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Adultary By Shia Muslim Girl

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Assalamu Alaikum,

A couple of days ago a girl I know told me about another girl: that she has a boyfriend and even commited adultary, didnt regret it and had intercourse with her boyfriend (non-Islamic relationship) a couple of times. Both girls are Muslim and Shi'a. At first I didnt believe her, mainly because the girl comes from a very religious family and is just 15. I told the girl who told me to stop talking but after a day or two she sent me evidence: pictures of the girl and the boy in bed, made by the girl and sent by her to the girl who told me and whom she though wouldnt tell anyone. She also sent me a copy of their conversation where the girl admitted she was not a virgin anymore and had done this a couple of times. I have heard many stories of girls doing stuff like this (or not extreme as this case) and I actually never believed it, till seeing the pictures. I just couldnt believe my eyes and the fact that it was so normal for her to send the pictures to other people. Knowing this girl, just the though of the pictures kills me, also for her and for her family and I dont know what to do because I see her and her family quite often at religious and cultural occasions. My question is what should I do, should I confront her and try talking her out of this, and if this doesnt help, should I tell a familymember? Because it has to stop but how? What would you do?

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Keep in mind, if even you and two others saw with your own eyes said girl in bed with a guy, full out having sexual intercourse, and you were then to go and report it, it would be you who would receive the lashes as punishment for slander as you would not have brought adequate proof to establish fornication (4 witnesses are needed, not just 3). So be very careful what you say (if you say anything) and how you say it. Of course, you could also just mind your business and scold the person who was gossiping with you about her to stop spreading scandal. How do you even know it was adultery? For all you know it could have been a mut`a.

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No need talking to her yourself. She is still a minor legally, take it her parents and let them handle it.

May Allah grant patience and wisdom to her and to her parents.

A minor? This is an islamic matter, not a secular legal one, and she is not a minor islamically (since she is baligh).

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Keep in mind, if even you and two others saw with your own eyes said girl in bed with a guy, full out having sexual intercourse, and you were then to go and report it, it would be you who would receive the lashes as punishment for slander as you would not have brought adequate proof to establish fornication (4 witnesses are needed, not just 3). So be very careful what you say (if you say anything) and how you say it. Of course, you could also just mind your business and scold the person who was gossiping with you about her to stop spreading scandal. How do you even know it was adultery? For all you know it could have been a mut`a.

Please don't mislead the OP. No self respecting person would send pictures of their muta or nikah during intercourse. Also the girl is 15 yrs old, she is either deceived into it or there got to be underlying problems in the family.

OP, bravely go and tell her parents. You are saving not one, not two, but the life/well being of the whole family.

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Please don't mislead the OP. No self respecting person would send pictures of their muta or nikah during intercourse. Also the girl is 15 yrs old, she is either deceived into it or there got to be underlying problems in the family.

OP, bravely go and tell her parents. You are saving not one, not two, but the life/well being of the whole family.

Let's just hope she doesn't get disowned (or worse) ...

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Please don't mislead the OP. No self respecting person would send pictures of their muta or nikah during intercourse. Also the girl is 15 yrs old, she is either deceived into it or there got to be underlying problems in the family.

OP, bravely go and tell her parents. You are saving not one, not two, but the life/well being of the whole family.

Actually, no self-respecting person would send those sort of photos to other people under any circumstances.

I sincerely hope that her parents finding out doesn't result in an "honour" killing ...

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Please don't tell her parents, the girl can be killed, and another Muslim family will be on the news. and the circle goes on and on and it never stops.

Tell her secretly, if she doesnt listen, let her be. You did your duty, its her life, and it will be her that will face God.

Edited by ~Rose~

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Keep in mind, if even you and two others saw with your own eyes said girl in bed with a guy, full out having sexual intercourse, and you were then to go and report it, it would be you who would receive the lashes as punishment for slander as you would not have brought adequate proof to establish fornication (4 witnesses are needed, not just 3). So be very careful what you say (if you say anything) and how you say it. Of course, you could also just mind your business and scold the person who was gossiping with you about her to stop spreading scandal. How do you even know it was adultery? For all you know it could have been a mut`a.

It's not temporary marriage, her parents would have known. And in the conversation that was sent to me she admitted lying to her parents, telling them she has school till late and goes to his house in the meantime. I would never tell her parent about her not being a virgin anymore, because Im sure her father would either kill her or send her to the homeland and get her married or something extreme like this.

I was thinking of minding my own business, but is that really what I should do as a fellow Muslim shia women and just let her go on with sinning one of the biggest sins?

Also, the gossiping is going on and the girl who told me got it from another girl so stopping her wont help stop the gossip about her.

Please don't mislead the OP. No self respecting person would send pictures of their muta or nikah during intercourse. Also the girl is 15 yrs old, she is either deceived into it or there got to be underlying problems in the family.

OP, bravely go and tell her parents. You are saving not one, not two, but the life/well being of the whole family.

The pictures were not made during intercourse, the pictures made show her and the guy lying in bed with naked upper body parts and some even kissing etc. That she had intercourse with him for several times was admitted by her.

The family she lives in is actually a loving family, but I think as her mom is a revert (she was born muslim though) and father a born muslim from a different background, got her stuck between two cultures.

I though of the following options:

- Confront her and try helping her. The only problem is that she doesnt know that I know and the girl who told me doesnt want me to tell her that I know because she would know who told me.

- Email her anonymously, tell her that people in the community know about this and that she has to stop and not get involved directly.

- Email her father, although without telling him about the virgin part.

- Email her mother and telling her? I dont think the would punish the girl as the father would do.

I also emailed my Marji3 and another Marji3's office for advice. Whats the best thing to do with the least damage done to the girl and family?

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This thread is a reminder why I tend to keep myself in a very limited social circle. I agree with the others....don't tell her parents and mind your own business.

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Forget what others are saying. They are influenced by western education of 'don't ask, don't tell'. Islam tells us otherwise. You have an obligation of Amr bil Maroof and Nahi anil Munkar. I repeat, an obligation not an option.

You by telling a 15 yr old kid to stop her hormonal reaction would do no good. Let their family handle it. If needs be, she has to be stopped by force, not necessarily by violence, but forcefully which is different from violently. There are counselers, there is help from Islamic centers, there is help from someone who has influence on her such a coach, a teacher, a grand parent and so on.

Girls who sleep around at this age, are dumped soon after, and rejected by families by fear or by miscommunication end up in sex trade and are killed by diseases, psychopaths, or by general life of hardship.

Do her a favor and tell one of the cool heads in her family ASAP.

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Don't take any action. Actually you should mind your own business. Just ignore the fact that It happened, It's not you who is responsible for her actions and she may have done it out of ignorance. Let Allah(SWT) Judge her! And more over she may have repented for her sin. If u really care for her then pray to Allah(SwT) for her guidance and forgiveness. And First of all your friend should not have expose her sin to you. and now she has done so, now you should stop talking and thinking about it.

People say you should talk to her, IMO It really depends how close both of you are. And you should know better what kind of friends both of you are.

Edited by struggling_On

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Forget what others are saying. They are influenced by western education of 'don't ask, don't tell'. Islam tells us otherwise. You have an obligation of Amr bil Maroof and Nahi anil Munkar. I repeat, an obligation not an option.

You by telling a 15 yr old kid to stop her hormonal reaction would do no good. Let their family handle it. If needs be, she has to be stopped by force, not necessarily by violence, but forcefully which is different from violently. There are counselers, there is help from Islamic centers, there is help from someone who has influence on her such a coach, a teacher, a grand parent and so on.

Girls who sleep around at this age, are dumped soon after, and rejected by families by fear or by miscommunication end up in sex trade and are killed by diseases, psychopaths, or by general life of hardship.

Do her a favor and tell one of the cool heads in her family ASAP.

Western education? Coming from the guy saying she is a 'minor', as if that has any Islamic relevance.

As macisaac points out, if 3 witnesses who have seen actually penetration (and not just two people in bed) go to a court accusing someone of adultery, they will be lashed. What is that if 'don't ask, don't tell'? Similarly, Islam tells us not to reveal other people's sins, other than in very specific circumstances. Where does Islam say that if you have information about something like this, that you have an obligation to go an tell others? Yes, there is a duty of amr bil maroof wa nahi anil munkar, but that doesn't mean revealing the sins of others, it means confronting someone about their own sin. So if anything is to be done in this case, it is to talk to the girl, tell her that what she is doing is haram, etc, and then leave it at that.

It's not temporary marriage, her parents would have known. And in the conversation that was sent to me she admitted lying to her parents, telling them she has school till late and goes to his house in the meantime.

This doesn't prove it's not a temporary marriage, since there is a difference of opinion among scholars as to whether it is required to get her father's permission. Unless she has actually admitted to zina, you should be very careful here, because you could be going into slander territory, which is a major sin.

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I think you all are being too crazy about this issue. If truly their parents are very religious shia parents, I would see the opposite. I know they may be very harsh but to the extent of killing her, come on guys... Would your own parents kill you? Yes, she has lots of repenting to do and such. This is even if the poster is telling the truth.

IDK..

Besides, if my child did something like this, InshAllah never ever lol, I would want to know.

Wa Salaam

Edited by PureEthics

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I think you all are being too crazy about this issue. If truly their parents are very religious shia parents, I would see the opposite. I know they may be very harsh but to the extent of killing her, come on guys... Would your own parents kill you? Yes, she has lots of repenting to do and such. This is even if the poster is telling the truth.

IDK..

Besides, if my child did something like this, InshAllah never ever lol, I would want to know.

Wa Salaam

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2184288/Lawyer-shoots-dead-sister-honour-killing-middle-Pakistan-courtroom.html http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/sep/22/banaz-mahmod-honour-killing http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2331229/Honour-Killings-Mother-daughters-dumped-Nile-murdered-honour-killings-10-male-relatives-believed-having-affairs.html http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/law-and-order/9449374/Parents-of-Shafilea-Ahmed-sentenced-to-25-years-after-being-found-guilty-of-her-honour-killing.html

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Western education? Coming from the guy saying she is a 'minor', as if that has any Islamic relevance.

As macisaac points out, if 3 witnesses who have seen actually penetration (and not just two people in bed) go to a court accusing someone of adultery, they will be lashed. What is that if 'don't ask, don't tell'? Similarly, Islam tells us not to reveal other people's sins, other than in very specific circumstances. Where does Islam say that if you have information about something like this, that you have an obligation to go an tell others? Yes, there is a duty of amr bil maroof wa nahi anil munkar, but that doesn't mean revealing the sins of others, it means confronting someone about their own sin. So if anything is to be done in this case, it is to talk to the girl, tell her that what she is doing is haram, etc, and then leave it at that.

This doesn't prove it's not a temporary marriage, since there is a difference of opinion among scholars as to whether it is required to get her father's permission. Unless she has actually admitted to zina, you should be very careful here, because you could be going into slander territory, which is a major sin.

OP is not planning to publish it on Facebook or local journal. There is no slandering involved.

This is a 15 yrs old girl we are talking about who can't differentiate what's good and what's bad for her. In the presence of cell phone pics and videos that OP received, it is an obligation on her to tell it to her parents or a person of influence in confidentiality to 'correct the situation' which is the bane of Amr bil Maroof and Nahi anil Munkar.

OP do your Islamic duty. You don't get a chance to save a life from living hell every day. This is your chance and a test to apply Islam or be complacent and let it happen as is.

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Thank You Yoda. Yes I know, it has happend minimal times where they were jahiliya extremists. Im saying would a "TRUE" Shia parent do this? Would our prophets and imams do this? Does it say to do this in our deen?

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Thank You Yoda. Yes I know, it has happend minimal times where they were jahiliya extremists. Im saying would a "TRUE" Shia parent do this? Would our prophets and imams do this? Does it say to do this in our deen?

You would be amazed how even "True" Shia parents would react to their daughter "dishonouring them"

OP is not planning to publish it on Facebook or local journal. There is no slandering involved.

How do you know she won't? Edited by Queen Yoda II

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OP is not planning to publish it on Facebook or local journal. There is no slandering involved.

Huh? Publishing it is libel. If you say it, it's slander (if the charge is false), or backbiting (if the charge is correct).

This is a 15 yrs old girl we are talking about who can't differentiate what's good and what's bad for her.

Islamically, there is no difference between a 9 year old baligh girl, a 15 year old, and a 21 year old. You are talking like a Western secularist.

In the presence of cell phone pics and videos that OP received, it is an obligation on her to tell it to her parents or a person of influence in confidentiality to 'correct the situation' which is the bane of Amr bil Maroof and Nahi anil Munkar.

OP do your Islamic duty. You don't get a chance to save a life from living hell every day. This is your chance and a test to apply Islam or be complacent and let it happen as is.

Prove that it's an Islamic duty to tell the parents, rather than to talk to her.

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Hmm, this is very weird behaviour. Who sends pictures of themselves half naked in bed kissing a guy to their mates? i can imagine a non-religious guy doing this with a one-night-stand, but this seems erratic for a girl. Are you sure she is of sound mind? i would communicate with her in person or by letter or email and start off by saying you are contacting her out of concern for her, say these pictures are circulating and that unless she is happy for this information to eventually get to her parents she should stop what shes doing (i dont mean blackmailing, i mean that the info could naturally get to her parents through gossip or what have you, now that it is circulating). Of course if you do this she will know that her friend shared the pictures, so you should probably prepare yourself for some backlash from this friend.

Edited by Ruq

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How do you know she won't?

Neither can you be sure I wouldnt. Thank you for your input.

Even if I would inform her parents somehow (as mentioned before) I wouldnt mention the fact she had sex with her boyfriend. I would just inform them of her having a boyfriend which is a sin itsself.

And as mentioned before this is not a case of temporary marriage -and I am sure of that. Her boyfriend is not even Muslim, let alone Shia.

Western education? Coming from the guy saying she is a 'minor', as if that has any Islamic relevance.

As macisaac points out, if 3 witnesses who have seen actually penetration (and not just two people in bed) go to a court accusing someone of adultery, they will be lashed. What is that if 'don't ask, don't tell'? Similarly, Islam tells us not to reveal other people's sins, other than in very specific circumstances. Where does Islam say that if you have information about something like this, that you have an obligation to go an tell others? Yes, there is a duty of amr bil maroof wa nahi anil munkar, but that doesn't mean revealing the sins of others, it means confronting someone about their own sin. So if anything is to be done in this case, it is to talk to the girl, tell her that what she is doing is haram, etc, and then leave it at that.

This doesn't prove it's not a temporary marriage, since there is a difference of opinion among scholars as to whether it is required to get her father's permission. Unless she has actually admitted to zina, you should be very careful here, because you could be going into slander territory, which is a major sin.

Where did i mention i want to reveal her sins, let alone tell 'others'? I mentioned earlier that even if I would tell her parents, I wouldnt mention her having intercouse.

maybe the best thing to do is talk to her and let her decide what she wants to do. Im just afraid of her not leaving it.

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Hmm, this is very weird behaviour. Who sends pictures of themselves half naked in bed kissing a guy to their mates? i can imagine a non-religious guy doing this with a one-night-stand, but this seems erratic for a girl. Are you sure she is of sound mind? i would communicate with her in person or by letter or email and start off by saying you are contacting her out of concern for her, say these pictures are circulating and that unless she is happy for this information to eventually get to her parents she should stop what shes doing (i dont mean blackmailing, i mean that the info could naturally get to her parents through gossip or what have you, now that it is circulating). Of course if you do this she will know that her friend shared the pictures, so you should probably prepare yourself for some backlash from this friend.

Thank you. I think this is the best thing to do. I can also do it anonymous. Or is that not a good idea?

And I think she did it because she think its cool or something like that.

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