For Those Who Are Going To Marry Soon

[WilayaBlood 580]

Aslamalaykum,

Taken from brother Islamic Salvation's blog, may Allah swt bless Him for his hardwork, indeed he is an true asset to the path of Quran and Ahlul Bayt a.s

Chapter on the prayer of the man who wishes to enter upon his wife and the one who wishes to marry (1 Mu’tabar out of 3)

عدة من أصحابنا، عن أحمد بن محمد، عن ابن محبوب، عن جميل بن صالح، عن أبي بصير قال: سمعت رجلا وهو يقول لابي جعفر (عليه السلام): جعلت فداك إني رجل قد أسننت وقد تزوجت امرأة بكرا صغيرة ولم أدخل بها وأنا أخاف إذا أدخل بها على فراشي أن تكرهني لخضابي وكبري، فقال أبوجعفر (عليه السلام): إذا دخلت فمرهم قبل أن تصل إليك أن تكون متوضئة، ثم أنت لا تصل إليها حتى تتوضأ وتصلي ركعتين ثم مجد الله وصل على محمد وآل محمد، ثم ادع الله ومر من معها أن يؤمنوا على دعائك وقل: ” اللهم ارزقني إلفها وودها ورضاها ورضني بها، ثم اجمع بيننا بأحسن اجتماع و أسر ائتلاف فإنك تحب الحلال وتكره الحرام ” ثم قال: واعلم أن الالف من الله و الفرك من

الشيطان ليكره ما أحل الله

1. (1) A number of our companions from Ahmad bin Muhammad from Ibn Mahbub from Jamil bin Salih from Abi Basir who said: I heard a man and he was saying to Abi Ja’far عليه السلام – may I be made your ransom, I am an old man, and I have married a younger lady who is a virgin, and I have not yet entered upon her, and I am fearful that if I do so upon my bedsheet - she will dislike me due to my dyed hair (which are originally white in colour) and also my old age, so Abu Ja’far عليه السلام said: when you are ready – order them to make sure that she is in a state of Wudhu before she meets you, then you also do not meet her until you make Wudhu and pray a two Rakaat prayer, after (finishing) it magnify Allah and send Salawat upon Muhammad and Aal Muhammad, then make a Dua and order those who are with her (accompanying her) to make Amin upon your Dua and say (in it): “O Allah grant me her affection, love and pleasure, and make me pleased by her, then join us with the best of unions and perfect harmony, verily you love the lawful and and hate the unlawful”, then He said: and know that harmony is from Allah and discord from Shaytan since he hates what Allah has made lawful. (Sahih)

http://mutabaralkafi.wordpress.com/2012/12/28/chapter-99-of-kitab-as-salat/

[Qa'im 10,809]

Beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

[Queen Yoda II 576]

Here's a thought, maybe the old man should marry someone nearer is own age? And not ruin the life of the young girl he is about to marry. There are plenty of widows and divorced women out there. Imagine some really old woman, who is about to marry a young boy...is that thought as pleasing for you?

[forte 535]

It is not natural for a young girl to be sexually attracted to an old man. For a reason. She will not be able to remarry when he dies. In reality, no one will want her and depending on her financial situation this could be tolerable or a despairing situation.

[Queen Yoda II 576]

^^ Exactly. These poor girls that are made to marry old men are like lambs to the slaughter.

[Against oneself 9]

maybe the old man should marry someone nearer is own age?

lol! how do u know she didnt want to marry him? if it was forced imam would have condemed it. the imam didnt so u shouldnt!! period!!

maybe she loved him?????????????????????

[forte 535]

lol! how do u know she didnt want to marry him? if it was forced imam would have condemed it. the imam didnt so u shouldnt!! period!!

maybe she loved him?????????????????????

Dont know about that particular case but most (close to all) young girls are not willing to marry old men. They do marry old men but it is usually an arrangement made that they are pretty much forced to accept for a variety of reasons. Sexual attraction is not usually one of them.

[kim.tinkerbell 1,252]

Fathers need to think before they give out their daughters to old men, its your ... daughter not a camal that you can buy and sell.

If she loved him then good for her. Its mostly saudi and yemani men that marry little girls.

Sometimes people just want to marry to survive, in need of money,house etc..

Edited June 18, 2013 by Haji 2003
naughty language

[coldcow 613]

Old men need to quit pursuing little girls, for whatever reason they do it.  Fathers need to stop giving their little girls away to these old men.  And all of us need to make it unacceptable in our society for this to happen.

[Qa'im 10,809]

Wow, a thread about a hadith was quickly turned into assumptions of pedophilia. We don't know the age difference between the man and the woman, and even if there was a big gap, she agreed to marry him. There's nothing wrong with age gaps in the shar`ia. You can talk about how large of a gap is "acceptable" in your society and your era, but any numbers will be arbitrary and not universal.

[Queen Yoda II 576]

Er, who mentioned paedophila? The question isn't that it is haram, it's simply a ghastly thing to do to a girl.

Since you think it is a good idea, perhaps if you have a daughter or will in the future you can marry her to a really old man. I'm sure she will be very happy about it, which young girl wouldn't be.

Or better still, you yourself could help out an elderly widow by marrying her yourself, after all it's allowed in Sharia.

[IbnSohan 1,717]

A younger one an older one and one of your age is not a bad combination

[Raven 765]

^Uhh.What are you trying to say?

[Faithful Dome 83]

^Uhh.What are you trying to say?

He means he wants to marry three women. An older woman, a younger woman, and a woman his age. What a disgusting thing to say.

[Qa'im 10,809]

Since you think it is a good idea, perhaps if you have a daughter or will in the future you can marry her to a really old man. I'm sure she will be very happy about it, which young girl wouldn't be.

Or better still, you yourself could help out an elderly widow by marrying her yourself, after all it's allowed in Sharia.

 

I'll say it again: the hadith has no indication to how big the age gap was. For all we know, she could have been 30 and he could have been 50, which is still accepted even in our time. Even if the gap was larger, you compared these marriages to a lamb going to the slaughter. That's basically comparing her marriage to death and killing - do you stick by that? Would a lamb consent to its slaughter the way this woman consented to marry him?

 

Love comes in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes there's an age gap, and sometimes there isn't. Sometimes it's the woman who is older, which too is no lamb-slaughtering. We can't judge. If my daughter wanted to marry an older man and that man had all the qualities I was seeking in a son-in-law, I'd have no problem with that.

 

And I did consider an older divorcee before, so please, there's no need to make it personal.

[monad 1,413]

four wives, with different age ranges is not a bad idea.

[IbnSohan 1,717]

^Uhh.What are you trying to say?

I meant to say that the topic and the Hadith is not about the immorality of the age gap. This marriage happened. Moreover it was approved by an infallible. The Hadith is about a man who is worried that the woman may not like him, the imam then gave him beautiful supplication to bring love between the new couple regardless of all the physical conditions because it is halal and lawful. May Allah make us never dislike the halal.

The objection made by the ladies indicate that they had missed the whole point. Polygamy is Halal, marrying older or younger women is halal too and the point of the du'a given by the imam is that we should ask Allah not to dislike the halal.

[coldcow 613]

The fact is that many people today, specifically in certain middle eastern countries, use hadiths like this to justify marrying girls 40+ years younger than them.  And what are the odds a 15 year old girl wants to marry a 50, 60, or even 70 year old man?  This is not good, and we should not encourage such things in our community in any way.  I don't care what a hadith from over a 1000 years ago says, women today aren't (and shouldn't be) expected to sit around at home and just take care of children from the time they're 15 till they die, and a 70 year old marrying a little girl isn't doing her any favors.  

 

Of course part of the problem is also with the families that pressure the girls into these type of marriages instead of standing by their side.

[Queen Yoda II 576]

I'll say it again: the hadith has no indication to how big the age gap was. For all we know, she could have been 30 and he could have been 50, which is still accepted even in our time. Even if the gap was larger, you compared these marriages to a lamb going to the slaughter. That's basically comparing her marriage to death and killing - do you stick by that? Would a lamb consent to its slaughter the way this woman consented to marry him?

 

Love comes in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes there's an age gap, and sometimes there isn't. Sometimes it's the woman who is older, which too is no lamb-slaughtering. We can't judge. If my daughter wanted to marry an older man and that man had all the qualities I was seeking in a son-in-law, I'd have no problem with that.

 

And I did consider an older divorcee before, so please, there's no need to make it personal.

Yeah, I totally stand by that. It is a lamb to the slaughter, and btw I am sure you have heard the horror stories of 14 year old girls marrying 60 year old men, and I can assure you pal there is nothing romantic or loving about that.

 

Hmm, I wonder how common it is for a really old woman to marry a very young boy...

[Rashida 123]

Yeah, I totally stand by that. It is a lamb to the slaughter, and btw I am sure you have heard the horror stories of 14 year old girls marrying 60 year old men, and I can assure you pal there is nothing romantic or loving about that.

 

 

Those marriages are when young girls are implicitly or explicitly forced to marry older men. This isn't what Qa'im is talking about. He's talking about marrying someone older out of consent which is fine if the people getting married are comfortable with it.

Why should you blow the whole thing with irrelevant comments?

[Queen Yoda II 576]

Those marriages are when young girls are implicitly or explicitly forced to marry older men. This isn't what Qa'im is talking about. He's talking about marrying someone older out of consent which is fine if the people getting married are comfortable with it.

Why should you blow the whole thing with irrelevant comments?

Consent? Yeah I'm sure some young girl will happily consent. No parental pressure of course.

 

You need to stop stirring trouble, Rashida.

[Rashida 123]

Consent? Yeah I'm sure some young girl will happily consent. No parental pressure of course.

You need to stop stirring trouble, Rashida.

 

Yes, there's a thing called consent, I know of a girl of 20 who fell in love and married a 40 year old. I didn't think it was horrible. Do you?

 

Trouble? Pardon me?

[Queen Yoda II 576]

Yes, there's a thing called consent, I know of a girl of 20 who fell in love and married a 40 year old. I didn't think it was horrible. Do you?

 

Trouble? Pardon me?

Oh dear. I think if a girl fell in love with an older man, he wouldn't be worried about her finding him old. Of course, the hadith is not specific enough on what the actual ages were, but most of us can make an educated guess.

[kim.tinkerbell 1,252]

Lol hij2003 I have no idea why you edited my post, looooooooooool at naughty language hahaha...

Anyways, rashida you do know alot of girls specially little girls are pressured into marriage, taking someones consent when their our threat is invaild. There marriage may even be invaild, just like when someone divoreces his wife will his beening threated, then the divorces is invaild. Its not out of their free well.

Look at girls in yeman for example 9 year olds marrying 40 year old men or above, I dont even think there mature enough to even understand what marriage is let alone go in one. So many girls have died,one the same night because of inhuman men that rape insteaded of taking "consent".

[Rashida 123]

Anyways, rashida you do know alot of girls specially little girls are pressured into marriage, taking someones consent when their our threat is invaild. There marriage may even be invaild, just like when someone divoreces his wife will his beening threated, then the divorces is invaild. Its not out of their free well.

 

I agree with this. I am only talking about cases when people marry out of their own and free choice without being coerced or forced into the marriages. Like Khadijah (a.s) married the Prophet (pbuh). But with how our cultures are these days, a woman 15 years older than her husband will be called unmentionable names by the "nobles" of the society.

[Jamal Al Hasan 179]

Prophet SAW married Aisha and the age difference was huge. Enough said.

[Haydar Husayn 9,679]

Seems a lot of people are overlooking the huge number of marriages that have taken place, and still do take place, between young women and elderly men here in the West that nobody has even pressured them into, let alone forced them into.

The fact is a lot of women are more than happy to marry older men for all kinds of reasons: security, prestige, wealth, power, a passport... So no need to get the violins out for these poor young women, because it's a two way street.

Prophet SAW married Aisha and the age difference was huge. Enough said.

Yeah, and all his wives were prevented by Allah from being allowed to remarry.

[forte 535]

Posters are reacting to the fact that in this world, many very young girls are literally forced into marriages with much older men that benefit everyone else - politics, sale for money, family disputes, and so on. It is common and it is a huge problem. To say that it is a two way street is highly inaccurate and insensitive to such a big issue of abuse of little girls.

[Jamal Al Hasan 179]

When Ashton Kutcher married Demi Moore, no one in Hollywood complained.

[Queen Yoda II 576]

I agree with this. I am only talking about cases when people marry out of their own and free choice without being coerced or forced into the marriages. Like Khadijah (a.s) married the Prophet (pbuh). But with how our cultures are these days, a woman 15 years older than her husband will be called unmentionable names by the "nobles" of the society.

How on earth is this the same as a 10 year old girl being forced to marry a very elderly man?

Seems a lot of people are overlooking the huge number of marriages that have taken place, and still do take place, between young women and elderly men here in the West that nobody has even pressured them into, let alone forced them into.

The fact is a lot of women are more than happy to marry older men for all kinds of reasons: security, prestige, wealth, power, a passport... So no need to get the violins out for these poor young women, because it's a two way street.

Yeah, and all his wives were prevented by Allah from being allowed to remarry.

As usual your compassion is astounding. How many 9/10/11 year old girls do you know in the West that marry elderly men? Yeah because its illegal with good reason.

Posters are reacting to the fact that in this world, many very young girls are literally forced into marriages with much older men that benefit everyone else - politics, sale for money, family disputes, and so on. It is common and it is a huge problem. To say that it is a two way street is highly inaccurate and insensitive to such a big issue of abuse of little girls.

Exactly. The abuse of little girls is our so called communities is a disgrace.

Prophet SAW married Aisha and the age difference was huge. Enough said.

Don't compare our Prophet (pbuh) with ordinary men. None of you will ever be as good and pure as him.

[Ali Musaaa :) 5,206]

Here's a thought, maybe the old man should marry someone nearer is own age? And not ruin the life of the young girl he is about to marry. There are plenty of widows and divorced women out there. Imagine some really old woman, who is about to marry a young boy...is that thought as pleasing for you?

Firstly the girl agreed to marry him. Secondly it was over 1000 years ago. Thirdly it's not really anyones business to be sitting here in the 21st century, criticising a legitimate marriage that took place centuries ago. The women back then were a lot different to the women you see now. Time and environment play a factor in the development of a human being. As soon as you hit puberty in the Arabian Desert what do u have to look forward to in life? Earn a nice degree? Perhaps travel? No. They had none of that. Your best bet was working, herding goats all day long. Sounds thrilling, doesnt it? You start working at an extremely young age and then you hit puberty and your hormones are raging. What's the logical solution? Marriage. Bingo.

This was 7th/8th Century Arabia. Not the cosy 21st century we are in now.

[Rashida 123]

How on earth is this the same as a 10 year old girl being forced to marry a very elderly man?

 

Who said it's the same? I mean, are you reading what I am writing? I have already excluded all sorts of forced marriages before I made my comments. And I have also excluded girls not old enough to give meaningful and informed consent.

 

Again, why you must blow up the discussion with your irrelevant posts?

Edited June 24, 2013 by Rashida

[Queen Yoda II 576]

Look here, Rashida. Obviously you don't understand what I am trying to say, and I don't have the patience to keep on repeating myself.

[Rashida 123]

Look here, Rashida. Obviously you don't understand what I am trying to say, and I don't have the patience to keep on repeating myself.

 

I think you are having trouble with trying to understand. No offence.

[Jamal Al Hasan 179]

Catfights are fun.