeatedly talking to them in a calm manner, but even then my parents can be very defensive. How should I go about this? Please help!

Thank you, JazakAllah Khairan.

 

Just say this to your parents, sisters and any other of your friends

 

everytime a man lusts after you, or a woman envies you

 

you may also get a sin recorded into your book of deeds

 

Tell them by wearing the hijab (more importantly this includes not wearing tight/provocative clothing, like blue jeans, ...etc.) you are trying your best to reduce the chance of such a record occuring.

 

If they don't accept this reason, then tell them to come up with a better solution, so that no man would lust and no woman would envy you-- they won't.

 

If they tell you then why did the Creator gave us the ability to commit sins like lust and envy... tell them because sins are necessary in order for us to have free will.  If there were no sins, then there would be no such thing as free will.  

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Cant you squeeze the taqiya concept in this case?

Obviously the parents make their case not because of their anti-Islamic stance but the safety issue of their child.

Taqiyya is for only when your life is in danger, literally. As I said, in America, is far beyond that case....

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^ I believe you should not do anything without your parents' permission. Thats if your parents have raised you well and have not abused you or beaten you or.... You owe that much to them. Dont they say something like heaven is at the feet of the mothwr or something..?

 

And Allah would understand that. Those who go against their parents, families, tradition, culture etc in the name of Allah are the salafis. And we all know how dangerous that path is. 

(salam)

No child wants to do something without their parents permission and in an ideal world where you have knowledgeable and understanding parents who always put Islam first, that would never happen . However if your parents are taking you away from Islam or asking you to commit Haram acts surely your allegiance is to Allah (s.w.t) first who blessed you with parents in the first place.

 

When your parents, family, culture or tradition go against Islam, then you should try and correct them but not comply to them. People need to be open minded and willing to question these, for example there would be no reverts if people always followed what their parents or culture taught.

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Taqiyya is for only when your life is in danger, literally. As I said, in America, is far beyond that case....

America is not a city or a neighborhood or a town but a vast country. New York or LA or SF are VERY different from places like Flint, Mobile, or Birmingham.  Many people have been attacked and many more harassed because of being perceived as Muslims. Remember the sikh temple shooting incident..?

(salam)

No child wants to do something without their parents permission and in an ideal world where you have knowledgeable and understanding parents who always put Islam first, that would never happen . However if your parents are taking you away from Islam or asking you to commit Haram acts surely your allegiance is to Allah (s.w.t) first who blessed you with parents in the first place.

 

When your parents, family, culture or tradition go against Islam, then you should try and correct them but not comply to them. People need to be open minded and willing to question these, for example there would be no reverts if people always followed what their parents or culture taught.

US and West are very much contrary to Islam. Care to tell me why your parents brought you here and not Iran or Saudi? They brought you here because of its Islam? Your parents obviously did not put Islam first when they chose to come to the West. And I am sure that they made the right decision and so do you.

Its amazing how much people make everything about halal and haram when in fact they are far from being about that.

By God that if tomorrow US or Europe ban Hijab and give the option of deportation or hijab 99% of you all would chose to stay there.

Edited by Wahdat

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It isn't wajib in your situation to wear hijab if the following circumstances are prevalent:

 

1) Your parents don't approve of it as long as you're in their household  (in this case, the mouth that feeds/supports you has the right to make decisions on your personal choices)

2) If you're in the American South as you claim to be, definitely take this into consideration, don't want to hear another person beat up bloody or even murdered for wearing hijab by a group of thugs calling you a terrorist

 

So the most practical solution is this:

 

1) Move to a bigger open-minded city i.e. San Francisco, Los Angeles, anywhere that's a lot less sensitive

2) Move into your own home so you can set your own standards.

 

I'd prefer you do 1 + 2 together for ultimate safety and relief. Good luck our prayers and hopes are with you sister.

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My Uncle was imprisoned by the Talibs. He was beaten religiously to the point that he still bears the scars more than 16 years on. His cousin was beheaded. He is lucky to be alive because money was transferred and he was saved. He finally made his way to the non Muslim Norway where he was given dignity, pride, honor, and literally life. His daughters that were young at the time now put on 15 different colorful cloths on their heads and could have PhD in hatred of the West. They put their father down for not being Muslim enough. They annoy the hell out of me. And seeing them I could see the logic behind mad men like Brivek. They do not realize that the money spent on those cloths and hijabs and....come from the very people they look down upon. 

Edited by Wahdat

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America is not a city or a neighborhood or a town but a vast country. New York or LA or SF are VERY different from places like Flint, Mobile, or Birmingham.  Many people have been attacked and many more harassed because of being perceived as Muslims. Remember the sikh temple shooting incident..?

 

 

So just because someone got "attacked" we should forget our faith. Tell me, because someone has come to a grocery store and shot it up, do you stop buying groceries? How about gangsters in the street? Do you not walk outside anymore? Lets have some courage for islam's sake! Are the hindus taking off their turbans? Are they going into taqiyya, NO WAY! In fact they are probably more likely to stand up. Lets be better than polytheists please...This notion that just because there is this one lunatic, and you assume you might harassed, therefore drop the hijab is weak. Many people get bullied at school, yea so? Its part of life, man up and deal with it. This isnt heaven. But it doesnt mean you drop your beliefs and what you stand by, and get them to scare you no! Why do they attack you in the first place? They are scared of you! As I said, I have been living in the US all my life, been going to NY and LA, and by far the Muslims there are majority. You dont seem them taking their scarves off. The majority of Americans are amazing nice people, who could care less what you believe in. Lets not stop doing something, because, maybe 1/999999999999999 chance you might get harassed. Like I said, im not telling pointing this at Asayed, but, 99% of those who take their scarfs off, is because of worldly desires, then why follow Allah in the first place? Its not a pick and choose game.

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