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ASyeda

My Family Objects To Hijab

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So just because someone got "attacked" we should forget our faith. Tell me, because someone has come to a grocery store and shot it up, do you stop buying groceries? How about gangsters in the street? Do you not walk outside anymore? Lets have some courage for islam's sake! Are the hindus taking off their turbans? Are they going into taqiyya, NO WAY! In fact they are probably more likely to stand up. Lets be better than polytheists please...This notion that just because there is this one lunatic, and you assume you might harassed, therefore drop the hijab is weak. Many people get bullied at school, yea so? Its part of life, man up and deal with it. This isnt heaven. But it doesnt mean you drop your beliefs and what you stand by, and get them to scare you no! Why do they attack you in the first place? They are scared of you! As I said, I have been living in the US all my life, been going to NY and LA, and by far the Muslims there are majority. You dont seem them taking their scarves off. The majority of Americans are amazing nice people, who could care less what you believe in. Lets not stop doing something, because, maybe 1/999999999999999 chance you might get harassed. Like I said, im not telling pointing this at Asayed, but, 99% of those who take their scarfs off, is because of worldly desires, then why follow Allah in the first place? Its not a pick and choose game.

 

I am not saying dont wear hijab. I am just saying that dont make it a life or dead situation. Not wearing is not a big deal in certain situation where the safety of the person is compromised.

Lets start talking about you- you are from Afghanistan, right? Probably the most observant religious country in the world. That despite having no mandatory law for hijab you still do not see anyone not wearing it including the foreigners and especially the foreigners. While in US you see many 'haram' things like half naked ladies or men and the same goes for all members of your family. You are constantly bombarded with sexual materials on TV and so on and so forth. Why dont you lot return to Afghanistan? Wouldn't you and your family be in a more Islamic place than the US? or is it that you think that US is more Islamic than Afghanistan?

Goes to show you that not everything in life is black and white.

Edited by Wahdat

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Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatahu

I have wanted to do hijab for the past couple of years, and especially within these last few months. I'm a 19 year old girl in college in the US, and I know hijab is wajib, but I have to at least ask my parents before I start.

A few months ago I resolved to take the hijab and persistently asked (even begged, I would say) to let me wear hijab. However, they objected because they said my safety would be undermined while I'm at college (we live in the South, where ignorance can be abundant).

Although I constantly told my parents that I am ready for any backlash, and that I would start whether they supported me or not (I just wanted their blessing, as I don't need their permission on this), they became even more against my wearing hijab. I'm the youngest of 4 girls, and my older 3 sisters all got involved as well, all of them saying I shouldn't do hijab, that I'm being a disobedient daughter, that I'm just using hijab as a protection is college and trying to "cover" myself from uncomfortable/awkward situations that can be encountered in college.

While none of this is true, I unfortunately buckled under the pressure. Now, a couple of months later, hardly a day goes by that I don't regret complying with my family on this.

I wish to start asking my family again, but this time leaving it just between me and my parents, and not letting things get out of hand. I have tried repeatedly talking to them in a calm manner, but even then my parents can be very defensive. How should I go about this? Please help!

Thank you, JazakAllah Khairan.

 

My mother reverted to Islam in 1983. We were from a Christian background. Anyway, at the time, she was working as a nurse in a major hospital in Southern California. There was noone else in the hospital (employees) who were wearing hijab. It took her maybe a year after she reverted to get up the courage to put it on, but once she did, none of the bad things that she imagined happened to her, in fact she got promoted a year after that and she continued to work at that hospital for another 10 years with no problems. 

 

You find that if you obey Allah(s.w.a), most of the bad consequences that you imagine will happen actually don't happen. If some things less than the worst case scenario happen, like you lose some friends, you will gain other friends who are better.If you get some rude comments, you will also get some very positive comments that will outweigh the effects of the rude ones. Allah(s.w.a) protects those who obey him. 

 

You should tell your parents that, although there are some instanced of women who wear hijab being attacked because of their hijab, these incidents are too few and far between to spend your life worrying about. There are many hundreds of thousands of hijabis who live in the U.S and also many in the South, although maybe not in the particular area where you live. You have a much better chance of getting injured or dying in a car accident than you have of getting injured or dying in an attack by someone because you wear hijab, and I doubt they keep you in the house and don't let you drive a car. Salam. 

Edited by Abu Hadi

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I am not saying dont wear hijab. I am just saying that dont make it a life or dead situation. Not wearing is not a big deal in certain situation where the safety of the person is jeopardized.

Lets start talking about you- you are from Afghanistan, right? Probably the most observant religious country in the world. That despite having no law for mandatory hijab you still do not see anyone not wearing it. While in US you see many 'haram' things like half naked ladies or men and the same goes for all members of your family. You are constantly bombarded with sexual materials on TV and so on and so forth. Why dont you lot return to Afghanistan? Wouldn't you and your family be in a more Islamic place than the US? or is it that you think that US is more Islamic than Afghanistan?

 

 

Im making it a life or death situation? I think you are. You think by wearing hijab you have chosen death, when its far from it.

 

Why dont I leave? Because I have a purpose in this country, to stand and represent Islam. To uphold the banner of Haq and Justice. To be an example for everyone out there to stand by your morals and accept the truth. I want to show true Islam to people. I want to show people that our prophets and imams can never be compared and that they are the greatest. By staying here, people will come to the religion. No need to go door to door, by having taqwa and abiding with ahqlaq, they will come to you. If there was no muslims in the US, there would be no Islam there. If there were no hijabis, no one would know true islam. When they see my mom wearing a scarf, they know we are muslim. When they see how she acts and her actions, they know what a beautiful and peaceful religion it is. This is Allah's land, and I have chosen to live and stand by it. It is my country after all, and no one can tell me to not follow my faith, as I dont force others to come to mine.

 

The simple point is, YOU LOVE Allah? THEN OBEY HIM.

Edited by PureEthics

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Im making it a life or death situation? I think you are. You think by wearing hijab you have chosen death, when its far from it.

 

Why dont I leave? Because I have a purpose in this country, to stand and represent Islam. To uphold the banner of Haq and Justice. To be an example for everyone out there to stand by your morals and accept the truth. I want to show true Islam to people. I want to show people that our prophets and imams can never be compared and that they are the greatest. By staying here, people will come to the religion. No need to go door to door, by having taqwa and abiding with ahqlaq, they will come to you. If there was no muslims in the US, there would be no Islam there. If there were no hijabis, no one would know true islam. When they see my mom wearing a scarf, they know we are muslim. When they see how she acts and her actions, they know what a beautiful and peaceful religion it is. This is Allah's land, and I have chosen to live and stand by it. It is my country after all, and no one can tell me to not follow my faith, as I dont force others to come to mine.

 

The simple point is, YOU LOVE Allah? THEN OBEY HIM.

Salam, 

 

This is exactly the right attitude. I hope you do stay. 

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Im making it a life or death situation? I think you are. You think by wearing hijab you have chosen death, when its far from it.

 

Why dont I leave? Because I have a purpose in this country, to stand and represent Islam. To uphold the banner of Haq and Justice. To be an example for everyone out there to stand by your morals and accept the truth. I want to show true Islam to people. I want to show people that our prophets and imams can never be compared and that they are the greatest. By staying here, people will come to the religion. No need to go door to door, by having taqwa and abiding with ahqlaq, they will come to you. If there was no muslims in the US, there would be no Islam there. If there were no hijabis, no one would know true islam. When they see my mom wearing a scarf, they know we are muslim. When they see how she acts and her actions, they know what a beautiful and peaceful religion it is. This is Allah's land, and I have chosen to live and stand by it. It is my country after all, and no one can tell me to not follow my faith, as I dont force others to come to mine.

 

The simple point is, YOU LOVE Allah? THEN OBEY HIM.

 

Oh give me a break. You are there because of the comfort and the leisure. Otherwise dont you think that you could do more helping your POOR country? Your IMPOVERISHED countrymen? Dont try to fix US. It does not need your help. Fix Afghanistan.

That said, a good sport for you and your like is not to blindly follow Islam or trying to please Allah in every breath as those are just empty talk but try to fix your fellow Muslims because of whom your parents have left Islamic societies and made nest in the heart of the so called great satan.

Salam, 

 

This is exactly the right attitude. I hope you do stay. 

.....while Afghanistan goes down the drain.

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Oh give me a break. You are there because of the comfort and the leisure. Otherwise dont you think that you could do more helping your POOR country? Your IMPOVERISHED countrymen? Dont try to fix US. It does not need your help. Fix Afghanistan.

That said, a good sport for you and your like is not to blindly follow Islam or trying to please Allah in every breath as those are just empty talk but try to fix your fellow Muslims because of whom your parents have left Islamic societies and made nest in the heart of the so called great satan.

.....while Afghanistan goes down the drain.

If it goes down the drain, how is that his fault ? 

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Oh give me a break. You are there because of the comfort and the leisure. Otherwise dont you think that you could do more helping your POOR country? Your IMPOVERISHED countrymen? Dont try to fix US. It does not need your help. Fix Afghanistan.

That said, a good sport for you and your like is not to blindly follow Islam or trying to please Allah in every breath as those are just empty talk but try to fix your fellow Muslims because of whom your parents have left Islamic societies and made nest in the heart of the so called great satan.

.....while Afghanistan goes down the drain.

 

I was born here and my mom came to this country as a child. My dad was the one who came here during the Russian war. So please dont say something when you know nothing in my heart. I could care less about the comfort and leisure, and I said before, everything is owned by Allah. It is harder to live here than Afghanistan, why because too much freedom comes with hardship. Wait what? Dont try to fix the USA? How about helping mankind? Afghanistan is in this situation now, because of us, mankind. We caused it, and we need to fix it. How about, since Allah has guided me to the US, I take advantage and inshAllah when I have lots of money for the cause of Allah, I can not only help Afghanistan but all people that is in need. Im thankful for Allah creating me in the United States, otherwise this objective wouldnt be possible.

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I was born here and my mom came to this country as a child. My dad was the one who came here during the Russian war. So please dont say something when you know nothing in my heart. I could care less about the comfort and leisure, and I said before, everything is owned by Allah. It is harder to live here than Afghanistan, why because too much freedom comes with hardship. Wait what? Dont try to fix the USA? How about helping mankind? Afghanistan is in this situation now, because of us, mankind. We caused it, and we need to fix it. How about, since Allah has guided me to the US, I take advantage and inshAllah when I have lots of money for the cause of Allah, I can not only help Afghanistan but all people that is in need. Im thankful for Allah creating me in the United States, otherwise this objective wouldnt be possible.

Russian War ended 25 years ago in case you were not aware.

You could justify your stay there every which way you want. But you know and I know that Afghanistan is in a very bad shape today. We have immense poverty, corruption, addiction, and every other misery under the son and most of them brought upon the people by those who shout the loudest about Islam and Allah. 

Since you have been there you could help people with addiction. You could help that mother who begs so his son can get his fix. You could help cleanse that man who robs the food from his children mouth to get his dose.  You could help that student with their English so they can become a doctor or an engineer or... you could help that mother whose child dies because of hunger. You could teach Islam to that husband who cuts the nose of his wife and leaves him to die only to be saved by those kafirs passing by. You could teach Islam to that 70 year old Mullah who takes advantage of poverty of a poor parent and marries their 11 year old child. You could do far more for your country. Forget the US. They could do without your help.

If it goes down the drain, how is that his fault ? 

 

Its not. As a good Muslim he is obliged to help those in need that those who are not in need. Did Imam Hussien stay in Arabia or did he go trying to fix the Byzantine?

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Russian War ended 25 years ago in case you were not aware.

You could justify your stay there every which way you want. But you know and I know that Afghanistan is in a very bad shape today. We have immense poverty, corruption, addiction, and every other misery under the son and most of them brought upon the people by those who shout the loudest about Islam and Allah. 

Since you have been there you could help people with addiction. You could help that mother who begs so his son can get his fix. You could help cleanse that man who robs the food from his children mouth to get his dose.  You could help that student with their English so they can become a doctor or an engineer or... you could help that mother whose child dies because of hunger. You could teach Islam to that husband who cuts the nose of his wife and leaves him to die only to be saved by those kafirs passing by. You could teach Islam to that 70 year old Mullah who takes advantage of poverty of a poor parent and marries their 11 year old child. You could do far more for your country. Forget the US. They could do without your help.

 

Its not. As a good Muslim he is obliged to help those in need that those who are not in need. Did Imam Hussien stay in Arabia or did he go trying to fix the Byzantine?

 

Why are you telling me this, when you are not there yourself? Or are you not a muslim? If you are not, then you have no right to give an islamic opinion about an islamic topic.

Edited by PureEthics

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If I'm in an area where 99% of the population are KKK members. I think common sense would tell me to not wear hijab or even grow a ridiculously long beard (in the case that I'm male)


This topic is like the handshake argument. 

 

If a person's life is on the line, needs to get a job to feed his kids and wife, he should shake hands with the interviewer assuming she's a woman just to get the job if it is in an area where Islam is looked extremely down upon.

 

In some situations in life, it is not worth suffering for your religion when your life is in extreme danger. If our life is not in danger, then certain things become wajib.

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Why are you telling me this, when you are not there yourself?

I am in Kabul. And I am not telling you all this because I am here or I am better than you for being here or anything else of the sort. Its only in here that I have realized how incompatible the reality borne of Islam is with the ideals of Islam that you lot champion. We should not develop a habit of burying our head in the sand and praise Islam while Islamic societies are anything but Islam- be it Afghanistan, Pakistan, Iran, Dubai, Saudi, or....

 

My point is that we should realize that we are mere human beings that are defined by circumstances. We should leave this holier than thou attitude and make everything about Islam or Allah (J) to the dot. We should be less concerned with the theory of Islam and more with current realities of Islam. And about that, its nothing to be proud of. I am an American resident and a Canadian citizen that is currently living in Afghanistan. Believe me that those non-Muslim countries are far more closer to Islamic ideals than all Islamic societies put together.

It all started with sister having issues with their parents with wearing hijab. My point was not to make it a life or death or black and white. Life is anything but black and white, Islam today likewise.

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And if I should consider a more extreme example I will.

 

Think about drinking water in the month of Ramadan.

 

Lately some clerics have advocated for its availability as well as its use in public facilities for health reasons.

 

Not all people can observe Ramadan because of health reasons.

 

Should we usurp the rights of these people because the majority are observing this holy act?

 

Apparently people that are close-minded and barbaric in Shemiran area of Tehran apparently think so.

 

Then they wonder why people faint, get nose bleeds, or even die. 

 

As Muslims we need to be rational, not word by word dogmatic fanatics that want to taint the religion with close-mindedness. 

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I am in Kabul. And I am not telling you all this because I am here or I am better than you for being here or anything else of the sort. Its only in here that I have realized how incompatible the reality borne of Islam is with the ideals of Islam that you lot champion. We should not develop a habit of burying our head in the sand and praise Islam while Islamic societies are anything but Islam- be it Afghanistan, Pakistan, Iran, Dubai, Saudi, or....

 

My point is that we should realize that we are mere human beings that are defined by circumstances. We should leave this holier than thou attitude and make everything about Islam or Allah (J) to the dot. We should be less concerned with the theory of Islam and more with current realities of Islam. And about that, its nothing to be proud of. I am an American resident and a Canadian citizen that is currently living in Afghanistan. Believe me that those non-Muslim countries are far more closer to Islamic ideals than all Islamic societies put together.

It all started with sister having issues with their parents with wearing hijab. My point was not to make it a life or death or black and white. Life is anything but black and white, Islam today likewise.

 

So have you fixed afghanistan yet? What do you do there?

Edited by PureEthics

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US and West are very much contrary to Islam. Care to tell me why your parents brought you here and not Iran or Saudi? They brought you here because of its Islam? Your parents obviously did not put Islam first when they chose to come to the West. And I am sure that they made the right decision and so do you.

Its amazing how much people make everything about halal and haram when in fact they are far from being about that.

By God that if tomorrow US or Europe ban Hijab and give the option of deportation or hijab 99% of you all would chose to stay there.

(salam)

Firstly brother, I don't know where you got the idea from that I do not know what it is to live in a Muslim country. With all due respect to those who live in Saudi, I personally do not wish to live there. There is more freedom to practice your religion in some non Islamic countries then some so called Islamic countries. Secondly, I don't think you should make assumptions about my parents as they are incorrect. Please do not say my parents did not put Islam first as you truly don't know what sacrifices my parents have made and where they lived and whether they even chose to move to the West. You can direct your snide remarks at me but do not bring my mother and father into it. 

 

Also, to say 99% of people would sacrifice their Hijab to stay in the US/Europe is a sweeping generalization and not based on any factual evidence but your opinion. I'm sorry you have such a low opinion of us sisters, perhaps I can satisfy you that there are still some among us who would die defending Hijab. I also know the men in my family would do the same for my Hijab. Please don't be so quick to judge people. 

Edited by *Sayyeda*

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So have you fixed afghanistan yet? What do you do there?

 

I recall from another thread that his job in Afghanistan is to modernize and develop the water system infrastructure in order to supply pure drinking water......I bet he could make much more working at a plant in Europe, Canada, or USA.

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Just say this to your parents, sisters and any other of your friends

 

everytime a man lusts after you, or a woman envies you

 

you may also get a sin recorded into your book of deeds

 

Tell them by wearing the hijab (more importantly this includes not wearing tight/provocative clothing, like blue jeans, ...etc.) you are trying your best to reduce the chance of such a record occuring. 

 

Practically speaking the head covering does not apply to that mode of reasoning in a lot of cases.  There are muslim women who would draw far less attention and looks were they to simply blend in and not wear a scarf over their heads in some cases.  You could make an argument that practically speaking, in some cases, not covering your hair achieves better results when it comes to personal safety and also undesired male attention, not to mention harassment at airports and what not.

 

I knew a father whose daughter used to travel quite frequently to Europe and other western countries, she would get a lot of looks and unwarranted remarks made towards her time to time, they simply decided that all that attention was not worth it, so since then she has simply taken her head covering off when travelling to these places, needless to say she barely has men staring at her or has heard a single unwarranted remark since then, rest of her body is obviously covered in modest attire,  I wonder what is defeating the purpose more, practically speaking.

 

Anyway, these decisions are highly personal.

Edited by Mutah_King

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I recall from another thread that his job in Afghanistan is to modernize and develop the water system infrastructure in order to supply pure drinking water......I bet he could make much more working at a plant in Europe, Canada, or USA.

 

Where did he get the training to do this? Where do all the items/supplies come from? Is it made in afghanistan? Where does the money come from in which helps his company?

Edited by PureEthics

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Where did he get the training to do this? Where do all the items/supplies come from? Is it made in afghanistan? Where does the money come from in which helps his company?

 

Why is that any of your business?

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Why is that any of your business?

 

Did you even read all the posts? Please dont post when you dont even know the jest of the argument, and act like im the one at fault here. He was accusing me of living here for wordy desires and that I should move to Afghanistan if i wanna help and that I should fix Afghanistan. I was telling him there is hiqma from which I was born here, and it is in this country that we have the opportunity to do plenty for other countries in need. I dont need to move to help from within, I can do lots here. Just as he came from the west and it is the west that is making it possible for him to help there because of the opportunities in the west.

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Did you even read all the posts? Please dont post when you dont even know the jest of the argument, and act like im the one at fault here. He was accusing me of living here for wordy desires and that I should move to Afghanistan if i wanna help and that I should fix Afghanistan. I was telling him there is hiqma from which I was born here, and it is in this country that we have the opportunity to do plenty for other countries in need. I dont need to move to help from within, I can do lots here. Just as he came from the west and it is the west that is making it possible for him to help there because of the opportunities in the west.

 

Ah my bad, yeah it is true, you can still do a lot to help back home.

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Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatahu

I have wanted to do hijab for the past couple of years, and especially within these last few months. I'm a 19 year old girl in college in the US, and I know hijab is wajib, but I have to at least ask my parents before I start.

A few months ago I resolved to take the hijab and persistently asked (even begged, I would say) to let me wear hijab. However, they objected because they said my safety would be undermined while I'm at college (we live in the South, where ignorance can be abundant).

Although I constantly told my parents that I am ready for any backlash, and that I would start whether they supported me or not (I just wanted their blessing, as I don't need their permission on this), they became even more against my wearing hijab. I'm the youngest of 4 girls, and my older 3 sisters all got involved as well, all of them saying I shouldn't do hijab, that I'm being a disobedient daughter, that I'm just using hijab as a protection is college and trying to "cover" myself from uncomfortable/awkward situations that can be encountered in college.

While none of this is true, I unfortunately buckled under the pressure. Now, a couple of months later, hardly a day goes by that I don't regret complying with my family on this.

I wish to start asking my family again, but this time leaving it just between me and my parents, and not letting things get out of hand. I have tried repeatedly talking to them in a calm manner, but even then my parents can be very defensive. How should I go about this? Please help!

Thank you, JazakAllah Khairan.

 

You must stand up for your faith if you truly believe in it. And Know that if you do wear Hijab and your parents are not satisfied then do not worry. For Allah is with you and does not leave you alone. He is with you without even you knowing. Why not have trust in him? If your parents truly support your faith, why do they object to one of the foundations of it? Hijab. For your safety?. Allah protects, and the faithfuls must have faith in him, if they truly are faithful. Its your Faith, your path, your choice. they have to understand that. have you read Surat Luqman in the Quran?

 

"And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination." 31:14

 

And then:

"But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness and follow the way of those who turn back to Me [in repentance]. Then to Me will be your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do. " - 31:15

 

as you see its clearly you must accept your faith and believe in what you believe despite your parents unsatisfaction with it. No doubt Allah comes before your parents.

 

May Allah protect you. And guide you dear sister.

    

Edited by TheIslamHistory

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Where did he get the training to do this? Where do all the items/supplies come from? Is it made in afghanistan? Where does the money come from in which helps his company?

 

 

Did you even read all the posts? Please dont post when you dont even know the jest of the argument, and act like im the one at fault here. He was accusing me of living here for wordy desires and that I should move to Afghanistan if i wanna help and that I should fix Afghanistan. I was telling him there is hiqma from which I was born here, and it is in this country that we have the opportunity to do plenty for other countries in need. I dont need to move to help from within, I can do lots here. Just as he came from the west and it is the west that is making it possible for him to help there because of the opportunities in the west.

 

I don't know that much of his business so you are asking the wrong person. 

 

So have you fixed afghanistan yet? What do you do there?

 

 

You asked him this and it seemed quite condescending.

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I don't know that much of his business so you are asking the wrong person. 

 

 

You asked him this and it seemed quite condescending.

 

Sorry I didnt mean to point it towards your post. I suggest you read his posts and then see if I just repeated the same questions he asked me or if im trying to insult him.

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As for the original poster and her situation. In the early to mid 90's when I was in high school I was held down and had my hijab taken off by a group of boys, the teachers broke it up. When my parents went to the school furious the principal's reaction was "Oh hehehehe boys will be boys." They seen it as them stealing my "hat". So yeah there are some ignorant people in the south and I can somewhat understand the worries of her parents.


Sorry I didnt mean to point it towards your post. I suggest you read his posts and then see if I just repeated the same questions he asked me or if im trying to insult him.

 

I don't know how old you are.....but most people on this forum are barely out of their teens. So I believe his frustration towards you may have stemmed from that, and as another user on here puts it "kids in diapers still receiving pocket money from mom and dad".

Edited by ImAli

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As for the original poster and her situation. In the early to mid 90's when I was in high school I was held down and had my hijab taken off by a group of boys, the teachers broke it up. When my parents went to the school furious the principal's reaction was "Oh hehehehe boys will be boys." They seen it as them stealing my "hat". So yeah there are some ignorant people in the south and I can somewhat understand the worries of her parents.

I don't know how old you are.....but most people on this forum are barely out of their teens. So I believe his frustration towards you may have stemmed from that, and as another user on here puts it "kids in diapers still receiving pocket money from mom and dad".

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Though I don't know exactly how to go about this, I know that hijab is wajib and that I'm not under any/enough danger to not do it. And even not concerning that, I would want to do hijab even if it wasn't wajib.

InshAllah I would like to start hijab before I start this school year, but ideally it would be in front of my parents, and they would know and approve of it, and so would my sisters.

May Allah ta'ala grant them and me the inspiration and courage to do so, Ameen.

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As for the original poster and her situation. In the early to mid 90's when I was in high school I was held down and had my hijab taken off by a group of boys, the teachers broke it up. When my parents went to the school furious the principal's reaction was "Oh hehehehe boys will be boys." They seen it as them stealing my "hat". So yeah there are some ignorant people in the south and I can somewhat understand the worries of her parents.

I don't know how old you are.....but most people on this forum are barely out of their teens. So I believe his frustration towards you may have stemmed from that, and as another user on here puts it "kids in diapers still receiving pocket money from mom and dad".

 

 

Why did you quote me?  :wacko:

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I don't know if the op is from south asia. If she is then I think that her parents are trying to stop her from doing hijab not because of Americans but because of their own culture. I started doing hijab when I was living in Pakistan and I had to face a lot of opposition. My mother was against it and it was strange because she always taught me the right values so why was she against this one thing? Now I understand it, because she knew it would create difficulties for me. I did hijab while living in west for many years and I didn't face any difficulties. After I got married, I guess I had to interact more with people from my culture and that's when I faced really big problems. I just want to know why are these cultures so much against hijab? Why do they believe that you cannot survive in this world if you do hijab? In Iran, women do hijab and they survive in this world, so why cannot they do it in India and Pakistan? May be something is wrong with our culture? I went to Pakistan for few days, and I realized if I was living there, I would have removed my hijab many years ago. 

Hijab does protect you from perverts. I removed my hijab on my wedding day to please my husband and family. I don't think it pleased my husband at all but my life became hell because of perverts. 

Edited by Mokhtar2012

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Salam,

I did it behind my parents back..as many have suggested..although it was slightly different..

But am glad I did..

My parents are nonMuslim and just cannot standd the idea of Islam or hijab..so I used to secretly get out of the house and wear it in the driveway..for many many years...

And then one day(I had decided that I now wanted them to know) so I wore it in my room and calmly came down(on the way to work) and mum was surprisingly awake and fresh so she saw me and was shocked...and I just simple said: "oh this...I've been wearing it for soooo longgg".., didn't let it BECOME a big deal...I know its HUGE for them..the whole Islam conversion is...but if u pretend like its no big deal, maybe it doesn't have to be..

But in ur case, u have already asked them many times and they have specifically refused...so not sure if u can do it in the same "its not a big deal" manner..also, someone said, in most places ur considered adult at 18- ur lucky if ur consider u an adult, coz I'm in my nearly mid20s and my parents still treat me as a kid who cannot take responsibility..so its more difficult to take a stand and make a decision..inshaAllah this isn't the case for u..I'm not sure, but I would consider the option of just doing it without them knowing for a few months and keep safe...so tht when they DO find out, u can tell them uve been doing it for soo long and Alhumdulillah ur still safe...and feel more protected...

Hope that helps :)

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Salam, 

 

Sorry. I was going to say something but then I reconsidered. I thought you might take it the wrong way. 

 

Then I guess you should have deleted since you have the ability to do so. What was the remark about? About my bad experience in high school? Or about the frustration of many people on this forum due to brats?

Edited by ImAli

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I'm not sure if anyone else said this, but I just got an idea after my sehri:p..why not try a different style of hijab if it unsafe in ur area? Like cap type, or bandana style..atleast to start with..making sure u cover everything ofcourse..!ut if u can get a more "stylish modest scarf" rather than hijabi look, it might be more accepted in society as well...and then later with parents..it might be easier for u to get away with this in the winters, depending on how cold it gets..but u can try light floral scarves for summer with some nice styles? Many people cover their hair but we don't know if its hijab or just headcover-but they don't cover neck and chest, so if u can find a way to do all(preferably with same fabric maybe experiment abit, and u may also prefer to take it in steps-one step at a time with ur coverings, sleeves, loose clothes etc..as long as u don't give up once u start:) ofcourse that doesn't mean wearing hijab wid no sleeves/halfsleeves, but I think u get what I mean..babysteps..

Edited by IFK

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I don't know if the op is from south asia. If she is then I think that her parents are trying to stop her from doing hijab not because of Americans but because of their own culture. I started doing hijab when I was living in Pakistan and I had to face a lot of opposition. My mother was against it and it was strange because she always taught me the right values so why was she against this one thing? Now I understand it, because she knew it would create difficulties for me. I did hijab while living in west for many years and I didn't face any difficulties. After I got married, I guess I had to interact more with people from my culture and that's when I faced really big problems. I just want to know why are these cultures so much against hijab? Why do they believe that you cannot survive in this world if you do hijab? In Iran, women do hijab and they survive in this world, so why cannot they do it in India and Pakistan? May be something is wrong with our culture? I went to Pakistan for few days, and I realized if I was living there, I would have removed my hijab many years ago.

Hijab does protect you from perverts. I removed my hijab on my wedding day to please my husband and family. I don't think it pleased my husband at all but my life became hell because of perverts.

My family is from Pakistan actually, and I have a feeling the cultural tendencies have something to do with it. I'm not sure why, but it's like hijabis are always seen in a negative way...like as if a hijabi is labeled as "that girl that wears hijab", if you know what I mean. People assume that they're trying to be "different" and "prove themselves" almost. It's devastatingly unfortunate, especially among Shia Muslims.

Salam,

I did it behind my parents back..as many have suggested..although it was slightly different..

But am glad I did..

My parents are nonMuslim and just cannot standd the idea of Islam or hijab..so I used to secretly get out of the house and wear it in the driveway..for many many years...

And then one day(I had decided that I now wanted them to know) so I wore it in my room and calmly came down(on the way to work) and mum was surprisingly awake and fresh so she saw me and was shocked...and I just simple said: "oh this...I've been wearing it for soooo longgg".., didn't let it BECOME a big deal...I know its HUGE for them..the whole Islam conversion is...but if u pretend like its no big deal, maybe it doesn't have to be..

But in ur case, u have already asked them many times and they have specifically refused...so not sure if u can do it in the same "its not a big deal" manner..also, someone said, in most places ur considered adult at 18- ur lucky if ur consider u an adult, coz I'm in my nearly mid20s and my parents still treat me as a kid who cannot take responsibility..so its more difficult to take a stand and make a decision..inshaAllah this isn't the case for u..I'm not sure, but I would consider the option of just doing it without them knowing for a few months and keep safe...so tht when they DO find out, u can tell them uve been doing it for soo long and Alhumdulillah ur still safe...and feel more protected...

Hope that helps :)[/quote

I have thought about going about it in this way...if its been enough time since I last asked them maybe I can. I just have to go about this very gingerly so that I don't disrespect my parents or make them think that I am. I am legally an adult in the US, though my parents still treat me like a child in many ways. I don't blame them, because I'm a girl and I'm the baby of the family, but when it comes to something like this, they should trust me and, most importantly, Allah swt.

I'm not sure if anyone else said this, but I just got an idea after my sehri:p..why not try a different style of hijab if it unsafe in ur area? Like cap type, or bandana style..atleast to start with..making sure u cover everything ofcourse..!ut if u can get a more "stylish modest scarf" rather than hijabi look, it might be more accepted in society as well...and then later with parents..it might be easier for u to get away with this in the winters, depending on how cold it gets..but u can try light floral scarves for summer with some nice styles? Many people cover their hair but we don't know if its hijab or just headcover-but they don't cover neck and chest, so if u can find a way to do all(preferably with same fabric maybe experiment abit, and u may also prefer to take it in steps-one step at a time with ur coverings, sleeves, loose clothes etc..as long as u don't give up once u start:) ofcourse that doesn't mean wearing hijab wid no sleeves/halfsleeves, but I think u get what I mean..babysteps..

I've thought about going this route and doing that look, because I would be fully covered and not be blantantly wearing hijab. It's something that I'm still considering, and I might do it inshAllah. Thank you for the advice, it really means a lot :)

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So have you fixed afghanistan yet? What do you do there?

I obviously work here. As far as the fixing business goes it wasnt my BIG mouth that claimed to fix things in the US or here in Afghanistan.

(salam)

Firstly brother, I don't know where you got the idea from that I do not know what it is to live in a Muslim country. With all due respect to those who live in Saudi, I personally do not wish to live there. There is more freedom to practice your religion in some non Islamic countries then some so called Islamic countries. Secondly, I don't think you should make assumptions about my parents as they are incorrect. Please do not say my parents did not put Islam first as you truly don't know what sacrifices my parents have made and where they lived and whether they even chose to move to the West. You can direct your snide remarks at me but do not bring my mother and father into it. 

 

Also, to say 99% of people would sacrifice their Hijab to stay in the US/Europe is a sweeping generalization and not based on any factual evidence but your opinion. I'm sorry you have such a low opinion of us sisters, perhaps I can satisfy you that there are still some among us who would die defending Hijab. I also know the men in my family would do the same for my Hijab. Please don't be so quick to judge people. 

 

Lets talk facts shall we?

Is West more Islamic with its naked billboards and sex crazed tvs or is East?

Assuming you say the latter, and assuming that your parents or husband that brought you to the West

Then by that account,  didnt they put West before Islam?

 

Its a simple question with an obvious answer.

 

Its not that I do not agree with them. Its just the fact that those kids who come to West become theoritical muslims to the dot. 'oh you should not listen to your parents and listen to Allah (J).' Well in that case I also tell you to not listen to your parents and listen to Allah (J) and buy yourself a one way ticket to the country you think is the most Islamic.

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