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In the Name of God بسم الله
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Against oneself

Career Or Marriage?

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no its down to GOD not u or me to decide what more important! let me ask sayid sistani.

(salam)

What is the question that you have you sent him akhi?

The truth is that this is not an ideal world and it's not easy for men to marry young regardless of whether it would be good for them or not.

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 You need an education and a degree to rely on.What if your "Mr. Right gets in a car accident that causes him to get laid off, so then you and your kids will starve. Theres many "What ifs". You don't know what the future has in store for you. 

 

 

They will only say to leave it in the hands of Allah.....but they must have forgotten about or never heard about the parable of the drowning man.

Edited by ImAli

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people i made this topic cause i know a girl who is 25 nd has been lookin for a husband .... for years. she cant find a religious enough guy. she gets bad proposals. recently some akhi from another country proposed to her ... and he was good enough. after sometime she said no cause she doesnt want to quit her 2nd yes 2nd degree!!! thats stupid ... where is she gonna find another guy like him again ....... 25+ religious guys are rare. its a risk of never getting hitched ever. for a career!!

 

Your concern is somewhat genuine but its a reaction to the way women (wives) have generally been treated by men in the muslim world (for a long long time). Due to overwhelming examples of suffering and hardship after marriage, they are left with no choice but to prefer education and career. Since many muslim men also tend to abuse laws of their country regarding pre-conditions and nuptial gift set out in the marriage contract, women seek security in the form of financial independance. The drawback to this approach is that, yes, many of them are getting old and facing the problem of not easily finding suitable partners in later life but you can't entirely blame them for this trend now can you? The dominant male society of the muslim world has to evaluate its short comings and change its mindset & attitude if it seeks to gain trust and confidence of the sistas in islam.

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yoda stop being rude. why do you keep harrasing young people?

yes she needs to look after herself. 2nd degree? there is a limit isnt there? ... she can move and study. let him pay. i aint saying dont study.

rose i can speak lyk dis i if i wan to. Or I can ascend to a higher degree of eloquence.

sayeda they didnt anwser the question ... they said it depends on circumstances. i got to try anohter office.

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i am gonna ask other offices .... its their duty to answer it ... the question aint specific.

ok ..... lets stop talking about girls cause i am getting harassad. how about u boys? if you have 1 degree to earn money will you quit ur postgrad to get married?? i would!!!

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To the OP:

I first thought it was about you.(and even if it was about you, you should live with the rejection and go on with your life)

Why are we supposed to talk about another person's decision?
We even don't know the complete reason for her decision(rejecting the guy). It might be her career or even something else, i.e. she doesn't like the guy or sth. Just leave her alone and go on with you life. It is her decision, you can't force/urge her into something.
I don't know why we should talk about other people in here? I'm sure the mentioned person doesn't want her decision to be discussed here.

Edited by Shiabro

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There is nothing more degrading for a capable human being to not have elementary control over their personal state of affairs, whether such authority is delegated to a husband or some power figure in the government, its still not what any self respecting individual desires.  Everyone at minimum wants to be able to take care of themselves without dependence on others.


Lets face it, human beings who are very dependent on others are generally abused by those who have gained control over their personal predicaments, whether its personal relations (Man abusing wife/children) or authoritarian governments (dictating peoples lives/oppression etc), its pretty universal and natural.

Edited by Mutah_King

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yoda stop being rude. why do you keep harrasing young people? yes she needs to look after herself. 2nd degree? there is a limit isnt there? ... she can move and study. let him pay. i aint saying dont study. rose i can speak lyk dis i if i wan to. Or I can ascend to a higher degree of eloquence. sayeda they didnt anwser the question ... they said it depends on circumstances. i got to try anohter office.

Just thought you would want to know, I have a 2nd degree too :D

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Just thought you would want to know, I have a 2nd degree too :D

 

He wants his wife to quit work and take islamic courses (I remember that post).....which is fine I guess, as long as he doesn't criticize every single part of her as he criticizes everyone and everything else on this forum and in the world. Also I feel sorry for her if she turns down his request...talk about hissy fit city.

Edited by ImAli

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i have never bullied u.u always bully me!!!!!i respond to u when u bully me.your whole likfe is one sick bully fest!!!i come here and u slander me. u BULLY!!!

this thread when u gang bullied me. i did nothing to u but u hurt me http://www.shiachat.com/forum/index.php?/topic/235003934-questions-for-alafasy/

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i have never bullied u. u always bully me!!!!! i respond to u when u bully me. your whole likfe is one sick bully fest!!! i come here and u slander me. u BULLY!!!

 

No, I give you my opinion on certain matters......usually we are at opposite ends of the spectrum. Of course  my opinion is never suitable for you and you freak out on me and become emotional. To be honest you make me nervous.

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Also it hurt my feelings that you are attempting to make women feel like less of a believer if she has a degree or heaven forbid a second degree. 

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Your concern is somewhat genuine but its a reaction to the way women (wives) have generally been treated by men in the muslim world (for a long long time). Due to overwhelming examples of suffering and hardship after marriage, they are left with no choice but to prefer education and career. Since many muslim men also tend to abuse laws of their country regarding pre-conditions and nuptial gift set out in the marriage contract, women seek security in the form of financial independance. The drawback to this approach is that, yes, many of them are getting old and facing the problem of not easily finding suitable partners in later life but you can't entirely blame them for this trend now can you? The dominant male society of the muslim world has to evaluate its short comings and change its mindset & attitude if it seeks to gain trust and confidence of the sistas in islam.

So true, great analysis. 

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Lets face it, human beings who are very dependent on others are generally abused by those who have gained control over their personal predicaments, whether its personal relations (Man abusing wife/children) or authoritarian governments (dictating peoples lives/oppression etc), its pretty universal and natural.

It's not natural, there are many people in this world who don't abuse less powerful people just because they can. If we make this behavior less acceptable in our culture, then may be men will stop  abusing their wives. 

Edited by Mokhtar2012

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It's not natural, there are many people in this world who don't abuse less powerful people just because they can. If we make this behavior less acceptable in our culture, then may be men will stop  abusing their wives. 

 

It is natural, if some rare individuals do not abuse such privileges then they are an exception and not the rule.  In any case, just because someone might perhaps not take advantage of such favorable circumstances does not mean we put women or the masses in a predicament in which they can potentially be abused without recourse.

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why a career or marriage ?

why not a business and a marriage together .

Why are young brothers and sisters these days so fixed on a degree/s and a JOB ( just on broke) paradigm?

A business or savvy investments yields higher returns with less effort and time so you can spend more time with your wife/husband. 

Our great  leaders of humanity , our beloved :Rasool (as) , his beloved wife :Khadija (as) and our great :Imams (as) all ran and operated their own businesses.

 

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(salam)

It is natural, if some rare individuals do not abuse such privileges then they are an exception and not the rule.  In any case, just because someone might perhaps not take advantage of such favorable circumstances does not mean we put women or the masses in a predicament in which they can potentially be abused without recourse.

There is a difference between something being natural and common. It has become common to commit acts that we may regard as unnatural, examples being blackmail, abortion and sodomy and abuse also comes under this umbrella. Just because something is happening on a large scale does not make it natural. If it were natural then we would also be pre-disposed to committing acts of abuse towards those who are weaker than ourselves. Instead of saying it's innate lets admit human failure when we see it.

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(salam)

There is a difference between something being natural and common. It has become common to commit acts that we may regard as unnatural, examples being blackmail, abortion and sodomy and abuse also comes under this umbrella. Just because something is happening on a large scale does not make it natural. If it were natural then we would also be pre-disposed to committing acts of abuse towards those who are weaker than ourselves. Instead of saying it's innate lets admit human failure when we see it.

 

Abuse of authority is quite natural, its been a quite consistent reality through the course of human history.  It has little to do with human nature and more to do with the illegitimacy of authority itself.  If people have improved their conditions, its not because the men in authority deemed it moral for themselves to treat the weak with compassion (they almost never do), its because the weak have always come together and fought to emancipate themselves.  There are very few exceptions to this.

Edited by Mutah_King

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u get a chance to marry mr or miss right ... but ur doing a course like a big degree which u really like but you dont NEED to do it ..... but doing the course means u cant marry him or her because they live far far away. or theres some other reason. what do you choose? career or marriage? i would choose 0.5 of deen! i see people saying no cause she is doing a med degree and wont move abroad. or he is doing a killer phd and is too busy ....... thats dum! ull get a 2nd chance on the career. how dum is that? quit the career !!!!!!!

 

(salam)

 

Marriage.

 

it is more than silly to go for a carrier at the cost of one's spirituality,  if it was possible i would have gone for

 

the marriage even if I were doing a degree(not quitting though) that I desperately need. Why do people think of marriage as something

 

secondary makes me sick of their thinking. But yes I am not saying Quit education for marriage, marry to save half your deen

 

while let the education progress, but it happens rarely.

Edited by Hasan0404

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Your concern is somewhat genuine but its a reaction to the way women (wives) have generally been treated by men in the muslim world (for a long long time). Due to overwhelming examples of suffering and hardship after marriage, they are left with no choice but to prefer education and career. Since many muslim men also tend to abuse laws of their country regarding pre-conditions and nuptial gift set out in the marriage contract, women seek security in the form of financial independance. The drawback to this approach is that, yes, many of them are getting old and facing the problem of not easily finding suitable partners in later life but you can't entirely blame them for this trend now can you? The dominant male society of the muslim world has to evaluate its short comings and change its mindset & attitude if it seeks to gain trust and confidence of the sistas in islam.

 

well said inshAllah brother. Thats what is happening.

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Your concern is somewhat genuine but its a reaction to the way women (wives) have generally been treated by men in the muslim world (for a long long time). Due to overwhelming examples of suffering and hardship after marriage, they are left with no choice but to prefer education and career. Since many muslim men also tend to abuse laws of their country regarding pre-conditions and nuptial gift set out in the marriage contract, women seek security in the form of financial independance. The drawback to this approach is that, yes, many of them are getting old and facing the problem of not easily finding suitable partners in later life but you can't entirely blame them for this trend now can you? The dominant male society of the muslim world has to evaluate its short comings and change its mindset & attitude if it seeks to gain trust and confidence of the sistas in islam.

totally agree to that

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