Jump to content
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!) ×
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!)
In the Name of God بسم الله
Sign in to follow this  
Against oneself

Career Or Marriage?

Rate this topic

Recommended Posts

salaams ikhwan wa akhawaat!!

i wanna know you opinions on this. here is the scenario ........ u get a chance to marry mr or miss right ... but ur doing a course like a big degree which u really like but you dont NEED to do it ..... but doing the course means u cant marry him or her because they live far far away. or theres some other reason.

what do you choose? career or marriage?

i would choose 0.5 of deen! i see people saying no cause she is doing a med degree and wont move abroad. or he is doing a killer phd and is too busy ....... thats dum! ull get a 2nd chance on the career. how dum is that? quit the career !!!!!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Of course marry. Ask any married individual, and they will tell you that they regret marrying late.

Anyway, I'm sure if you marry, Allah will make the career work for you, and if it doesn't work for you, then there is goodness and wisdom in the outcome.

 

Only goodness comes out of following the sunnat of the Prophets (AS) and the Imams (AS), so no need to worry or even try making a decision, the answer is obvious and simple. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Your question is a little misleading, career means a job so if that is what you are asking, then for a woman a job is secondary but for a man a job is a must. So a woman can leave her job to get married whereas the man needs a job in order to be able to get married.

However if you are asking about education and finishing a degree then why not finish your studies first, if the guy/girl are serious about getting married to each other they can wait, or make things work out for them to get married but still enable them to finish their degree.

I think having a degree is important whether you are a girl or a guy.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You're obviously hanging with the crowd that doesn't look forward to self building and enrichment. 

 

Yeah okay buddy, except statistics completely contradict what you mentioned earlier, but of course we should trust your enriched enlightened sample instead.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If you'v worked hard to get into uni, like most do, then Im not sure leaving for mariage is a good idea. Yes marriage is the top priority but giving up you personal aspirations may lead you to resent your other half. You have to imagine yourself in 10years... will you be a happy if you havent reached any of the goals you now have? are you ok with that? If your a women then you need to be happy or you will unwittingly make your husbands life hell.

 


Yeah okay buddy, except statistics completely contradict what you mentioned earlier, but of course we should trust your enriched enlightened sample instead.

lol where are you getting your stats from? There are some who are always quoting stats, whether they made them up or not is the question.
Im not disagreeing with you but 99% seems unrealistic.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If you'v worked hard to get into uni, like most do, then Im not sure leaving for mariage is a good idea. Yes marriage is the top priority but giving up you personal aspirations may lead you to resent your other half. You have to imagine yourself in 10years... will you be a happy if you havent reached any of the goals you now have? are you ok with that? If your a women then you need to be happy or you will unwittingly make your husbands life hell.

 

lol where are you getting your stats from? There are some who are always quoting stats, whether they made them up or not is the question.

Im not disagreeing with you but 99% seems unrealistic.

 

Mine was just an exaggerated response to his exaggerated statement.  Actual statistics do show that the earlier you marry, the higher the chance of divorce, and yes most people these days who do marry young, that is late teens low 20s do tend to wish they had waited it out a bit.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Of course marry. Ask any married individual, and they will tell you that they regret marrying late.

 

 

Dont know if I have heard this, but I have heard the opposite. Not usually a question that is asked so it is hard to know.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Of course choose your studies first. If you choose to marry, how are you going to suport your family after marriage? You need a good job, and the only way you'll get a good one is by getting a degree first. So one thing leads to another. Go ahead, finish your schooling so that you'll be stable and feel ready for marriage and a future family inshallah.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Its very important for a man to have a career (well-paying job). A woman can do well just by looking good, a man cannot. A man should always put career before some woman no matter how much of a "miss right" she is.

Edited by Baka

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

BABYBEAVER WHERE U BEEN? how are things?

Lol been around! Just busy with life! I'll probably pop ion every once in a while haha.

beaver kit what if he needs to ... control his desires? 3 years to wait lol!!!!!! tons of haram. aint worth waiting three years if she is faaaaaar away. unless u do mutah for three years to stop sin.

Why control? Visit your long-distance wife more often and use your halal outlet!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

seriously bbk that cant be done if she isnt in the same country or continent .... u cant visit her every three days or whateva you need.

a hadith says if a good man proposes then accept it ..... this means quit the career and restart it in his place

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

seriously bbk that cant be done if she isnt in the same country or continent .... u cant visit her every three days or whateva you need. a hadith says if a good man proposes then accept it ..... this means quit the career and restart it in his place

lol talk about demanding! dont you think women have desires too? Its not like she would be over joyed in being so far from her husband. lol you need to be more reasonable ie^ accept phone vid chatting or find someone else. If she drops her career (esp if its med) She will hold it against you forever! trust me....we women hold grudges like you wouldn't believe

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

ya ukhti this isnt about me!!!!! just giving advice. marriage > career. if was doing med i would quit .... if i had to save half the deen. if she couldnt move cause she had to look after parents and i had 5 years med. i would quit if .... i could find a job ... or another shorter degree!!!

i am not a career worshipper. career worship is WRONG. u dont HAVE to do med. save ur deen before u sin.

phone chat???? lol!!!! seriously!! its gonna stop him masturbating!!! yeah right!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

people i made this topic cause i know a girl who is 25 nd has been lookin for a husband .... for years. she cant find a religious enough guy. she gets bad proposals. recently some akhi from another country proposed to her ... and he was good enough. after sometime she said no cause she doesnt want to quit her 2nd yes 2nd degree!!!thats stupid ... where is she gonna find another guy like him again ....... 25+ religious guys are rare. its a risk of never getting hitched ever. for a career!!djano be serious. phone talk will not release his desires ...... be serious . .... iif u know what release means.we need doctors but if u cant do it let some other ukhti do it.

rose u get no thawab because 'Verily, Allah accepts only from the Muttaqeen -Righteous.' (al-Ma'idah 5:27)"if a girl aint married and is sinning because of desires. she is not mutaqi and gets no thawab.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If you give up your career/dream, you'll probably regret marrying that person (man/woman). And what if you don't get a chance to ever finish your education? Just marry someone local so you don't have to travel somewhere far or stop your education/job.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

(salam)

rose u get no thawab because 'Verily, Allah accepts only from the Muttaqeen -Righteous.' (al-Ma'idah 5:27)" if a girl aint married and is sinning because of desires. she is not mutaqi and gets no thawab.

With all due respect, you don't decide which good deeds are accepted by Allah (s.w.t) or not. We are all fallible, not one of us is except from sinning and our redemption and acceptance of deeds is determined by the Almighty not by you or anybody else.

 

we need doctors but if u cant do it let some other ukhti do it.

You can't expect others to do what you're unwilling to do yourself. Be the change you want to see and don't expect others to do all the work. If everyone had that attitude, who would be left to pursue that career? 

 

and he was good enough. after sometime she said no cause she doesnt want to quit her 2nd yes 2nd degree!!! thats stupid ... where is she gonna find another guy like him again ....... 

At the end of the day you are entitled to your opinion and she is entitled to hers. You may think it is a waste of time to do a 2nd degree but she clearly does not and has made her decision. She is the one who is making the decision that she can live with and as many have pointed out there is a very real danger of prolonged resentment that is averted by this decision. 

 

where is she gonna find another guy like him again ....... 25+ religious guys are rare. its a risk of never getting hitched ever. for a career!! 

25+ prospects are not that rare as all the men with the most desired professions (eg engineering, medicine) take a few years to get settled down and earn enough to be ready for marriage. Also people mature and become ready for marriage at different ages. In fear of being alone, she should not settle for a marriage where he does not support or understand the things that she is proud of and are important to her like her career. InshAllah she will not find someone like him but better and more suited for her individual needs.

 

thats dum! ull get a 2nd chance on the career. how dum is that? quit the career !!!!!!!

What second chance? It'll only become more difficult with the additional responsibilities of running a house, a husband, possibly children and in-laws. 

 

Wa Salam 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Carrer is more important, marriage is not a must, you can adopte a child or marry late.

Finish what you start is better, I have seen many girls drop out of uni and guss what they wished they finished because marriage doesnt always work out the way you have planned it. You need a job its just a must, you hubby might not get you what you want and the last thing I want is to ask my hubby can you get me this and that... I think females to need to be financielly stable too.

26 is the best age for marriage, I should be able to reach most of my goals by then and then I will think about marriage.

I think the man should move to the girls country and let her focus on her studies, because if she moves her studies may get delayed and he may hold her back from complting the degree because some men are selfish...

Like sister rose said education is your weapon...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

ukhti sayeda three things for you

a, you are right about resentment ... if she feels so strongly .. then she should do the career. u cant force people, but u can just pass the risalah.

b, good boys dont wait till 25 to get married ..... they dont want to keep sinning. most girls dont hav a clue how hard its for a man not to masturbate!!

most important c, if the girl in sinning .. then what? option 1 get married delay career but stop sinning option 2 sin and continue career. ture no all sister hve this dilema but it can heppen

no its down to GOD not u or me to decide what more important! let me ask sayid sistani.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Like sister rose said education is your weapon...

 

It doesn't matter that an education would make you self sufficient should your husband ever become disabled and not able to work (so then the burden of supporting him would fall on her) or pass away and leave you a widow....he can't stop from masturbating and it's our fault that some men masturbate. Honestly I am really tired of hearing this excuse.

Edited by ImAli

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

yo imali the trollface avatar person. yo why u like having a troll face? whats up? u like trolling?

imali face the truth if u were a man u would know it hard. shucks so little sympathy. i dont tell u to stop having periods do i? u wont find 25+ single religiosu guys cause they get married early. u wanna marry a liberal guy then go ahead ..... lots of them around at 25+

imali i sent the question to sayad sistani. so wait for that nd dont lose ur temper.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

yo imali the trollface avatar person. yo why u like having a troll face? whats up? u like trolling? imali face the truth if u were a man u would know it hard. shucks so little sympathy. i dont tell u to stop having periods do i? u wont find 25+ single religiosu guys cause they get married early. u wanna marry a liberal guy then go ahead ..... lots of them around at 25+ imali i sent the question to sayad sistani. so wait for that nd dont lose ur temper.

Yeah, because masturbation and having periods is totally the same thing :donno: You just need to calm down and control yourself.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

yo imali the trollface avatar person. yo why u like having a troll face? whats up? u like trolling? imali face the truth if u were a man u would know it hard. shucks so little sympathy. i dont tell u to stop having periods do i? u wont find 25+ single religiosu guys cause they get married early. u wanna marry a liberal guy then go ahead ..... lots of them around at 25+ imali i sent the question to sayad sistani. so wait for that nd dont lose ur temper.

 

I am a troll face fan oh smart one....and you can't blame others for your sins.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

yo against u self, diz iz wat hapens wen u no go 2 skewl. u iz d 1 dat iz losing da temperz. get u speellng checked den u kan have al da huzbandz u want.

 

I just lost a couple brain cells..But anyways. You need an education and a degree to rely on.What if your "Mr. Right gets in a car accident that causes him to get laid off, so then you and your kids will starve. Theres many "What ifs". You don't know what the future has in store for you. 

Edited by ~Rose~

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...