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In the Name of God بسم الله

Is A Strong Dominant Male Personality Desirable?

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I find weak men pathetic. I would never consider marrying a man who doesn't have a strong character and naturally dominant personality. I dont mean excessively dominant, as I say 'naturally' so. Who else feels this way?

I have some friends whose husbands are lacking in this regard. Recently I was in Malaysia with a girlfriend and her husband and the entire time we were forced to negotiate with men for everything! Whenever we needed to organise transport or accommodation etc. he would literally acccept any price he was offered or just disappear forcing us to haggle. Coming from Australia to a Muslim country really amplified this behaviour as we (my friend & I ) now felt it inappropriate to talk with men so much.

Im worried about marrying a man like that - especially in the arranged setting - how will I know he isnt like that guy ^^

Anyway who agrees or disagrees?... what are important character traits for you when considering someone for marriage?

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  • Advanced Member

Well consider your self lucky that you weren't born in a family that forces you to marry someone like this guy.

http://www.shiachat.com/forum/index.php?/topic/235013899-iraqi-medical-student-finds-himself-fabulous/#entry2588052

Oh, and btw, not every man is ideal, just as not every woman is ideal. Just accept and thank Allah(swt) for what he gives you.

(wasalam)

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  • Advanced Member

I find weak men pathetic. I would never consider marrying a man who doesn't have a strong character and naturally dominant personality. I dont mean excessively dominant, as I say 'naturally' so. Who else feels this way?

I have some friends whose husbands are lacking in this regard. Recently I was in Malaysia with a girlfriend and her husband and the entire time we were forced to negotiate with men for everything! Whenever we needed to organise transport or accommodation etc. he would literally acccept any price he was offered or just disappear forcing us to haggle. Coming from Australia to a Muslim country really amplified this behaviour as we (my friend & I ) now felt it inappropriate to talk with men so much.

Im worried about marrying a man like that - especially in the arranged setting - how will I know he isnt like that guy ^^

Anyway who agrees or disagrees?... what are important character traits for you when considering someone for marriage?

It depends what you mean by "strong character" and "dominant personality". Everyone has a different definition.

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  • Advanced Member

(bismillah)

(salam)

Be careful what you wish for. You don't want an abusive husband either, I don't think.

(wasalam)

A man can be dominant without being abusive....

Strong character and being naturally dominant are not synonymous. Strong character is pretty much a practical requirement, and hence adds to ones attractiveness, naturally dominant is a matter of sexual preference, so no, not everyone's cup of tea.

Im not talking sexual preference here. Why does the word dominant have to be interpreted that way? Agh What I was getting at was more of the strong character side of things. lol a quick google search reveals dominance (even in psychological studies) is often linked to ones sexual preference. For the record, thats not what Im talking about!

Anyway...some wise words from you Mutah_king.

Edited by Django
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Im worried about marrying a man like that - especially in the arranged setting - how will I know he isnt like that guy ^^

"Looking at the future is like looking at the cake. You can't find out what its like until you've taken a bite and then, of course, its too late." - Mage Merlin.

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Salam

I know what you mean sister, you want a man that is a man, not a little boy hiding behind his mother or wife and says yes to everything, but you want someone with a strong personality that will stand up for his opinions and not shy all the time or afraid, like dominant in that aspect of being the man of the house, not letting the women lead or take control. at the same time you want him to love you and respect you, without abuse and also negotiate problems and conflicting interest without forcing his opinion on you. which is of course natural because you want someone to take care of you and protect you as a woman.

*sigh* yes well here in Australia there is a lack of men like that :( its really a unattractive personality when men are so withdrawn, shy and dont act like men.

Its naseeb really, just like Darth said, you have to get a taste to know what the person is really like, but then it would be too late.

But hope is not lost, if you make Dua sincerely and have patience, Allah will send you someone you will derserve inshallah :)

inshallah i will remember you in my prayers, i know the feeling :)

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Salam

I know what you mean sister, you want a man that is a man, not a little boy hiding behind his mother or wife and says yes to everything, but you want someone with a strong personality that will stand up for his opinions and not shy all the time or afraid, like dominant in that aspect of being the man of the house, not letting the women lead or take control. at the same time you want him to love you and respect you, without abuse and also negotiate problems and conflicting interest without forcing his opinion on you. which is of course natural because you want someone to take care of you and protect you as a woman.

*sigh* yes well here in Australia there is a lack of men like that :( its really a unattractive personality when men are so withdrawn, shy and dont act like men.

Its naseeb really, just like Darth said, you have to get a taste to know what the person is really like, but then it would be too late.

But hope is not lost, if you make Dua sincerely and have patience, Allah will send you someone you will derserve inshallah :)

inshallah i will remember you in my prayers, i know the feeling :)

EXACTLY!

waalsalam :) This is just what I was getting at. Im so over these types of men! and you really do see alot of them these days! Old enough to marry but no where near ready to be a husband. For most I feel life has been too easy for them - didn't their fathers teach them anything!? Either way Inshallah I dont get a nasty surprise when biting into that cake! lol damn arranged marriages :P

Thanks for the dua...I really appreciate it! :)

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EXACTLY!

waalsalam :) This is just what I was getting at. Im so over these types of men! and you really do see alot of them these days! Old enough to marry but no where near ready to be a husband. For most I feel life has been too easy for them - didn't their fathers teach them anything!? Either way Inshallah I dont get a nasty surprise when biting into that cake! lol damn arranged marriages :P

Thanks for the dua...I really appreciate it! :)

Yes because they get use to the lazy life, and their parents spoil them and spend on them, and they dont work or get out of that parental protection and try to become independent on themselves, no they stay like this so when they get married, they let their parents lead their life and they can't make decisions or work out things on their own. very frustrating, because you want someone to lean on, not someone to lean on you! i have had some proposals like that and never accepted because you can tell, and if you ask about them, people will confirm. because how can you marry someone and expect them to protect you if they cant even protect themselves?

inshallah none of us get a piece of the bad cake lol :P my parents always tell me if you always expect the best from Allah and put your faith and trust into him, He will never let you down and give you even more than your expectation. so inshallah we will be patient and see :)

welcome inshallah :)

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cool story, now here is the big emotional bomb......wait for it, wait for it, here it comessssss....

1), maybe he is rich, and does not see the need to haggle, I was on holiday once, where they would rip me off, and I knew it. I found it funny because what I was paying was pennies. It was literally pennies. ( I saw it as giving charity and I am not rich. ), Whats the big issues if you the women were haggling, sometimes it works better when females haggle, because the men give in. Its called tactics.

2) Dominant men always go for Hot chicks, yes, those genetically superior women, See it all the time. If you aint hot, then get back to reality. Because a dominant MAN knows what he wants, and will always for things weak ( shy,introverted ) man wont go for.

3) Dominant men = arrogance, my way is the right way, no compromise. ( compromise only if it is beneficial to them. )

4) Those who practice religion or some sort of morality are never dominant, they are good quiet soft people, who try to be merciful even when they are wronged.

The above posts are all contradicting it self. There is only one way and it is MY WAY.

Edited by D3v1L
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Yes because they get use to the lazy life, and their parents spoil them and spend on them, and they dont work or get out of that parental protection and try to become independent on themselves, no they stay like this so when they get married, they let their parents lead their life and they can't make decisions or work out things on their own. very frustrating, because you want someone to lean on, not someone to lean on you! i have had some proposals like that and never accepted because you can tell, and if you ask about them, people will confirm. because how can you marry someone and expect them to protect you if they cant even protect themselves?

inshallah none of us get a piece of the bad cake lol :P my parents always tell me if you always expect the best from Allah and put your faith and trust into him, He will never let you down and give you even more than your expectation. so inshallah we will be patient and see :)

welcome inshallah :)

hahaha Iv had those proposals from these types too - hence my worries! I'll make dua for you too inshallah! Like you say should we put our faith in Allah :) ... now we have only to wait!!

"And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought." 30:21

Edited by Django
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I know where you're getting at, ive witnessed many instances of individuals who don't even do the basics of things for themselves & have to rely on their parents all the time. I won't deny, I used to be like that alot (as Plus as I am an only child), but I've been trying to push myself out of this & make my own decisions, what I want etc. Not what my parents want.

Of course, in terms of money wise, well if an individual is still studying full time then it might be hard having a job so they will naturally rely on their parents for some until they get to that stage where they are providing for themselves (by having a job etc.).

Like summer is coming up and university term will finish soon & my father has been pushing me to work over the summer (though I don't really need the push as I know what to do now). Of course having a job & sustaining for yourself is only one thing, it comes down to other things too like making certain decisions & just trying to be yourself and not your parents! If for example you know something needs doing in the the house (then just do it! Rather than wait for your mum or dad's take on it). If you need to buy something for the house then just get it (thats if you have enough money etc. Otherwise you can wait on your parents for that).

I do feel though having a job and working is such a key to being independent because then naturally you arent relying all the time on your parents to give you money. Or if you're at university, then living out is also a good thing! Just be firm on your own feet & don't let people eat you whether it comes to buying & selling or just generally.

Edited by Labbayk
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cool story, now here is the big emotional bomb......wait for it, wait for it, here it comessssss....

1), maybe he is rich, and does not see the need to haggle, I was on holiday once, where they would rip me off, and I knew it. I found it funny because what I was paying was pennies. It was literally pennies. ( I saw it as giving charity and I am not rich. ), Whats the big issues if you the women were haggling, sometimes it works better when females haggle, because the men give in. Its called tactics.

2) Dominant men always go for Hot chicks, yes, those genetically superior women, See it all the time. If you aint hot, then get back to reality. Because a dominant MAN knows what he wants, and will always for things weak ( shy,introverted ) man wont go for.

3) Dominant men = arrogance, my way is the right way, no compromise. ( compromise only if it is beneficial to them. )

4) Those who practice religion or some sort of morality are never dominant, they are good quiet soft people, who try to be merciful even when they are wronged.

The above posts are all contradicting it self. There is only one way and it is MY WAY.

looooool the haggling scenario was given to explain what that guy was like. It was more like us doing the talking when it would have been far more appropriate for the male in our company to be doing so! No haggling involved!! (although I do like a bargain :P)

As for the rest of what you said - eh' I cant be bothered.

http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/35624558.jpg

Edited by Django
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Sis django there are many bro djangos out there who need to be unchained. Many are inexperienced and are not born leaders. So if you find a momin django respect him , love him, train him without he feeling being trained, tell him he is a good 'leader material' who knows how to run the show. Some of these kind words would inspire him for sure.

looooool the haggling scenario was given to explain what that guy was like. It was more like us doing the talking when it would have been far more appropriate for the male in our company to be doing so! No haggling involved!! (although I do like a bargain :P)

As for the rest of what you said - eh' I cant be bothered.

http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/35624558.jpg

Why do I feel I read the same sentence on shiachat few weeks ago??

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fd-ik-10.jpg

HAHAHAHAHA I even tried to edit the message to make it show - no such luck lol

Sis django there are many bro djangos out there who need to be unchained. Many are inexperienced and are not born leaders. So if you find a momin django respect him , love him, train him without he feeling being trained, tell him he is a good 'leader material' who knows how to run the show. Some of these kind words would inspire him for sure.

Why do I feel I read the same sentence on shiachat few weeks ago??

Only a fool marries a man with the intention of changing him - or in your words "training him" hahaha.

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HAHAHAHAHA I even tried to edit the message to make it show - no such luck lol

Only a fool marries a man with the intention of changing him - or in your words "training him" hahaha.

The rare quality of sensitive dominance is rare these days and its easier to pretend being a fool and tune intelligently.

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(salam)

It seems some are mixing up being dominating and being assertive whilst they can be two different traits.

If a man is not a good leader or allows others to lead his life, the solution is not to become dominant as such but to become more assertive allowing him to make his own decisions and taking control of his affairs.

The descriptions used eg: "not letting the women lead or take control. at the same time you want him to love you and respect you, without abuse and also negotiate problems and conflicting interest without forcing his opinion on you" doesn't describe a dominating partner which is usually of an authoritative nature but a person who knows his own mind and is independent and assertive.

Wa Salam

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Most women simply do not know what they want, even more are clueless about what they need, as others have alluded to here, be careful what you wish for. For you to find a man who strikes a perfect balance between being 'dominant' and then also being responsive to your emotional needs at other times is virtually impossible. If a man is naturally dominant, he probably is used to getting what he wants (to other men this is not considered 'manly'), you might find that attractive in certain instances, until he dismisses your emotional pleas like a swatting of flies or prohibits you from a much desired camping trip, or forbids you from a day out at a beach, or once in a while smacks you around for your persistent nag fests. Unless you are one of the rare breed of women who kind of derive pleasure from mild forms of spousal abuse and enjoy living in a husband imposed prison (they do exist), you will eventually end up feeling sorry for your children.

There are sane men out there with strong characters who do not wish to impose their will on other human beings, i.e treating their wives like children, I would have thought such men were the most desirable of men, but this only applies if the woman in question has a bit of perspective and a sound head on her shoulders.

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A woman needs a strong man to look up to, someone she can respect and admire. There is a big difference between a strong dominate man, and an abusive one. Actually a real man knows how to protect and cherish his woman, there is no need for him to be a bully or abusive. Alas though, these type of men are rare, although such men do exist...

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I agree with the OP that a woman should marry a man with a strong character and dominant personality. A woman needs to feel safe and secure to be relaxed and responsive as a wife and as a mother. I think women tend to become overwhelmed in stressful situations more easily (maybe should speak for myself - but I don't think I am unique) - especially so if they don't have complete confidence in the man standing beside them - as that is even more nerve wracking.

A strong dominant man is a man who is alert, confidant, determined and socially just. He has perspective. He has the internal ability to do the right thing when it is needed, doesn't continually second guess himself and is not influenced by others who wish to push their selfish agenda on his/your life. He does not hesitate to be responsive to the needs of those in his care - whether that is an emotional need or a safety need in the wider world. He is a leader in his marriage and his wife follows his leadership willingly due to respect and admiration and assurance that he puts the greater good of his family above selfish temporary desires.

A weak man attempts to be dominant by controlling the women in his life through concrete physical boundaries, treating her as a lesser human incapable of decisions beyond that of a child, and brute force - emotionally and/or physically. He has NO idea how to relate or function with a human of the opposite gender and has no faith in himself to be the leader he should be. He is threatened by the thought of her being given the room to grow and to flourish and to fully develop. Continual unreasonable physical restrictions and continual emotional restrictions - undermining her with put downs and sarcastic comments about her thoughts and ideas - are indicators of a WEAK man. He can't relate to her on level ground. He has no confidence in himself to be a true leader - so he has to imprison her by convincing her (usually by encouraging her to lose faith in her own abilities) that she needs to be placed in a cage for her own good - to be let out when he has the time and desire to do so.

Edited by Maryaam
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