Jump to content
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!) ×
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!)
In the Name of God بسم الله
Sign in to follow this  
Whattodo?

Adultary By Shia Muslim Girl

Rate this topic

Recommended Posts

I wont comment on people who think this is fake or that I am an anti-Shia person and try to prove otherwise with anything. I am shia myself and even sent an email to both Ayatollah Sistani and Ayatollah FadlAllah's office for advice so doubting any story which sounds unfamiliar to you is just ridicilous.

Thanks to all the others who replied.

Aslamalaykum,

Any option that you take now would be very difficult indeed but as your involved, you have some responsibility on your shoulders. I say in my opinion the best option at the moment is......

Email her anonymously, tell her that people in the community know about this and that she has to stop and not get involved directly, or you will go and inform her family if this continues.

And for you and the other girl to keep quite at all times and not to tell any other person (apart from her parents, only if required in the future).

Allah swt knows best

Good, I think this is what I will do. Thanks.

(salam)

Okay let's get some perspective here.

OP, as already pointed out to you, you don't have sufficient witnesses according to Islamic Shariah therefore your duty as a Muslim Shia as you put it, would not be to spread information without evidence. Also, as mentioned, it could be Mutah (some Ayatullahs do not require permission of the father) in which case everything is halal between them and its not your place to interfere from an Islamic perspective.

Dishonoring a Muslim is a great sin. There is even a hadith that if you see a man entering a woman's house in circumstances that cause you to doubt, you should still give them the benefit of the doubt and presume it is a relative.

Now her behavior is definitely troubling for a 15 year old girl, but some advice. Don't get involved in other people's business. If her friend wanted to go to her parents, she could but instead she has been spreading the information to third parties. By telling you, she herself has committed an injustice and it is better for you to remove yourself from this situation instead of continuing the vicious gossiping cycle.

All you know is the story from another teenage girl, be objective here and don't jump to any conclusions as you don't know if she has an agenda or whether she is misinformed (the 15 year old could be boasting untruths). There is a possibility that as she has told you, she may have told others and you really do not want to allow yourself to get tangled in this web. Nobody in this world is free from sin, instead of presuming the worse, give her the benefit of the doubt and do Dua that you are mistaken or they make things halal. She is not your daughter and she is not your friend. You see her family at social events but hardly intimately so there would be no reason for the subject to come up. Infact you seem to think bringing it up may will cause breaking of relations which is a major sin in Islam and one of the few situations when even lying is allowed is to avoid separation between relations.

However bad it looks, if you tell her parents, what makes you think they will even believe you? An online conversation and a photo in the age of digital photoshopping is hardly proof by most standards including Islamic standards.

Distance yourself from the informer as you were already doing and continue with your business.

I have never had any intention of spreading the information I received as mentioned earlier. I have told the girl who informed me to stop backbiting.

I do know the girl intimatly, our families have known eachother for longer than 15 years, we grew up together and I could talk about her about this, but the girl who informed doesnt want me to, so she doesnt get lashed by the girl herself. The reason why she didnt tell me even if we know eachother so good is because she knows im not the listening ear for her about this and the other one is because she has a boyfriend herself. Thank you for your reply :)

Everyone is saying something else, some people tell me not to get involved in any way, some want me to inform her parents and others to confront her. I might wait till the answer from the Ayatollah's office.

And for the person who asked about my age, I am 23.

Edited by Whattodo?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Salam,

To tell you the truth, a girl who would do this and then show how proud she is of the act by sending pictures to her friends, I think it is a lost cause, for now.

I would just forget you ever saw the pictures, don't tell anyone, try not to have any contact with this girl, and carry on with your life.

Every human being has a soul that has a tendency toward evil, even good people but the difference is that good people fight to suppress this side of themselves.

You first have to think about yourself and how you can save your own soul from the fire and your own Imam by staying as far away from haram as possible.

Now, later on she may (or may not) come to you and ask for advice and ask you to help her get out of this situation.

At that point you can help her in whatever way you can, and Islamically, this is your obligation.

This is a question of amr bil maroof wa nahiya al munkhar (enjoining good and forbidding evil)

The primary responsibility of amr...wa nahiya.. is to do this with yourself by keeping yourself away from evil

and doing the good things. There is also a social dimension to this responsibility but this social responsibility is dependant

on how much power you have to influence that person in a positive way. The more power and influence you have, the greater is your responsibility.

If you sincerely believe that if you tell her to stop doing this and it is haram she will stop or at least stop the extreme haram things, then it is your

responsibility to tell her. It is not your responsibility to tell her parents because if she is doing this on a regular basis, they either know about it and are ignoring

or (excuse me for saying this) they are extremely stupid. I think it's probably the first case. If you don't think your advice will make any difference to her (and based on what you said it seems to me that it wouldn't have any effect) then it is not your responsibility to do amr...wa nahiya.. in this situation. I asked my father in law, who is an alim, about a similar case to this (with a guy, not a girl)

and the above is what he told me.

Wa Salam.

Ws,

Great answer, thank you. I actually do think (or atleast hope) I can influence her to stop. I don't think I should leave the manner and let her continue doing this but instead support her and help her through this.

It actually suprises me that people ask me to stay out of this and continue my life and just ignore whats happening in our community. The danger with this is, that when she is not stopped and doesnt see her mistakes and repent, that her talking about this with other Muslim girls and make it sound normal, that other girls fall into exactly the same. Our community is already in danger because they see chatting and dating as normal with non-mahrams, what will happen if this becomes normal? Isnt it our duty to stand up and help? And ofcourse without informing others and backbiting.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ws,

Great answer, thank you. I actually do think (or atleast hope) I can influence her to stop. I don't think I should leave the manner and let her continue doing this but instead support her and help her through this.

It actually suprises me that people ask me to stay out of this and continue my life and just ignore whats happening in our community. The danger with this is, that when she is not stopped and doesnt see her mistakes and repent, that her talking about this with other Muslim girls and make it sound normal, that other girls fall into exactly the same. Our community is already in danger because they see chatting and dating as normal with non-mahrams, what will happen if this becomes normal? Isnt it our duty to stand up and help? And ofcourse without informing others and backbiting.

I dont get it sister. Why would she send you pics if your families are close like that? you would think that would endanger the truth of her actions..Plus, if both of your families are this religious, still how could she even think of taking pictures WHILE she does this act of sin? Its mind boggling. Its like, "Hey ima send nude pics of me having intercourse to my religious friend, she will love them! :D "..... idk sister...maybe this is true and she is very jahil ....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It is your duty to talk about this issue in a general way, like you did above.

That is one issue.

Whether you need to do something regarding her specific case is another issue. My comments above were regarding whether you should deal with her case specifically.

Also, I have yet to meet a muslim boy or girl that doesn't already know that having intimate physical contact with someone without being married is haram, a big haram,

and has the potential to send someone to the fire. I think most ulema have discussed this topic at some point. The fact that many do not follow this and do it anyway is

sad and tragic, and I agree becoming more common, but our responsibility is (usually) only to make it clear in whatever way we can that it is haram, in case there is

a small chance that they didn't already know this.

Another thing, just to be clear about what the real meaning of 'haram' is from the riwayyat. It means that this action carries with it severe punishment by Allah(s.w.a) either in this world or the next or both. If someone does this actions and does not do tawbah, and the tawbah (repentance) is not accepted by Allah(s.w.a) then absolutely and certainly this severe punishment will come to the person and there is nothing and noone in the heavens or the earth that can stop it. We ask Allah(s.w.a) to save us all from His(s.w.a) punishment for surely His(s.w.a) punishment is something that we cannot bear.

Salam.

Edited by Abu Hadi

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I dont get it sister. Why would she send you pics if your families are close like that? you would think that would endanger the truth of her actions..Plus, if both of your families are this religious, still how could she even think of taking pictures WHILE she does this act of sin? Its mind boggling. Its like, "Hey ima send nude pics of me having intercourse to my religious friend, she will love them! :D "..... idk sister...maybe this is true and she is very jahil ....

I dont think you have read the whole topic. Because if you had, you would have read that she did not send me anything. She didnt even tell me anything because she knows that I would not approve her actions. She told another person we both know (who has a boyfriend herself) and sent the pictures to her (who told me and sent it to me). You would have also read, if you would have read what I posted, that the pictures she sent were not DURING the deed. Neither did I mention her being religious, because she wouldnt have done this if she was. I mentioned her FAMILY being religious. She wears hijab though, but that still doesnt make her religious.

So please read before making things up.

Ws.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I dont think you have read the whole topic. Because if you had, you would have read that she did not send me anything. She didnt even tell me anything because she knows that I would not approve her actions. She told another person we both know (who has a boyfriend herself) and sent the pictures to her (who told me and sent it to me). You would have also read, if you would have read what I posted, that the pictures she sent were not DURING the deed. Neither did I mention her being religious, because she wouldnt have done this if she was. I mentioned her FAMILY being religious. She wears hijab though, but that still doesnt make her religious.

So please read before making things up.

Ws.

Okay, then I misunderstood. But still to think wearing the dress of modest and chastity...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you. I think this is the best thing to do. I can also do it anonymous. Or is that not a good idea?

And I think she did it because she think its cool or something like that.

Salams, you know the girl in question, do you think she would respond better to you openly contacting her? generally i'd say openess and honesty is the best policy.

I have no idea how religious she is, but i would send her Quran ayahs that explicitly state that marriage should be done openly (not taking secret lovers) and approached with chastity and without lustfulness (4:24,4:25,24:33, 5:5). This is the Qurans prescription. Also modesty is very important, so sending semi-naked pics to people, even when trusted friends, is extremely unwise. This might not mean much to her of course, but if her 'friend' can show you and tell you what she's done, she can tell other people, so in the very least she should stop broadcasting what she's doing to untrustworthy people and risk it spreading even further to the point where it reaches her parents. Ideally she should tell her parents before other people tell them of course, but that is perhaps unlikely. You never know though, she might alter her behaviour if she realises how wreckless shes been. After that, if she continues in the same vein she knows the risks she is taking and there is no more you can do, so i would leave it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

btw, if she isnt in a muta with this guy and they are doing fornication, this is a very serious offence Quranically, apart from the punishments for fornication if proven, verse 24:3 somewhat equates a fornicator to a polytheist.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Uh whats more worrying is if the guy goes round telling people.

Am not doudting this story, girls at that age want to fit in, they think its cool to do such things. People then blame the family when the family is in the dark and might even be the best parents.

And I doudt that ,that many 15 year olds know about mat3a for them to enter it, some of you are in dream land.

Sister whattodo only email this girl if you think she will actually change,but what self respecting person will take pic of them selfs sleeping with a man and send it round. At that age its hard to get your message throu, all you can do is advice her but dont tell her who you are, because she may blame you if the word spreads more.

And if you tell the parents then tell the mother,shes a convert she may be more understanding.

Salams

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The thing that makes me think this whole story is bogus is...why on earth would the 15 year old in question agree to have photos taken of her during the deed, and then send it to her friend?? Sure you would send pictures of your new hairstyle or new dress to your friend, but seriously photos of that?

Unfortunately you'd be surprised...

I dont get it sister. Why would she send you pics if your families are close like that? you would think that would endanger the truth of her actions..Plus, if both of your families are this religious, still how could she even think of taking pictures WHILE she does this act of sin? Its mind boggling. Its like, "Hey ima send nude pics of me having intercourse to my religious friend, she will love them! :D "..... idk sister...maybe this is true and she is very jahil ....

You need to realise not everyone is as sane as they appear, nor do they think twice about things.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Unfortunately you'd be surprised...

You need to realise not everyone is as sane as they appear, nor do they think twice about things.

Im optimistic brother... I always try to see the best in people first.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This is truly a sad story to hear and I pray for the girl's guidance and forgiveness Inshallah. What @struggling_On has to say is really important and logical. If you think about it and if you were in her position, you would want everyone else to mind their own business...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I didnt read other responses but since you became aware of the sin and SURE about it then the best solution is to anonymously let the girl know what she is doing is wrong and Allah is watching. You did your part and I highly doubt you will be held accountable for it (i.e not educating a fellow muslim) on day of Judgment. After that, its between Allah and her and you shouldnt worry about it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The very first conclusion drawn from your story, if it is correct and not made up, that you in a bad company, if that girl has turned adulterous then more of her friend might be influenced, it might be a threat for your sanctity as well. Members of bad company are all considered bad.

 

At first you must not react to any issue that does not involve you. It is between that girl and the boy. Let them do it as many times as they can, what it would be to you if it harms her or him. The moment the issue will be serious the girl would suffer from either pregnancy or physical weakness which will itself tell the parents about their blind eye towards the deeds of their daughter.

 

Instead of being serious in her affairs, it is important to take lessons and stay away of the company before it blackens you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...